TodayIsTheDay #4

after holidaze spin
back to work
on the produce
one thing I do is produce
another holiday coming
right up
today is the day
planned out the new years
displays strive to do
the best I can
in the time given
not a bad job to have
since I have to work
to pay the bills
not enough eyes read
the thoughts
to make it the full time
only wish left
is to make it the full time
when working
today is the the day
got to get through it
even if I have to sneak
out an hour early
got hours saved up
for a day like today
slush and snow and
ice wind rain
finish up the year
cold out on the front porch
everyone's on the move...

WriteOn #2

in the sun trying to keep
my back to the wind
wooden chair someone built
arms perfect to write on
little smoke rising from the left
and the right keeps moving
catching the sun with the
metallic reflection
the sun is so warm
but the air around reminds
which season it really is
the perfect chair
for someone who writes
most comfortably
in the warmth of the sun...

TodayIsTheDay #3

today is the day
try to force myself
to think about tomorrow
old thoughts I might
borrow and put them
back when I am done
but what if it's unending
or on some future event
depending today has got
to be to the day to decide
to push on beyond what side
you thought you were on
because the division is gone
when you are all alone
no one to blame just you
we all come to that moment
solitary refinement exploring
all the possibilities none
of which seemed possible
forty years before today
great big pile of yesterdays
everyone of them waiting for tomorrow
endless tomorrows immortalized
with captured thoughts here free
to be whatever is interpreted
today is the day I sit
and watch the clouds lighten...

TodayIsTheDay #2

today is the day
not prepared to write
an essay but do have
something more to say
only two responses
he is crazy or the thought won't go
away you too will use
what you know to try
to figure out why none
of it makes sense anymore
or like I said
he is crazy is that other option
block the thought from
happening or taking hold
maybe the measurements
are wrong that has to be the case
today is the day I ask
how it is possible
given what we all know
because it is what has been taught
to be known as truth
today is the day
I look for an explanation...

titles included

three books
simultaneously
two came titles included
but no content
guess that's up to me
and as far as anyone
knows everything
is written the same
how many writers
still craft it by hand
how many just let
technology handle it
finishing words
sometimes didn't intend
to write so goes it
it's what they say it is
until you show them
what it really is
it's up to you
don't ever forget
to get lost thinking
while staring at the stars
might not be raining
anymore but it makes
no difference
to this one who gets
lost in thought
when staring at the stars...

TodayIsTheDay #1

today is the day
probably thought of it
yesterday might
remember it tomorrow
hard to forget today
is the day I got up before
three this morning
in the dark drove to work
couldn't imagine counting
how many thoughts
before car got warm
and moved an inch
not the usual rise and roll time
as it once was for many years
only interrupted by days off
in between where I put down
all my thoughts in the middle
like sandwiches to feed my soul
somehow and don't read anymore
if you think I can or will explain it
I can only present my perception
and today is the day
it was not grim despite the state
of the world willingly ignored
at times not ignorant to vigilance
necessary to regain balance
important in walking any walk
no matter how long it might be
or short just to get the blood
flowing mother on the road closest
to home pushing grand
daughter with a smile
beautiful to witness...

WriteOn #1

everyone gives the gifts
I can contribute to
empty books to fill
with my thoughts
everyone knows
what to give me
when gifts given
keeps me digging through
regular life to find
some of that inspiration
hidden in all the narrow
cracks and deep valleys
the highest mountains
visited remember
the presidential range in NH
as a kid couldn't believe it
when we got above the tree line
took the breath from me
one of the most vivid memories
tattooed on the brain
immortalized with a simple pen
write on...

every turn or bend

can't help but want to do
something else that might
make a difference
might not
and of course won't know
without action
looking to the sky
knowing inspiration
comes from somewhere
some of the thoughts
are so clear others get
frozen caught in between
what they meant to be
and what they are
and what they become
as they leak out the pen
or sounds surround
the head like a cloud
can't help but want
to reach more eyes
more minds filled
with random terminal
thoughts meaning here
to the very end
and here at every turn
or bend can't help but
appreciate it all
everything I can absorb
in this short time here...

Xmas day

somehow
warmer than I
remember
sun most of the day
christmas day
family all around
got to spend time
with them all
somehow
closer now than ever
or as far back
as I can remember
in all these
forty years
since my life began...

laughter changed the day

something about
a laugh
that can change
the whole attitude
of the day
wish I knew more
but I don't make wishes
anymore and 

no one thinks it's less
but it's a lot less
actually replacing it
and maybe that doesn't
make sense if anyone
is keeping track
most likely
not just staring
at the xmas tree
wondering if it's true
and if you have ever
read his words
those thoughts
he has when
no one is laughing
no one is watching
his hands slide
across the page
like a determined wanderer
in the desert at night
colder in the direct
moon light
once all the clouds
move on
the wind replicates
that laughter
and it probably
made his day again...

13 months old

only thirteen months
into the lifetime ahead
can't even imagine the thoughts
and trying to understand
the year through the eyes
of a person in their first year
of life on this earth
my niece Ana
on a plane soon
before even understanding
most of what she will be a part
to see the rest of her family
far from home let roots be known
sights to be seen
might actually stick in the memory
also captured by pictures
as a back up documenting the life
unrolling before little feet
thirteen months into it
barely begun and still unsure
which language first word will
come from maybe like her
it will be a combination...

cold night ninety-two

can feel the cold
even before I put
myself back into it
it's what I do when winter comes
and I don't want to sit inside
brave the cold numb fingers
without gloves thoughts
stuck on the crazy world events
only technology tells me it's real
I don't actually see any of the insanity
going on in the world from where I sit
am I wrong I do feel the cold
sitting on a pillow on the floor of my room
before I step outside for a little smoke
a little mix up hoping to put some of it
to rest soon we shall see small steps
to big gains everything counts
and most of it matters
even before I get out into the cold...

once here exactly as would be imagined
spot will warm as I sit and absorb
the end of a second day of rest prepared for
holidaze as no rest until it is upon us
like the cold on this December night
so many before it but none like this one
upon me at this moment lucky to be feeling
the cold while drinking hot coffee
most everyone winding down for the night
getting ready to sleep this mind doesn't soon
stop to rest funny how I do not dream
or remember them while awake and
if I can't remember them you're
gonna have a tough time convincing me
I do can you see my breath in this
cold as I do thicker with some smoke
a little mix up medley black swan
above silently soaring looking down
to white knuckles gripping the pen
nearly tearing the page but won't tear up
over the age of the hobby or pastime or
passion gift curse infection addiction
to documenting everything
gotta keep things straight in case
they shut off my memory
still don't think I could forget
the feel of cold nose and fingertips
as I explain myself to no one
and anyone who listens or catches
a word or two lost and at the same time found
myself writing out back in the cold
where it all began...

those high above

shadows paint pictures
that change as soon as the light
is changed or moved
or covered with clouds
made by me and those
high above shadows
imprint thoughts on the mind
and elsewhere while
holding the pen
in the backyard
at a fire pit that still
smells like last night's blaze...

small enough

small enough I would
crawl between the rocks
like the smoke
when a fire lit
a cave system created
to encircle the fire
wonder if I can continue
through the coldest months
to come days still shorter
less than a week longer
again small enough
to notice the sizes
and lights above us
and how they appear and
disappear out of view
small enough
to appreciate the magnitude
of life at each moment
than all at once
the sunlight bursts
through a thick cloud
right into my eyes again
with force no wonder
it's been worshiped
ever since always
and then some...

gather what I can

at times I sit in awe
staring t everything
around me where I sit
the wind blows all around
me as I sit as if
some higher understanding
is upon me what if the wind
really does have something to say
to those patient and willing to listen
gather what I can from the thoughts
swirling in the wind
signals of my own
blown back with smoke...

beyond any & all control

what's really happening
some say the earth is warming
some say it's going to be another
cold winter but who really
knows for now
will just pause to enjoy 55 degrees
in December ten more days
then everyone takes a day off
what's really happening
as some days the wind blows
and clouds move quickly overhead
other days only streaks
doubled white lines in the sky
some days it clears just as quick
and others the gray it creates
can last for days
what's really happening
beyond any & all of our control
how can we make things better
none of created the maze
we walk through in our daily life
none of us can pretend to know
any and everything there is to know
some of us collect the thoughts
and things that come to the mind
as the sun moves across the sky low...

looking North

the clouds finally
start to break up
well into darkness
maybe tomorrow
sunshine will follow
and outside will invite
not impede the flow
so many thoughts
colliding as the night
moves onward
sitting as still as possible
over-stand what's above
impossible at this point
to know now
knew then see the same stars
twinkling too still don't know
what you are haven't gone far
many days become redundant
but productive and positive
when someone else needs a lift
rise up for breakfast with dad
enjoying my time here
more as time passes
just relaxing as the clouds
break up and it looks a little clearer
since only twenty minutes ago
but I haven't moved looking north...

won't have to say it

just have to decide to
not be afraid
and really just turn
off the television
technology has its negatives
but positively it puts
every library at our fingertips
we can always research things
for ourselves and sure it's easier
to watch the news and go to bed
thinking we know what's going
on in the world
just have to decide to be happy
and enjoy every smile
glad she gave her final
smile and laugh of the night to me
her first born
enjoy every high-5
and genuine person
you might know
or see when we grind
to keep all the bills paid
anything to increase the positive
and the real it's got to be real
not just words
so good to see you
make me know it
and you won't have to say it...

hard to complain

the sound of rain
has stopped but the wind
can still be heard
in the nearly skeleton trees
some branches still hold tight
but most of the leaves has fallen
someone has to notice
the sound of the baby crying
is never pleasant
but her laughter later on
more than makes up for it
feeling is much better when
her smile doesn't go away
thoroughly enjoyed two restful days
spent it with family and alone
taking care to keep the balance
walk that fine line
even though I jump off
to solitude as I sleep and regain
footing with each forward step
good to see siblings both happy
in what they have found and created
parents too despite any crab-like set backs
ones to hurdle over like the worst
case scenario thoughts
gone as the count down to the end
of the ordeal is closer with each day
each week happy with each waking day
hard to complain about anything
except maybe the rain...

imagination conversation

it might actually be after seven
but I had to guess
because the pen was already
moving across the page
and I tried to think quick
what time was it the last time I passed
a clock in the kitchen look at my phone
when I last made coffee
I used to let them make it
but now I just reuse their cups
keeping it good and hot awhile
knowing I like to sit outside
pen in hand climbing that pile of thought
with a vision that has to adapt to the night
because objects tend to blend together
the porch railing rungs seem to move when
a quick glance is caught or even the long stare
at the waterfall can change it to the shiniest hair
that's not really there can only imagine
conversations or have them with yourself
and that gets old quick
especially when you are pretty sure
your neighbor caught you talking
with no one in sight out of mind
with time to spare as if I care
to check my first guess
will sometimes stick and I will
catch up at some point if I was wrong...

always hear the train

December begins with rain
and it's cold but
as we say here
at least its not snow
and as I say
you don't have to shovel rain
I will take it and not complain
found a dry spot up out of the rain
putting thoughts down no strain
on the mind and the brain
some might still say insane
and I definitely won't stay in one lane
long enough to be labeled
all the so called truths told
turn out to be fabled
just hoping on more sun
than snow this year
even when it gets too cold to sit
outside and clouds cover the sky
at night filled with rain
in the distance sound is carried
and I always hear the train...

dark early cold quick

it got cold quick
someone asked
how I was liking life
today and I couldn't
help but be enthusiastic
with only 4 more for mom
then into a new clear
can't think of a better
way to put it they want to treat
and we want a cure
they don't want to look

it gets dark early
and cold quick
when December begins
typically a hoodie and a jacket
nights out under the stars
seems like they spin overhead
but we have been taught otherwise
only time will tell
and maybe truth will never
be truly known
I know it got dark early
and cold quick...

Orion

suddenly the white
of the page reflects
the last remaining daylight
scribbling and scratching
the hand and the pen
blend together as one unit
peripheral still helps me climb
and see the stars every night
especially Orion have been noticing
that one since childhood
always made me feel connected
to certain unknown
and suddenly all learning
has become undone
and in that height
an understanding over and above
naming a creative force
we can't understand only
respect the light as it comes
and goes around as the clock
tells us the time when darkness
finally takes over Orion
will be bright overhead
like three pieces of silver
hanging from an infinite
thought each night...

cross legged like a desk

legs crossed like a desk
on the deck sun beyond
the horizon light slowly fades
and the chill begins to set in
almost December almost
another new one
coming right in as if invited
as if we have a choice
and there will be lots said
about choice in the next year
but we can only really chose
to be happy each moment
legs crossed until I have to switch
because one leg becomes numb
under the moving weight of a heavy hand
ugly under sight for sore eyes
might understand the hard work daily
have to make a living somehow
to enjoy living in some way
other than what some boss wants
finally switched the desk leg
and the angle isn't the same
somehow I will figure it out
for now while I still have light
while awake and I still have some
fight in me for today
who can really say
no one sees me cross legged like a desk
in the shoe city at dusk...

tales of captain cook

watch the smoke drift upward
thinking of a smoke catcher
some twenty years ago
hard to believe
time flies forward
progression of course
and they still are a-changin'
the jester would laugh
if he knew how I juggle those
old lyrics in the head for years
still moving forward
got no one to pass it on to so
I put it here forever burned
into an unfadable page...

don't be scared

the world is just crazy
but the only thing
we really need to be afraid of
fear and living afraid
we lose if afraid
and some exist only
if we are afraid
and it's really about control
physical and of the mind
some will still deny
but the control is mostly
out of our hands
we do decide what we do each day
but most of us have to work
usually for someone else
and at most get a couple days
to ourselves to whatever
it is we chose to do
we have to earn money
in order to pay the bills
whether we want to or not
being afraid is not on any to do list
the world is crazy
but we don't have to be afraid
especially about the things
media tends to harp upon
truth is we will no doubt survive
and out live the lies…

the way in the wind

quiet now except
for the wind
except for the smoke
and my hand held
fire in the whole
earth can't think
of doing anything else
at this point
putting pen to page
is surely passion
but more like a responsibility
too for the future
what if every hundred years
or so they reset everything
how would we know
quiet for now except for
the man made waterfall
and the thoughts that race all day
all night awake
and asleep at the wheel
and still finding the way
in the wind
and the sounds of the night
except for my smoke
and my passion burning
like fire through these pages..

clear the air

warmed by the sun
sitting in the yard
again listening
to the birds
does anyone care
two days without
clouds and cool
clears the air...

what's the plan

the world has no doubt gone mad
maybe we can look at what we see
and the information we are given
what's the real plan
behind all the violence
what's another politician
going to do to right the wrongs
stop the wars maybe
end the debt based monetary policy
outlaw the IRS anything useful?
what's the real plan
missions to mars
millions flushed into space
anyone else stop to think
what kind of crazy fuckin'
world is this place where we live
call home and travel around
while repeating all the slogans
remember freedom fries
not quite fifteen years
now the blue white and red
spreads like Americas rainbow tint
profile social experiment
spiders we all get caught
in someone's web
navigate carefully
watching each step
and what it could really mean
if in fact we knew
the real plan...

would I even know

can't let my newish schedule
ruin my thought process
last night's cold finally
did in the last of the garden plants
too much shade listening now
to the sound of leaves falling in the woods
beyond the fenced in yard
can't let the cold keep me indoors
not cold enough to completely
retreat behind three windows
still a basement room
wondering about the thoughts
in six months or ten days
from now attitude adjustment
for sure although I don't
seem to have a problem
finding the right plant for the job
at hand or foot in mouth at times
and no one holds it against me yet
but who am I? and
would I even know?...

lifetime library

it's not a self confidence
thing so much
it's more of an ignorance
to self promotion
hard to explain
what it is
I am trying to say
if anything at all
just might turn out
to be the documentation
of my life in thoughts
snippets of random
journal entries
written to friends
can't seem to keep any close
and family members
who want to share ideas
so it really isn't a confidence
thing I tend to keep my head
down building my library of thought
a lifetime of thought
might get buried as historically
insignificant but I tend
to think otherwise
now that's self confidence...

same room different room

a year ago having
just come home
where I grew up
came back to a place
with a faith base
so to speak
a year ago having not much
faith in higher powers
still felt the faith in my family
helped me make the right decision
to come back home
from where I slept uncomfortable
sleep better than ever now
same room different room
same house comfort level high
a spot I know well
a year ago having been called crazy
from a distance some will now see
that crazy up a little closer
but I am the crazy one
admitting that some of my beliefs
have indeed changed
one year ago having seen things
a little different and mother
being sick was not the catalyst
for this change started before
any of us even knew
glad the decision preceded
the diagnosis...

that moment gone

every fifteen minutes
sounds bring thought
to the moment
forgetting for that moment
whatever came before it
and will after
just a moment to reflect
quick and bright
headlights on wet pavement
out the dining room window
in the rain soaked night
forgetting now
as that moment is gone...

one overhead light

cold rain driven
in doors dark room
one overhead light
watching the clowns debate
a year from any selection
and who really cares I say
everyone of them is going to continue
war on multiple fronts
if not more so none of them will
get my vote cold rain
can be heard on the street
in the wind on the glass
keeping it warmer inside
clock still chimes
every fifteen but seem
to only notice it at night
sometimes in the pre-dawn
bathroom break from sleep
hear it then too
and the clowns continue
to go back and forth...

what's lost

something gets lost
most don't even think
about it
the system is set
and play the part
as much as I do
to get along
and in turn survive
in this world
don't especially want
to spend everyday
selling fruits and veggies
could definitely have it worse
but isn't something better
possible something gets lost
and I drive alone
met my brother for pizza
he wonders if he should
wait for love to return
why wouldn't he if it's
love upon returning
it's love now during
the waiting part can be too long
they say 15 days
waiting on permission
but that's completely different
where was I going
where have I been
with these new eyes
seeing thoughts different
something gets lost when you
don't believe nearly everything
you are taught to be true
how would we know the difference
we instead trust them and
something gets lost
and they say the Russian submarines
are threatening underwater
internet cables
don't we have satellites
somethings got to give...

smoke alarm

before noon
struggle to keep eyes wide
new pens new books
waiting for the new thoughts
tired of waiting getting
ready to simply go find them
the unending thought
collection experiment
most don't bother
just keep on as the day
drags on maybe I am
the smoke alarm...

side tracked

side tracked and distracted
disappointed at times
but still loving life
success is in recovery coming
that smile is back
she will be stronger than ever
side tracked and forced
to slow down
maybe to appreciate
all of life's colors
the ones falling from the trees
two days rest how long do you
wait before you laugh
at the idea that the department
of anything can be depended on
maybe we are all better off
on our own how would I know
side tracked when seeing
that smile from mom
knowing she feels good again...

never slowing down

never consistent
except in the change
in front of each step
of every day
never slowing down
at least 5-6 miles daily
stacking produce
selling the fruit
to the people
doesn't seem too important
but people like their fruit
somehow 24 years pass
too fast buying silver
not fast enough
but always changing
smiling in the face
of any adversity the day gives
never giving up above all
and there is the consistency...

cold success

not as cold
as first thought
still new sweatshirt
feels nice
still hear the waterfall
perpetual motion
once turned on
plugged into the source
mostly pushing it myself
don't know if I can ever
call it my profession
in the commonly understood
sense anyway
what is it I really know anyway
someone at work
gave me a tinfoil hat
to wear today
said it was Halloween
not as cold as last night
seems like only yesterday
as if it was probably correct
as well it might be
a drone of some kind
circling the night sky
down from above
what is really seen
from high altitudes
still cold but not as cold
as thought to be
truthfully I had nothing planned
when the pen started
moving as it does
when it's my passion
to unravel this mind
and find out what it means
does not occur to me to give up
without success
because true success
is being able to pick
up the pen with nothing
specific in mind and
not putting it down
until right now...

it's been quiet

it's been quiet
hard to think
when so much
is at stake
but so far it has worked
five miles a day
in a small space
needed to be back
with the family
to pull it up over the hill
still a few more months
of rough water before
balance completely restored
new hope still waiting
on plastic card for permission
for what one does daily
simply fleecing of simple things
to make that simple money
and it truly makes the world
go around and I still think
we are stationary
but they are sure
someone will prove me
wrong someday...

relief & happiness

couldn't help the tears
filling up the eyes
drove home hopeful
same way we all drove in
positive vibrations
and Jah sounds
a little BM, he is always cued up
in the mind at least
fighting daily
the pessimist within
when it comes to just about everything
but optimistic too
and that's a more healthy balance
the drive home was a blur
felt like it took just minutes
smart phone dead battery
had to resort to old school
navigation methods
eyes and a good idea
where I am going
the drive was even motionless
at times only to be welcomed home
the news that it went better
than expected on all counts
according to the surgeon
mom will wake to the greatest news
couldn't help the tears
running down my face
smiling and allowing
sadness to be gone
and replaced by relief and happiness...

writing gloves

couldn't leave it blank
there are too many lights
on up stairs
and it's starting to get cold
out here at night
meaning cold hands
because I have yet to find
a good pair of winter
writing gloves...

there are these thoughts

there are these thoughts that stand out
are the skeptics the only ones thinking outside the box
two parallel entities what is true and what is told
ways to belief and faith should still involve some proof
to the believer something must exist to make belief real
be open instead of closed off to opposing or other thoughts
fooled by the powerful to think only
one way could possibly be right and any other thought
is out of the line of the truth
to be honest though the truth seems to always be hidden
believe what you like but history is written by the victors
what is told is necessary how it really went down might be hidden
is anyone telling the truth is anyone
not trying to fool the rest of us
true freedom seems to only come to those who take it
the freedom they speak of is that given by
other men in the powerful positions
is it really the wrong decision to want to find the truth
to the core or wherever the trail leads
refuse to accept lies as truth
to these eyes that can spot a liar
accept what they say freedom is
what history really teaches
is that we are all controlled from birth
true freedom begins when we decide to open eyes wide...

cool light glow

how many nights now
will the moon be hidden
warm air tonight
is the fair trade
still would like to see the moon
tonight I know it will rise
after I begin to rest
stand up turn around look up
and it has just popped up over
the trees holding on tight to
the last few dozen leaves
bright through a thin layer
of clouds quickly moving away
shows me the power of positive
thought and a beautiful night...

all the sounds

listening
to all the sounds
of the night those
expected and some quite
the opposite

the temperature
is nearly perfect
for the season
not too cold
or too warm

racing to get to an end
point and another new beginning
when I really should
walk every step
a new beginning

every morning a rebirth
of sorts and at night
the mind retreats
to dreamland
as if it were a place
but it's not
merely a state of mind
as is the morning
rebirth awakening...

calm upon

flipping over rocks
seeing if anyone
left me a message
under the stone
putting wood together
haven't started yet
haven't found the match
weekend is over
don't have to go home
right here most comfortable
place on earth
or is it eye that brings the calm
upon me...

when I am determined

sometimes when I am
determined I will get it done
and when I know it's
gonna get done I move
no stopping me

barely seeing the moon
tonight as the layers
of clouds pass in front
moving through
the night sky

will probably continue
to sit outside when
the smoke is gone
and the cold air arrives
trying to learn something
new everyday and if possible
passing it along to someone
someone close...

found the key

it's just the way I see
things and it might
be quite different
some will laugh and some won't
still others might just
shy away from the conversation
or block them from even happening
it's just the way I see
things from where I stand
back porch or beach
2nd floor or basement
just the way I process
a days worth of thought
invented two way journal writing
and got my dad writing again
and maybe mom too
dad once said he would never
write down his silent pondering
somehow I found the key
two way journal writing
his oldest son what else
can I change...

rambling half dark half light

so we all know daylight
as winter approaches
never lasts long enough
two months until the reverse begins
everything comes with patience
as they say you know the cliché
so I know night light isn't so bad
just need a little light
to see into the mind
in this dark
as mom definitely seems worried
only want her to be strong
again and forever
more than anything
wish I could take the treatment for her
maybe I will find a convincing way
for her to heal all over
want her to never lose that
mind memory maker
that should never go away
so now darkness fully arrives
making my hands shadow the page
like swollen paws but the warmth
of the day keeps me outside
under the porch light...

back to the future right now

back to the future hollywood
nineteen eighty-five
told us about flying cars
garbage as fuel
skateboards with no wheels
and self lacing shoes
here we are at that
future date still have to tie
my own shoes and my car
clearly sticks to the road
funny remember the movie
and being that kid that
couldn't imagine that future...

struggled through the morning

watched a raccoon struggle
through the morning
only to be put in a metal box
attached to the back of truck
and taken away
took a few pictures
when I thought he was hunting
fish in the water turns out
he was chewing on tiny stones
struggling to stand and walk
someone called animal control
raccoon got picked up and brought way
something else had taken over
and was killing him slowly...

full year

hard to believe
one year passes so fast
learned to stand
crawl and walk
chew make noise
and sleep
smile cry eat
even sleep some more
hard to believe
it's been a full year...

out of reach, still right there

roots three generations deep
and to say the mind
has no response no connection
seems unreal more likely
connected to everything
including the stars
always been stuck on the stars
high above out of reach
not out of sight as long as it is clear
always there to be seen
even if light bends
so do solid trees in the breeze
without breaking the line
can be drawn from here to there
although the road
might not be as direct...

somehow caught my eye

so many thoughts
too many to keep
locked away and not shared
the stare of a hawk
from the neighbor's roof
something there
when his eyes met mine
can't prove it was more
than simply a bird on the roof
but it felt like the hawk
was checking on me somehow
and these are the thoughts
eye would like to share...

make right now

now matter how fast time flies
it's always right now
and you really only have two choices
be happy now or not
sounds too simple I know
but just find a reason to be happy
or not and know it is your choice
and so what if I waste a page talking to myself
it's my book my thought and my right now
so what if it only takes a page
to smile across the backyard
moving the pen quickly getting dizzy
looking at the shadows on the page
similar spot and thought
literally speaking when I was
half my age right now...

said no one in years

take a walk with me
said no one in years
doesn't discourage
can't say I don't battle
discouraging thoughts
but somehow I always win
and kick out everything
that doesn't feel positive
gotta build alone since
it's where I am at kicking it
and the sadness will always fade
into the night where inspiration
and motivation replaces
all the sadness watching
the words spit out of the end
of the pen faster than I can
think them twice
once as I read the words I
thought to write looks slightly
skewed as the same as I can keep it
and it's relatively sane and calm too
accepting still all those with
a crazy label ready to stick to me...

that quiet spot

twisting ideas and
putting things in order
of importance
still seeing into truth's eyes
can't understand
the repulsion
the barrier built
for seemingly no reason
but there has got to be one
truth's eyes don't lie
they create a silence
and fortunately
I will dwell in that
quiet spot...

cold air doldrums

might be stuck in the doldrums
and of course to show
disinterest is how
one would draw attention
and of course this makes
all kinds of sense
spinning in place
and might as well back on up
while you are at it
don't come too close
I will get there when
the time is right
these words make my thoughts
immortal even if
nonsensical and unimportant...

everyone together

everyone together
seeing smiles
go around the table
another birthday
candles and dinner
this family handling
the toughest struggles
with everyone together
singing that familiar song
newest member biggest smile
learning to love life
right in front of us all...

far within right here

thirty pages can pass
really quick on a day filled
with rain and hood up
but it's still warm
the air is moving fast
rain pounds the roof
at times can't unravel the point
needed to focus on a spot
far within but right here
still your ceiling too
right there cloud cover will pass
stars will be there tonight
to hear your thoughts
since they will no doubt
will go un-shared
throw the entire salt flat
over the shoulder
would it help clear away
the superstition too fast
too slow just relax
you don't even know
but wanted to even if
only for a passing moment
not finished destroying a former self
just busy being my only self
left any and all former
in the corner
not even to compare
or contrast...

up early to get brother sister's birthday

up early brother
arrived on time as planned
not much else
sister's birthday
celebration later on
raining right on through
one year ago tragically
lost a friend he is missed
by many more than just I
more eyes need to see words
rainy day story to tell
just a focus and a struggle
is the ultimate goal riches
or the security riches could bring
don't understand the focus
if it's a waste of money
when the goal is the goal
spending time and money
could be just trying
to find some enjoyment
in this crazy world...

books will return

and someday
the books
will return
but for now
technology
has taken over
someday someone
might take the time
with words again
someday I will be there...

clouds up over the head like a hood

something about the rain in the trees
and the wind at night
dark thoughts under
shadowy ideas under clouds
up over the head like a hood
almost hoodie season again
cold enough once winter rolls in
but where did the summer go
only two visits to the beach
saddens me slightly leaning
too hot now still drinking coffee
hot now and what is the world
around us distracted by
billion dollar space stories
show the unification of the human race
while we still hate and kill each other
on the ground and no one sees
anything wrong with this
how can it be true or as my brother says
'how does our opinion even matter?'
does that mean we should silence
opinions because resistance to logic
reason and truth is bought lock
stock and two barrels still smoking
still trying to remove some of the toxicity
on my way to visit my brother
back again from out west...

hardly willing

it must be some
great big experiment
and we are all involved
barely willingly with little other
choices lead like cattle
believing the news
and all the propaganda
soon there will be no truth
because everyone will be confused
my hand falls asleep
right in the middle of the word
my connection to the page
and to the original thought
hearing stories told years
since those memories
stirred the paint well and still
tripped over the can what
time do I have to get up tomorrow
who cares check it off the list
don't mind what I have
to do to get the paint out...

silence will be written

back at it
have at it
wherever I put it last
time I had a clue
probably stacking fruit
or something at the store
sometimes I feel its all I have
and then I grab a new pen
and have at it again
got cool then too cold
one night, the next day
humid all day today
some days the confusion
never clears and the thoughts
never stop they only get put aside
for sleep but not exactly by choice
wonder how long without
before crazy is the outcome
what if upon entry already
reaching crazy heights
now because life
is but a dream
back at it have at it
and laugh at it
if you have to but know I only
fall back a step or two
from time to time
and will not retreat
from first impressions
and apparently mine was
not taken well
somehow thinking
of a vacation mind change
but why complicate life
cut off the hands
and rip out my tongue
what choices do I have really
but don't worry my silence
will be written...

remind me

the clouds remind me
of my thoughts
remind me nothing
is as it seems
it's all a show
until in solitude
one finds what is real
watching my mother
muscle throughout
her favorite time of year
watching my dad pensive
in the garden
honestly probably
the only love I
need to know...

my Fro-losophy

a nickname
in the college daze
hair was out of control
some called it a 'fro'
some said it was 'nice'
the nickname stuck
as the hair is gone
the name lives on
philosophy is
the study of ideas
about knowledge
and truth
about the nature
and meaning of life
my writing is my philosophy
and my journey
of thoughts collected
is presented to you
in these pages
thanks for your attention to
My Fro-losophy...

next step is peace

we are all chaos
a combination of all
we have been to this point
and in each moment
all that we are
all the decisions
good bad indifferent
join together to put us
where we are
the direction headed
we mainly follow a lead
or a group of thought
we can relate to but individually
what is it about life
that doesn't change
that change is the constant
perpetual improvement
of the self under
careful exploration
we are all chaos
walking, breathing
sleeping, working
always thinking
and the mind will never stop
until finding peace is the next step
no matter the direction
at this point
the next step is always peace
but for now
we are all chaos...

multiplicity of ideas

when did it all start making sense again
the truth is I could probably figure it out to the minute
mind always distracted most of the time
is changing quickly whether by desire or because of the
disturbed nature of going against the grain
the change won't come while doing the same old thing a
multiplicity of ideas surprise the day
of normalcy becomes instantly different
things appear more important
is this a moment of clarity
produced by the mind turning down the noise
but hearing every word wonderful
when surprised at the strength of
the self taught to unlearn and release the
mind that's been molded since grade one it
is probably even earlier now late in the mind
quieted itself down and now I can see
the thoughts slow to a crawl over the
multiplicity of ideas in and out
of the mind sitting still sifting through
things that matter and those that don't and thought
disappears quietly into the darkness of tonight...

quiet fire

the fire dies down
soon it will be too cold
for most and the fires will
probably become fewer
distance can be far between
two points straight line
sitting still staring
at the moon
coming through the trees
one more log
one more night
toward the rest of my life
and beyond...

different light

night light creeping
through the last blast
of summer trees
hard to believe
it's merely reflection
seems like a different
kind of light
and most likely
probably wrong
but I like to think
and call it a night light
for those who need
to see in the dark...

refer to the random

as long as I have known doing what I once dreamed
far from where I thought I might be
as long as I can be here with pen in hand
the thoughts keep coming despite
laws against freedom something I enjoy make the most
of this time here not calculated using
mathematics or any scientific nature please
refer to the random explosions, creations
to inter-finity well beyond the scope of accepted
reality we exist spinning wobbling orbiting moving
they tell us to pay our taxes vote and to quiet down
are we always going to believe everything they say
not questioning everything anyone tells you is
certain to win their praise
and not a productive way to bring about change
as humanity can no doubt be a positive force
far from what we see each day sitting still not moving
as it will become easier to see through lies
they might not want us to know what they won't explain
are they bluffing or hiding something important
certain are we that we know everything now
they will lull us back to distraction with a new smart phone
do not think for a minute that it hasn't been planned
not even a coincidence that we all fall for it
refer to the random creations, explosions
to explain how I tend to view
reality is sometimes what we alone create...

not a big deal

guess it isn't as big of a deal
as maybe was hoped for
high-five didn't want to let go
too many people and the mind
flips to chaos and I just need
quiet times because I can do
the alone thing no problem
guess it just isn't a big deal
to those who go home
without a head-full of thought
here's to another who must
think more than the rest
zero for three won't even
frustrate me but maybe for an hour
guess I really don't have much
excitement to offer just me
and some fire to get me through
until morning and I do it all over again
probably should have taken a vacation too
where could I go now?

a stick to the side

still resonating
sound created earlier
one day a stick
to the side of the bell of my life
and the sound might be gone
but it is resonating still
wish I knew a little more
and its probably why I put
these thoughts down
always will wonder what
the other side of the conversation
is thinking anything still resonate
might just be me...

good company

taking a walk around the yard
in the dark remembering
it all and the feeling of realizing
not sleeping at all and suddenly
the entire pizza was gone
standing on the edge of a hole
filled with water and a dozen fish
closed eyes balanced on a rock
something to trust in eyes
scene a familiar place
the moon right here in the night sky
every time I look up different
spot same direction maybe
just like the mind and curiosity
continuation might start a fire
anytime of night always as young
as in early when morning rising
will now be made by choice
here's to a fire starter with
or without a match
or simply with the sounds of the night
backyard getting lost looking at my ceiling
but if you look to the sky
it's your ceiling too
ending up on the other side of the yard
thinking time passes
at times too fast
especially when you know
it was a good day in good company...

king of the garden

looking forward
the king of the garden
standing still taller than
the rest was much needed
after the adjustment
looking forward one is good
the other is even better
hopefully the rest will follow
into new thoughts that won't
stop when the mind finally
rests for the night
looking forward
the king of the garden
joined by others
not as tall just as bright...

homegrown veggies

a couple more logs
onto the night's fire
everything seems different
and there are more changes
on the way
ready to take it all on
and get things done
why not try something different
promised myself no more
negative thoughts
a couple more logs
but the fire is already hot
been burning five hours at this point
still feeling the humidity
that has not broken
and no ones spirit is diminished
new recipe tonight
and all the veggies are homegrown
one week without
as much smoke
found a replacement
might actually clear the air
this time...

use this time

a different look at the day
hard to imagine
not seeing first light
for a change
going to have to use this time
to put thoughts together
with only words
different time of the day
is all it will take
will to change
however I can
to be more productive
and less isolated...

before healing eyes

before now everything seemed normal
we went about life and thought about how we
can help each other better ourselves
even in the worst situations and learn to
ask for help when we need a hand
how else can we approach the
things that once seemed impossible
might surprise even those who doubt most
go see for yourself climb to a high point what's
wrong with that especially with no fear of heights
we will all rise together as one but individuals
must come together
first and foremost with a positive plan to
explain the road ahead might not be easy
how there will be bad days
they might fear the outcome we all share
could it all just be a dream
ever lasting into an eternal night
go rest and get well as we rise together
right before your healing eyes...

somehow we are the proof

working with words thirteen years old
and what if that was the chosen path
seeing dawn with different eyes now
seeing things I must have missed
reading words and they never missed
knew then know now not a rise and a fall
a beginning and an end didn't understand
it then in one moment message send
technological message in a bottle
the sea of invisible information
sent and received all day and night
dance with what could have never existed
only what was and is only moving forward
message received and returned
could feel the smile in the words
remember it while working with words
thirteen years old same sun then as now
and always will be closer than they will say
look to the dawn with these new eyes
creeping into lenses created not evolved
or designed and it might be a belief
but somehow we are the proof
believe what you want
we are all right...

as hot as it gets in the northeast

sometimes the thoughts flicker
like the fire from across the yard
they hold long enough for me to grab the pen
then flicker sometimes feeling
like an engine that won't start
after a dormant winter
but it has been less than twenty-four
and as hot as it gets in the northeast
sometimes the thought finally
takes hold and catches like a dry log
erupting into flames
the pen won't stop until
interrupted by something
more modern than the elements
the fire—the stars above
a fifth letter response
alone by my fire for now
by choice mostly
one week ago drove to Maine
for the night should make a point
to go every year again
just like way back when
now the next generation
rides the carousel...

got rained on

seems as though I have to unpack
and disperse thoughts into different
areas of the mind
some things are more important
than others something
is so important
that everything stops
got to unpack this crazy notion
that things really are simple
yet can be intricately detailed
and seen as complicated
the lightning strobe lights
the eastern sky above the house
looking over the trees into the electrified
clouds blowing my own clouds
not as toxic mainly the healing smoke
just going on rambling on
and trying to change
to better it all...

floating quickly overhead

clouds and sunshine
at the same time
random shower quick
it soaked everything
thunder is strong
rumbles the ground
underfoot
sun blast through
the clouds still covering
half the sky seen here
found another piece of the puzzle
of change I want to be
always searching for new ways
to perfect the imperfection I working
with my hands and think
with them too here and then is now
and it's about all we have to work with
side to side with all the side roads
and short cuts truth is all I need
right here while I write here
turn up my right ear to the thunder
as it rolls across the dark side
of a beautiful sight seen
neck still tense as I look skyward
and catch a glimpse of clouds
descending darker dense mountains
floating quickly overhead...

torn between/exist in between

spirals of smoke
and non smoke
thought and non thought
spiraling together
becoming words here
but what's the point
journey to the inner workings
torn between living this life
and being prepared for death
trying to understand all of it
and exist in between
spirals of thought
understanding I am on the road
I am on because its where I have to be
in order to get where I need to go
working with produce and working
to produce as much random thought
as I have up under whichever
hat I choose to wear
not on any team where
someone else leads the way...

right in my face as I write

don't really have much choice
but to take the trip alone
as a kid it was the summer vacation
spot looked forward to
now the next generation enjoys
the spot in twenty-four hours
the fire will be in Maine
I will join the 3 man army
without a cloud in the sky
sun finds its way to the vanishing point
here where I sit wind blows heat and smoke
right in my face as I write
can't mind as the evening has been
perfectly comfortable as it was
at the bank of the brook as I sat there at dawn...

back up to it

don't really know how
all these years passed
somehow not where I might
have imagined still
eternally grateful
for what I am
so many fall along the way
not as many keep track of thoughts
don't need to rhyme
some do still reason spills
the mind on to pages
filling books with observations
in the sanctuary created
at a place called home
complete with sounds of the
baseball game in the near distance
lucky to have escaped
may have fallen
but I am getting back up to it...

doesn't have to be complicated

maybe I am merely
throwing back what I remember
as my brain whips through
everything up under this hat
thankful for so many parts
of this life and the crew
at this place I call home
close my eyes and let
the verbal camera
memory experiment begin
wherever it was I left off
the last time around I was
probably a writer too
much thought for the first
circle or round doesn't much
matter I suppose doesn't have to be
hard to comprehend just look
to the skies clear night
find a batch of stars
and call them your own
watch them for the rest of time
always there easy to understand
still miraculously unknown
the mind might even believe
the body is sleeping
sitting so still just under an hour
peaceful stare into a fire
mind twisting dreams
into the burning wood
eyes start to gain weight
smoke brought that summertime
feeling back again for a moment
floating in between sleep
and completely relaxed and unwound
despite being unknown
at the fire I built in the back yard...

known unknown

no one asks but I don't mind
the humidity broke when the rain
soaked everything
still couldn't put out the fire
spent some time today
with my brother
always feel as though I talk
too much when I know
he has so much to teach
no one asks so I probably
do it for me and because I admire
the writers who struggled
to make sense of the world
while struggling to make sense
to the world that kept them hidden
in obscurity until discovered revisited
imitated and admired
no one asks who but if they did
there would begin a list
some known and some well known
and I also like to hang with the unknown
knowing that's where I belong
right now as I write now
as my own known unknown...

end product

even if it's just a moment
gotta get something
out forced maybe
but only force is
an attempt to create
something as an end product
might be just to get the thought out
not be cluttering up this mind
but more will follow
don't plan on quitting
moving the pen
as if a destiny or purpose
what can this life mean
many believe in so much
only trying to believe
in myself what else
can be controlled at all
even if it clutters
another mind not wandering
into the vanishing point...

what the rain brought

the rain brought out
all the colors in the garden
front door opens
to the scent of the slow cooker
veggies from out back
scent of rain blew in the breeze
the entire ride home
and then the skies opened up
thunder shook every part of the house
the rain finally cooled
everything down
rain helped me realize
the pen warrior
banging at the door
hoping with every book
to bring out another reader
or two and why not really
it's easy to do just let yourself
think for a moment
about what the rain brought today...

step out of me

trying not to be
repetitive yet at some point
the days run together
Thursday through Monday
at least 5 years now
the pond and the garden
and the waterfall
all have their personalities
which contributes
to the relaxation
trying to step out
and see how I can better
put ideas in front of new eyes
how better I can keep track
of these thoughts
maybe only for my own amusement
watching the youngest in the family
swing back and forth smiling
a swing built by my brother
so much family surrounds
the daily operations
still trying hard not to be repetitive
step out of me
and the mind doesn't wait for me
to pick up the pen
at least once a day...

quiet to the world

at what point
was I told to follow
in order to get
where the others
are going
forward in the direction
of success most of
the successful I know
are hardly happy
or clinically depressed
but that is using
society's definition
of successful
there are still those
who do what they love
to do and work to pay
also what they have to do
and sometimes call
themselves quiet to the world
but at what point
did I realize there is no one to follow
it's all an illusion
and we can only lead ourselves
somehow I feel successful
in that realization alone
but I move forward
as well quiet to the world
pushing words before eyes
before stars appear
in the night skies above
the clouds moving quickly
rain too will be quick to pass
with much too much thought
throw it to the stars
and see what comes back in dreams...

laugh at September

apparently it is a state of mind
does that imply the right
of the state personally
it is a good state to exist within
spread the positive outward
being peace all along
singing my song
in the rain with a pen
and a book how many
until done
this state grants me the right
to continue until infinity ends
apparently contradicting day
with night etc. apparently
it won't end until this hand
stop working and then I will
have to learn to write
with the left
behind luckily
probably would have sunk
naturally by now if I didn't
sink the horrible ship wreck
kept walking and left debris
for miles wrinkled old smile
in the distance now
will only laugh at September
if I ever sit it again...

twist this mind

twist this mind
around some energy
found much later
than waking hours
everyone in the house
asleep should have
taken one of the offers
today chose to stay close
burn another night
by the fire twisted
around the death of an
all around good guy
battling an addiction
one of the worst kind
hung out a bit in college
but we didn't keep in touch
and twenty years goes by
such a sad thought
back to now must move on
despite what one might have
missed how many we lose touch
end up withering away
what do we know...

start it off

start it off
clear the mind
breathe in
summer sounds surround
breathe out
relaxed might even think
it's a nap
midday quiet soundtrack
of summer with closed eyes
could be twenty years
in either direction
remembering things
thought forgotten
brought back by a scent in the air
or even a sound
start it off again
by myself if need be
clear the mind
and the table
anyone and everyone welcome
take a look a thought
a ride into the words
my dreams created...

where is peace found

peace is found behind the house
cannot fathom anything like that which could
be worse positive only from now on ever-since
kept from the edge by the cool wall built
by the end of an afternoon the clouds don't
force me out of the elements of the day

it invites me to stay and face what eyes
can see and ears can hear can
only prove so much as an imperfect being
be what it may and maybe I haven't
achieved much in the eyes of those that judge
by monetary wealth cannot compare to the love
understanding and the family I am a part of...

dragonfly

dragonfly lands
on the round rock
garden bench relaxed
a great place to return
never really left it seems
took some time away
from the point
just another day...

stuck on a star

am I really crazy to wonder
what the truth might be
not quite first quarter in the sky
still blue sun barely out of sight
how do I understand a rotation
spin and wobble while orbiting
and shooting through limitless space
but somehow once the sky turns black
stars and constellations can be seen
same spot as last night
last month last year decade century
what do I know I am really crazy
to wonder how these patterns
further from us then all the rest
somehow hold their positions
in the night sky how could I not
get stuck on a star...

can see will see

most of the time
truth is hidden
in plane sight
but we are distracted
and trained not to notice
or not to even look for it
and not to think it is important at all
there has got to be an awakening
from all around
whether admitted or not
all people who see will see
and all that will be will be
most of the time we won't look
for ourselves and even say
we don't have to check
but most of what we say we know
we only heard from someone else
who says they know and
most of the time they have a power
position unquestioned in their field
but most of the time
they began by wondering why
just as we might do...

all I can do

all I can do is document it
as it comes at me
in spurts of course
used to be tight and strong
like a fist back porch battling
at the chess table burning trees
Brockton philosophy at it's finest
and now that has gone away
controlling the conversations now
in an uncontrollable fashion
can barely get a word in edgewise
not that you would remember
all I can do is document it
after all the calls and ones
where you threaten someday
you'll end it all in a public blaze of glory
and all I can do is wonder if you know
how stupid you sound
hopelessness I feel you there brother
but it's mostly a lie
everything you know is built on
the fear of failure
so much so that you cannot see the success
in your life and what might it take
to really wake you from the sleep
that consumes your day to day
and you are ready to be done
nah I think that is the poison talking
through your voice you know it takes over
it's not real but all I can do is document
and what right do I have to judge
when you want help you know who to call
but you don't call for help you call to let me know
how bad it is and you want an audience
told me yourself along with other threats
and imaginary situations that don't
even make sense and then the call ends
as the phone cuts out
who knows when I will hear again
all I can do is document it all...

catch of the day

sure would love
to have the attention
of as many as those
who write the best sellers
still enjoy these thoughts
and collecting them putting
them in order or what I consider
some sort of ordered chaos
could I learn from the successful
sure would love to have income
from what I do writing thinking wondering
as it is happiness being pursued
catching it and letting it go
like a fishing expedition
happiness is the catch of the day
should be the goal every day...

measure the night

measuring the night
by the duration of the fire
in the distance
only a few steps actually
far enough not to feel the heat
see the light
certain things dance
through the mind
like the fire over and through every log
destroyed in time it takes to construct these words
it's what I have to do because
I don't know anyone else who does
surely they are out there
met a few over the years
just don't know any now
it's okay
so many years surrounded
and now solo
shouldn't worry anyone

measure the night
by the amount of thoughts
crammed into one day
seventh ready to show the world
even if most don't know
it exists that doesn't mean
it isn't real because it is
even if I can't explain how they
are delivered to me
might even have to admit
they are my creations
today measuring the night
in pages turned over
and covered conversations
all types barely use the phones
to talk isn't that strange
who could've guessed
turn back only a few years
and try to remember the numbers
like you used to before
everything changed
measuring the night
by the fire...

vigilant eye

the fire is down below
tonight as the slight rain
off and on keeps me on the porch
under a smaller roof
open air been burning
seven hours strong coals so hot
tear a log to ash in about an hour
humidity still hovers as moon rises up higher
as sun moves off to the horizon
that silver night light takes over
cools things down a bit
still sweating so late
not the usual nightly ramble
through the field
the off road maverick style
follower of none
and listener to all
consider what is seen
heard experienced above the fire
keeping a vigilant eye...

no surprise

absolutely nothing can surprise
me now really looking at life
in so many ways
trying to make sense of it all
considering everything
we are conditioned to accept as fact
and so many more things
we are taught to ignore
taught to doubt our own eyes
questioning everything begets ridicule
even that ridicule is born
in generations of conditioning...

fire burn slow

fire from a distance
need a table and a light
never needed it before now
always just made do
under the circumstances
handled it anyway
everything thrown at us
we all handle it with
the strength within
fire burn within for any sadness
burn it with positive vibrations
and love will be the last thought standing
no doubt looking into the flames
watching it tear at the logs
gone in no time still passes
slowly and it's amazing
to see how fast
it truly goes by...

turned it off

turned off the television
for good in twenty twelve
don't even own one
it's on in other rooms
from time to time
can't be bothered with
the programming
like to choose
what I watch or even listen to
never like the radio either
always supply my own soundtrack
to my life mostly like it loud
turn of most who might approach
when they realize I don't
believe anything they realize
I don't believe anything they've
heard on what most people call the news
programs to watch and entertain could
be considered harmless but programs
to program are dangerous devices
to numb logic but of course I am crazy
to doubt and not believe anything
we are told we went to the moon
an believe it too much to trust in so many
that deceive to control and maybe truth
will never be told it's too cold to fly
over the south pole and believe it too
much faith in the modern technological
age Mr. Orwell told us it would be used against
us in tyrannical hands and maybe he got
the year wrong but in so many other ways
he was right on and the double speak
can be seen and heard on the news
and we believe it too until
we finally turn it off...

we think we know

under an umbrella
at another glass table
with a distortion
so it looks like liquid
on the surface
as the rain starts to creep
in stronger after the humidity
of the day reached
a high point
under the strain of a new
hill to climb as a group
only one will feel the fatigue
but all of us give the support
any and all struggle
that may ensue
most believe in something
else but I sit under
the umbrella and question
everything we think we know...

positive right through

you only live once
or so the saying goes
but how do we really know
still a fitting phrase
for pursuing the dream
sequence turned reality monster
on the pages tearing through
another couple with each
random thought and even
the random fits in somehow
watch the wind try hard to flip
the pages under my pen
but the thoughts are too strong
and most often cannot be stopped
once motivated to start
the movement continues uninterrupted
could be hours then minutes later
bad news stops everything
except these positive thoughts
of course will be carried throughout
the entire ordeal as they call it...

this day we sit on

my brother asks me
what difference it really makes
no matter what lies told
we still have to grind to survive
he says he understands what I am against
but wonders what I am for
truth freedom individualism
exposing the lies that cage
our individuality and maybe I am
wrong in my support of these things
and wrong because I won't embrace
the others who don't pay attention
somehow some part of the collective
is inevitable eventually but really
only want to resist the norm
at times to be strictly verbal
and just question what is blindly accepted
because truthfully my thoughts don't fit
and of course battles need to be chosen wisely
but one cannot always chose their audience
and some cannot handle the bending
of the fabric of the unintentional indoctrination
but once realized and not changed
it becomes willful ignorance
am I wrong
where will we be months from now
and how many imagined this day we sit on...

wondering too

seeing only blue today
things are quiet
summer day just hanging out
in the sun
in the garden
thinking on events
far from this spot
wondering how more
are not wondering too...

product of the day's entirety

eye even in reverse
is the part that sees I
am expanding on thoughts
delivered during sleep
a dream or unconscious thought
product of the days entirety
most of the time the dreams don't wake
at the same time as the conscious mind
system separate from the one that rules the night
eye look to the moon
before I sleep
was I dreaming before sleep tonight
born refreshed
by sunrise ready
to create another
yesterday before tomorrow
destroy the difference 
between the two...

must be crazy

deserve the degradation
trust me
the nightmares were reality
until they put away
the criminal I must be
crazy to think
survival was sustainable
had it gone on any longer
the rage wouldn't have been containable
and that means I couldn't hold it
but just because I lost it all
doesn't mean I folded
won't ever give up
on who I know I am
loud at times
doesn't mean I am yelling
might even think I am
way out there
only truth out now telling
the difference
and the lies from all the snakes
nearly choked out
with so many mistakes
standing on this pile
of ridiculousness
and all I can do is smile...

nightly ramble

listen to all
and follow none
some days the thoughts
question themselves
sick of the constant thought
really don't believe anything
that I don't question
belief seems to stop research
stops the further thinking
and obviously stops the questioning
and this of course is merely
an opinion and one year ago
my thoughts were different as I
learn more thoughts change
won't believe anything until I
can think about it and question
all the details some will ask why
it's probably easier to just follow
the rules and be free
but do we really need to be governed
to be free
how many have already turned the page
a hard thought to have
everything we think we know
is probably only a fraction of the truth
it probably has to be that way or we would
take the power back if we know the whole truth
the people outnumber those in power
those who govern us all
and not one government is excluded
and we just happen to be the most free
and our government is the most aggressive
and of course I am just rambling the night away
at this point and many will say nothing
can be done so why even think about it
and I don't have an answer for that
been this way all my life
or at least the last twenty years...

rewind and watch the show

in one year will we
really see a rerun of
the ninety-two election
two names running the politics
for twenty years now
in this former constitutional
republic we only get to select
one of the major two
and the vote will probably
go to the one who convinces
you the other is worse
but neither are better
and they both lie
to get your vote
how can we be led
down this (war)path again
convinced were you
that eight years
would bring about change
then here we are right back
to the same and the only
change was worse
soon we all realize it is a show
and the (war)path we are on
will not end
it's as if they believe
we will never get it
never catch on
either that or they know
there is really nothing we can do
except to accept
rewind and watch the show...

they appear

thoughts are only mine
because I am the receiver
can't prove they are creations
since I don't know how
they appear
trying to find the words
will it ever make sense
someday but probably not
because something new
will be discovered
thoughts can be studied
but how can we know
and prove where they come from
they just appear...

still nothing concluded

true to the name
so many years
would have to
go back and count
to see

just trained
to believe
then discover
these eyes
don't lie

clouded by
the material world
distracted from
the self sufficient
history of man

becoming dependent
born dependent
independent
when we will
be again

can't lock the door
to our own cell
keep it open
so we always
have an exit

some will say
there is no way out
surely someone
will know
nothing concluded...

nine o'clock gray sky night

every time I look into things I dig a little deeper some-
thing tells me there is more to what
they say more than what we have been told
tell all the details nothing left out for
us to decipher and wrestle with
has history been written to include so many lies
a story that strayed from the truth
reason for it to take on a life of it's own left
behind the truth is buried
it sits waiting to be unearthed
all becomes a game of hide and seek
part of the game is to uncover the truth
of the history of all of us here
controlling the self to feel some kind of way for
our owners and we can't even see them but they know our
habits and what we consume
beliefs and where we might congregate
and all the details are saved no need to watch it live
what has been created is a data base
we all keep them on us all the time
consider a smart phone only 15 years ago
truth is it probably was created to keep us entertained
what they need most is our fear
if we do not fear they cannot control
it really is up to us to do what we can
wasn't our choice but we deal with the day
a minute longer and it becomes night
little light through darkened gray sky
lie still wait for the skies to open
here is the truth you are alive
but truth is... no one knows for sure
one truth or many simultaneous truths
big(ger) than what they tell us in the books of history
lie back and enjoy the ride
behind closed eyes dreaming where
everything starts to float into place...

drive to the beach

somehow still light outside
with only natural light
inching closer to the longest
day of the year sure to be outside
that night and should start a fire
if the wind wasn't so strong
and unpredictable tonight
the ring of stones is too low
and couldn't contains the flames
maybe a sunrise fire is in order
finally able to concentrate on what
all of this might be
this constant unloading of thoughts
each day the silent streets
before dawn drive to work
and quite the opposite eight hours later
a shorter route takes more time
so many on the road
everyone with their own schedule
story and shit to sift through
still hope to get up early
for myself tomorrow
before the sun moves overhead
through the trees or early enough
still like to take the drive down
to the edge where
the water comes to the sand...

moment of wind

wind in my face
sitting in the same old place
one thought on top of
another thought some
times non stop
and then some times you
have got to sit
maybe figure it out
where you might fit
or get back on the feet
to keep moving
what is all this in one
moment of wind
air movement
on a gray evening
clouds speeding overhead...

faded on the drive home

ghosts they are
all phantoms
figments of my imagination
once were friends
they have all become ghosts
once and a while there is a whisper
maybe a thought on a chess game
or a three hour conversation
about the rest of our lives
then it fades into the ride home
and a message about maybe next week
and that was of course
more than a month ago
how can I really be upset
or expect anything at all
everyone has their own
life to lead and path to follow
made my own apparently
not wanting anyone to come along
for the ride haunted by thoughts
no where to put them but here...

decision flashbacks

sometimes I get these intense
memory flashbacks of moments
in my life when I definitely made
the wrong decision
if I had the other decision to make
how might things be different
who could know who could have known
at the time even though some did
what ifs seem to always come too late
one decision comes back more than most
and most likely always will
no need to get into it really
will always wonder
if what I believe to be
the worst decision of my life
was made differently
how things might have turned out
slightly stranger maybe
maybe not as strange as it is
or right where I am
where am I again
constantly asking and wondering
who is listening when I finally
realize I am right back at the beginning...

pre-Google search engine

most would get up and walk out
upon the thought but the smartest
guy I knew used to have some
of the greatest conversations with me
over my crazy logical observations
he always knew how to spin science
and show me how my eyes
were lying to me
been trying for years to reach him again
know people who still know him
know his address and letters have been written
and not returned with even a greeting
never felt the respect from him
that I felt for him but I know friendships
change and people go in different ways
no offense taken but would love to have
an adult version of some
of our twenty year old conversations
he was literally my go to search engine
before the invention of Google
not only that when everyone else
tired of the conversation he was willing
to dig down another layer or two
often I wonder how it feels to know
that you have left such an impression
that it has lasted more than a decade
without any contact amazing like the sights
seen from that red bull height
still wonder how much of his mind
he has explored by now
kinda figured though he must know
who he connected with
and who he rejected...

adulthood

without progeny
the world looks different
not looking at situations
as protector or teacher
not hearing the word father
just one more thought
up in the mix combined
with all the others forming
a twenty-2 year salad called
adulthood...

seen here

looking up for when I am down
only halfway between
where I am and where I need to be
stronger each day walk a few more steps
toward achieving goals
reach a couple new people
new sets of eyes to read these thoughts
now only days from when written
some words have taken years to become typed
and presented to public viewing spot
in cyber-space or whatever they call it now
looking back up to where I stand
a little bit higher not any further
from the point of original conversation
with anyone who might sit long enough
to see what I see here...

point at obvious

don't claim to know it all
or even want to
love to research assumed truths
we take them for granted
and believe them over our own
individual logic over again
got stuck on faith in religion too
so hard to explain what we don't know
and why some lie we may also not know
what could be gained except
power and control
wonder why we have next to none
except control of our own person
maybe that is where the focus
needs to continue to be developing
the self expanding the mind
and spreading the idea to do the same
and pass it to the left
what do you see in the smoke
and the light left behind lids
when closed before sleep
can you see the writing
becomes constant despite everything
circumferenc-ially speaking of course
don't claim to know what others might say
moving about the cabin of my dream
intersecting with yours
if you see the words
might even appear in the nightly
light show if you let it
or even care to notice
but some won't notice
even when clearly pointed out
and I don't claim to know
what any of this might even mean...