nothing concluded 81

keeping so much in mind

or on it depending

on how you view

the painting with

long strokes

short strokes

and the path

found by few

look at it

and wonder

where has everyone gone

now not that they are missed

but they used to be here

and now they are not

different…nothing concluded…

voice heard

heard the voice

can’t see where it comes from

try to express my dismay

voice says its caring

desire to believe words

something warns

that there is an agenda

everyone’s got them

maybe beyond comprehension

it’s right here

all that is heard…

what could it be

the bare strands stand wiry

thought it through

wondering where it will lead

consciously forming ideas

what is being searched for

what is the necessity

might not be enough time left

or one might think

what would I know as I silently sink

deeper down

the circles soon pass

with all of the cold

winter dying grass

below the feet

where I walk

words and ideas distorted

when I talk

close the mouth

no one in sight

heading south

darkness of this night

cannot think of all these things

don’t know what the darkness brings

from far away and up on high

why can’t I stay in that clearest sky

so blue then night time black

the killer bees will come and attack

those crazy veins where warmth flows

only three inches but dread the snows

might not be deep these words still see

a truthful meaning what could it be…

change things

so bright

on these pages

do not understand

what it is I do

to them I am someone

wasting time trying to change

something accepted by most

of them never heard of him his

love his compassion his peaceful progress

no matter how

little it may be that our culture is one

deeply rooted in ignorance and complacency

upset myself with my own ignorance and

complacency so much that sleep avoids me

at night

in my dreams

think I can make a difference

it will take more than just that

to make the difference that will

change things…

crash on the highway

always worrying about knowing this or that and

now realizing that I should not concern

myself with this so much time has passed

and seeing no one cross my eyes and search for the third

eye vision blurred by the smoke that

rises and falls with my breath like my

stomach making noise because it is empty trash can the

wind blows out into the street crushed by

a large truck arriving with a delivery that

I must receive with a smile I try to greet each day ends in

darkness and begins with darkness is the source of

so many dreams—call them delusions if you must go—

go now because no one wants to be held anywhere

against their will what is the baby trying to say

as it screams and points to a picture on the wall

we think it’s so cute, but what is it trying to say

he has seen it before this life began

with an accident causing a crash on the highway…

nothing concluded 80

thought I knew

knowing eventually I would

start thinking again

who is in charge of the mind

and is it made up

many different things

and understanding

may not come soon

and maybe darkness will come first

maybe everything has changed

why do all the smiles

sound so sad

and who or what brought

everyone down to the level

below the low

on a star wishing the cold

might depart

for some reason

early dark cold nights bring sadness

nothing concluded…

man in the crowd

watch him disappear into the crowd
the wood?
who fell the tree
like a crazy lumber jack when the wind
blowing in the wrong direction
the wind?
a pine needle carpet at his feet
the dead woodpecker never
got to finish
interior decorating
a dead hand raised
couldn’t hold it long enough
no right to be here anymore
never elbow smashing
too important to the day
put this away like summer clothes
on the first day of fall
who fell?
everything and nothing
becoming opposite ends of the same rope
pull back go home
sit in the stew
with all the veteran carrots and celery
he is the lone potato
heavy metal dull blade
initiates his neck
something awful
just ahead now
the man in the crowd
trying to follow his speed
lost in the ocean of others. . .

left me sitting

jail house rockin’

chair king or queen

of hearts turns up

more evidence as I sift

through the mind sand

to find a thought or two

more eyes

could not see the confusion

makes me sick

to think I can escape

route carefully planned

on writing a letter

explaining my current situation

is described with one word

is too hard to find under all

of these clouds

form a ladder and I will climb up through the sky

opens its eyes and stares

leading to nowhere special

delivery, a package arrives

without warning

me about the outcome

closer and I might tell a tale of trees

bending in the wind

blow, no idea

what I am doing

what I can to reach tomorrow

comes and things are no different

thoughts all the same

idea I knew, I knew, but I don’t

know why when I may be right

I am wrong or left

me sitting here alone…

I am nothing without me

have you met the man I know not what you see

when you look into his eyes blur at the sight

of your sadness coming from your heart I

try to offer some comforting words I know they are

not needed you have all you need without me

I am nothing without me so as he

enters or rings the phone is placed back where it belongs

after a very short and uninteresting conversation

he hates speaking over the

wires where small animals run without the fear of

falling here I am standing both feet on the

ground and I am scared and I am sure you

have some degree of fear as well for other reasons

you will not leave the dwelling for you

found all you need there without me I am

nothing without me this man about whom I speak

freely swinging from day to day waiting to

go to see what no one alive sees he cares

not that no one sees him, you don’t see him either

you will argue with me on this point but I

know no one sees him constant storm in his

mind constant web he can view all and though you

know his name you know not his goal I feel

bad not for me but for him because I don’t

matter he does to me anyway like I was saying

all I tried to offer was some compassion and I           

ask nothing expect nothing but I know

you have all you need without me

I am nothing without me…

nothing concluded 79

it’s harder at times

to recognize the difference

between right and wrong

pushed to the limits

of what is accepted

there is much to know

as the night wears on

there is a pain in the head

sounds amplified

eyes squint

sipping a drink

and dragging at my addiction

lying behind me

maybe someday losing

it somewhere

under the fallen leaves

of yesterday there is a thought

I buried there fooled again

by the true cloud break up

to reveal the sun is shining

the mind only described

today as a mælström of thought

circling upward and out

with nowhere to go

again too fast

exploding onto these pages

nothing gained

but also nothing lost as well

the night wears on

nothing concluded…

seasons change

as the seasons change we are reminded of the

impermanence of all things this can’t make

the adjustment any easier falling leaves and

the beautiful colors the chill in the night air

the breath taking breeze in the early morning

feeling as though the sun may have

forgotten us today no matter how prepared we are

for the change it still shocks us as we greet

the day and many times done almost routine

though each day is completely different

never knowing what it may bring

each new day plagued with the thoughts

of the one before remembering something

we forgot to do someone we forgot to say hello to

I don’t understand the change of seasons

it is accepted in my mind as one of the many circles

that won’t stop winter will come the days

getting shorter and then it will go all the

way around spring summer and back to where I

am today thinking of you today on a day

when loss may be swimming laps in your

mind and heart think of what they have gained

I have no knowledge of heaven or hell

all I know is that they are a step

beyond you or I they are on a new journey

a new quest we cannot know what it is

where it is

all we can do is wish them luck and hope

that they can give you some sort of sign that you

will be where they are someday

death is like the seasons changing

we know it is happening as we speak

and as we get closer we must feel its presence

very little can be done in preparation

acceptance is all that necessary

this won’t make the emptiness go away

the spot you held so dear for that one you

loved who passed on to the next road

that road we know nothing about

nothing is permanent

you or I this tree a house the season

everything is constantly changing

dying and being reborn rebirth is reality

we see it in the seasons we see it in nature

we are a part of that nature

many thoughts for you and you alone today

in your sadness I hope you

find many days of happiness

with this loss I hope you find many things

that can be will be gained

not our choice made to inhabit these shells for awhile

there is so much to know

we are not our bodies do not think of your end

his end and now her end as an end

more of a beginning to things we will never

know until we are there…

extreme

so this might be the extreme

sometimes getting to the point

might not have anything to say

go on anyway push forward

so much on the mind

all at once and nothing more than ever

the pen can’t bend an ear

or two who hears the extreme

it brings me here

to this peaceful place…

uneasy does it

thought for a moment I knew who I was

I was wrong answer the question hasn’t been

asked me for a quarter only have two dimes

and that won’t even make a phone call these days

won’t end with the sun disappearing as if it

knows something we don’t ask too much

and so details are lost before the answer is given or

taken too much of something making me

feel uneasy does it make sense to you?…

saw a razor on the floor

shines it has just been washed and I guess

that’s why I slipped and fell from my stand

position I wouldn’t ordinarily give up

or down the scale can’t hold all

the heavy people come and go away

from     the edge of the cliff crumbles under foot

before a decision is made me feel a little uneasy

does it make sense to you?…

my left eye is   watering

the nice lawn in the front yard two teenagers

throw a football and it hits me

that I am no longer young

cannot find the time to sit

and think never mind anyway

the front lawn was mowed two months ago

who cares as the weeds fill in the spots

I see before my eyes can’t tell me

what I do not know why

but I feel real uneasy

does it even make sense to you?…

just like today

truth be told me to keep silent night tonight is no

different song for each time I arrived with

pen in hand me the book I will read the

news this morning the sun was shining bright now

it is dark as night time comes sooner as the

days approach the side of the building

blocks for the future looks as dim as today is no

different than tomorrow or yesterday was

just like today…

I won’t look around don’t want to contact eyes

around me the dogs are barking at the suns

reflection scares me as well dug deep down

below busy streets signs telling me which way to go

on thinking I am better I am not I still

won’t look around don’t want my emotions

to be known they are painted on my face covered

and the waitress won’t pay attention to me

because I only got a coffee and a small dish

only dropping a couple of dollars making no sense

right now and I think ahead to tomorrow

no doubt it will be just like today…

keep it brief

keep it brief

I don’t have very long

before I knew what to say
I heard the song

you sing loud

I cover my ears

and close my eyes

as everyone disappears

into the darkness

of the mind

playing those tricks

nothing left to find

out after reaching the top

might be at the bottom

but I just won’t stop

I might pause brief

quite a relief

remember I don’t have long

so please keep it brief… 

nothing concluded 78

brought to a high place

different than all the others seen

two three or four breaths

and the mind is cleared

clouds circle

and enter the mind

once arriving so high

above don’t want to leave

this spot lighting the darkened

mind so still

rain on the head as you

approach the spot

there is a slight chill

joining me in my sit

high light kept hidden

momentarily startled

distant sound

quickly regaining the quiet

found in the high light

spot above all others...

winding road

thought for a moment
about a strange day
night time rolls in
without warning
us the day is done
another day only hours away
who wants to wait that long
winding road ahead

stopped the thought too short
jerking around in my seat
trying to get a good view
all that is around
the corner wondering where
the winding road is headed. . .

such a strange sight to behold
another thought too tight
it might break my fall
from where I stand
been here before
same scene but
years ago
wouldn't have been able
to brave the winding road. . .

don't know which direction is the right
hoping it will work
in an advantageous fashion
some of the same old faces
some new
doesn't matter though
all of the other roads have lead
to this long winding road. . .

worn out song

air so cold

the nights are too long

someone is singing

a worn out song

about some sadness

heard it before

we all get sad

some less some more

more or less happy

with what I see

someone is coming

who could it be

at this hour

nothing more than that

the reason a cover up

under the hat

or a hood

hiding the face

tattooed reflection

cannot erase

what’s written in pen

what’s said or done

when that bell rings

no one has won

small is the prize

what did you expect

showing no interest

or even respect

snapping quickly

a twig under foot

lesson learned

up with it I won’t put

questions asked

time and again

someone really wonders

where I have been

it’s a dark place

look close and see the light

it will help you see through

the darkness of tonight

no one might speak

to the others around

some corner

where I can be found

so much in such

a short span of time

bomb exploding

stepped on a mine

it’s not yours

or his or hers

someone far off

finally stirs

the mixture is finished

whatever it was

something great has gone

bad just because

things have changed

doesn’t mean much

more of the same

railing becomes a crutch

support me as I

lean back and think

about that deep hole

the one I used to sink

down from the bottom

up from above

seeing the bird

but it isn’t a dove

still there is a dog

barking at the moon

gone for awhile

will return soon…

clouds moving fast

clouds move fast in the five o’clock sky

growing dark knowing not why

I sit here the way I do

not know why, but it gets me through

to another day seeing tomorrow

will come, won’t steal, maybe borrow

a thought or two, fit into place

this name at the bottom, ignore this face

in the glass, staring right at me

and I don’t know what I see

so many pass right by my side

where I hold those, who will I confide

in and out of unusual states

stacking up like unwashed plates

pile up from the weight up on top

of another thought, it will not stop

at the end or beginning of what

no one knows what it is they have got

what it takes as I sway side to side

trying to find a place I can hide

in all of the rubble that is left behind

and I can’t remember those papers I have signed

my name to the papers I see in the sky

clouds moving fast, but can’t ask them why…