step out of me

trying not to be
repetitive yet at some point
the days run together
Thursday through Monday
at least 5 years now
the pond and the garden
and the waterfall
all have their personalities
which contributes
to the relaxation
trying to step out
and see how I can better
put ideas in front of new eyes
how better I can keep track
of these thoughts
maybe only for my own amusement
watching the youngest in the family
swing back and forth smiling
a swing built by my brother
so much family surrounds
the daily operations
still trying hard not to be repetitive
step out of me
and the mind doesn't wait for me
to pick up the pen
at least once a day...

quiet to the world

at what point
was I told to follow
in order to get
where the others
are going
forward in the direction
of success most of
the successful I know
are hardly happy
or clinically depressed
but that is using
society's definition
of successful
there are still those
who do what they love
to do and work to pay
also what they have to do
and sometimes call
themselves quiet to the world
but at what point
did I realize there is no one to follow
it's all an illusion
and we can only lead ourselves
somehow I feel successful
in that realization alone
but I move forward
as well quiet to the world
pushing words before eyes
before stars appear
in the night skies above
the clouds moving quickly
rain too will be quick to pass
with much too much thought
throw it to the stars
and see what comes back in dreams...

laugh at September

apparently it is a state of mind
does that imply the right
of the state personally
it is a good state to exist within
spread the positive outward
being peace all along
singing my song
in the rain with a pen
and a book how many
until done
this state grants me the right
to continue until infinity ends
apparently contradicting day
with night etc. apparently
it won't end until this hand
stop working and then I will
have to learn to write
with the left
behind luckily
probably would have sunk
naturally by now if I didn't
sink the horrible ship wreck
kept walking and left debris
for miles wrinkled old smile
in the distance now
will only laugh at September
if I ever sit it again...

twist this mind

twist this mind
around some energy
found much later
than waking hours
everyone in the house
asleep should have
taken one of the offers
today chose to stay close
burn another night
by the fire twisted
around the death of an
all around good guy
battling an addiction
one of the worst kind
hung out a bit in college
but we didn't keep in touch
and twenty years goes by
such a sad thought
back to now must move on
despite what one might have
missed how many we lose touch
end up withering away
what do we know...

start it off

start it off
clear the mind
breathe in
summer sounds surround
breathe out
relaxed might even think
it's a nap
midday quiet soundtrack
of summer with closed eyes
could be twenty years
in either direction
remembering things
thought forgotten
brought back by a scent in the air
or even a sound
start it off again
by myself if need be
clear the mind
and the table
anyone and everyone welcome
take a look a thought
a ride into the words
my dreams created...

where is peace found

peace is found behind the house
cannot fathom anything like that which could
be worse positive only from now on ever-since
kept from the edge by the cool wall built
by the end of an afternoon the clouds don't
force me out of the elements of the day

it invites me to stay and face what eyes
can see and ears can hear can
only prove so much as an imperfect being
be what it may and maybe I haven't
achieved much in the eyes of those that judge
by monetary wealth cannot compare to the love
understanding and the family I am a part of...

dragonfly

dragonfly lands
on the round rock
garden bench relaxed
a great place to return
never really left it seems
took some time away
from the point
just another day...

stuck on a star

am I really crazy to wonder
what the truth might be
not quite first quarter in the sky
still blue sun barely out of sight
how do I understand a rotation
spin and wobble while orbiting
and shooting through limitless space
but somehow once the sky turns black
stars and constellations can be seen
same spot as last night
last month last year decade century
what do I know I am really crazy
to wonder how these patterns
further from us then all the rest
somehow hold their positions
in the night sky how could I not
get stuck on a star...

can see will see

most of the time
truth is hidden
in plane sight
but we are distracted
and trained not to notice
or not to even look for it
and not to think it is important at all
there has got to be an awakening
from all around
whether admitted or not
all people who see will see
and all that will be will be
most of the time we won't look
for ourselves and even say
we don't have to check
but most of what we say we know
we only heard from someone else
who says they know and
most of the time they have a power
position unquestioned in their field
but most of the time
they began by wondering why
just as we might do...

all I can do

all I can do is document it
as it comes at me
in spurts of course
used to be tight and strong
like a fist back porch battling
at the chess table burning trees
Brockton philosophy at it's finest
and now that has gone away
controlling the conversations now
in an uncontrollable fashion
can barely get a word in edgewise
not that you would remember
all I can do is document it
after all the calls and ones
where you threaten someday
you'll end it all in a public blaze of glory
and all I can do is wonder if you know
how stupid you sound
hopelessness I feel you there brother
but it's mostly a lie
everything you know is built on
the fear of failure
so much so that you cannot see the success
in your life and what might it take
to really wake you from the sleep
that consumes your day to day
and you are ready to be done
nah I think that is the poison talking
through your voice you know it takes over
it's not real but all I can do is document
and what right do I have to judge
when you want help you know who to call
but you don't call for help you call to let me know
how bad it is and you want an audience
told me yourself along with other threats
and imaginary situations that don't
even make sense and then the call ends
as the phone cuts out
who knows when I will hear again
all I can do is document it all...

catch of the day

sure would love
to have the attention
of as many as those
who write the best sellers
still enjoy these thoughts
and collecting them putting
them in order or what I consider
some sort of ordered chaos
could I learn from the successful
sure would love to have income
from what I do writing thinking wondering
as it is happiness being pursued
catching it and letting it go
like a fishing expedition
happiness is the catch of the day
should be the goal every day...

measure the night

measuring the night
by the duration of the fire
in the distance
only a few steps actually
far enough not to feel the heat
see the light
certain things dance
through the mind
like the fire over and through every log
destroyed in time it takes to construct these words
it's what I have to do because
I don't know anyone else who does
surely they are out there
met a few over the years
just don't know any now
it's okay
so many years surrounded
and now solo
shouldn't worry anyone

measure the night
by the amount of thoughts
crammed into one day
seventh ready to show the world
even if most don't know
it exists that doesn't mean
it isn't real because it is
even if I can't explain how they
are delivered to me
might even have to admit
they are my creations
today measuring the night
in pages turned over
and covered conversations
all types barely use the phones
to talk isn't that strange
who could've guessed
turn back only a few years
and try to remember the numbers
like you used to before
everything changed
measuring the night
by the fire...

vigilant eye

the fire is down below
tonight as the slight rain
off and on keeps me on the porch
under a smaller roof
open air been burning
seven hours strong coals so hot
tear a log to ash in about an hour
humidity still hovers as moon rises up higher
as sun moves off to the horizon
that silver night light takes over
cools things down a bit
still sweating so late
not the usual nightly ramble
through the field
the off road maverick style
follower of none
and listener to all
consider what is seen
heard experienced above the fire
keeping a vigilant eye...

no surprise

absolutely nothing can surprise
me now really looking at life
in so many ways
trying to make sense of it all
considering everything
we are conditioned to accept as fact
and so many more things
we are taught to ignore
taught to doubt our own eyes
questioning everything begets ridicule
even that ridicule is born
in generations of conditioning...

fire burn slow

fire from a distance
need a table and a light
never needed it before now
always just made do
under the circumstances
handled it anyway
everything thrown at us
we all handle it with
the strength within
fire burn within for any sadness
burn it with positive vibrations
and love will be the last thought standing
no doubt looking into the flames
watching it tear at the logs
gone in no time still passes
slowly and it's amazing
to see how fast
it truly goes by...

turned it off

turned off the television
for good in twenty twelve
don't even own one
it's on in other rooms
from time to time
can't be bothered with
the programming
like to choose
what I watch or even listen to
never like the radio either
always supply my own soundtrack
to my life mostly like it loud
turn of most who might approach
when they realize I don't
believe anything they realize
I don't believe anything they've
heard on what most people call the news
programs to watch and entertain could
be considered harmless but programs
to program are dangerous devices
to numb logic but of course I am crazy
to doubt and not believe anything
we are told we went to the moon
an believe it too much to trust in so many
that deceive to control and maybe truth
will never be told it's too cold to fly
over the south pole and believe it too
much faith in the modern technological
age Mr. Orwell told us it would be used against
us in tyrannical hands and maybe he got
the year wrong but in so many other ways
he was right on and the double speak
can be seen and heard on the news
and we believe it too until
we finally turn it off...

we think we know

under an umbrella
at another glass table
with a distortion
so it looks like liquid
on the surface
as the rain starts to creep
in stronger after the humidity
of the day reached
a high point
under the strain of a new
hill to climb as a group
only one will feel the fatigue
but all of us give the support
any and all struggle
that may ensue
most believe in something
else but I sit under
the umbrella and question
everything we think we know...

positive right through

you only live once
or so the saying goes
but how do we really know
still a fitting phrase
for pursuing the dream
sequence turned reality monster
on the pages tearing through
another couple with each
random thought and even
the random fits in somehow
watch the wind try hard to flip
the pages under my pen
but the thoughts are too strong
and most often cannot be stopped
once motivated to start
the movement continues uninterrupted
could be hours then minutes later
bad news stops everything
except these positive thoughts
of course will be carried throughout
the entire ordeal as they call it...

this day we sit on

my brother asks me
what difference it really makes
no matter what lies told
we still have to grind to survive
he says he understands what I am against
but wonders what I am for
truth freedom individualism
exposing the lies that cage
our individuality and maybe I am
wrong in my support of these things
and wrong because I won't embrace
the others who don't pay attention
somehow some part of the collective
is inevitable eventually but really
only want to resist the norm
at times to be strictly verbal
and just question what is blindly accepted
because truthfully my thoughts don't fit
and of course battles need to be chosen wisely
but one cannot always chose their audience
and some cannot handle the bending
of the fabric of the unintentional indoctrination
but once realized and not changed
it becomes willful ignorance
am I wrong
where will we be months from now
and how many imagined this day we sit on...

wondering too

seeing only blue today
things are quiet
summer day just hanging out
in the sun
in the garden
thinking on events
far from this spot
wondering how more
are not wondering too...