Wednesday, February 27, 2013

exhume dead thoughts

overloaded and consumed
need to exhume the dead
buried deep in the mind
need to ignore negative
until it completely fades
and it will and does each day
only dump it here to get it out
to see and destroy over loaded
now with positive on the rainiest
days blend together
at times the need is to slow it
all down and not have a plan
for the day happens as it will
and I will add my thoughts to it
put them out there out where
they might do something other than
be stuck in the mind mud making me
move much slower when over loaded
consumed with that which is
unnecessary…

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

build on today

hyper vigilant watch
when on the road now
a new kind of social paranoia
brought on by whatever
angry at the onset of a new hurdle
although doing well at ignoring
the inconvenience hyper
in a lot of aspects
each day building on the success
today and everyday forward
a new sunrise with new eyes
no distractions and ridiculous
daily habits wonder gone
understanding now what
the getting ready was for
hyper-attentive to the needs
of those around me
ones once considered family
blood always proves thicker
the red water fooled me for awhile
how far have I come
further in eleven months
then the previous five years…


still not quite used to the quiet
even now expecting to hear something
but nothing sounds so much better
all those three word lies told
conditioned to believe
to make me believe
until it was just that
make believe not truth
even loneliness is better than
all that make believe
enough to make you distrust
everyone but don’t
it’s okay if you do
just build on today and
tomorrow will be easier to welcome…

Friday, February 22, 2013

keep pushing


stuck behind a wall
where thoughts cannot be seen
too many times
all that effort for no return
all thoughts previous
only to erase them all again
re-emerging stronger somehow
more myself alone
more myself without
the five year mess I created
thankfully never getting it back
just keep walking until
the wall is far behind…

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

not another moment

not too many to document
any mental struggle
hiding behind other books
journals with ideas frozen
with the ice words are
coming in slow tonight
like thoughts of spring
buried under two feet of snow
not another night
plenty thoughts come and go
solo again no mind
falling into darkness
know where to go without a light
not another day
negative thoughts fought
from down the road
thirty minutes by foot
done it twice
not another night
missing the warm
never real realization too late
became so cold have to kill
the idea nightly
until gone
not another moment
confused as to what it meant
mistakes cannot be transformed
into the right choice
done it once…

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

what to do


206/2013 730am

it all matters
because most will continue believing
the lies behind so many stories
no one should be surprised
to learn our interests are last
no one should ignore
the lessons that can be learned
from the past
it’s too easy to ignore and fall asleep
accepting what’s being told as truth
just more lies on top of ten year old lies
on top of twenty year old lies
still being exposed

it all matters
the generations of lies
helping only keep the powerful in power
we are never encouraged to be independent
only to be part of a collective group of thought
our political parties…show me the difference
on foreign policy and the economy
and how can we then expect any real change
especially when more lies are piled on top
of four year old broken campaign promises

it all matters
because those in power count on
a collective ignorance to the effects
of this foreign policy and economy
a collective ignorance to the fact
they are two sides of the same coin
owned by multi-national banks
a collective ignorance to the illusion
that every four to eight years
things might get better
if we make the right choice
what choice…can you remember

it all matters
no one can deny that they do not remember
when the US was not at war  
can we continue to deny the loss of personal freedom
in the name of national security
everyone is a suspect for something
everyone is stuck proving the negative
impossible but fear
has the collective to a point of dependence
someone else (they) will protect us
what is it they are really protecting

it all matters
how many more rights
have to be infringed upon
before the collective turns
and faces its common enemy
what can we do…

Friday, February 1, 2013

enough to burn

ahead of the game
believing in the self
and at the same time
laughing at myself
despite all the imperfection
still striving for a resurrection
dodging all mind infection
playing chess in the mirror
trying to understand that opponent
a little clearer
the stone was too big
no one could ever move it
thought I was someone else
no one could ever prove it
cool breeze blowing a virus
at everything and it passed
without intended destruction
started with that creepy seduction
how many others fell for it too
or someday will guess it’s a warning for you
stay ahead of the game
the alert is cool breeze will burn like a flame
from a torch hot enough to burn it
to the ground without a sound
never thought hate would sneak into the mind
of this new stranger
only thing to keep sanity
balanced somewhere between awful memories
and beautiful smiles both pointless now
and never seen the same
far ahead of the game…