fall again

trying to understand

where I stand

and where I will land

if I fall again

and pulled myself up

filled up the cup

one of life’s hiccups

when I fall again

no matter what the matter

won’t listen to all the chatter

serve it up with truth

on a platter

so I won’t fall again…

not a criminal(for the record)

not much I can do

now except wait
have to be away
to find where I am at
 
for the record
dunno what it is
I do right anymore
always standing
on the other side
where I am supposed to be
anyone’s guess at this point
and everyone’s opinion
being presented
with current facts
 
for the record
I am not a criminal
no matter what is said…

hit bottom quick

the pain fades and then it

comes back hard

swinging hard trying to avoid

a fall back into a web

that couldn’t save

when the fall came

right through

and hit the bottom quick

stand up at last and assess

the damage done…

the pain fades with Jah prayers

and positive vibrations

from beginning until the end

of each day when eyes finally rest

unsettled though as comfortable

as can be given the void created

chance taken in reverse

out of necessity

without any desire…

the chess board is weakened

minus queen stolen quick

let guard down and the chess

game continues without a move

made both stare at the board

seeing what has become

a team effort gone solo

the moon is hidden by clouds

and the cool breeze

is replaced by hot stagnant air…

the pain only fades

when the throbbing goes unnoticed

becomes the heartbeat faster

with Jah prayers no need to worry

even when everything is still everything

but nothing is the same

out of necessity without a thought

on desire and the pain is only fadable…

new roof new eyes

under a new roof

with some new thoughts

spread out smaller

own only the immediate space

nothing else       

new world swirl

around new faces

and new eyes…

rules the morning

wondering what the day might bring

my thoughts ruling the morning

disposition somewhat miserable

seems to wear off when work begins

wondering too much about what went wrong

and what disappeared to make

things turn out the way it is

what it is and it is what everyone says now

when there is nothing left to say I am speechless

would be a lie still wondering what the day might bring

and if that hurt will rule the morning again

how many days will it go on…

wondered what was wrong

coordinated effort to eliminate

the threat of embarrassment

ashamed of the character

barely sharing space

not sharing thoughts anymore

acting out of total disgust

on the edge for months

until eyes met with

an unrecognizable look

over and over  the moment

sitting at the kitchen table

wondering what was wrong

surprised to be on the outside

looking into the spot I worked

so hard to be at

maybe deserved a little more

then what was presented

could be wrong

many kitchen tables

in the last thirty days

each one bringing out

different thoughts

some old some new

to these eyes these thoughts

jah prayers presented

for over-standing events

that brought eye to each spot

away from comfort’s spot

carved out now and portable

always wondered what was wrong…

take over the pen again

a ring heard from the next room

and it’s four twenty on the face

that never smiles or frowns

just always knows what time it is

time for change to take over

and run down everything comfortable

that which was known

becomes unknown again

smoke swirls from the table

as the thoughts take over the pen again…

lack of rain

finally the rain has come back

April was a dry month

not just because of the lack of rain

because of the size of the pain

the void created no sympathy

for what had to be confronted

and battled the team fell apart

rain arrives revealing many things heard

but forgotten in one month’s time…