nothing concluded 82

mr. excitement is returning

the mind at the moment

is empty

no thought

what to do

and suddenly thrown into

one of those days

that feels as though

it will never

end

the storm is on the way

and alone waiting

for something to happen

something that will make him

feel real again…

Bolio Revisited

how many times do I have to show you my mind so  

you know I don’t know and how many          

times do I have to say skies should be blue I

see gray sky today dark of the night, but the moon    

and saturn quite a sight to behold, soon it      

will hide I take it all in keep my eyes wide

as the window open and I am out of my mind I        

hear someone shouts that they know who it  

is or where I have been to the highland, but

I know the low stagnation sets in and I feel I

should go to a place but I know not

where do they come from they sit and

stare for too long don’t know what they see for

I sit alone, no one but my pen and I

my thoughts and my book just thoughts

that I write boring—no hook so just turn away

but I wish that I knew what it could be

that keeps their eyes glued in my

direction wish they would stop the silence is

deafening I hear my eyes pop and what

does this mean along with the rain

burning and falling on me with great pain from

the inside I need a release finding a spot

inside me filled with peace of the puzzle

enigma of sorts this peaceful place that

my speech distorts… 

in the dark again

and I wander out into a field of thought I knew        

where I was going to try to make a point       

where I can go no further than ever before I

start to go astray cat runs out from under the porch  

and I don’t know whose it is not one I

recognize my own weaknesses and this is a

plus and when adding it all up I may make a

mistake or two many thoughts in my head

to compute the sum total of whatever I am

trying to say that this is what my mind does at times

I am spinning sideways and the highways      

are my ways seem to be different each time I

go I stop and think I know where I will end up or

down but what is the difference is that I am

trying to get to where I am right now and

then I am confused by my own thought I saw my      

self in one thought I saw myself in one         

light but I end up breaking the bulb and

no I am in the dark again the spin has started and     

down I go into the abyss that is my mind       

mælström making me dizzy but I will pull

through the dark I created I see that which no light

could show me the door slammed shut on a   

sideways glance around and see something I

have failed to notice in the past the calm spot ten

minutes ago I thought this was going some    

where it has never reached so high, but still

can’t touch the sky appears to fall, but slams me       

back into my seat has become quite

uncomfortable…

sunlight through clear glass

1106/1997

and the days pass like the sun light through clear glass

night hours dragging on with the weight of four thousand days

and I was

eleven now some eight thousand days pass

and where am I what I always hope to be or

not exactly what I thought I knew then what I know now

it all makes sense but I still won’t stop to get caught in a

stare at the clock and I still can’t see where

hands are getting colder

as we move closer to complete darkness at ninety degrees

north, not as far up the sphere so not worried about the sun

never rising or falling it’s all the same few keep ringing my mind

out like a wet towel and it won’t come dry

leaves crackle under the stampede

on a leg of the table

quite uneven

if I can’t get there until tomorrow I will make it

if I try to make anyone see my point

that I know what it takes to solve all the world’s problems

om mani padme hum a little song with so much power

invoke the most high avaloketishvara

supreme compassion and still living today I smile at

all who pass a stone with writing on the bottom of a page

numbered forty nine down and one to go

one hundred days ago wouldn’t have guessed I would be here

today and in that time from now don’t know

where I will be silent

sakyamuni is my close friend

understand my words don’t mean much to anyone

ask me and I will assure you

definitely an escape from emotion

not much of an expression, but an escape from personality...

the outcome

for a minute, questioning everything

falls out from beneath feet

hurt as the hot coals burn

the souls that have not been

properly prepared for what is next

and I know I have nothing

to stand on yet nothing

to hope for yet

take some advice from far away

at night enjoy the day for

what it brought

and if it ends in tears

it wasn’t meant to be

besides I have seen worse storms

and taking this advice

there are still days

when I do not want to open my eyes

so is there a solution

something to smile at each day

why would I let this get me down

when it’s all said and done I want

to say I was pleased with the outcome. . .

completely gray

before it turns completely gray

giving thanks for breath and for this day

cancel all thoughts set to bring it all down

into the summer hallway escape the frown

memory lost what’s done is done

sweating it out until the day is gone

only thoughts of the here and now

and it might get harder still make it somehow

once the sun shines and fine tunes this

feel the warm breeze and the sun kiss

and the energy poured out

ringing and endless shout

rising higher to a new height

no longer deny the burning fight

directly rising with the sun

not sure though when I think I won

or lost or passed or failed

onto all this new thought mind impaled

it’s only what I know of what is new

can’t even understand how I pulled through

the thick clouds above down to the thin

air below creeping slowly blood under skin

burning tears

washed out fears…