six more months

six more months

gone just like that

still no end in sight

the laws hang heavy

overhead tonight

hammered by hurricane Sandy

teamed up with another

powerful storm

lots of rain and crazy wind

still have power…

midst of it all

sitting alone

nothing but clothes

and books piled

from floor to ceiling

a few blanks still

to be filled

with future ideas

filling pages before

they are seen

in the distance many stand

or sit behind screens

flashing pictures

some will always be

disappointed

when they finally open eyes

and see where they are

too late to wonder

what happened

kept on walking

can’t look behind

all the thoughts

had and could have had

if patience  was really involved

in any thoughts process

probably seeing the storm

but forgetting to enjoy the rain

steady mist may give way

to correct predictions

never know how right

until in the midst of it all…

dark all around

dark all around

one light above

making the page writable

don’t think eye would care

anyway the thoughts don’t stop

the words don’t stop appearing

on the page even if eye struggle

to see eyes struggle to see

any point in this direction

cyclical and eye want to move forward

and not just on the wheel to nowhere

quick thoughts like camera flashes

at a sporting event

somehow connected through words

doing no good when no one

hears them spoken

waiting to be read

if anyone has any time left

misanthropic is the storm approaching

eye never know what to believe

until right underneath it

getting hammered by wind and rain

and solitude only increases

the intensity of the eye

can’t track with a radar

don’t know how to work it

into a conversation

that might never happen

no one really wants to hear the voice

at this point silence is probably best

that’s where it all began

when nothing meant nothing

means anything too late

no explanation necessary

everything explains itself

when eye sit with it long enough

time to find the void

to become it and destroy it…

decipher

so hard to handle

silence speaks volumes

and then it’s up to one

to decipher what everything means

or doesn’t

should it be this hard

to speak the mind given

with thoughts that appear

never asking for anything

or expecting anything

do eye really need to accept

nothing is real

and it’s all a game

this mind is too active to stagnate

need to keep moving forward

and never look behind…

full of something

head always full of thought

full of something

pointing myself at last

in the right direction

standing up to be seen

by those who know I

tend to chill more than most

pen positioned to illustrate

the day or night

pushing the depth of words

to hold more than they are used to holding

too much and letters all fall to the floor

staring up to the sun moon and stars

head always thinking something

beautiful or inspiring or both

or just the opposite when despair hits hard

and leaves quick feeling empty

with no answers and no sense made…

before birth

thinking on steps

forward of course

conversation just flows

without any force

moving steady right direction

man on a horse

not a crash course

history going back to the first source

of life

probably down before birth

before we knew

we were on earth

changes upon changes

almost complete rebirth

like looking into the mirror

finally seeing what it is all worth

paths were gonna cross

just a matter of time

to try to understand thought

untangle them with rhyme

hundred dollar thoughts

won't let me look passed this dime

sit back relax unwind

travel deep within

what will eye find

known longer

than many others

insane life

like my sister’s and my brother’s

moving forward

pen on fire

can’t be smothered

what hides beneath the surface

yet to be discovered…

easily bent

hear ya own mind appreciate what ya find

never mind wait rewind get left behind or confined

to a spot too small no desire to be tall

don’t need to have it all to appreciate it all

just because words are unheard don’t hear me

get near me makes me weary won’t let it steer me or tear me

away from dreams that should be real all that hurt can only steal

ya away from what ya feel threw down ya cards now let me deal

scribble scribble scratch scratch and tear it apart 

quick now build move forward press start 

something new exposed a heart silent bomb blew it apart

pieces all here peace is all here and far from offended

knowing whats real and whats been pretended

can’t be broken if it is easily bended (bent)

if nothing began that means nothing’s ended…

until i pass out

dizzy in the dark pacing loaded

with coffee until a pass out

all that is left to do usually later

dreaming of the strangers

knowing no one can lift the wait

but patience truth and strength

bring  that smile back

plenty of voices and noise

no one is talking to me

don’t even know

make out like I don’t care

because I can’t  got my own dealings

handle came loose and control lost

everything ‘cept these thoughts

contained and unseen to this point

there is positive somewhere beneath

the surface pushing through the ice

reaching for that breath of fresh air

guess I clouded it up too much

but I mistakenly thought that was the point

me in the right direction but I know

where I want to go instead stuck

dizzy in the dark…

rusting

nothing worse than

being dealt the same hand

riding a bike in the sand

not knowing where you will land

nothing better than august

changing since the bust

who the fuck can I trust

this wet metal is starting to rust…

let it roll down

air rushing into and out of

all at once in front of every

bad decision ever made

facing them all with a newer type

attitude one that allows me to walk away

knowing I did what I could to start a fire

still kept frustrated in the dark with wet matches

air rushes all around as if fans blowing

hair straight up if I had any

left at the top of the hill

let it roll down and

maybe I will be waiting

patiently in the basement… 

how many times backwards

backwards now told you

don’t get behind me

if ya don’t want me

to keep on walking

wish the walk was with me

not the other way

back woods smoke alone in a room

like a fishbowl without any light

bumping into myself

backwards walking watching

apparently walking away from

everything not my first choice

or even my second

backwards don’t know

how I ended up where I was

or even where I am…

flown when

the highest cloud

and the music

has gotta be loud

twenty years since first

pen to page

wouldn’t have known then

wings would’ve flown when

floating above no one gets it

but plenty forget it

silent room closing eyes soon

gladly stay awake

when it’s worthwhile

when there’s a guaranteed smile

and that sweet taste

no moment a waste

until waking alone…

restless in thought

turning inward

searching still

google won’t help

it doesn’t know

what I want

especially when I don’t

years tied to a lack of confidence

now even standing still

you won’t see me

above the rest

unless you look to the clouds

even higher

turning over in sleep

restless in thought…

internally hidden

headfirst

left fist balled up

right grips my knife

ink drips from the tip

carving up the page

with permanent scars

reminding that there are many

internally hidden

some might never heal correct

some already forgotten

where I went when I lost my mind

found myself here floating

in silence counting the nights alone

and close friends counted on

one hand clapping for all accomplishments

been writing about them for years

buried deep in layers of thoughts

trapped in the cage

that my mind has been fighting

to get out of my mind

where else would I go

can’t run far enough away

head down meditating

on the sound all around

the web that beautiful spider

trapped in the mind

have not seen beauty in years

would I know

everything seen until now

mirage nothing is real…

already there

sometimes won't work words wild
with anticipation for another night alone
sounds like fun already there don't care
but it's a lie care too much enjoy things
too much and get too attached to the temporary
would help knowing it was temporary
would there be a problem solved
another created and it goes on and on
it's life we wake up and live we take or we give
until it hurts that no one really gives a shit
sometimes you have to call it like you see it
instead of what you hope it could be
hope isn't real living is real being here is real

sometimes you might get confused
thinking everything isn't momentary
and eventually will be gone wrong place
wrong time right place write rhyme
always real here can't be blamed for wanting
to extend the moment must have been
completely confused blinded by light on
the darkest of nights sad now that too nice
an offense to be punished and by punished read
disappeared as if it never was real making no sense
sometimes hours go by with silence and a cloudy day
might bring the brightest smile at night
might have been there all along
and I might not get it (because it doesn't make sense)
but I get it (because I am not that dense)...

headful of thought

got a headful of words

spinning irie ideas

simple relaxation method

no one judging the kid

someday growing up

they hope it gets easier

but it’s all still life

and unpredictable

can’t ever look back

‘cept to learn from moves

that got pieces taken

from the board deleted

from the message board

really getting bored by repetition

won’t look back ‘cept

to learn from made mistakes…

got a headful of thoughts

spinning cloudy webs

going in every direction

attention lost at some point

the mind went blank

like being shook until

no thought remains unreleased

until the tip of the pen

touches the page with much love

or rage like fire either way

there is no shortage of inspiration

comes at any and all times

most still somehow unexpected

random ambush of thought…

got a headful of thought

brought on by intense normalcy

and repetition rebuilt

hundreds of times

eyes burning looking only forward

to be a part of this journey

get in front there is no looking back…