now & beyond

another beautiful day
plenty of warmth
sun finally showed
it's face before it went
out west brother come to visit
and work around the yard
can hear him digging
from over here in the garden
he is building a ladder for
the rose bushes to climb
over the gateway to
the backyard
another beautiful night
ahead with so much
left behind
won't rewind
this time is only
now and beyond...

raining over there

drove maybe 5 minutes
westward to a store on
the other side of route 24
and it was pouring rain
sky half black half gray
got back home
car washed sun shining
drying as fast as the drive
back from the other side
dad says his spirit totem
is a butterfly and that's why
he dreams of all his dead relatives
it's probably true
but thankfully his dreams
are vivid enough like
memories alive on their own
what was in the other room
since mom woke him
was it his alarm
that began or ended the dream
at the end of sleep
all over again
right where we began
each day thoughts collected
driving out of the rain
and back into the sun...

update those who care

last the day
without a pause
even if frustrated
feeling lost cause
status update
for those that care
to notice the scent
in the air
summer time all around
girls smile wide
even in this cloud
filtered sunshine
tomorrow will be
another day in the life
of this loner
with a capitol L
if you like support
the cause
at least go see for yourself
no doubt without a pause
in the historical notes through
the eyes of mr. cynical
or mr. think-too-much
hashtag whatever
you want to find
in between thoughts
on the page
you know where to go
and so go
and come back often
still here only steps from
where I started darkness
has put the crops to rest
and the humidity
keeps everything
warm through the night...

stars in the garden

some people do deserve
what they get
including myself
of course not shying
away from misfortune
and loneliness
but knowing how I got here
more important than
how it makes me feel
reminded of things another forty
something might call embarrassing
instead I watch the summer
girls growing in the garden
all the plants grow really high
in the garden and not
embarrassed to join them for awhile
before sun sets behind the gray
and the fire pit glows
into the darkness maybe
sky will clear for a starlight view
if not I know where to look
to see them all...

cannot be trusted

they won't keep you
informed or even educated
closer to confused
and misinformed discovering
more on our own than
they would like us to know
and stand still we know
stationary ground roots below
life above unknown above life
admittedly fearless of the unknown
then they try to make us fear
our own potential
but we cannot fear the unknown
and from this learn they
cannot be trusted...

between St. Francis & the angels

a gray afternoon
without rain
still better than one
that keeps me indoors
rather be out in the garden
next to St. Francis & the angels
looking up and all around
at these signs of life and part of ours
sun burns a hole through the thin gray
seen in the reflection on the table
pole beans reaching high now
above the eight foot pole
its the growing time of year
everything in the garden
nice and green smoke rising from the corner
between St. Francis & the angels
where I sit inspired by the youngest
Ana seeing things others might
not notice but I cannot hide
as she finds me in my spot...

under the light rain in the garden

they all call him crazy as he sees and might
wander down a road of thought
off topic or out of reach for those ho do not think
through until the end but give up if the
equation is too much to handle
after careful scrutiny the
equation becomes pointless anyway
and what was it you saw
eventually it will make sense
build something real build something for you
a spot no one else claims put your
structure there and be who you are
which is more than those who are like the rest
has some one else told you how to be
no amount of instruction will teach me in
relation to that which I discover myself
to be the only
reality I want to know...

tired, almost dropped the pen

fire burns slow
but hot enough
to consume any and every
piece of wood placed there
before dark before flame
brought light only hours later
until hours later
now dark almost time
for the fullish moon
to rise up over the trees
first day of the season
solstice or whatever name used
and repeated like everything else
we think we know for ourselves
just books on shelves
but who flips pages now
in the days of swiping screens
and absorbing that weird blue glow
as if a small TV hand held smarter
then all of us could we even live
without them now what happens
if they all get shut off tomorrow
will be a day of much thought
spread out and theorized no doubt...

retrain the brain

trying to retrain the mind
to find something
to replace the need to inhale
the smoke only that holy smoke
will do and even that can become
vapor book seventy barely been
opened enough to get into
double digit pages and beyond
putting off the urge none rolled
and ready as they would be if I wasn't
trying to start biting my nails again
like I used to when I was nervous
no longer suffer that strange affliction
where do we go from here
where I sit built the fire before dinner
so it would be harder to talk myself
out of it later as I retrain the mind
to switch it up a bit
dad & brother at dinner
mom got more great news today
the family is tight
have to always realize how
important that is...

night ahead

first day of summer
up early stacking peppers
for the people
out of work early
home for the rest of the day
to relax and put down
some thoughts
down at last
saw the strawberry moon
not as impressive
as once lead to believe
can't say that it surprises me
either don't trust anything
inspect in some way myself
or research or whatever
cooler breeze clearing
the pollen away
for the moment
rest before a fire tonight
another restful night ahead...

socially distorted

palindrome of a day
by date race car
name isn't Bob
could be today
doesn't matter much
maybe it does
somewhere
I think I have needed
to rest the arm
for future and I just heard
an interesting quote
“we had the chance
to elect Ron Paul twice
and failed, Donald Trump
is what we deserve.”
maybe it's what we deserve
in order to wash away
the 1984 style
backwards social
distortion...

from moving across

it's as if something
holds my hand
back from moving
across the page
nice day spent most
of it outside sat
in the garden
moved some plants
drank some coffee
spent some time with
the family and that
is what is important...

funny how?

wish I knew
then
as I do now
as the saying
goes
they laugh
because
they say
I am funny
no one
really knows...

spotlight on the waterfall

spotlight on the waterfall
a new addition to the night time
scenery on the observation deck
where sitting I unfold my mind
nearly the entire day spent
moving the pen the page
the new book with two stripes
that no one will see
the pen behaves as the air is cooler
only going where it is put
did I mention all the movement
today and into the night
later than most nights
temperature is almost perfect
slight breeze is enough to keep it cool
sweat shirt style hood up
in the neighborhood
probably the only one up
wonder how many beers
it took Miz today
it was two for breakfast
and an admission that it wouldn't
end in a good spot because of it
acknowledged though identified
as destructive and continued
never understood it but smoking
became my vice and until I quit
I cannot judge him for being addicted
to something he uses to ease the mind
in the ever increasing
insanity of the world...

sky watching

watching the sky go from
light to darkness
back to light with a few
stray rumbles in the distance
the forecast is a murky one
for the night
a new book to fill
puts a silver lining around that cloud
and all the ones I will put
around my head all night
and most of the day
spent thinking writing
and being inspired by the silence
of this warm day seeing years
ahead and behind as one
big blended picture
at times the colors mix
and things need to be slowed down
to notice the important details
remember all the people I used
to write with around about and they
become the painting called the past
and most of the time I will keep
on walking without a thought
at times I linger because there are
a few I wouldn't mind seeing again
as if they would even remember
and maybe they do mostly though
I think too much and have to spend
the day erasing old thoughts
and broken dreams from the mind
how many books will it take
and I wonder the date when this
book might be full...

wall of green

last thoughts on book sixty-nine
six months worth of thought
or half of a year bound up
in a book so worn
the cover front and back
no longer attached
a reminder to detach at times
and stand back to look
at the landscape
the book has been
a pleasant escape
from the everyday struggle
to find happiness as it exists
all around just have to choose
to be a part of it and
not let it pass on by
how many cars now
if I started counting in October
and here I sit again on the porch
in June making sense of the madness
some call it life and most
don't think this much
but I think that's okay
because I don't swim well
and my brother and sister do
we all have our strengths
and we live with the weakness
that our humanity brings
and always getting stronger
none of us know how much longer
we have shouldn't we make the most
of what we call life
waking to work not without
appreciating everything
right outside the back door
the summer makes the small
wooded area behind the house
look like a wall of green...

leaking pen

the pen is leaking
all over the place
as if it expect to be used
more this month
so it is a little backed up
it's probably just warm
out here in the afternoon
sun hope it stays clear for stars
and with that
thought two drops of rain
fall together and make a mess
of what I was doing
gotta move and now there
are spots all over the page
this book has seen better days
in September twenty-15
it looked it's best
ready to get beat up
with all this random
but methodical
the creative thoughts
destroy what has been taught
a bit more logical based
in what can be seen and
experienced...

both, if you live here

jumped over the string
there and kept on running
no one chasing just running
to get the blood flowing
the bird in the trees
could make the ears bleed
don't even have to wait
the twenty minutes
or call anyone to bring
something by because
I can drive on down
to the shop place my order
wash the car the only debt left
it's budgeted into monthly
expenses and necessary
to the everyday grind
thing most of us do until
we get tired and make a plan
to slow down and stop
the madness enjoy the sun
and a day in the garden
or both, if you live here...

make them real

it's official
at this point the pen
wants to sprint to the end
of another poorly designed
leather bound volume
all the pages have become
detached from the binding
hoping to be out of the book
by the end of the day
avoiding any and all chances
of showers and damaging hale
predictions or forecast or
guess what we might get sun still
shining and the clouds move
steadily to the east when
I sit in this chair back to the house
facing east as the sun moves west
in the sky or so it seems to this eye
and this guy doesn't necessarily
everything he was taught
especially when what is seen
nearly everyday contradicts
it's official and I am probably wrong
to some and I am okay with that
because the truth is easy
to explain and remember
always had trouble with made up
stories even when I told them
to make tomorrow easier to deal with
and then falls apart truth sometimes
harder in the long run is much
easier to deal with and it's official
I have the ability to see that clearer
single digit pages remain now
until I shift gears again
and take off in the next book
I put my thoughts in
it's official even dreams
can be truth if you make them real...

papa working the beets

papa's in the garden
working the beets
now then onto the rest
of the crops the attention
given the weeding
and thinning out
surely helps can't hurt
papa's enjoying his retirement
and conversations
with everyone at different
times of the day
or altogether at times
takes amazing pictures
and finds meaning in
the little things
one hundred year old
wheelbarrow and pitchfork
still frozen in time
needs to be a painting
on the wall symbolizing
papa's work in the garden...

here there & everywhere

still thinking
somehow betrayed myself
every time I don't
move the pen daily
my best friend
haven't seen him
in over a year
starting to think
things have changed
got a message today
from him he had beer
for breakfast and I made
it to the dispensary before mine
we do pick our poison
as I still struggle with
cigarettes still thinking
somehow it all serves a purpose
knowing though
they really don't
and I do and it's why I do not drink
still thinking better off up
in my cloud being alone
isn't as bad as wishing you were
because shit ain't right
still thinking elevated without
the elevated talk
won't talk down to anyone
who will converse
here there or anywhere...

quiet too long

it's been awhile
since gone quiet
for this long
and I don't mind
except I hoped to
have this volume
filled and instead
it is starting to fall apart
didn't even realize it
until I opened it tonight
and saw ten days
without a recorded thought
to document the day
end up at a place I sat
early twenty years ago
and find myself alone here
and it's a lot less smokey
then it was back then
it's been awhile since
you could smoke anywhere
indoors too many days
skipped distracted with all the work
physical in one place
computer work at home
for my brother from
another mother
all the distractions
have led me to be quiet
too long...