cold success

not as cold
as first thought
still new sweatshirt
feels nice
still hear the waterfall
perpetual motion
once turned on
plugged into the source
mostly pushing it myself
don't know if I can ever
call it my profession
in the commonly understood
sense anyway
what is it I really know anyway
someone at work
gave me a tinfoil hat
to wear today
said it was Halloween
not as cold as last night
seems like only yesterday
as if it was probably correct
as well it might be
a drone of some kind
circling the night sky
down from above
what is really seen
from high altitudes
still cold but not as cold
as thought to be
truthfully I had nothing planned
when the pen started
moving as it does
when it's my passion
to unravel this mind
and find out what it means
does not occur to me to give up
without success
because true success
is being able to pick
up the pen with nothing
specific in mind and
not putting it down
until right now...

it's been quiet

it's been quiet
hard to think
when so much
is at stake
but so far it has worked
five miles a day
in a small space
needed to be back
with the family
to pull it up over the hill
still a few more months
of rough water before
balance completely restored
new hope still waiting
on plastic card for permission
for what one does daily
simply fleecing of simple things
to make that simple money
and it truly makes the world
go around and I still think
we are stationary
but they are sure
someone will prove me
wrong someday...

relief & happiness

couldn't help the tears
filling up the eyes
drove home hopeful
same way we all drove in
positive vibrations
and Jah sounds
a little BM, he is always cued up
in the mind at least
fighting daily
the pessimist within
when it comes to just about everything
but optimistic too
and that's a more healthy balance
the drive home was a blur
felt like it took just minutes
smart phone dead battery
had to resort to old school
navigation methods
eyes and a good idea
where I am going
the drive was even motionless
at times only to be welcomed home
the news that it went better
than expected on all counts
according to the surgeon
mom will wake to the greatest news
couldn't help the tears
running down my face
smiling and allowing
sadness to be gone
and replaced by relief and happiness...

writing gloves

couldn't leave it blank
there are too many lights
on up stairs
and it's starting to get cold
out here at night
meaning cold hands
because I have yet to find
a good pair of winter
writing gloves...

there are these thoughts

there are these thoughts that stand out
are the skeptics the only ones thinking outside the box
two parallel entities what is true and what is told
ways to belief and faith should still involve some proof
to the believer something must exist to make belief real
be open instead of closed off to opposing or other thoughts
fooled by the powerful to think only
one way could possibly be right and any other thought
is out of the line of the truth
to be honest though the truth seems to always be hidden
believe what you like but history is written by the victors
what is told is necessary how it really went down might be hidden
is anyone telling the truth is anyone
not trying to fool the rest of us
true freedom seems to only come to those who take it
the freedom they speak of is that given by
other men in the powerful positions
is it really the wrong decision to want to find the truth
to the core or wherever the trail leads
refuse to accept lies as truth
to these eyes that can spot a liar
accept what they say freedom is
what history really teaches
is that we are all controlled from birth
true freedom begins when we decide to open eyes wide...

cool light glow

how many nights now
will the moon be hidden
warm air tonight
is the fair trade
still would like to see the moon
tonight I know it will rise
after I begin to rest
stand up turn around look up
and it has just popped up over
the trees holding on tight to
the last few dozen leaves
bright through a thin layer
of clouds quickly moving away
shows me the power of positive
thought and a beautiful night...

all the sounds

listening
to all the sounds
of the night those
expected and some quite
the opposite

the temperature
is nearly perfect
for the season
not too cold
or too warm

racing to get to an end
point and another new beginning
when I really should
walk every step
a new beginning

every morning a rebirth
of sorts and at night
the mind retreats
to dreamland
as if it were a place
but it's not
merely a state of mind
as is the morning
rebirth awakening...

calm upon

flipping over rocks
seeing if anyone
left me a message
under the stone
putting wood together
haven't started yet
haven't found the match
weekend is over
don't have to go home
right here most comfortable
place on earth
or is it eye that brings the calm
upon me...

when I am determined

sometimes when I am
determined I will get it done
and when I know it's
gonna get done I move
no stopping me

barely seeing the moon
tonight as the layers
of clouds pass in front
moving through
the night sky

will probably continue
to sit outside when
the smoke is gone
and the cold air arrives
trying to learn something
new everyday and if possible
passing it along to someone
someone close...

found the key

it's just the way I see
things and it might
be quite different
some will laugh and some won't
still others might just
shy away from the conversation
or block them from even happening
it's just the way I see
things from where I stand
back porch or beach
2nd floor or basement
just the way I process
a days worth of thought
invented two way journal writing
and got my dad writing again
and maybe mom too
dad once said he would never
write down his silent pondering
somehow I found the key
two way journal writing
his oldest son what else
can I change...

rambling half dark half light

so we all know daylight
as winter approaches
never lasts long enough
two months until the reverse begins
everything comes with patience
as they say you know the cliché
so I know night light isn't so bad
just need a little light
to see into the mind
in this dark
as mom definitely seems worried
only want her to be strong
again and forever
more than anything
wish I could take the treatment for her
maybe I will find a convincing way
for her to heal all over
want her to never lose that
mind memory maker
that should never go away
so now darkness fully arrives
making my hands shadow the page
like swollen paws but the warmth
of the day keeps me outside
under the porch light...

back to the future right now

back to the future hollywood
nineteen eighty-five
told us about flying cars
garbage as fuel
skateboards with no wheels
and self lacing shoes
here we are at that
future date still have to tie
my own shoes and my car
clearly sticks to the road
funny remember the movie
and being that kid that
couldn't imagine that future...

struggled through the morning

watched a raccoon struggle
through the morning
only to be put in a metal box
attached to the back of truck
and taken away
took a few pictures
when I thought he was hunting
fish in the water turns out
he was chewing on tiny stones
struggling to stand and walk
someone called animal control
raccoon got picked up and brought way
something else had taken over
and was killing him slowly...

full year

hard to believe
one year passes so fast
learned to stand
crawl and walk
chew make noise
and sleep
smile cry eat
even sleep some more
hard to believe
it's been a full year...

out of reach, still right there

roots three generations deep
and to say the mind
has no response no connection
seems unreal more likely
connected to everything
including the stars
always been stuck on the stars
high above out of reach
not out of sight as long as it is clear
always there to be seen
even if light bends
so do solid trees in the breeze
without breaking the line
can be drawn from here to there
although the road
might not be as direct...

somehow caught my eye

so many thoughts
too many to keep
locked away and not shared
the stare of a hawk
from the neighbor's roof
something there
when his eyes met mine
can't prove it was more
than simply a bird on the roof
but it felt like the hawk
was checking on me somehow
and these are the thoughts
eye would like to share...

make right now

now matter how fast time flies
it's always right now
and you really only have two choices
be happy now or not
sounds too simple I know
but just find a reason to be happy
or not and know it is your choice
and so what if I waste a page talking to myself
it's my book my thought and my right now
so what if it only takes a page
to smile across the backyard
moving the pen quickly getting dizzy
looking at the shadows on the page
similar spot and thought
literally speaking when I was
half my age right now...

said no one in years

take a walk with me
said no one in years
doesn't discourage
can't say I don't battle
discouraging thoughts
but somehow I always win
and kick out everything
that doesn't feel positive
gotta build alone since
it's where I am at kicking it
and the sadness will always fade
into the night where inspiration
and motivation replaces
all the sadness watching
the words spit out of the end
of the pen faster than I can
think them twice
once as I read the words I
thought to write looks slightly
skewed as the same as I can keep it
and it's relatively sane and calm too
accepting still all those with
a crazy label ready to stick to me...

that quiet spot

twisting ideas and
putting things in order
of importance
still seeing into truth's eyes
can't understand
the repulsion
the barrier built
for seemingly no reason
but there has got to be one
truth's eyes don't lie
they create a silence
and fortunately
I will dwell in that
quiet spot...

cold air doldrums

might be stuck in the doldrums
and of course to show
disinterest is how
one would draw attention
and of course this makes
all kinds of sense
spinning in place
and might as well back on up
while you are at it
don't come too close
I will get there when
the time is right
these words make my thoughts
immortal even if
nonsensical and unimportant...