product of the day's entirety

eye even in reverse
is the part that sees I
am expanding on thoughts
delivered during sleep
a dream or unconscious thought
product of the days entirety
most of the time the dreams don't wake
at the same time as the conscious mind
system separate from the one that rules the night
eye look to the moon
before I sleep
was I dreaming before sleep tonight
born refreshed
by sunrise ready
to create another
yesterday before tomorrow
destroy the difference 
between the two...

must be crazy

deserve the degradation
trust me
the nightmares were reality
until they put away
the criminal I must be
crazy to think
survival was sustainable
had it gone on any longer
the rage wouldn't have been containable
and that means I couldn't hold it
but just because I lost it all
doesn't mean I folded
won't ever give up
on who I know I am
loud at times
doesn't mean I am yelling
might even think I am
way out there
only truth out now telling
the difference
and the lies from all the snakes
nearly choked out
with so many mistakes
standing on this pile
of ridiculousness
and all I can do is smile...

nightly ramble

listen to all
and follow none
some days the thoughts
question themselves
sick of the constant thought
really don't believe anything
that I don't question
belief seems to stop research
stops the further thinking
and obviously stops the questioning
and this of course is merely
an opinion and one year ago
my thoughts were different as I
learn more thoughts change
won't believe anything until I
can think about it and question
all the details some will ask why
it's probably easier to just follow
the rules and be free
but do we really need to be governed
to be free
how many have already turned the page
a hard thought to have
everything we think we know
is probably only a fraction of the truth
it probably has to be that way or we would
take the power back if we know the whole truth
the people outnumber those in power
those who govern us all
and not one government is excluded
and we just happen to be the most free
and our government is the most aggressive
and of course I am just rambling the night away
at this point and many will say nothing
can be done so why even think about it
and I don't have an answer for that
been this way all my life
or at least the last twenty years...

rewind and watch the show

in one year will we
really see a rerun of
the ninety-two election
two names running the politics
for twenty years now
in this former constitutional
republic we only get to select
one of the major two
and the vote will probably
go to the one who convinces
you the other is worse
but neither are better
and they both lie
to get your vote
how can we be led
down this (war)path again
convinced were you
that eight years
would bring about change
then here we are right back
to the same and the only
change was worse
soon we all realize it is a show
and the (war)path we are on
will not end
it's as if they believe
we will never get it
never catch on
either that or they know
there is really nothing we can do
except to accept
rewind and watch the show...

they appear

thoughts are only mine
because I am the receiver
can't prove they are creations
since I don't know how
they appear
trying to find the words
will it ever make sense
someday but probably not
because something new
will be discovered
thoughts can be studied
but how can we know
and prove where they come from
they just appear...

still nothing concluded

true to the name
so many years
would have to
go back and count
to see

just trained
to believe
then discover
these eyes
don't lie

clouded by
the material world
distracted from
the self sufficient
history of man

becoming dependent
born dependent
independent
when we will
be again

can't lock the door
to our own cell
keep it open
so we always
have an exit

some will say
there is no way out
surely someone
will know
nothing concluded...

nine o'clock gray sky night

every time I look into things I dig a little deeper some-
thing tells me there is more to what
they say more than what we have been told
tell all the details nothing left out for
us to decipher and wrestle with
has history been written to include so many lies
a story that strayed from the truth
reason for it to take on a life of it's own left
behind the truth is buried
it sits waiting to be unearthed
all becomes a game of hide and seek
part of the game is to uncover the truth
of the history of all of us here
controlling the self to feel some kind of way for
our owners and we can't even see them but they know our
habits and what we consume
beliefs and where we might congregate
and all the details are saved no need to watch it live
what has been created is a data base
we all keep them on us all the time
consider a smart phone only 15 years ago
truth is it probably was created to keep us entertained
what they need most is our fear
if we do not fear they cannot control
it really is up to us to do what we can
wasn't our choice but we deal with the day
a minute longer and it becomes night
little light through darkened gray sky
lie still wait for the skies to open
here is the truth you are alive
but truth is... no one knows for sure
one truth or many simultaneous truths
big(ger) than what they tell us in the books of history
lie back and enjoy the ride
behind closed eyes dreaming where
everything starts to float into place...

drive to the beach

somehow still light outside
with only natural light
inching closer to the longest
day of the year sure to be outside
that night and should start a fire
if the wind wasn't so strong
and unpredictable tonight
the ring of stones is too low
and couldn't contains the flames
maybe a sunrise fire is in order
finally able to concentrate on what
all of this might be
this constant unloading of thoughts
each day the silent streets
before dawn drive to work
and quite the opposite eight hours later
a shorter route takes more time
so many on the road
everyone with their own schedule
story and shit to sift through
still hope to get up early
for myself tomorrow
before the sun moves overhead
through the trees or early enough
still like to take the drive down
to the edge where
the water comes to the sand...

moment of wind

wind in my face
sitting in the same old place
one thought on top of
another thought some
times non stop
and then some times you
have got to sit
maybe figure it out
where you might fit
or get back on the feet
to keep moving
what is all this in one
moment of wind
air movement
on a gray evening
clouds speeding overhead...

faded on the drive home

ghosts they are
all phantoms
figments of my imagination
once were friends
they have all become ghosts
once and a while there is a whisper
maybe a thought on a chess game
or a three hour conversation
about the rest of our lives
then it fades into the ride home
and a message about maybe next week
and that was of course
more than a month ago
how can I really be upset
or expect anything at all
everyone has their own
life to lead and path to follow
made my own apparently
not wanting anyone to come along
for the ride haunted by thoughts
no where to put them but here...

decision flashbacks

sometimes I get these intense
memory flashbacks of moments
in my life when I definitely made
the wrong decision
if I had the other decision to make
how might things be different
who could know who could have known
at the time even though some did
what ifs seem to always come too late
one decision comes back more than most
and most likely always will
no need to get into it really
will always wonder
if what I believe to be
the worst decision of my life
was made differently
how things might have turned out
slightly stranger maybe
maybe not as strange as it is
or right where I am
where am I again
constantly asking and wondering
who is listening when I finally
realize I am right back at the beginning...

pre-Google search engine

most would get up and walk out
upon the thought but the smartest
guy I knew used to have some
of the greatest conversations with me
over my crazy logical observations
he always knew how to spin science
and show me how my eyes
were lying to me
been trying for years to reach him again
know people who still know him
know his address and letters have been written
and not returned with even a greeting
never felt the respect from him
that I felt for him but I know friendships
change and people go in different ways
no offense taken but would love to have
an adult version of some
of our twenty year old conversations
he was literally my go to search engine
before the invention of Google
not only that when everyone else
tired of the conversation he was willing
to dig down another layer or two
often I wonder how it feels to know
that you have left such an impression
that it has lasted more than a decade
without any contact amazing like the sights
seen from that red bull height
still wonder how much of his mind
he has explored by now
kinda figured though he must know
who he connected with
and who he rejected...

adulthood

without progeny
the world looks different
not looking at situations
as protector or teacher
not hearing the word father
just one more thought
up in the mix combined
with all the others forming
a twenty-2 year salad called
adulthood...

seen here

looking up for when I am down
only halfway between
where I am and where I need to be
stronger each day walk a few more steps
toward achieving goals
reach a couple new people
new sets of eyes to read these thoughts
now only days from when written
some words have taken years to become typed
and presented to public viewing spot
in cyber-space or whatever they call it now
looking back up to where I stand
a little bit higher not any further
from the point of original conversation
with anyone who might sit long enough
to see what I see here...

point at obvious

don't claim to know it all
or even want to
love to research assumed truths
we take them for granted
and believe them over our own
individual logic over again
got stuck on faith in religion too
so hard to explain what we don't know
and why some lie we may also not know
what could be gained except
power and control
wonder why we have next to none
except control of our own person
maybe that is where the focus
needs to continue to be developing
the self expanding the mind
and spreading the idea to do the same
and pass it to the left
what do you see in the smoke
and the light left behind lids
when closed before sleep
can you see the writing
becomes constant despite everything
circumferenc-ially speaking of course
don't claim to know what others might say
moving about the cabin of my dream
intersecting with yours
if you see the words
might even appear in the nightly
light show if you let it
or even care to notice
but some won't notice
even when clearly pointed out
and I don't claim to know
what any of this might even mean...

not quite expanded

remember days hard to find
one minute of solitude everyone
needing one thing or another now
hours may pass without a thought
from another not that I would know
of anyway back and remember
rainy days in other places
still has got to be one of the best
twenty years since
probably never thought then
here now but no one plans like that
and if I had probably would have been wrong
could also look back and see how the thoughts
were produced here back then
the mind was much younger
and the consciousness not quite expanded...

not the guy in the corner

six in the morning
rolling out to have breakfast
with dad who has become
a close friend as well
up early everyday thoughts
and much more than
the guy in the corner
this guy from the basement
has found so much more
six in the morning
day off could not wait
to wake up...

snapback

so frustrated at time with
what has passed by
and what could have been
snapback into this reality
quick rubber band style
recognize the rain
and let everyone slide away
into that deep river
where some say they
know it all frustrated
stuck both feet ankle deep
never straying far enough
to know anything and nothing
at once it all makes sense
the opposite is true to form
a cold wall around your world
wishing mine explodes
with purpose on purpose
reach back into the memory
before this time reflect let go
it was all a dream...