under faded light

under faded light
moving the pen
crowd cheers some
team support off in the distance
under faded light
in my spot on this earth
under the stars
awake at 3 am
took a walk outside
see the dark night
and bright starlight
quick walk around the yard
back to sleep still up
before 7 am
under faded light
pensive and lifted
researching the effects
despite the cold of the season
colors amaze
as the afternoon light diminishes
night has given rise
to the temperature
as the wind has ceased
it’s steady movement
northwest in direction
silence has made the correction
thought the light is faded
at best flickering still
until it loses it’s charge...

flickers

the outside desk light
flickers like the fire light
and it’s not quite cold yet
still outside still expecting
absolutely anything at this point
sad news of a good friend
away from everyone
on his born day
hopefully he has a pen nearby
one thing he has is time
the fire can’t keep me warm
from way across the yard
this light won’t reach the page
if I go closer to the fire
have to find the compromise
blasting into the cooler
air all around…

Dad's born day

today is the day
my dad was born
one of my greatest
inspirations hard to find words
to express my love as
first born what courage
at a young age taking
on fatherhood and still the teacher
still the teacher
in retirement teaching now
to relax and enjoy the day
as it is
long walk or short
miss you when you are not here
back now here again
one of my closest friends
happy born day, dad…

illusion of choice

later than normal
thoughts once pouring
from the mind
reduced to a trickle
distracted by the politics
of the day and the coming
illusion of choice
can’t say either side
ever convinced me of anything
this year is not much
different except for the mouth
that will not be silenced
a constant middle finger
to the establishment
power structure
so in twenty days we shall see
if the established power
can be beat and if not
back to the deterioration
of what America once was
agendas that oppose each other
and will continue to shape
society into an apathetic
egalitarian nightmare
media screams
offended by words
ignoring actions
no matter how illegal
or lethal as they have been
later than usual
just trying to let
some of the air out
voice some reason
why is the pen all tongue tied
seeing all my mistakes
laid out before me to walk over
and leave behind…

grown up finally

twenty years ago
saw the world a lot
different than today
grown up finally
I think
most likely mistakes
to be made
with a different mind set
and an attitude so avoidance
of mistakes is more of
a high priority than ever before
twenty years building this
on which I stand lucky enough
heavy everyday
lifetime to lift it all
twenty years ago began
the journey I am today…

one more for KW

one for the mind
and a little balance
Kaleidoscope Wine
always said it
wonder where
know he would agree
based on Colorado Springs
conversations sixteen
year old memories now
raise this glass to the sky
as we did in the garden of
the gods one more for
the highest place ever traveled
one more for balance
and these thoughts on
Kaleidoscope Wine
left behind with
no rewind…

state of demoCrazy

state of the nation is crazy
so much talk and some
get their feelings hurt
only time will tell where
the truth actually lies
exposing all the lies
we have been taught
to understand as truth
will governments always
hide the truth to keep control 

no matter what flavor
government comes in
it’s how the powerful
control the rest
we are the rest and
have a quieter voice
among many and democracy
is majority rules so that’s
some of the truth of our
democracy and freedom
the bi-polar nation divided
over nearly every issue
except one common thread
of all Americans
we are NOT them
the politicians the controllers
the ones who have been lying
to a confused public
for fifty years at least
the state of the nation
is every kind of crazy
less than one month
until a historic election
and that is hoping that
something is real
and everything is not
predetermined by them…

without ink

almost a week
without ink
on the page
just like twenty-five
then fifty push ups
a day throw a few
punches at the air
no one should care
no one gets hurt when
I beat on the pages
with thoughts
and cut buds
from them trees...

all but done

cool night
g.ma back home
relaxing now
hoping to breathe easy
and rest well
ninety-two years
hard to even imagine
cool night alone
only because no one
else is going outside in the rain
papa in his chair probably
halfway through another book
mom keeping that watchful eye
over her mom did she imagine
nurses after retirement
papa ponders while
my mind wanders
it’s my sister’s born day
and brother is probably making dinner
in the tower no one more than
five minutes away
tight knit like the hat
might need it if it gets
any cooler tonight
September is all but done...

little more focus

spinning again
with a little more focus
a clarity watching
as far off things become reality
even if I can’t be directly involved
make my moves on my own
supposing someone wants
me on their team
open to that too
many thoughts
together get bunched
and spinning sideways again
don’t want to lose my spot
no matter what my weak points
might be strong points work harder
as it is evident when truth
is all around...

g.ma on the mind

don’t want to see her there
even though extra care given
those who know
she just turned ninety-two
and lives alone
hoping they let her go home
g.dad seen in a similar room
here one day gone the next
only memories remain
not ready to let go
of the last of that generation
the elders those who have seen so much
and no one truly feels better
until they get home...

notice the calm

fire glows off in the distance
watching the last of the flowers
in the garden reach for the sun
every day cool longer
and the nights will soon give way
to that crispy cold
feeling of fall
for tonight the fire burns
despite the run to humidity visit
master of riddles
used to be visits from
the Miz and JC
mainly han solo
in the stars of September
nights wars rage all around
most of them silent
some spilling over into
real world scenarios
simple fire here
will burn out
any rage and enjoy the relaxation
vibe created enough
for the master of riddles
to notice most everyone
who visits does notice the calm...

mis-perception

some seem to think
not so positive
sometimes expelling
the negative is better
than pretending
or holding it in
and sometimes
it really is non existent
invented and based
on someone’s mis-perception
of who I am
seem to think
getting up five days
a week to work before sunrise
is positive enough
seem to think
watching sunrise when clouds
allow it everyday
is positive enough
seem to think
being negative and alone
as I am would be impossible
without implosion
need to push on everyday
improve on the me
that I see through
these imperfect lenses
open / shut
breath in / breathe out
not a meditation
it’s the daily grind
positivity on the mind...

twice before sunrise

few days of the year
remember tomorrow as one
just want to behead the thought
before it happens
as it occurs revisit
and end it my way
better off a moment of silence
grateful that I survived
that dark chapter
cold hard stare tattooed in the brain
still miss the kids involved
close to grown up now
closer than the old bag
tied to maybe a little longer
maybe not some days will bring
a smile from a fond memory
not tomorrow instead fight off
the horrid thought
and behead that thought
twice before sunrise...

many years

told about a certain
special aspect of being
told by my father
one day inherit
the good fortune of family
enjoying forty plus years
now and then nice
to hear that the family
enjoys as much my company
as I do sit silent by the fire
with my dad the bond is tight
like the bricks on the fire-pit
circle of heat cooler night
nearly perfect three quarter moon
moves into view from behind the tree
it’s the one in the corner
hovering about the waterfall
the pond holds it’s position too
so much to get lost in
enjoyment used to be the neighborhood
baseball field used to have a tree house
and hours of fun even now
those memories still palpable
sitting in the new grass
cool air makes the grass seem wet
don’t even mind this is probably
the best I have felt in years...

never will forget

never will forget
what happened that morning
already awake
and to reality as well
didn’t believe the news then
skeptical to whatever
they presented
never will forget
the fear instilled
still know what they showed
and know what I thought
then not much different
from now after years
of reading and research
don’t believe any of the official
stories presented why would this one
be any different
surely America was attacked
and has been many times
it’s more on a level
that is not measurable
one of fear and control
people are actually starting to see
that those in power
those who have control
lie and lie and lie
and lie about lying
then lie some more
never forget that...

eve of 15 years ago

fifteen years ago
everything changed
as far as the history
being written daily in America
attacked and it’s been war
ever since still unsure
what actually happened
to bring three buildings
down in broad daylight
war from then on
why haven’t we learned
from the past mistakes
and wars that do not end...

pass too fast

days always pass too fast
right back to work
then the week passes
just as fast
return to a couple days
of rest thankfully
like doing my job
get through the morning
and enjoy my afternoons off
lucky to be out early
and get back to the patio
and the low hanging clouds
helps clear the way
for clear thinking
and focus on the most
important aspects of
the in and out breathing thing
we call life
days still pass too fast...

kinda like nothing

kinda like
nothing concluded
all over again
John Connolly was a good friend
wish we never lost touch
chess board collects dust
but we never played much anyway
stood beside me when I took
those vows I ended up breaking
kinda like nothing else
so much has changed
wish we could have caught up
back to the shadows though
shadow living always
suited him best...

sixty days

only about two months
until an important election
or so I would think
first black president
has done his time
didn’t have much hope
for his change looks
like race relations are worse
then ever imagined
in the current year
some still blind to the corruption
of the office itself most
want and continue war
Constitution has been reinterpreted
to be more politically correct
it supports all the right agendas
mostly on the left
and it’s only sad for those who
had real hope for the future
only about sixty days and maybe
she won’t make it
not as healthy as she lies about
last man standing for the truth
is probably the right man for the job
and it might sound crazy
but it’s only sixty days away...

dank night

entering hurricane season
or already there even if
none of them hit us head on
remember all of them
from years passed
always a name
remember Gloria when
I was eight
then Bob when I was 15
Gloria left a crater
in the woods when a tree
was completely uprooted
the hole was the size of a small car
but I was eight so the memory
might be exaggerated
somewhat foggy after a day
in the dank air all around
hurricane air quality
humid with a slight chill
hoping that properly describes
what it feels like on the page
and on my sweatshirt
got another on the way
because I always end up
wearing things out and I want
to have a back up
into the corner of the garden
filled with statues of angels
guarding and all it’s flowers
surviving one season after another...

out of sight

almost too dark
to write without
another light aside
from the screen
and the porch light
lights around the pond
and in the garden
come on as soon
as the sun is
out of sight..

quick thought

can’t describe
the feeling
as if floating
without a purpose
or one I cannot figure out
understand...

fire fades

most of us just pretend to know
and take another’s word
most of us have to operate
like this on some level
in order to get through the day
another step above most of us
don’t have time to figure out
how we really want to spend
the day we don’t pretend
and allow the self to rejoin
most of us already in progress
without end in sight focused
on a fire in the distance
most of us will go to bed early
to ensure proper rest
a full twenty-four extra
unexpected like the common cold
might stop me right where I stand
sit walk and sit again
new table new stones fire fades
in the distance...

open air office

open air to conduct
the business of life
seventy-four days
of hype before a supposed
choice open air office
it is the only way
to conduct business
living life gonna
sleep in for a change
tomorrow...

pull myself up

trying to pull myself up
despite the weariness
brought on by sudden
temperature changes
in the air all around
washed a pen with my clothes
luckily it didn’t open until
on the page below
creating spots like the 102nd
waiting to be picked up
in front of a fire station
somewhere in anytown, usa
beautiful two days
in the middle of the week
still can’t seem to clear the mind
when the cooler air arrives...

cross the river

can’t find the right words always
describing the feelings
and those thoughts
getting cross eyed looking
at the stones under foot
walking along on the ones
sticking up as I cross the river
still in my mind soon to be dreams
still no program or app created
to capture the reality of dreams
but I bet it’s been discussed
in a laboratory setting
how would we know what they
do from where we sit
what is it all about anyway
unknowns still in the current year
how is this possible
to the untrained eye
things look a little bit confusing
but steps back now
and take it a new look
different perspective...

into the darkness

into the darkness
waterfall will
put me to sleep
when I let it
cool night air
hope to encourage flowering
in the angel garden
next to all the vegetables
still producing tomatoes
for days or weeks
plenty for sauce when
we freeze the excess
into the darkness
don’t want to sleep
new pair of shoes
no where to go
into the darkness
as the night hides
all the day’s
imperfections...

necessary stones

lots of improvements
necessary stones
soon to be walked over
new paths made
where they may have
never been
lights above no idea
where they shine from
not even bothered
by the lack of information
lots of stories heard
and the imagination is
just as good as any possibly
better hard to tell from here
waterfall heard with low light
sparkling off of its flow
lots of improvements
in a short amount of time
necessary to keep
everything feeling refreshed
as the feeling while relaxing
in the garden under stars
enjoying the beginning
of so many improvements...

could it happen

could it happen
right before eyes
enough unrest
or another terror
attack put troops
on the city streets
indefinitely enough
unrest to cancel
or postpone the election
seventy-seven days away
could it happen
current president
still has power to declare
or use executive orders
to lay down martial law
and at some point
you might even start
to believe the news again
because it’s the current year
but it’s also nineteen eighty-four
and everything you may have thought
crazy just five years ago is
in your face louder than ever
any agenda
they tell you is socially just
only left as left has always been
don’t let the media convince you
that a criminal should be leader…

never enough rest

never enough rest
even after six days
without work back tomorrow
because only I stopped
everything else kept on going
all around watched a wall
go up and a patio
go down in two days
it’s the summer of change
in the backyard extend
the porch widen back steps
build a stone wall
put down an amazing
patio all in under
two months
never enough rest
even after vacation
but short week
will help me ease back into
the daily grind won’t
get pulled behind
working for someone else
but always for myself as well
only one looking out for me
is me with not enough rest...

waited anyway

probably not going
to make it
just can’t wait
any longer
as tiredness pulls
on the eyelids
but the mind is still going
want to watch the fullish
moon dance across the sky
sometimes the sounds
of a silent night are confusing
not easily proven what sounds
could actually be and
the eyelids still heavy
and moving downward
somehow still pushing
through another cloud
if I give it another five minutes
the bright circle in the sky
will emerge from behind the trees
and stray clouds moving quick
at the same time and in clear view
still awake appreciating
the true mystery…

blow a few clouds

could just put head to pillow
and be out for the night
instead blow a few clouds
and watch as the moon appears
up over the trees
can’t explain the inspiration
simply trying to understand
what can be and is
watch it nightly
not too busy with life
distracted by certain things
jobs and bills and taxes
but it can all melt away
momentarily like clouds of smoke
recognizing the thought
observation a part of time
not a rhyme book but a book
of thoughts just the same
could probably be asleep by now
regular everyday thoughts

keep the pen rolling on…

memory woods

three hours total road time
with only a little bit of traffic
return trip from memory lane
as it turns out found myself
missing the youth time
to see it now through older eyes
as it turns out a builder of happiness
on the solid foundation of
everything bringing me back
after twenty-five years
at least and it doesn’t feel like
two hundred miles away
back to reality now
smart enough to take a few
more days to rest and
appreciate my mom
on vacation in a place she loves
our family’s memory lane
as it turns out
still drinking coffee
closer to midnight
doesn’t seem possible
woke up in the woods of Maine
three hours away
memory woods
as it turns out...

start at the beginning

North Waterford, ME

back and forth between
what I should have done
and what has been accomplished
wonder a little how it might differ
had I started at the beginning
instead of beginning from the end
back in two thousand one
thought enough to drop it
again in two thousand three
it’s okay actually still able
to be exactly who I want to be
and then some
back to this childhood camping spot
so many visit from all over
New England and beyond
even saw some friends
knew only as children
who could have imagined
here now kids of their own
probably spoken of
thirty years ago
as a possibility at least
now idea then what now
would actually be
sitting in silence by the fire
midday meditation
some sort that no one might
understand if they even see
me here or think that far
across the dirt roads
criss-crossing through
the wooded hills by the pond
so many memories dug up
probably because the campground
is exactly how it was
all those years ago...

miles from home

North Waterford, ME

miles from home
only a couple hundred
not too far
sun is finally
burning through
a thin layer of persistent
clouds almost all day
don’t mind the solitude
being a couple hundred
miles from home
people all around
no one know my name
not much to say
nearly thirty years ago
came here as a kid
if I knew then
as I know now
should have come up
with a better plan
maybe would be so alone
right now but maybe
the solitude makes me
who I am
miles from home...

hot night ahead

an oppressive heat
pushing down from above
keep the energy level low
they call it vacation for a reason
not planning on doing any work
if I can help it
nearly one hundred
degree heat with some
intense humidity
hoping that makes sense
not complaining here
knowing as the sunlight fades
the cool air will relieve
some of the oppressiveness
thinking on a trip northward
only a couple days might
help clear the mind
woke early to the sound
of thunder tearing apart
the sky after midnight
worked through the day
with a surprise waiting
at the end
an extra day of vacation
elated and soon to be elevated
always reaching new heights
especially on vacation...

stone angels

three angels made
of stone while I try
to do the same
and it’s almost time
to sleep
the thoughts are not
racing in the wrong
direction as they could be
proving I learn from past
events and falls
that kept me behind
no more carelessness
mindful in nearly every move
even the habitual ones...

thought-over

trying to get outside
before the rain starts
get a few thoughts down
sitting under the light gray
with flowers and plants
all around trying to wake up
shouldn’t be too hard
neighbors mowing lawns
and cars moving about
the city heard much
earlier than now
last night inspiration
found on a random occasion
never go out anywhere
but brother made it sound
as good as it actually was
every time I go out
there is a glimmer of light
at the end of a long tunnel
of loneliness continue to push
through the thorny maze
make my way back
to the front desk
and tell them I want a table…

some things come full circle

might take twenty years
to meet again out of the blue
brother dinner with old friends
brother and sister team
you would never know
twenty years since
hard to imagine time flies
and never changes
actual speed what will
it ultimately take to bring
that focus to the mind
some things come full circle
without being cliché...

NOT with her

some would choose
the one who repeatedly lied
repeatedly supported
constant and unending war
regardless of public
opinion repeatedly encourages
political correctness
repeatedly supports agendas
that are completely opposed
to each other and sees nothing
wrong with this repeatedly lied
about why Americans were killed
in Benghazi and sadly there
exist those who would choose this one
hopefully not as many come
November she is NOT a smart choice…

perfectly elevated

perfect amount of light
brought a table up
still in the corner
won’t be up much later
as stars start to punch
through the darkening sky
small solar powered
night lights didn’t get enough
light to stay lit late night
they would after a bright day
perfect place to be
a vacation spot in the middle
of the city a get away out
the back door still need
to escape a bit each day
to keep a healthy balance
perfect to be surrounded by
daily each one an inspiration
to me personally
help me to know here
is the right place for me to be
and as thick as frustration
does get always worth it
to punch right through
and elevate above it all perfectly…

seriously, another porch

new addition to the collection
of porches that hold me when
and where I write
not that sun or earth importance
but a great new spot just the same
not as dark perfect low light
created low level
one floor higher than
the rest of the yard
fire can still be seen
and watched from
this new perch
ran out of coffee again
most would think it too late
now and then I agree
tonight properly
taking in the new addition
to surroundings
with pen in hand as
night dwindles...

like I never left

it’s easy to plan the day
nothing going on
either end gotta work
gotta sleep gotta eat
gotta shower
other than that
just hang in the yard
like bud on a branch
only wants to grow
there has got
to be somewhere
I would like to go
just not tonight
the only people I see
family and co-workers
which is more than
some I guess
still less than others
where do we all end up
when we have
nothing going on
right back here
like I never left…

20 years ago

twenty years ago
brought rebellious thoughts
times have changed
all of us or else everything
remains the same
still oppose the state
just oppose globalism
and world government
even more and the left
stands for the globalist
social agenda and that
is very dangerous to society
and the average American’s
way of life twenty years ago
we did not know the scope
of the corruption at the top
or at least I didn’t know
the depth of the corruption
running our everyday life
maybe not if we don’t let it
truth’s layers peel off
like an onion and
everything might be a lie...

still awake

somewhat tired
still awake
wondering through
the maze the garden
nightly illuminated
strategically placed
night lights lead
to a bench in every
corner and a porch
to overlook it all
still clawing at a new
book in the dark
scratch marks symbolize
the thoughts as rain drops
slowly start to wet
the back of the neck
and the breeze does nothing
cept blow the hot around…

TodayIsTheDay #15

another hot one
won’t melt the thought
clear sky
today is the day
looking forward to twenty-four
from now will be on a new porch
wet paint for tonight
brand new look combined
levels same foot print but
elevated
today is the day
forward thinking on elevation
with concentration
little hot humidity
lasts into the night
sweatshirt still necessary
because of mosquitoes
and their toughness
here in the shoe city
of champions...

when all is quiet

when all is quiet
and alone with thoughts
ideas drift and twist
like the smoke up into
the moving air cooler
finally string of humid days
snapped this morning
when sun came into view
over the thick tree cover
to the east amazing
what has been created
in a short amount of time
when all is quiet and alone
under the soon to be night sky
blue at the moment
soon to be star riddled sky
moon in view by 10
every twenty-five hours
watching it happen
as night is trying to explain
itself to me and I am here
to decipher and re-organize
idea as they arrive shortly
after the sun slips
from sight...

grab the pen

when they are all elsewhere
here I am in the garden
known by a few at one point
had more around more frequent
now mainly solo like a red cup
in the country song my brother-in-law
likes and I sit on a milk crate
with the day’s thoughts
haven’t designed an app
to capture thoughts yet
still have to pull them out
old school pen and page
at least that’s how I will
continue a slower process
no doubt about it
might always be the way
I do it when no one else
is around almost always
grab the pen...

search the maze for a clear mind to sleep on

one hit
as I hit one
of those patches
like walking through a bunch
of rose bushes
hard not to get
caught a couple times
or more
doesn't help
it's a maze
and for some reason I am
blindfolded
and alone
hit a wall of thorns
and I try to keep on walking
but I am hungry
and after
the pause to eat
would anyone
even know 'cept I put it all here
two hours later
sun starting to fade
out the heat bugs make
that heat bug noise
and not even sure what they
are actually called I could look
them up but I prefer to remember
them as heat bugs
not to mention
I never see them
only hear their sound
as the moon moves into view
over the tree in the corner
with the waterfall
and pond at it's base
although the thorns
will always surround
and I walk into thorny walls blindfolded
somehow just a little smoke
cleared the way
a clearer mind to sleep on...

smelling every flower

when stopping and looking
at everything that involves
me and my day
how could I complain at all
and I don't have a lot
but what I do have is more important
than any dream had or will have
everyday is important
watching the youngest
smelling every flower
stopping and looking at one thing
at a time and doesn't want to sleep
maybe she would miss something
luckily I will try to capture a thought or two
fire low now as the moon slowly
passes overhead wouldn't mind a ride
to fall asleep but don't have a driver
or trouble falling myself sometimes
only minutes until the mind
melts into pillows and sleep takes hold...

halo around the moon

there's a halo around the moon
spent most of the day
around the yard
saw the same sky
last night two nights
two fires change
in the air tomorrow
supposed to be
in the nineties
today was hot
without the south shore
humidity always a shady
spot somewhere around
the yard with the newest
section becoming
one of my new favorite spots
so many chairs
hard to choose just one
tonight the air
has become cool
and there is a halo
around the moon...

shattering dark clouds

the gray hangs in the air
above everyone and every
thing sounds of the city fair
and happiness mixed
with music and sirens
as long as
you don't turn on the news
the gray is only the clouded sky
turn on the news and
a bigger dark cloud appears
above it all
everyone of us caged by fear
if allowed to overcome
only answer truly
to be brighter than all
the dark clouds
and or never take the news
too seriously
there seems to be a high degree
of distraction covered in fear
maybe so criminal elements
of an elite run system stay hidden
behind the fearful headlines
determined to keep the infighting
at the highest level
cop shoots thug/innocent man
sniper/thug shoots cops
who could be right
in a fight someone else created
media/news says it's race relations
actually it's how the elite rich class
creating division using power/media
law/law enforcement shatter
the lower/middle/not rich classes...

walking backwards

walking backwards
through reality
it's 1984
stuck in a matrix style
world working wasting
the day forgetting the life
to be lived everything
has to be business
related reality puts
regular men at odds
with each other when
no matter what color
we are all controlled
we see up as down
because they tell us
war is peace
walking backwards
not allowing the reality
to actually set in until
it's too late
and nothing even
looks real...

through the wrongs I write

everything is sweating
humidity makes the air
heavier or at least
it's how it seems
back here behind the house
even the wooden deck
feels damp to torch or sit upon
finally out under the stars
moving the pen finally after
so many days stationary
next to another Tuesday night blaze
fire until I tire that's been
the conditional response
to the days off even though
ten hours worked
will surely rest later
when work is done
the right thing after years
gone wrong can't go back
or else we all might
makes the same mistakes again
instead keep moving
forward without a pause like a rebel
in eighties hip-hop only
the true heads will know
twenty-five years always
be real always have been
even through the wrongs
I write until the coals glow orange
dimming as clouds
of humidity descend...

now & beyond

another beautiful day
plenty of warmth
sun finally showed
it's face before it went
out west brother come to visit
and work around the yard
can hear him digging
from over here in the garden
he is building a ladder for
the rose bushes to climb
over the gateway to
the backyard
another beautiful night
ahead with so much
left behind
won't rewind
this time is only
now and beyond...

raining over there

drove maybe 5 minutes
westward to a store on
the other side of route 24
and it was pouring rain
sky half black half gray
got back home
car washed sun shining
drying as fast as the drive
back from the other side
dad says his spirit totem
is a butterfly and that's why
he dreams of all his dead relatives
it's probably true
but thankfully his dreams
are vivid enough like
memories alive on their own
what was in the other room
since mom woke him
was it his alarm
that began or ended the dream
at the end of sleep
all over again
right where we began
each day thoughts collected
driving out of the rain
and back into the sun...

update those who care

last the day
without a pause
even if frustrated
feeling lost cause
status update
for those that care
to notice the scent
in the air
summer time all around
girls smile wide
even in this cloud
filtered sunshine
tomorrow will be
another day in the life
of this loner
with a capitol L
if you like support
the cause
at least go see for yourself
no doubt without a pause
in the historical notes through
the eyes of mr. cynical
or mr. think-too-much
hashtag whatever
you want to find
in between thoughts
on the page
you know where to go
and so go
and come back often
still here only steps from
where I started darkness
has put the crops to rest
and the humidity
keeps everything
warm through the night...

stars in the garden

some people do deserve
what they get
including myself
of course not shying
away from misfortune
and loneliness
but knowing how I got here
more important than
how it makes me feel
reminded of things another forty
something might call embarrassing
instead I watch the summer
girls growing in the garden
all the plants grow really high
in the garden and not
embarrassed to join them for awhile
before sun sets behind the gray
and the fire pit glows
into the darkness maybe
sky will clear for a starlight view
if not I know where to look
to see them all...

cannot be trusted

they won't keep you
informed or even educated
closer to confused
and misinformed discovering
more on our own than
they would like us to know
and stand still we know
stationary ground roots below
life above unknown above life
admittedly fearless of the unknown
then they try to make us fear
our own potential
but we cannot fear the unknown
and from this learn they
cannot be trusted...

between St. Francis & the angels

a gray afternoon
without rain
still better than one
that keeps me indoors
rather be out in the garden
next to St. Francis & the angels
looking up and all around
at these signs of life and part of ours
sun burns a hole through the thin gray
seen in the reflection on the table
pole beans reaching high now
above the eight foot pole
its the growing time of year
everything in the garden
nice and green smoke rising from the corner
between St. Francis & the angels
where I sit inspired by the youngest
Ana seeing things others might
not notice but I cannot hide
as she finds me in my spot...

under the light rain in the garden

they all call him crazy as he sees and might
wander down a road of thought
off topic or out of reach for those ho do not think
through until the end but give up if the
equation is too much to handle
after careful scrutiny the
equation becomes pointless anyway
and what was it you saw
eventually it will make sense
build something real build something for you
a spot no one else claims put your
structure there and be who you are
which is more than those who are like the rest
has some one else told you how to be
no amount of instruction will teach me in
relation to that which I discover myself
to be the only
reality I want to know...

tired, almost dropped the pen

fire burns slow
but hot enough
to consume any and every
piece of wood placed there
before dark before flame
brought light only hours later
until hours later
now dark almost time
for the fullish moon
to rise up over the trees
first day of the season
solstice or whatever name used
and repeated like everything else
we think we know for ourselves
just books on shelves
but who flips pages now
in the days of swiping screens
and absorbing that weird blue glow
as if a small TV hand held smarter
then all of us could we even live
without them now what happens
if they all get shut off tomorrow
will be a day of much thought
spread out and theorized no doubt...

retrain the brain

trying to retrain the mind
to find something
to replace the need to inhale
the smoke only that holy smoke
will do and even that can become
vapor book seventy barely been
opened enough to get into
double digit pages and beyond
putting off the urge none rolled
and ready as they would be if I wasn't
trying to start biting my nails again
like I used to when I was nervous
no longer suffer that strange affliction
where do we go from here
where I sit built the fire before dinner
so it would be harder to talk myself
out of it later as I retrain the mind
to switch it up a bit
dad & brother at dinner
mom got more great news today
the family is tight
have to always realize how
important that is...

night ahead

first day of summer
up early stacking peppers
for the people
out of work early
home for the rest of the day
to relax and put down
some thoughts
down at last
saw the strawberry moon
not as impressive
as once lead to believe
can't say that it surprises me
either don't trust anything
inspect in some way myself
or research or whatever
cooler breeze clearing
the pollen away
for the moment
rest before a fire tonight
another restful night ahead...

socially distorted

palindrome of a day
by date race car
name isn't Bob
could be today
doesn't matter much
maybe it does
somewhere
I think I have needed
to rest the arm
for future and I just heard
an interesting quote
“we had the chance
to elect Ron Paul twice
and failed, Donald Trump
is what we deserve.”
maybe it's what we deserve
in order to wash away
the 1984 style
backwards social
distortion...

from moving across

it's as if something
holds my hand
back from moving
across the page
nice day spent most
of it outside sat
in the garden
moved some plants
drank some coffee
spent some time with
the family and that
is what is important...

funny how?

wish I knew
then
as I do now
as the saying
goes
they laugh
because
they say
I am funny
no one
really knows...

spotlight on the waterfall

spotlight on the waterfall
a new addition to the night time
scenery on the observation deck
where sitting I unfold my mind
nearly the entire day spent
moving the pen the page
the new book with two stripes
that no one will see
the pen behaves as the air is cooler
only going where it is put
did I mention all the movement
today and into the night
later than most nights
temperature is almost perfect
slight breeze is enough to keep it cool
sweat shirt style hood up
in the neighborhood
probably the only one up
wonder how many beers
it took Miz today
it was two for breakfast
and an admission that it wouldn't
end in a good spot because of it
acknowledged though identified
as destructive and continued
never understood it but smoking
became my vice and until I quit
I cannot judge him for being addicted
to something he uses to ease the mind
in the ever increasing
insanity of the world...

sky watching

watching the sky go from
light to darkness
back to light with a few
stray rumbles in the distance
the forecast is a murky one
for the night
a new book to fill
puts a silver lining around that cloud
and all the ones I will put
around my head all night
and most of the day
spent thinking writing
and being inspired by the silence
of this warm day seeing years
ahead and behind as one
big blended picture
at times the colors mix
and things need to be slowed down
to notice the important details
remember all the people I used
to write with around about and they
become the painting called the past
and most of the time I will keep
on walking without a thought
at times I linger because there are
a few I wouldn't mind seeing again
as if they would even remember
and maybe they do mostly though
I think too much and have to spend
the day erasing old thoughts
and broken dreams from the mind
how many books will it take
and I wonder the date when this
book might be full...

wall of green

last thoughts on book sixty-nine
six months worth of thought
or half of a year bound up
in a book so worn
the cover front and back
no longer attached
a reminder to detach at times
and stand back to look
at the landscape
the book has been
a pleasant escape
from the everyday struggle
to find happiness as it exists
all around just have to choose
to be a part of it and
not let it pass on by
how many cars now
if I started counting in October
and here I sit again on the porch
in June making sense of the madness
some call it life and most
don't think this much
but I think that's okay
because I don't swim well
and my brother and sister do
we all have our strengths
and we live with the weakness
that our humanity brings
and always getting stronger
none of us know how much longer
we have shouldn't we make the most
of what we call life
waking to work not without
appreciating everything
right outside the back door
the summer makes the small
wooded area behind the house
look like a wall of green...

leaking pen

the pen is leaking
all over the place
as if it expect to be used
more this month
so it is a little backed up
it's probably just warm
out here in the afternoon
sun hope it stays clear for stars
and with that
thought two drops of rain
fall together and make a mess
of what I was doing
gotta move and now there
are spots all over the page
this book has seen better days
in September twenty-15
it looked it's best
ready to get beat up
with all this random
but methodical
the creative thoughts
destroy what has been taught
a bit more logical based
in what can be seen and
experienced...

both, if you live here

jumped over the string
there and kept on running
no one chasing just running
to get the blood flowing
the bird in the trees
could make the ears bleed
don't even have to wait
the twenty minutes
or call anyone to bring
something by because
I can drive on down
to the shop place my order
wash the car the only debt left
it's budgeted into monthly
expenses and necessary
to the everyday grind
thing most of us do until
we get tired and make a plan
to slow down and stop
the madness enjoy the sun
and a day in the garden
or both, if you live here...

make them real

it's official
at this point the pen
wants to sprint to the end
of another poorly designed
leather bound volume
all the pages have become
detached from the binding
hoping to be out of the book
by the end of the day
avoiding any and all chances
of showers and damaging hale
predictions or forecast or
guess what we might get sun still
shining and the clouds move
steadily to the east when
I sit in this chair back to the house
facing east as the sun moves west
in the sky or so it seems to this eye
and this guy doesn't necessarily
everything he was taught
especially when what is seen
nearly everyday contradicts
it's official and I am probably wrong
to some and I am okay with that
because the truth is easy
to explain and remember
always had trouble with made up
stories even when I told them
to make tomorrow easier to deal with
and then falls apart truth sometimes
harder in the long run is much
easier to deal with and it's official
I have the ability to see that clearer
single digit pages remain now
until I shift gears again
and take off in the next book
I put my thoughts in
it's official even dreams
can be truth if you make them real...

papa working the beets

papa's in the garden
working the beets
now then onto the rest
of the crops the attention
given the weeding
and thinning out
surely helps can't hurt
papa's enjoying his retirement
and conversations
with everyone at different
times of the day
or altogether at times
takes amazing pictures
and finds meaning in
the little things
one hundred year old
wheelbarrow and pitchfork
still frozen in time
needs to be a painting
on the wall symbolizing
papa's work in the garden...

here there & everywhere

still thinking
somehow betrayed myself
every time I don't
move the pen daily
my best friend
haven't seen him
in over a year
starting to think
things have changed
got a message today
from him he had beer
for breakfast and I made
it to the dispensary before mine
we do pick our poison
as I still struggle with
cigarettes still thinking
somehow it all serves a purpose
knowing though
they really don't
and I do and it's why I do not drink
still thinking better off up
in my cloud being alone
isn't as bad as wishing you were
because shit ain't right
still thinking elevated without
the elevated talk
won't talk down to anyone
who will converse
here there or anywhere...

quiet too long

it's been awhile
since gone quiet
for this long
and I don't mind
except I hoped to
have this volume
filled and instead
it is starting to fall apart
didn't even realize it
until I opened it tonight
and saw ten days
without a recorded thought
to document the day
end up at a place I sat
early twenty years ago
and find myself alone here
and it's a lot less smokey
then it was back then
it's been awhile since
you could smoke anywhere
indoors too many days
skipped distracted with all the work
physical in one place
computer work at home
for my brother from
another mother
all the distractions
have led me to be quiet
too long...

watch it grow

put seeds down
with dad
now we watch
the garden grow
as we feed and water
and enjoy the spot
created as a peaceful
place the family
is tight and the way it
should be always
seems to be the time
to write is as the daylight
fades away...

a real angel

wish I could stop
my sister's tears
the sadness maybe
from her fears
packaged beautifully
seen in angels eyes
real angels not
the belief in them
the reality of her
the smile and hope she brings
don't forget the smiles
and miracle she is at her
hottest crying hour
she will cool and grow
into this thing called life
one thing learned from
this family is that fear
can be conquered with support
but I am no teacher
if I was I would teach
understanding and search
for truth by any means
necessary without fear
life is but a dream...

the page reflects

can't hardly believe
the chill in the air
looking at the calendar
and forecast for tomorrow
supposed to hit eighty
and humid never made it
above fifty today sun should
still be illuminating
the lower western sky
but the clouds
help darkness approach
quicker luckily the page
reflects light under
the pen...

doesn't seem real

when there are only a few
pages left in a book
I am filling
the rush of completion
is upon me
and I want to put
everything else on hold
to finish the task at hand
even if I know it could
still take days
to be done and onto the next
chapter another pile organized
nicely to flip through
in the future
thought that doesn't exist
until I put it here
what if you don't know
I exist maybe you do
and wonder where I went
but I have been right here
all along or so I thought
anymore questions
might have to wait until
further discussion volume
seventy doesn't seem
real yet...

what we know

what we know
or think we know
how much does it even matter
who is going to change the game
change the world
how much does it matter
what we know and
what we think we know
for sure to be truth
how much of what we believe
can we prove or even speak
upon at length
what do you think about
as you sit and read
or get distracted
and some won't attempt
to read and it's exactly why
I try to keep it short
bend the thought inward
and wonder about what I truly
know and pass that like this torch
to those who aren't distracted
and able to turn discovery
on your own thoughts
and the journey they
will take you on
no matter what
you think you know...

born day of the jester

the jester still sings
twelve x thirty-five
even as he turns
seventy-five
wonder what his days
look like his nights
filled for decades
with live music
and amazing musicians
might not be moving
as fast might be napping
on the tour bus
before the show
just keeping up his end
of the bargain
the one that pushed him
fifty plus years ago
to take that trip
down the long lonely road
filled with all the riches
you could ever desire
lyrics expose the truth
treasure buried beneath
the blues he's been brought to
in his own style
the jester reaches a milestone
another year older
on this rainy day
at twelve x thirty-five...

no opponent

don't even have
a chess game
set up and ready to go
but wish we could
throw down like we did
when we were
on Kingman
we never had to agree
leaning to the opposite
side of where I was twenty
years ago now
a different time twenty
years later and
I don't even have
an opponent...

seen this way

about an hour
since the intention
to sit in the garden
distracted briefly
now focused
again intention
to record these thoughts
and today politics
on the mind
sadly billionaire business
man is the least of the evil
available for our voting
pleasure believe it or not
some have fallen so far
left the can't see the destruction
that socializing everything can cause
“don't make me hit you!”
becomes the repeated come back
when pushed to explain the stance
left leaning for no reason
why would we give it to her
don't get me wrong
not exactly the guy you'd call patriotic
not exactly proud of the country
bombing the shit out of people
the world over and creating
more conflicts that will continue
war from now on
but this time it seems
we might have some one on
the side of sanity
national sovereignty
and sensibility
unfortunately it's a billionaire
businessman
can he be trusted
we shall see...

excuses just-sayin'

sometimes time
goes by like a breeze
blowing the smoke away
from where I sit
take a moment to take
it all in and not miss
any of the spring sounds
just far enough
out of the city
noise still from further
longer afternoons will
keep us all up later
unfortunately still need
to be up early
amazing how many persons
become known and then unknown
seemed so important at the time
to become no one
over night or over a bunch of them
added together with every
excuse in the book
tired of them all
wish I could erase the memory
of everyone of them
because it's a curse to remember
or think of those who
couldn't care less
about you, just sayin'...

hide the remaining sunlight

the trees create
shadows on the ground
and the page dinner
time at the homestead
brother comes to the table
tonight always like when
the whole family is together
the trees hide the remaining
sunlight my thoughts
stay hidden until unveiled
here under the trees
in the back in the garden...

green knuckles

there are the days
made for the mind
to simply release
and relax absorb
the sun not afraid
of the light
sit right in it
as it provides
the necessary
ingredient
to get the garden
growing two days of sun
and seeds knuckle up
through the soil...

positive into

twenty minutes
mystery as thoughts
seem to face
inward looking forward
to restful days
plow through the week
do the tasks
long enough and
at times I feel as though
they pay me to workout
and if treated as such
it almost serves a double purpose
monetary and physical building
twenty minutes
living in historic times
it's the current year
so stand and face the diminished sun
turn around and watch it come
on back around tomorrow
hoping by then the season
will act accordingly
maybe take a ride to the beach
twenty minutes thinking on good
company and the disappointment
reoccurring even with a random
positive visit into the pre-star-riddled
sky hoping it find its way
to the right mind...

the wind

the wind won't quit
keeping it unseasonably cold
at least the wind
keeps the clouds moving
it's as if there is no end
to march
sun pokes a face
full of light
out as it starts to move
out of sight
quickly shadowed
by the next
bank of clouds...

see sun

don't expect
anyone to really
want to spend time here
but can't understand
why it's too peaceful
for most not much
going on just growing
some veggies enjoying
the sound of the birds
as the sun fades out west
don't expect eyes
to even see words
as I see sun...

season forgot to change

bury my head
and plant my feet
wait for the sun
this year the season
forgot to change
where would I go
anyway have all I need
right here while I write
here it's all I really
need to keep sane
in any situation
therapy or simply technique
to put the body
into relaxation mode
just as long as it takes
to be relaxed then onto
the next task whatever it is
today I chopped bacon
and made eggs
used salsa wrapped them up
rolled them and ate them
standing up all from the one
thought, I want eggs...

watching Dad in the garden

suppose it should have been earlier
but it's still cold well into spring
and the constant gray has kept
sun's warmth away
so I sit in the garden
and watch my dad
begin the garden
last years grape tomatoes still
pack the back of the freezer
he has a stick to dig a long
two inch horizontal hole
to spread out the seeds in a line
today it was peppers and beans
on either side of the tomato plants
this year it will be beefsteak and
early girls suppose I should have
come outside earlier but took
the ride to the store
and get some plants and flowers
second year now
just need a few days of sun
the give the garden it's pulse
so it can get to November...

not a bad place to be

switch it up
to a night time theme
as things get dark and heavy
night always seems heavy
if that even makes sense
the only light for now
is the white of the blank page
holding enough light to
allow me to scribble over
a couple more pages
invited a few and no one came
it's not all bad still built
the fire even had a few ideas to share
just put them here instead
unanswered and unquestioned
undone and redone until tomorrow
switch it up again back to
the daylight thoughts
not as heavy like the indica
stomping grapes by the fire
not at all a bad place to be...

mind frame it

under the tree
next to a fire
rain won't get me here
no one sees me here
little time away from the grind
and hoping to unwind
and of course did it daily
as an integral part
of the routine
under the roof
of the porch now
needed the table
old fashioned I suppose
if one needs to time frame it
just continuing to
'mind frame it'
my art as plain
as it might be
just me and my fire
started under this tree...

ceiling of clouds

gotta try and hear
my thoughts through
the rain as it beats
the roof above where I sit
today one day at a time
to strengthen any recovery
just glad to be back
why is it survival is based
on some sort of money
too bad as reality sets in
as the sun still sets
behind a ceiling of clouds
and buckets of rain...

painting of today

paint it into the picture
so only those who really
focus will see
not hiding it just small
part of a whole lot more
so finer details might get lost
funny though the things that
get noticed versus those
that stay hidden
until a second or third look
taken up close then step back
too many times not enough
attention paid or too much
seldom but it happens
to be getting dark
because of the clouds 

and rain otherwise
light would not be so faded
like the paint drying
today's painting make sure
to look close up
then take a step back
take it all in
as you simply breathe...

the ducks return

the inspiration
or the muse might
never know just like
the waterfall
it just continues
to inspire without
understanding
the audience
surrounding the pond
absorbed like a sponge
for the beauty
of a regular day
and the pair of ducks
return to the relaxing
area they have been visiting...

something going on right here

sirens blaze
through tonight
just as I might
the entire time
away from work
something going on
in the distance
something going on
right here eyes on
where I rest my own
blazed but didn't choke
laughed at every joke
because of the ease
of the situation
sister helped create
the freestyle afternoon
without a plan for Friday
night looking ahead but enjoying
every step watching the youngest
get lost in horizontal stripes
and a new face to add to the memory
as smiles were too big not to share
time flies too fast to give the clock a care
ignore it like sirens in the distance
every step counting on one hand
and then the other then to the stars
if the skies stay clear Orion
will be seen as he is every night...

nothing to hold but the pen

determined again
to take another step
toward something
more than just a guy
that writes a lot
determined to finish
another volume of the near
daily ramble how many
more days will this book last
worn now from nearly six months
of that near daily ramble
determined again to make it up
from all the time when I felt down
and alone probably I was both
sort of makes sense enough
to realize I want it gone
move to tomorrow only for a few more hours
no reason to dwell on solitude
just where I am at nothing can
stop or hold me back when
I have nothing to hold but the pen
and the book until I fill it up
and pick up another...