walking backwards

walking backwards
through reality
it's 1984
stuck in a matrix style
world working wasting
the day forgetting the life
to be lived everything
has to be business
related reality puts
regular men at odds
with each other when
no matter what color
we are all controlled
we see up as down
because they tell us
war is peace
walking backwards
not allowing the reality
to actually set in until
it's too late
and nothing even
looks real...

through the wrongs I write

everything is sweating
humidity makes the air
heavier or at least
it's how it seems
back here behind the house
even the wooden deck
feels damp to torch or sit upon
finally out under the stars
moving the pen finally after
so many days stationary
next to another Tuesday night blaze
fire until I tire that's been
the conditional response
to the days off even though
ten hours worked
will surely rest later
when work is done
the right thing after years
gone wrong can't go back
or else we all might
makes the same mistakes again
instead keep moving
forward without a pause like a rebel
in eighties hip-hop only
the true heads will know
twenty-five years always
be real always have been
even through the wrongs
I write until the coals glow orange
dimming as clouds
of humidity descend...

now & beyond

another beautiful day
plenty of warmth
sun finally showed
it's face before it went
out west brother come to visit
and work around the yard
can hear him digging
from over here in the garden
he is building a ladder for
the rose bushes to climb
over the gateway to
the backyard
another beautiful night
ahead with so much
left behind
won't rewind
this time is only
now and beyond...

raining over there

drove maybe 5 minutes
westward to a store on
the other side of route 24
and it was pouring rain
sky half black half gray
got back home
car washed sun shining
drying as fast as the drive
back from the other side
dad says his spirit totem
is a butterfly and that's why
he dreams of all his dead relatives
it's probably true
but thankfully his dreams
are vivid enough like
memories alive on their own
what was in the other room
since mom woke him
was it his alarm
that began or ended the dream
at the end of sleep
all over again
right where we began
each day thoughts collected
driving out of the rain
and back into the sun...

update those who care

last the day
without a pause
even if frustrated
feeling lost cause
status update
for those that care
to notice the scent
in the air
summer time all around
girls smile wide
even in this cloud
filtered sunshine
tomorrow will be
another day in the life
of this loner
with a capitol L
if you like support
the cause
at least go see for yourself
no doubt without a pause
in the historical notes through
the eyes of mr. cynical
or mr. think-too-much
hashtag whatever
you want to find
in between thoughts
on the page
you know where to go
and so go
and come back often
still here only steps from
where I started darkness
has put the crops to rest
and the humidity
keeps everything
warm through the night...

stars in the garden

some people do deserve
what they get
including myself
of course not shying
away from misfortune
and loneliness
but knowing how I got here
more important than
how it makes me feel
reminded of things another forty
something might call embarrassing
instead I watch the summer
girls growing in the garden
all the plants grow really high
in the garden and not
embarrassed to join them for awhile
before sun sets behind the gray
and the fire pit glows
into the darkness maybe
sky will clear for a starlight view
if not I know where to look
to see them all...

cannot be trusted

they won't keep you
informed or even educated
closer to confused
and misinformed discovering
more on our own than
they would like us to know
and stand still we know
stationary ground roots below
life above unknown above life
admittedly fearless of the unknown
then they try to make us fear
our own potential
but we cannot fear the unknown
and from this learn they
cannot be trusted...

between St. Francis & the angels

a gray afternoon
without rain
still better than one
that keeps me indoors
rather be out in the garden
next to St. Francis & the angels
looking up and all around
at these signs of life and part of ours
sun burns a hole through the thin gray
seen in the reflection on the table
pole beans reaching high now
above the eight foot pole
its the growing time of year
everything in the garden
nice and green smoke rising from the corner
between St. Francis & the angels
where I sit inspired by the youngest
Ana seeing things others might
not notice but I cannot hide
as she finds me in my spot...

under the light rain in the garden

they all call him crazy as he sees and might
wander down a road of thought
off topic or out of reach for those ho do not think
through until the end but give up if the
equation is too much to handle
after careful scrutiny the
equation becomes pointless anyway
and what was it you saw
eventually it will make sense
build something real build something for you
a spot no one else claims put your
structure there and be who you are
which is more than those who are like the rest
has some one else told you how to be
no amount of instruction will teach me in
relation to that which I discover myself
to be the only
reality I want to know...

tired, almost dropped the pen

fire burns slow
but hot enough
to consume any and every
piece of wood placed there
before dark before flame
brought light only hours later
until hours later
now dark almost time
for the fullish moon
to rise up over the trees
first day of the season
solstice or whatever name used
and repeated like everything else
we think we know for ourselves
just books on shelves
but who flips pages now
in the days of swiping screens
and absorbing that weird blue glow
as if a small TV hand held smarter
then all of us could we even live
without them now what happens
if they all get shut off tomorrow
will be a day of much thought
spread out and theorized no doubt...

retrain the brain

trying to retrain the mind
to find something
to replace the need to inhale
the smoke only that holy smoke
will do and even that can become
vapor book seventy barely been
opened enough to get into
double digit pages and beyond
putting off the urge none rolled
and ready as they would be if I wasn't
trying to start biting my nails again
like I used to when I was nervous
no longer suffer that strange affliction
where do we go from here
where I sit built the fire before dinner
so it would be harder to talk myself
out of it later as I retrain the mind
to switch it up a bit
dad & brother at dinner
mom got more great news today
the family is tight
have to always realize how
important that is...

night ahead

first day of summer
up early stacking peppers
for the people
out of work early
home for the rest of the day
to relax and put down
some thoughts
down at last
saw the strawberry moon
not as impressive
as once lead to believe
can't say that it surprises me
either don't trust anything
inspect in some way myself
or research or whatever
cooler breeze clearing
the pollen away
for the moment
rest before a fire tonight
another restful night ahead...

socially distorted

palindrome of a day
by date race car
name isn't Bob
could be today
doesn't matter much
maybe it does
somewhere
I think I have needed
to rest the arm
for future and I just heard
an interesting quote
“we had the chance
to elect Ron Paul twice
and failed, Donald Trump
is what we deserve.”
maybe it's what we deserve
in order to wash away
the 1984 style
backwards social
distortion...

from moving across

it's as if something
holds my hand
back from moving
across the page
nice day spent most
of it outside sat
in the garden
moved some plants
drank some coffee
spent some time with
the family and that
is what is important...

funny how?

wish I knew
then
as I do now
as the saying
goes
they laugh
because
they say
I am funny
no one
really knows...

spotlight on the waterfall

spotlight on the waterfall
a new addition to the night time
scenery on the observation deck
where sitting I unfold my mind
nearly the entire day spent
moving the pen the page
the new book with two stripes
that no one will see
the pen behaves as the air is cooler
only going where it is put
did I mention all the movement
today and into the night
later than most nights
temperature is almost perfect
slight breeze is enough to keep it cool
sweat shirt style hood up
in the neighborhood
probably the only one up
wonder how many beers
it took Miz today
it was two for breakfast
and an admission that it wouldn't
end in a good spot because of it
acknowledged though identified
as destructive and continued
never understood it but smoking
became my vice and until I quit
I cannot judge him for being addicted
to something he uses to ease the mind
in the ever increasing
insanity of the world...

sky watching

watching the sky go from
light to darkness
back to light with a few
stray rumbles in the distance
the forecast is a murky one
for the night
a new book to fill
puts a silver lining around that cloud
and all the ones I will put
around my head all night
and most of the day
spent thinking writing
and being inspired by the silence
of this warm day seeing years
ahead and behind as one
big blended picture
at times the colors mix
and things need to be slowed down
to notice the important details
remember all the people I used
to write with around about and they
become the painting called the past
and most of the time I will keep
on walking without a thought
at times I linger because there are
a few I wouldn't mind seeing again
as if they would even remember
and maybe they do mostly though
I think too much and have to spend
the day erasing old thoughts
and broken dreams from the mind
how many books will it take
and I wonder the date when this
book might be full...

wall of green

last thoughts on book sixty-nine
six months worth of thought
or half of a year bound up
in a book so worn
the cover front and back
no longer attached
a reminder to detach at times
and stand back to look
at the landscape
the book has been
a pleasant escape
from the everyday struggle
to find happiness as it exists
all around just have to choose
to be a part of it and
not let it pass on by
how many cars now
if I started counting in October
and here I sit again on the porch
in June making sense of the madness
some call it life and most
don't think this much
but I think that's okay
because I don't swim well
and my brother and sister do
we all have our strengths
and we live with the weakness
that our humanity brings
and always getting stronger
none of us know how much longer
we have shouldn't we make the most
of what we call life
waking to work not without
appreciating everything
right outside the back door
the summer makes the small
wooded area behind the house
look like a wall of green...

leaking pen

the pen is leaking
all over the place
as if it expect to be used
more this month
so it is a little backed up
it's probably just warm
out here in the afternoon
sun hope it stays clear for stars
and with that
thought two drops of rain
fall together and make a mess
of what I was doing
gotta move and now there
are spots all over the page
this book has seen better days
in September twenty-15
it looked it's best
ready to get beat up
with all this random
but methodical
the creative thoughts
destroy what has been taught
a bit more logical based
in what can be seen and
experienced...

both, if you live here

jumped over the string
there and kept on running
no one chasing just running
to get the blood flowing
the bird in the trees
could make the ears bleed
don't even have to wait
the twenty minutes
or call anyone to bring
something by because
I can drive on down
to the shop place my order
wash the car the only debt left
it's budgeted into monthly
expenses and necessary
to the everyday grind
thing most of us do until
we get tired and make a plan
to slow down and stop
the madness enjoy the sun
and a day in the garden
or both, if you live here...

make them real

it's official
at this point the pen
wants to sprint to the end
of another poorly designed
leather bound volume
all the pages have become
detached from the binding
hoping to be out of the book
by the end of the day
avoiding any and all chances
of showers and damaging hale
predictions or forecast or
guess what we might get sun still
shining and the clouds move
steadily to the east when
I sit in this chair back to the house
facing east as the sun moves west
in the sky or so it seems to this eye
and this guy doesn't necessarily
everything he was taught
especially when what is seen
nearly everyday contradicts
it's official and I am probably wrong
to some and I am okay with that
because the truth is easy
to explain and remember
always had trouble with made up
stories even when I told them
to make tomorrow easier to deal with
and then falls apart truth sometimes
harder in the long run is much
easier to deal with and it's official
I have the ability to see that clearer
single digit pages remain now
until I shift gears again
and take off in the next book
I put my thoughts in
it's official even dreams
can be truth if you make them real...

papa working the beets

papa's in the garden
working the beets
now then onto the rest
of the crops the attention
given the weeding
and thinning out
surely helps can't hurt
papa's enjoying his retirement
and conversations
with everyone at different
times of the day
or altogether at times
takes amazing pictures
and finds meaning in
the little things
one hundred year old
wheelbarrow and pitchfork
still frozen in time
needs to be a painting
on the wall symbolizing
papa's work in the garden...

here there & everywhere

still thinking
somehow betrayed myself
every time I don't
move the pen daily
my best friend
haven't seen him
in over a year
starting to think
things have changed
got a message today
from him he had beer
for breakfast and I made
it to the dispensary before mine
we do pick our poison
as I still struggle with
cigarettes still thinking
somehow it all serves a purpose
knowing though
they really don't
and I do and it's why I do not drink
still thinking better off up
in my cloud being alone
isn't as bad as wishing you were
because shit ain't right
still thinking elevated without
the elevated talk
won't talk down to anyone
who will converse
here there or anywhere...

quiet too long

it's been awhile
since gone quiet
for this long
and I don't mind
except I hoped to
have this volume
filled and instead
it is starting to fall apart
didn't even realize it
until I opened it tonight
and saw ten days
without a recorded thought
to document the day
end up at a place I sat
early twenty years ago
and find myself alone here
and it's a lot less smokey
then it was back then
it's been awhile since
you could smoke anywhere
indoors too many days
skipped distracted with all the work
physical in one place
computer work at home
for my brother from
another mother
all the distractions
have led me to be quiet
too long...

watch it grow

put seeds down
with dad
now we watch
the garden grow
as we feed and water
and enjoy the spot
created as a peaceful
place the family
is tight and the way it
should be always
seems to be the time
to write is as the daylight
fades away...

a real angel

wish I could stop
my sister's tears
the sadness maybe
from her fears
packaged beautifully
seen in angels eyes
real angels not
the belief in them
the reality of her
the smile and hope she brings
don't forget the smiles
and miracle she is at her
hottest crying hour
she will cool and grow
into this thing called life
one thing learned from
this family is that fear
can be conquered with support
but I am no teacher
if I was I would teach
understanding and search
for truth by any means
necessary without fear
life is but a dream...

the page reflects

can't hardly believe
the chill in the air
looking at the calendar
and forecast for tomorrow
supposed to hit eighty
and humid never made it
above fifty today sun should
still be illuminating
the lower western sky
but the clouds
help darkness approach
quicker luckily the page
reflects light under
the pen...

doesn't seem real

when there are only a few
pages left in a book
I am filling
the rush of completion
is upon me
and I want to put
everything else on hold
to finish the task at hand
even if I know it could
still take days
to be done and onto the next
chapter another pile organized
nicely to flip through
in the future
thought that doesn't exist
until I put it here
what if you don't know
I exist maybe you do
and wonder where I went
but I have been right here
all along or so I thought
anymore questions
might have to wait until
further discussion volume
seventy doesn't seem
real yet...

what we know

what we know
or think we know
how much does it even matter
who is going to change the game
change the world
how much does it matter
what we know and
what we think we know
for sure to be truth
how much of what we believe
can we prove or even speak
upon at length
what do you think about
as you sit and read
or get distracted
and some won't attempt
to read and it's exactly why
I try to keep it short
bend the thought inward
and wonder about what I truly
know and pass that like this torch
to those who aren't distracted
and able to turn discovery
on your own thoughts
and the journey they
will take you on
no matter what
you think you know...

born day of the jester

the jester still sings
twelve x thirty-five
even as he turns
seventy-five
wonder what his days
look like his nights
filled for decades
with live music
and amazing musicians
might not be moving
as fast might be napping
on the tour bus
before the show
just keeping up his end
of the bargain
the one that pushed him
fifty plus years ago
to take that trip
down the long lonely road
filled with all the riches
you could ever desire
lyrics expose the truth
treasure buried beneath
the blues he's been brought to
in his own style
the jester reaches a milestone
another year older
on this rainy day
at twelve x thirty-five...

no opponent

don't even have
a chess game
set up and ready to go
but wish we could
throw down like we did
when we were
on Kingman
we never had to agree
leaning to the opposite
side of where I was twenty
years ago now
a different time twenty
years later and
I don't even have
an opponent...

seen this way

about an hour
since the intention
to sit in the garden
distracted briefly
now focused
again intention
to record these thoughts
and today politics
on the mind
sadly billionaire business
man is the least of the evil
available for our voting
pleasure believe it or not
some have fallen so far
left the can't see the destruction
that socializing everything can cause
“don't make me hit you!”
becomes the repeated come back
when pushed to explain the stance
left leaning for no reason
why would we give it to her
don't get me wrong
not exactly the guy you'd call patriotic
not exactly proud of the country
bombing the shit out of people
the world over and creating
more conflicts that will continue
war from now on
but this time it seems
we might have some one on
the side of sanity
national sovereignty
and sensibility
unfortunately it's a billionaire
businessman
can he be trusted
we shall see...

excuses just-sayin'

sometimes time
goes by like a breeze
blowing the smoke away
from where I sit
take a moment to take
it all in and not miss
any of the spring sounds
just far enough
out of the city
noise still from further
longer afternoons will
keep us all up later
unfortunately still need
to be up early
amazing how many persons
become known and then unknown
seemed so important at the time
to become no one
over night or over a bunch of them
added together with every
excuse in the book
tired of them all
wish I could erase the memory
of everyone of them
because it's a curse to remember
or think of those who
couldn't care less
about you, just sayin'...

hide the remaining sunlight

the trees create
shadows on the ground
and the page dinner
time at the homestead
brother comes to the table
tonight always like when
the whole family is together
the trees hide the remaining
sunlight my thoughts
stay hidden until unveiled
here under the trees
in the back in the garden...

green knuckles

there are the days
made for the mind
to simply release
and relax absorb
the sun not afraid
of the light
sit right in it
as it provides
the necessary
ingredient
to get the garden
growing two days of sun
and seeds knuckle up
through the soil...

positive into

twenty minutes
mystery as thoughts
seem to face
inward looking forward
to restful days
plow through the week
do the tasks
long enough and
at times I feel as though
they pay me to workout
and if treated as such
it almost serves a double purpose
monetary and physical building
twenty minutes
living in historic times
it's the current year
so stand and face the diminished sun
turn around and watch it come
on back around tomorrow
hoping by then the season
will act accordingly
maybe take a ride to the beach
twenty minutes thinking on good
company and the disappointment
reoccurring even with a random
positive visit into the pre-star-riddled
sky hoping it find its way
to the right mind...

the wind

the wind won't quit
keeping it unseasonably cold
at least the wind
keeps the clouds moving
it's as if there is no end
to march
sun pokes a face
full of light
out as it starts to move
out of sight
quickly shadowed
by the next
bank of clouds...

see sun

don't expect
anyone to really
want to spend time here
but can't understand
why it's too peaceful
for most not much
going on just growing
some veggies enjoying
the sound of the birds
as the sun fades out west
don't expect eyes
to even see words
as I see sun...

season forgot to change

bury my head
and plant my feet
wait for the sun
this year the season
forgot to change
where would I go
anyway have all I need
right here while I write
here it's all I really
need to keep sane
in any situation
therapy or simply technique
to put the body
into relaxation mode
just as long as it takes
to be relaxed then onto
the next task whatever it is
today I chopped bacon
and made eggs
used salsa wrapped them up
rolled them and ate them
standing up all from the one
thought, I want eggs...

watching Dad in the garden

suppose it should have been earlier
but it's still cold well into spring
and the constant gray has kept
sun's warmth away
so I sit in the garden
and watch my dad
begin the garden
last years grape tomatoes still
pack the back of the freezer
he has a stick to dig a long
two inch horizontal hole
to spread out the seeds in a line
today it was peppers and beans
on either side of the tomato plants
this year it will be beefsteak and
early girls suppose I should have
come outside earlier but took
the ride to the store
and get some plants and flowers
second year now
just need a few days of sun
the give the garden it's pulse
so it can get to November...

not a bad place to be

switch it up
to a night time theme
as things get dark and heavy
night always seems heavy
if that even makes sense
the only light for now
is the white of the blank page
holding enough light to
allow me to scribble over
a couple more pages
invited a few and no one came
it's not all bad still built
the fire even had a few ideas to share
just put them here instead
unanswered and unquestioned
undone and redone until tomorrow
switch it up again back to
the daylight thoughts
not as heavy like the indica
stomping grapes by the fire
not at all a bad place to be...

mind frame it

under the tree
next to a fire
rain won't get me here
no one sees me here
little time away from the grind
and hoping to unwind
and of course did it daily
as an integral part
of the routine
under the roof
of the porch now
needed the table
old fashioned I suppose
if one needs to time frame it
just continuing to
'mind frame it'
my art as plain
as it might be
just me and my fire
started under this tree...

ceiling of clouds

gotta try and hear
my thoughts through
the rain as it beats
the roof above where I sit
today one day at a time
to strengthen any recovery
just glad to be back
why is it survival is based
on some sort of money
too bad as reality sets in
as the sun still sets
behind a ceiling of clouds
and buckets of rain...

painting of today

paint it into the picture
so only those who really
focus will see
not hiding it just small
part of a whole lot more
so finer details might get lost
funny though the things that
get noticed versus those
that stay hidden
until a second or third look
taken up close then step back
too many times not enough
attention paid or too much
seldom but it happens
to be getting dark
because of the clouds 

and rain otherwise
light would not be so faded
like the paint drying
today's painting make sure
to look close up
then take a step back
take it all in
as you simply breathe...

the ducks return

the inspiration
or the muse might
never know just like
the waterfall
it just continues
to inspire without
understanding
the audience
surrounding the pond
absorbed like a sponge
for the beauty
of a regular day
and the pair of ducks
return to the relaxing
area they have been visiting...

something going on right here

sirens blaze
through tonight
just as I might
the entire time
away from work
something going on
in the distance
something going on
right here eyes on
where I rest my own
blazed but didn't choke
laughed at every joke
because of the ease
of the situation
sister helped create
the freestyle afternoon
without a plan for Friday
night looking ahead but enjoying
every step watching the youngest
get lost in horizontal stripes
and a new face to add to the memory
as smiles were too big not to share
time flies too fast to give the clock a care
ignore it like sirens in the distance
every step counting on one hand
and then the other then to the stars
if the skies stay clear Orion
will be seen as he is every night...

nothing to hold but the pen

determined again
to take another step
toward something
more than just a guy
that writes a lot
determined to finish
another volume of the near
daily ramble how many
more days will this book last
worn now from nearly six months
of that near daily ramble
determined again to make it up
from all the time when I felt down
and alone probably I was both
sort of makes sense enough
to realize I want it gone
move to tomorrow only for a few more hours
no reason to dwell on solitude
just where I am at nothing can
stop or hold me back when
I have nothing to hold but the pen
and the book until I fill it up
and pick up another...

today is the day #14

not supposed to be
so cold
and the fire pit
goes down deep
with plenty of air flow
fire is plenty hot
today is the day
to other eyes
just like all the rest
to these eyes
details noticed
unseen to most
predictably canceled
lunch deemed risky somehow
today is the day
things don’t make
anymore sense than yesterday
mixed up world focused on
degenerate and ridiculous behavior
on all ends of every
spectrum measured
as if anyone can pay attention
this long to read a few
words digest flip a page
continue on until all the pages
absorbed seems easy enough
but content should be
interesting to keep them coming back
today is the day
even when today becomes
tomorrow remains today
find something else
that does that and put
it here like this...

out of your mind at last

guess creating
is not just for
the creator
hoping someone
finds something
in what is in front of eyes
these words from these hands
content with and worth the time
it took time to create
maybe worth a look
and ignore the thoughts
not worth looking at
keep right on moving
over and above
like planes both day and night
more cold tonight
combat it with fire blazing
the cold must be that global
warming they used fifteen years ago
somehow bring the fear
to everyday life is the name of the game
and all I want is for the reader
to read something and find a thought
follow it wherever it leads
but bring some light
to find your way out
of your own mind
at last...

not noticed until

something strange in the air
maybe it's the late start
to spring this year
finally got into the high 70s
without the sun
everyone seems to be a little off
can't think of a better group
of words to describe
the funk the clouds bring
something strange all around
the wind is steady too
something not noticed
until recently...

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Of By & 420

of, by & 420

this year seems
important
don't they all
this year politics
might move people
after all it's an election
year and if
'of, by & for the people'
is what we learned
the people should
pay attention
the will of the people
might be challenged
both sides of the establishment
paradigm challenged as well
the silent majority
might turn out to vote
the silent majority
might wake up and demand
the republic be restored to an
'of, by & for the people' status
until then it's of, by & 420
today because they are gonna
stone you for whatever you do
or do not waste another minute
the jester's words
ring truth...

what it means to me

don't care
what you have heard
here is the truth
as far as these eyes see
four-twenty
what does it mean
here's what I know
bob dylan aka the jester
wrote a song called
rainy day women 12&35
the chorus is
“everybody must get stoned”
maybe you've heard it
the pun intended
no matter what you do
someone is gonna stone you
the jester's response is
everybody must get stoned
12 times 35 equals 420
and that is
what it means to me
and what I will do today...

rocks to tomorrow

hundreds of rocks at my feet
tired from hours of walking
hundreds of steps
seems like in circles
at times but not tight enough
to induce the dizziness
it will surely arrive with time
hundreds of breaths
couldn't keep track of
the hours either
lost in the rocks at my feet
caught staring must be more
tired than originally thought
light through the trees
no idea who it is
wonder what they think
about tonight as light
goes dim and fades
they didn't notice mine
is still on few more words
to get out stuck
inside the mind
will do no good
hundreds of minutes
of sleep must follow
to lead me to tomorrow...

striped night sky

striped skies
most don't notice
or pretend they don't see
then once they notice
they cannot help but see
if the eyes work
and they look to the skies
then they will see
can't pretend to know
anything except it cannot
be nothing and sometimes
that means we might
never know really
but we will get a story
that is good enough
to convince everyone
it's nothing
even at night striping
the moonlit sky
can we trust
our own eyes to see
it is something
to sit under
the striped night sky...

random pictures

This is a picture of my nephews and I on Xmas Eve 2015

This is my niece Ana.

afternoon sun w/Mom

powerful thoughts
that don't stop
no matter what I do
so I put them here
on a lazy Sunday
afternoon my mother
sits on the other side
of the backyard
enjoying the sun
like she always has
a tan in spring before
summer even arrives
one year ago the thought
came that a crab could try
to steal the sun but
the crab was killed with
mustard gas and the sun
remains right up there
where it belongs
and mom sits smiling
out in the backyard
in the spring sun...

from what I've unlearned

from what I have come
to understand despite
all its flaws it's still
a great place to live
somehow it's still
not right and nothing
is perfect and every system
is built with control in mind
how much control
until we mind and are
downright bothered
by what this great place
is becoming quicker
than anyone had
believed possible
control system has infiltrated
the media and the movies
real world blurred
with fantastical stories
probably safe to say
anyone involved in the system
is no longer working
for the people but working
to keep control of the people
through systems invading
every aspect of existence
also most probable that
the controllers of the system
will do everything including
rewriting rules so they
don't lose control of the system
this one was supposed
to always be different
as one of, by & for the people
being fooled again
this time though they have
revealed some truth
the people are being lied to
and intentionally divided
to a polarized status update
should read –they lie, they
control everything and
they need to be stopped
should be a telling year
can that groggy giant
wake and stand
before being lulled
and lied back to sleep
by all the controllers devices...

head tilt left

head leaning
on a railing
looking at the page
all crooked-like
some no name actor
in a bad mafia movie
head straight up
floating like one
of the clouds
created or cut
as the hand
moves right
to left
and down
and down...

tops of clouds still lit

centering and finding the focus
follow the sound finding the bird
on the broken tree
sound of the waterfall
attracts many birds
but this one keeps its
distance and watches the water
fall into to the flat pool
surrounded by flocks
and rocks the tops of the clouds
still lit as the sunlight
does its daily diminishing
westward waltz
centering and the focus found
buried under layers
easily removed
as the day spreads out
in my path to tomorrow
still trying to keep
contact with so many
and the effort is either
ignored or not noticed
can't discern from here
won't personalize
the disappoint now just
leave it by the waterfall
as part of the daily cleanse
centered once focus found...

probably can't help

rain most of the day
strange and crazy days ahead
the social control
is coming undone
as much control that
is tight around society
has cracks of light all through it
where we occasionally get a glimpse
of truth people are starting
to really see clearly through
the rain what's real
and what is only presented
as real sort through the rubble
and know none of my neighbors
are my enemies even if they
are not my friends
confused?
probably can't help
and probably should be
no one is here as pen moves
the hand or the hand moves
the pen whichever comes first
see it clearly thoughts form
as fast as clouds sometimes
changing as they move page-ward
check the time and the rain
clouds of that holy smoke
fill the brain ramblings some
might deem insane
probably can't help
but there is no pain
sheltered from the rain
more words daily strain
to maintain balance
probably can't help
clear your own clouds create
some as well most likely
the only help necessary...

wind keeps it cool

want to see
the moon tonight
don't know if I will be awake
to see the sky clearer
than now wind has been
strong for days now
as if it's trying to keep
the warm weather away
keeping the fires
burning hot
with the heavy breeze
and sudden gusts
wouldn't mind so much
if it was warmer
could get the garden started
one more reason to build
a greenhouse and grow food
for the family maybe friends
and neighbors too
who knows but it's a good idea
and these are the thoughts
blowing in the breeze
as the waterfall
is reconstructed for the spring
everyone is ready
but the wind keep it cool...

out in the sun

out in the sun
but warm air
has still been
absent this spring
but the scent in the air
is probably exactly
what you think it is
afternoon now and
my fire burns slow
as the sun will too move
right out of view
for now just enjoy
the warmth it brings
sitting chair with thick arms
to serve as a desk of sorts...

wall of confidence

don't know what to believe
but myself more and more
building confidence
like a wall people can see
or more of a sign or
a signal to everyone around
that I believe in myself
and even though my confidence
was beat back quick fast
and decision made to wake up
and live then think with purpose
prepare for whatever
comes or we run into
and do not assume
you have been taught
the truth all along
back to where I sit
behind my wall of confidence
based belief in the self
which happens to be mine
what else can I change
it has to start from within
the heart center of who
we are and who I am...

these hands press on

still light out on
the back porch smoke
is rising yet no fire
to sit by tonight
clouds on and off
all day somehow
still fire and clouds
swirl around me like
a chimney
not ashamed to be
up in smoke
just had to figure
it out a little better
not just me
but mostly me
because no one holds
these hands press on
doesn't matter
time of day or weather
pen is ready in any case...

the day's correction

feel the cold
especially on my face
still a pretty nice day
grabbed a red pen today
but you wouldn't know
unless I told you
red pens usually saved
teacher style to correct
wrong answers to problems
with numbers and words
feel the cold only slightly
on my hands not as much
as the nose and face
the rest kept pretty warm
sky started all blue
but quickly turned
completely white
one big cloud covers
the sky seen from here
the quickness of the red pen
this must be the day's
correction...

bright sky 9-thirty

almost humorous
really?
snow in April
two days two storms
just enough to be
inconvenient
and then the melting
begins just as the last
flakes drift to the ground
mysteriously bright
being as late as it is
right now makes no sense
why the clouds are so bright
facing west
almost humorous
because it's spring
and the daffodils had started
to pop up and now
they are covered
four inches of sloppy snow
usually first two months
of the year contain the snow
strangely warm though
then winter snow in spring
bright sky at 9 thirty pm
none of this makes sense
so it has got to be funny...

through today

who does this
the pen and 4am
moving with thoughts
the day ahead
what does it even hold
not as many hours
in one place
shorter day as they say
in the workplace
light mist as spring
battles the New England
attitude who could forget
nineteen years ago
over a foot of snow
on this day
does anyone remember
or is it just me with a pen
in the light rain
at work before I have to be
on top of the only game
played now I will
make it through the day...

wind in my mind

the wind
has been so strong
today like no other
day I can remember
without rain and a storm
or snow and blizzard
conditions hard to concentrate
and enjoy the sunset
as the wind corners
me no matter where I sit
then everything suddenly
becomes calm lasts 5 minutes
strangest feeling in the air
as it moves over and around
at times right through
wherever I choose to sit
can't hide from this wind
when it picks up again
and takes over what I hear
as I think...

ahead of schedule

ahead of schedule today
with nothing planned
shade has taken over
and cooler air arrives
as the sun finishes
it's journey overhead
flat back lying down
looking up just a little
early but it won't stop
the pen or slow the thought
burned a hole in my pants
makes me shake my head
a moment of carelessness
overtook the moment
it's only a small hole
it didn't burn my leg...

tangle with them

to say time flies
is an understatement
it moves so quick
it's hard to keep up
nearly impossible
to avoid the thoughts
so I tangle with them
so I don't get entangled
within them that probably
doesn't make sense
to some but I am not the same
forced to realize this daily
clutter of the mind organized
snap shots of the day
I sit upon and to say
time flies gives you no idea
how fast things actually change
it's said that technology
is generations ahead of the public
high water mark of technology
how much do you have to twist the mind
to try to understand that
if it's true...

freedom here and now

the sun on this page
is nearly blinding
freedom is not having
anything I need
to be doing right now
only what I want to do
even if only temporary
it's freedom
here and now
a moment that needs
to spread and continue
onward throughout the day
week and year
the sun is welcomed
as it was yesterday
no wind like that which
fanned the fire last night
as daylight diminished...

thick walls of intentional silence

hard to believe
four years builds
thick walls of intentional
silence remembering the last
day of the biggest mistake
all of life flashed in six
hours solitary enough
to think on the change
ahead somehow made it
that thought then
is this one now
hard to believe
stronger than ever
in solitude again
this time in good company
where everyone works
together like the family should
enjoying the day
before it begins and
as the sun moves across the sky
depending on where you sit
it is not as hard to believe
because it can be seen
thick walls of silence
walked through daily
getting to where I need to be
pen in hand as if it is my job
hard to believe it isn't
what pays the bills
it's what feeds my heart
hard to believe four years
since my whole life
changed for the better...

prove them wrong

watching my fire
perched above like
a bird caught watching
the flames dance around
floor boards old as the house
as old as my brother
remodeling it giving it a new look
lately putting pen to page
like pulling teeth
had four done two weeks now
worried about them
seemed like years
and it probably was
four years ago tonight
last night in Hanson
seemed like such a nice little town
the company kept makes
driving through that town
a haunting task avoided
most of the time
the fire brings back memories
of Hanson fires but never
as good as this one here
being this moment alone
burns away all the past
memories not necessary
burn on forward tomorrow
is always that day to begin again
start new or something new
or something someone
told you was impossible
prove them wrong...

soundtrack to sunset

looking up
watching how quickly
the sky changes
one layer of clouds
going one way
another moving slowly
in a different direction
sirens from across
the city become
the soundtrack
to sunset...

progression made

about a year ago
stumbled upon
the most skeptical of thoughts
wanted science
to explain it all
to me come to find out
that which is presented
as mainstream science
does not stand strong
under scrutiny, questioning
or even the scientific method
it also involves a level of belief
that all questions have been
asked and answered
facts have been proven
but I sadly do not agree
about one year
on the mind now
trying to find
a way out of the rabbit hole
unfortunately now
much deeper
looking back at the unlearning
done and progression made...

5 steps up

the trees in the yard
are starting to bud
and it's still a bit cold
but the season
to grow is upon us
ready or not
who wouldn't be
warm weather welcomed
in the North-East
on the west side
facing south
on a porch
five steps above
the grass...

don't mind surprises

thought about it quick
it'll never be 2016 again
them younger ones
should prepare
it goes quick
how many days
were good ones
how often looking
forward to what's next
don't mind surprises
most don't enjoy today
because worry invades
worry for tomorrow
guilty as well aware
and actively working
to fight off invading worry
enjoy today right through
the day still reading Charles
and the goal is to somehow
write more than he did
even if mission impossible
somehow I got a head start...

where silence dwells

just pick it up and go
to where it's comfortable
sit out back porch style
never crossing the mind
just rambles and moves
like an excavator moving land
creating new space travel
inward where the silence dwells
heavy on the mind
numb like hands
moving too much
damage may not
be repairable even
with all the technology
around the corner
something is being built
out of sight but in this mind
like the silence found
random Wednesday morning...

can't complain at all

only a week since
felt weak since
but getting stronger
everyday
can't complain
at all imagination
made everything seem
worse before bull by the horns
Taurus by the night
sky voices echo down
the early dark of the streets
one week since
the lack of pain
might be the scariest part
knowing what is being done
and letting the broken pieces
pile up neglected tools
useless now sometimes how I feel
end of the day
try not to let it take
me down from whatever
height the day has
let me reach for stars
by night with or without
clouds most likely
some of my own
on their way up
only a week since
been trying to heal since...

polarized under attack

another attack
somewhere in the world
probably daily
if we noticed
but only notice
some not all
they blame and never
solve the problem
everyone stands in fear
of an enemy unseen
another attack
on humanity
no matter who is in charge
there's always an enemy
to blame for the ruthless
things that are done
another attack
should be expected
given the situation
in the world
and will anything
change when new leader
takes charge less than a year
promised fear and
another attack
almost too predictable
by now everyone of them
should be stopped
everyone instead is on edge
expecting the worst
this summer
in this polarized nation...

minutes later

it's actually
about twenty
minutes later
on my mind
will finally rest
for now it jumps
from one to another
back to the state
of the world
and the lack of action
we can really take
best to steadily
inform the mind
to some truth but
how much matters that
can't be seen or touched
meaning what is out
of our control is really
just that and we merely
watch the events unfold
and go about life
hoping not to be dragged
into the mess
hoping to rise above daily
inspired by those who build
it up off the sweat of a day
filled with hard work
life needs to be enjoyed too
but a certain search for truth
needs to be attained...

10 minute orange sky

ten minutes
an orange sky
and a rainbow
on the opposite side
hard to believe
flat gray overhead
now only minutes
ago fully illuminated
bright orange for ten
minutes gathered
everyone home to come
outside and see
ten minute orange sky
revealing the illuminating
beauty as the finish
to this day...

brought about in a dream

wind swirls
and clouds spin
the head around sideways
like hallways
knocked me over
heads sounds
from an open window
barely able to identify
the direction followed
brought about in a dream
original thought
first seen by the mind
exposed again
in unconsciousness
surfacing now no bang
big enough to shake me
into existence
have to move
the pen points to the self
where piles and piles
of ideas shoveled into
the thought furnace
vaporized in seconds
entire room filled
inspiration inhale
exhale words on the page
simple writing meditation...

head hit hard

head hit hard
hundred hammers hard
hollow how I feel
a day later
most movement
creates a dizzying effect
couldn't do the normal
daily things that keep me going
who am I kidding
just need a rest this human
condition is always one
in repair which is OK
as you as you don't mind
the wait and the sun
finally makes it way through
the patchy clouds at last
warming the page
warms the mind too
somehow only thinking
in small pockets
lately the sun has been hidden
only the sound of rain
came through the windows
at night easy to sleep
seem to wake frequently
disturbed by something
I cannot identify
a shadow on the page
completely understand
light and perspective
at least enough
to repair this particular
human condition right now...

another year ahead

two months shy
looking ahead
another year
and a brand new
fence in the backyard
spring sounds at night
two months from now
another year
behind me
moving forward
never back up
only to take
a quick look...

color of the pen

ever grab
what you think
is a black pen
and it turns
out to be blue
just did it now
out under the stars
warm air continues
despite disappearing
sunlight
city sounds of spring
amplified in the dark
my only proof
is what I hear
without witnesses
everyone else indoors
night approaches
quickly no matter
the color of the pen...

only a preview

the warmth
has latest all day
and maybe
it's only a preview
of what's to come
isn't going
to stop me from
enjoying the day
as short as
it might seem
the light starts
to dim
deep breaths
held within
the mind
in the back yard...

just as impressed ramble

not as impressed as usual
new pens always seem to light
up the writing but the grip
must be too thin to grasp
not as impressed
but won't find it as a complaint
because usually I don't
rather just move right through
with words written smooth
like that four twenty smoke
and first impressions
blown out of the water
as the bottom of the page is reached
so many words
so far this year
making this year
the year of words again
just as impressed as I should
be after all these days
spent sailing on the high sea...

warming of Tuesday

it's a good sign
when the sun
makes the page
warm quick under hand
spending morning
appreciating
the sun as it warms
everything beneath
spring peepers
or whatever they are
continue to sound off
above everything else
going on producing sound
the reflection off the page
of the sun is blinding
look away takes a second
eyes need to readjust
it's a good sign the green
starts to show itself all
around backdrop to
the warming of Tuesday...

woodpecker

listening to that bird
hammering away
at a distant tree
solitude is also
a good reminder
to use all the senses
get all the details
everything has meaning
as long as there is someone
to pay attention
as details appear
the story of each day is written
before the pen or as it
scratches each page
off the 'to do' list for the day...

WriteOn #8

number eight
on the eighth of the month
movement forward with a purpose
to write on as the everyday
thinker not letting it pass on by
without trying to figure it out daily
whatever it might be keeping
me on the edge and in line
with thoughts to write on
the edge of spring
sun up and to the right
air still bites
a little chill
still early though...

general purpose legacy

there has got to be
a general purpose
our lives span enough time
to be a series of real events
that are definitely significant
how many have stared
in wonderment of the skies
above at night lit by night time's
chandelier spinning stars
overhead so I discovered
this general purpose
as recorder of thoughts
and still I can't figure out
where they come from
and it can't be nowhere
wondering about that higher
consciousness climbing every
ladder to the next level
and there is that idea again
shining bright
like the sun popping into view
pre-dawn sky view at the workplace
pause in awe with the quickness
daily the reality is this
is my legacy...

don't doubt this pen

doubtful that this pen will
earn me lots o money
but why should I give up
what else would I do
with all these thoughts
Tycho Brahe proved the stars
are in the same spot in the sky
night after night after night
his proofs are forgotten
as present day science
longs to be lost in space
doubtful that many or any
would even know Brahe or Sagnac
or Aries failure or what they all proved
and remains uncontested
not taught but nearly forgotten
swept under some rug
to be discovered twenty years later
doubted by everyone around
although no one has ever seen
the great water humps
the oceans are said to be
and I still can't get over the flatness
of the scene at the beach
everyone sees it too
and somehow I am supposed to believe
no one wonders doubting
and challenging everything
taught real or true
or right before our eyes
not doubtful at all
that this pen will point
me in the right direction...

more than I would like

got that clear
and so is the mind
back at it from where I sit
and maybe I didn't move
one bit got that clear
right from the get go
learning how to let go
all the fears I have had
cut them into small
dissolve-able pieces
the ultimate goal
and got that clear vision
back out from under
some rug but expose
the floor and learn what is
below deep beneath
years of books and thoughts
too much smoke so I got
that clear breath
to reset the mind
backwards in time remembering
more than I would like...

IHOP kind of morning

somewhat like the old days
no ash tray on the table
clear the air a bit
music isn't as torturous
but still as loud
just loud enough
to muffle the others
conversations not many here
so early rain came down
hard this morning
kind of day might clear
by afternoon might rain
all day hard to tell from here
somewhat like the old days
no one I know expected
to join me in those days
someone would see my car
and stop in for a cup of coffee
as if it was my place
which it wasn't and I didn't
mind the stop by and I lived
nearby which made it
a cool spot to kill
30-60-90 minutes
depending on the mood
somewhat the same
but also very different
now as no one rushes to speak
to me old enough
to be left alone at last
supposing I didn't want to be
bothered somewhat like
every other Wednesday
morning with some rain
and a pot of coffee to myself...

awakening again

awakening to the world
right here and now
forget what the news
has you worried about
go outside and take a few
breaths and remember
you are alive
and that alone matters
awakening to the reality
of a beautiful night
solitude is an amazing
teacher of humility
and insignificance
the cold is a teacher of pain
tolerance maybe I perceive
things differently hoping
it's not the same don't see too many
others gripping the pen in
the cold wind to get
the thought out creatively
meditating on the stillness
of the night creative herb
medicating reaching record heights
seeing what there is to be seen
will be seen someday soon...

trees that remain

closed eyes
moments quickly
pass and spots
become comfortable
but need to be changed
based on the season
closed eyes
still know it's winter
even if a mild one
we had a few cold days
but tonight the peepers
return echoing through
half the forest of forty
years ago just another
mile stone be happy
for the trees that remain...

unscrambled heart

sudden cold air
outside sitting
really what could
have I expected
only warmth
today came from
clear skies and the sun
the air was cold all day
so many times been
on the top step
thinking that things
would look different
with more stairs
another step or two
or set of five
sudden rush as the heart
beat unscrambles
into the place where
I stand and understand
from above another
five steps from where I
thought the top was...

WriteOn #7

nothing
but a crossed leg
to write on
blue sky and the planes
how could we
actually know
nothing that we aren't taught
learn more as we undo
lies one by one
then every story
explanation
or description
becomes questionable
nothing
but sun
light the entire day
will it ever tire
watch the fire
expire...