wall of confidence

don't know what to believe
but myself more and more
building confidence
like a wall people can see
or more of a sign or
a signal to everyone around
that I believe in myself
and even though my confidence
was beat back quick fast
and decision made to wake up
and live then think with purpose
prepare for whatever
comes or we run into
and do not assume
you have been taught
the truth all along
back to where I sit
behind my wall of confidence
based belief in the self
which happens to be mine
what else can I change
it has to start from within
the heart center of who
we are and who I am...

these hands press on

still light out on
the back porch smoke
is rising yet no fire
to sit by tonight
clouds on and off
all day somehow
still fire and clouds
swirl around me like
a chimney
not ashamed to be
up in smoke
just had to figure
it out a little better
not just me
but mostly me
because no one holds
these hands press on
doesn't matter
time of day or weather
pen is ready in any case...

the day's correction

feel the cold
especially on my face
still a pretty nice day
grabbed a red pen today
but you wouldn't know
unless I told you
red pens usually saved
teacher style to correct
wrong answers to problems
with numbers and words
feel the cold only slightly
on my hands not as much
as the nose and face
the rest kept pretty warm
sky started all blue
but quickly turned
completely white
one big cloud covers
the sky seen from here
the quickness of the red pen
this must be the day's
correction...

bright sky 9-thirty

almost humorous
really?
snow in April
two days two storms
just enough to be
inconvenient
and then the melting
begins just as the last
flakes drift to the ground
mysteriously bright
being as late as it is
right now makes no sense
why the clouds are so bright
facing west
almost humorous
because it's spring
and the daffodils had started
to pop up and now
they are covered
four inches of sloppy snow
usually first two months
of the year contain the snow
strangely warm though
then winter snow in spring
bright sky at 9 thirty pm
none of this makes sense
so it has got to be funny...

through today

who does this
the pen and 4am
moving with thoughts
the day ahead
what does it even hold
not as many hours
in one place
shorter day as they say
in the workplace
light mist as spring
battles the New England
attitude who could forget
nineteen years ago
over a foot of snow
on this day
does anyone remember
or is it just me with a pen
in the light rain
at work before I have to be
on top of the only game
played now I will
make it through the day...

wind in my mind

the wind
has been so strong
today like no other
day I can remember
without rain and a storm
or snow and blizzard
conditions hard to concentrate
and enjoy the sunset
as the wind corners
me no matter where I sit
then everything suddenly
becomes calm lasts 5 minutes
strangest feeling in the air
as it moves over and around
at times right through
wherever I choose to sit
can't hide from this wind
when it picks up again
and takes over what I hear
as I think...

ahead of schedule

ahead of schedule today
with nothing planned
shade has taken over
and cooler air arrives
as the sun finishes
it's journey overhead
flat back lying down
looking up just a little
early but it won't stop
the pen or slow the thought
burned a hole in my pants
makes me shake my head
a moment of carelessness
overtook the moment
it's only a small hole
it didn't burn my leg...

tangle with them

to say time flies
is an understatement
it moves so quick
it's hard to keep up
nearly impossible
to avoid the thoughts
so I tangle with them
so I don't get entangled
within them that probably
doesn't make sense
to some but I am not the same
forced to realize this daily
clutter of the mind organized
snap shots of the day
I sit upon and to say
time flies gives you no idea
how fast things actually change
it's said that technology
is generations ahead of the public
high water mark of technology
how much do you have to twist the mind
to try to understand that
if it's true...

freedom here and now

the sun on this page
is nearly blinding
freedom is not having
anything I need
to be doing right now
only what I want to do
even if only temporary
it's freedom
here and now
a moment that needs
to spread and continue
onward throughout the day
week and year
the sun is welcomed
as it was yesterday
no wind like that which
fanned the fire last night
as daylight diminished...

thick walls of intentional silence

hard to believe
four years builds
thick walls of intentional
silence remembering the last
day of the biggest mistake
all of life flashed in six
hours solitary enough
to think on the change
ahead somehow made it
that thought then
is this one now
hard to believe
stronger than ever
in solitude again
this time in good company
where everyone works
together like the family should
enjoying the day
before it begins and
as the sun moves across the sky
depending on where you sit
it is not as hard to believe
because it can be seen
thick walls of silence
walked through daily
getting to where I need to be
pen in hand as if it is my job
hard to believe it isn't
what pays the bills
it's what feeds my heart
hard to believe four years
since my whole life
changed for the better...

prove them wrong

watching my fire
perched above like
a bird caught watching
the flames dance around
floor boards old as the house
as old as my brother
remodeling it giving it a new look
lately putting pen to page
like pulling teeth
had four done two weeks now
worried about them
seemed like years
and it probably was
four years ago tonight
last night in Hanson
seemed like such a nice little town
the company kept makes
driving through that town
a haunting task avoided
most of the time
the fire brings back memories
of Hanson fires but never
as good as this one here
being this moment alone
burns away all the past
memories not necessary
burn on forward tomorrow
is always that day to begin again
start new or something new
or something someone
told you was impossible
prove them wrong...

soundtrack to sunset

looking up
watching how quickly
the sky changes
one layer of clouds
going one way
another moving slowly
in a different direction
sirens from across
the city become
the soundtrack
to sunset...

progression made

about a year ago
stumbled upon
the most skeptical of thoughts
wanted science
to explain it all
to me come to find out
that which is presented
as mainstream science
does not stand strong
under scrutiny, questioning
or even the scientific method
it also involves a level of belief
that all questions have been
asked and answered
facts have been proven
but I sadly do not agree
about one year
on the mind now
trying to find
a way out of the rabbit hole
unfortunately now
much deeper
looking back at the unlearning
done and progression made...

5 steps up

the trees in the yard
are starting to bud
and it's still a bit cold
but the season
to grow is upon us
ready or not
who wouldn't be
warm weather welcomed
in the North-East
on the west side
facing south
on a porch
five steps above
the grass...

don't mind surprises

thought about it quick
it'll never be 2016 again
them younger ones
should prepare
it goes quick
how many days
were good ones
how often looking
forward to what's next
don't mind surprises
most don't enjoy today
because worry invades
worry for tomorrow
guilty as well aware
and actively working
to fight off invading worry
enjoy today right through
the day still reading Charles
and the goal is to somehow
write more than he did
even if mission impossible
somehow I got a head start...

where silence dwells

just pick it up and go
to where it's comfortable
sit out back porch style
never crossing the mind
just rambles and moves
like an excavator moving land
creating new space travel
inward where the silence dwells
heavy on the mind
numb like hands
moving too much
damage may not
be repairable even
with all the technology
around the corner
something is being built
out of sight but in this mind
like the silence found
random Wednesday morning...

can't complain at all

only a week since
felt weak since
but getting stronger
everyday
can't complain
at all imagination
made everything seem
worse before bull by the horns
Taurus by the night
sky voices echo down
the early dark of the streets
one week since
the lack of pain
might be the scariest part
knowing what is being done
and letting the broken pieces
pile up neglected tools
useless now sometimes how I feel
end of the day
try not to let it take
me down from whatever
height the day has
let me reach for stars
by night with or without
clouds most likely
some of my own
on their way up
only a week since
been trying to heal since...

polarized under attack

another attack
somewhere in the world
probably daily
if we noticed
but only notice
some not all
they blame and never
solve the problem
everyone stands in fear
of an enemy unseen
another attack
on humanity
no matter who is in charge
there's always an enemy
to blame for the ruthless
things that are done
another attack
should be expected
given the situation
in the world
and will anything
change when new leader
takes charge less than a year
promised fear and
another attack
almost too predictable
by now everyone of them
should be stopped
everyone instead is on edge
expecting the worst
this summer
in this polarized nation...

minutes later

it's actually
about twenty
minutes later
on my mind
will finally rest
for now it jumps
from one to another
back to the state
of the world
and the lack of action
we can really take
best to steadily
inform the mind
to some truth but
how much matters that
can't be seen or touched
meaning what is out
of our control is really
just that and we merely
watch the events unfold
and go about life
hoping not to be dragged
into the mess
hoping to rise above daily
inspired by those who build
it up off the sweat of a day
filled with hard work
life needs to be enjoyed too
but a certain search for truth
needs to be attained...

10 minute orange sky

ten minutes
an orange sky
and a rainbow
on the opposite side
hard to believe
flat gray overhead
now only minutes
ago fully illuminated
bright orange for ten
minutes gathered
everyone home to come
outside and see
ten minute orange sky
revealing the illuminating
beauty as the finish
to this day...

brought about in a dream

wind swirls
and clouds spin
the head around sideways
like hallways
knocked me over
heads sounds
from an open window
barely able to identify
the direction followed
brought about in a dream
original thought
first seen by the mind
exposed again
in unconsciousness
surfacing now no bang
big enough to shake me
into existence
have to move
the pen points to the self
where piles and piles
of ideas shoveled into
the thought furnace
vaporized in seconds
entire room filled
inspiration inhale
exhale words on the page
simple writing meditation...

head hit hard

head hit hard
hundred hammers hard
hollow how I feel
a day later
most movement
creates a dizzying effect
couldn't do the normal
daily things that keep me going
who am I kidding
just need a rest this human
condition is always one
in repair which is OK
as you as you don't mind
the wait and the sun
finally makes it way through
the patchy clouds at last
warming the page
warms the mind too
somehow only thinking
in small pockets
lately the sun has been hidden
only the sound of rain
came through the windows
at night easy to sleep
seem to wake frequently
disturbed by something
I cannot identify
a shadow on the page
completely understand
light and perspective
at least enough
to repair this particular
human condition right now...

another year ahead

two months shy
looking ahead
another year
and a brand new
fence in the backyard
spring sounds at night
two months from now
another year
behind me
moving forward
never back up
only to take
a quick look...

color of the pen

ever grab
what you think
is a black pen
and it turns
out to be blue
just did it now
out under the stars
warm air continues
despite disappearing
sunlight
city sounds of spring
amplified in the dark
my only proof
is what I hear
without witnesses
everyone else indoors
night approaches
quickly no matter
the color of the pen...

only a preview

the warmth
has latest all day
and maybe
it's only a preview
of what's to come
isn't going
to stop me from
enjoying the day
as short as
it might seem
the light starts
to dim
deep breaths
held within
the mind
in the back yard...

just as impressed ramble

not as impressed as usual
new pens always seem to light
up the writing but the grip
must be too thin to grasp
not as impressed
but won't find it as a complaint
because usually I don't
rather just move right through
with words written smooth
like that four twenty smoke
and first impressions
blown out of the water
as the bottom of the page is reached
so many words
so far this year
making this year
the year of words again
just as impressed as I should
be after all these days
spent sailing on the high sea...

warming of Tuesday

it's a good sign
when the sun
makes the page
warm quick under hand
spending morning
appreciating
the sun as it warms
everything beneath
spring peepers
or whatever they are
continue to sound off
above everything else
going on producing sound
the reflection off the page
of the sun is blinding
look away takes a second
eyes need to readjust
it's a good sign the green
starts to show itself all
around backdrop to
the warming of Tuesday...

woodpecker

listening to that bird
hammering away
at a distant tree
solitude is also
a good reminder
to use all the senses
get all the details
everything has meaning
as long as there is someone
to pay attention
as details appear
the story of each day is written
before the pen or as it
scratches each page
off the 'to do' list for the day...

WriteOn #8

number eight
on the eighth of the month
movement forward with a purpose
to write on as the everyday
thinker not letting it pass on by
without trying to figure it out daily
whatever it might be keeping
me on the edge and in line
with thoughts to write on
the edge of spring
sun up and to the right
air still bites
a little chill
still early though...

general purpose legacy

there has got to be
a general purpose
our lives span enough time
to be a series of real events
that are definitely significant
how many have stared
in wonderment of the skies
above at night lit by night time's
chandelier spinning stars
overhead so I discovered
this general purpose
as recorder of thoughts
and still I can't figure out
where they come from
and it can't be nowhere
wondering about that higher
consciousness climbing every
ladder to the next level
and there is that idea again
shining bright
like the sun popping into view
pre-dawn sky view at the workplace
pause in awe with the quickness
daily the reality is this
is my legacy...

don't doubt this pen

doubtful that this pen will
earn me lots o money
but why should I give up
what else would I do
with all these thoughts
Tycho Brahe proved the stars
are in the same spot in the sky
night after night after night
his proofs are forgotten
as present day science
longs to be lost in space
doubtful that many or any
would even know Brahe or Sagnac
or Aries failure or what they all proved
and remains uncontested
not taught but nearly forgotten
swept under some rug
to be discovered twenty years later
doubted by everyone around
although no one has ever seen
the great water humps
the oceans are said to be
and I still can't get over the flatness
of the scene at the beach
everyone sees it too
and somehow I am supposed to believe
no one wonders doubting
and challenging everything
taught real or true
or right before our eyes
not doubtful at all
that this pen will point
me in the right direction...

more than I would like

got that clear
and so is the mind
back at it from where I sit
and maybe I didn't move
one bit got that clear
right from the get go
learning how to let go
all the fears I have had
cut them into small
dissolve-able pieces
the ultimate goal
and got that clear vision
back out from under
some rug but expose
the floor and learn what is
below deep beneath
years of books and thoughts
too much smoke so I got
that clear breath
to reset the mind
backwards in time remembering
more than I would like...

IHOP kind of morning

somewhat like the old days
no ash tray on the table
clear the air a bit
music isn't as torturous
but still as loud
just loud enough
to muffle the others
conversations not many here
so early rain came down
hard this morning
kind of day might clear
by afternoon might rain
all day hard to tell from here
somewhat like the old days
no one I know expected
to join me in those days
someone would see my car
and stop in for a cup of coffee
as if it was my place
which it wasn't and I didn't
mind the stop by and I lived
nearby which made it
a cool spot to kill
30-60-90 minutes
depending on the mood
somewhat the same
but also very different
now as no one rushes to speak
to me old enough
to be left alone at last
supposing I didn't want to be
bothered somewhat like
every other Wednesday
morning with some rain
and a pot of coffee to myself...

awakening again

awakening to the world
right here and now
forget what the news
has you worried about
go outside and take a few
breaths and remember
you are alive
and that alone matters
awakening to the reality
of a beautiful night
solitude is an amazing
teacher of humility
and insignificance
the cold is a teacher of pain
tolerance maybe I perceive
things differently hoping
it's not the same don't see too many
others gripping the pen in
the cold wind to get
the thought out creatively
meditating on the stillness
of the night creative herb
medicating reaching record heights
seeing what there is to be seen
will be seen someday soon...

trees that remain

closed eyes
moments quickly
pass and spots
become comfortable
but need to be changed
based on the season
closed eyes
still know it's winter
even if a mild one
we had a few cold days
but tonight the peepers
return echoing through
half the forest of forty
years ago just another
mile stone be happy
for the trees that remain...

unscrambled heart

sudden cold air
outside sitting
really what could
have I expected
only warmth
today came from
clear skies and the sun
the air was cold all day
so many times been
on the top step
thinking that things
would look different
with more stairs
another step or two
or set of five
sudden rush as the heart
beat unscrambles
into the place where
I stand and understand
from above another
five steps from where I
thought the top was...

WriteOn #7

nothing
but a crossed leg
to write on
blue sky and the planes
how could we
actually know
nothing that we aren't taught
learn more as we undo
lies one by one
then every story
explanation
or description
becomes questionable
nothing
but sun
light the entire day
will it ever tire
watch the fire
expire...

TodayIsTheDay #13

today is the day
they call it super
Tuesday beginning
of this new leader
choosing time
will swear to follow
no one except these ideas
discovered by this mind
never stops like the night
day cycle spin over head
some will still believe
the stories told
will swear to only believe
that which can be seen
will be seen at last
as truth surviving every
last question ideas survive
the scrutiny of one more mind
every time today is the day
won't stop quick to end the thought
premature waiting to be born
under new eyes turning inward
all at once all of us clear
that inward seeing eye
knowing it escapes the realm
of the normal day
that's where I spend mine
do you see...

lifted in light

cutting through tonight
with this light
lifted from this position
down and to the left
still too cold to call
it spring out on the front
porch while backyard
gets a new fence
maybe I don't trust the wild
life that's why it's called
wildlife no?
cutting through tonight
with this light
saber tooth thought chewed
up in the mind cutting
through tonight with extra
light lifted beyond the sound
of travel not far off
sounds of the wildlife
in the backyard fisher-cat
with no fence to separate
it's a no-brainer
why the front porch
gets a look a little more
elevated than the spot near
the fire pit or garden
those are the daytime
positions cutting though
the extra night
with new light...

this down time

spring peepers on leap day
thought I might forget
turning down time
into writing everything
down time
and I swear the peepers
heard my thought
because silence now rules
the moment
hum of the highway far off
and then one by one the sounds return
two then three and can't hardly
wait until those nights where
there will be too many to count
leap day and it's my eleventh
probably the best leap day
to date no doubt
elevation helps
sharing the street
with my first ever address
forty years ago
who would have imagined
this kind of down time
a moment to remember
life before distractions...

TodayIsTheDay #12

no right to complain
letting the height
challenge the mind
and appreciating the view
today is the day
watched the sun set
into the distance
and the tops of the clouds
were two or three shades
of purple only light
remaining at the highest
points seen
today is the day...

an extra day

an extra day
probably spend it
recording thoughts
wondering how many
leap years have I written on
only lived through
ten until tomorrow
an extra day
probably work early
home by early afternoon
who else is going to stare at the sky
and wonder what all the rest
might be thinking about
especially when they say nothing
always something can't be nothing
when given an extra day
and only half of it busy
to make the living as they
say we all need to do to survive
there is a better way
and maybe it will come to me
on the extra day...

personally thinking

personally thinking
on a free society
a stateless one
without authoritarian
control without consensus
reality instead encouraging
individuals to pursue
happiness personally
thinking on a free society
that may only exist in the mind
realistically already have
that authoritarian system
with the illusionary two
sided coin spending no time
on helping anything but
itself personally
thinking on freedom
allowed only by the self
knowledge is searched for
and found not taught or told
personally thinking on
the freedom of this pen
how many pages torn
until knowledge and
freedom found...

eyes inward spin backwards

inspired by words
and the mind turn
the eyes inward spin
backwards remember all
the enemies
left in the past
passed right on by
still occasionally
walk by the thoughts
in the long mind hallways
what's the rest of the world
doing forgot to check in
before I checked out
for the night buried
head in books
then pillows
who the hell is putting all these
thoughts here and do they
arrive while sleeping
then I spend the day
trying to unravel
the thoughts only to come upon
the same chore again tomorrow
good thing I am
inspired by words...

this kind of rainy day

sometimes
this kind of rainy day
can cloud the mind
up especially if pre-
clouded with worry
at times
usually
for no reason
sometimes
this kind of rainy day
can be
quiet a relief
compared to one year ago
the clouds begin
to lighten up
as do I
as the day moves
onward...

until the proper month

after all these days
still trying to figure out
what any or all of this means
after all these years
learning no one knows
and we are probably not
supposed to know
it might blow our minds
all at once everyone understands
and it might be too hard
for the earth to handle
after all these hours
still watching the sun
slowly move out of view
no one will argue
the days are getting longer
season of rebirth merely
around the corner
after all these minutes
somehow still not cold
these warmer days
tease us until
the proper month...

TodayIsTheDay #11

two days
with sun
actually
made it
to the ocean
still think that
it is important
despite
ridiculously
cold wind
today is the day
up early
before
sun up overhead
usually crash
midday
pushed right through
made it
to the ocean...

might as well be the self

don't even want
to pause
sunlight side of my face
as I write these thoughts
somehow transmitted through
it's warmth but I have no proof
so I will simply enjoy
the moment the foot falls asleep
and so could I to the sounds
around the birds tune
seems to have a little confusion
warmth a little early
no one is complaining
as I put more words before
new eyes today
all the months and years of thoughts
mashed together and planned
presented as random
and truthfully as random
as they come to the mind
just want to pursue the truth
don't want the newer generations
to give up hope that truth will be found
when the mind's eye finally opens
to see what can be seen
because it will be seen
don't even want to pause or
take a breath without recording
that thought with words
and only truth spilling
on to the page prolific nearly
everyday like a younger CB
with only coffee to drink
again I stumble without
the proof just these words
painting the thoughts
the mind produces
no matter the shape
would like to be at the center
of something might as well
be the self...

WriteOn #6

seems like days since
sunlight has been this bright
outside is as warm as it looks
with a slight breeze
and a bright spot too
on the table I write on
even yesterday brought
colder hands than today
and a seemingly magnified light
it almost feels like spring
in the northeast it's never
that simple remember February
twenty fifteen or even April fools day
in ninety-seven these days can
only be called a winter pause
or another thought to
write on...

insane complexity

the wind
changed everything
warm air
blows across the page
her question was something like
'is there anything you will accept
without questioning?'
only my questioning of everything
without hesitation I said
a lot like saying the only thing
that is constant is change
as it happens every minute
every day new information discovered
proves some right and others wrong
if it's there to be seen
it will be seen
until then theory and faith
wait in the wings
for a flight to witness with eyes
and within can be seen too
simply a different type of eye
held by the mind of this
insanely complex creation
and the wind is now bringing rain
sideways and it can be heard howling
through the woods behind my spot
directly at over and around the house
as quick as it came it is gone...

zero to fifty/two days

it's my Friday
no work for the next two days
but it's Monday for everyone else
enjoying the front porch as snow
falls they say it will be fifty degrees
tomorrow which means twenty-four
hours will bring us from below
zero to fifty in two days time
about twenty-two degrees right now
welcome any warm weather always
never enough in the northeast
snow will continue until
rain wakes me in the early morning
hoping to be up
and productive tomorrow...

continue to rise

could drop below zero
so I have to step it up
and go sitting up above
the snow elevated not only
in location but also
in mental situation
better than most
not a lot to cloud the head
these days except the cloud
created around this center
like a record not as cold
as anticipated close to single
digits and suddenly hot coffee
gone and chilled will probably
drop lower as I continue to rise...

meant to calm

got to start
it up outside
day after the storm
snow that remains
glows dull in the night
beyond the porch
probably continue inside
where it's always warm
and the scent in the air
is meant to calm
not offend somewhat accepted
at least tolerated
all the smiles keep it warm
at all times still get it
going on the front porch
tonight right where it began
smaller then and different
now knowing more of what's
to know and the wind chimes
all stand still frozen like this
hand as it moves anyway...

the warm before the snow

well into the fifties today
tonight still high forties
fear in the air is impending snow
handled multiple blizzards
last year three to six inches
isn't anything comparatively
most likely will start as rain
until it gets cold enough
we shall soon see
as we know how fast time does pass
ten minutes since sickness
took over but it's actually been three days
where does the time go
or is it that which is
truly what it is
it's time and it never stops
perpetually ever beginning
until we end
and time never stops
just new thinkers appear
to continue to wonder
and appreciate
the warm before the snow...

TodayIsTheDay #10

wind that flips the pages
before I can put ink
on them finally began something
paused too long ago
as if I didn't care
but do and the wind picks up
again as if on cue
the air is cold and they say
rain will follow but right now
nothing but a steady wind
pausing only to catch it's breath
maybe today is the day
had to trick my own mind
into something I didn't want to do
for no apparent reason
and it can only help
today is the day forced myself
to believe that and work harder
than ever to overcome
obstacles and be a better person...

move to think

still thinking
sitting so still
trying to let
the sickness pass
hours turning simply
into more hours
catching as much rest
waking to repeat
the same still thinking
on that next move
life's chessboard
every morning a new game
so still had to get outside
clear night sky had
to give it a look
moon quarter lit
still illuminating
the night darkness
the air is warmer than
usual even when the moon
light makes it seem cooler
and maybe it really is
stranger than fiction
still thinking on
everything considered
real on the day
today disappeared
for an entire day
couldn't think
but still had to move
to think...

barely feel right

better than this time
last year no snow
piled high and actually
found some time
to put down some words
last year this month
didn't write a thing
must've been shoveling
all that snow
better than last year
at this time
the sun did no good
with all the snow
still trying to recover
haven't been sick
like that in years
some sort of virus
went right through
the family one by one
still barely feel right...

TodayIsTheDay #9

the sun is shining
and it's warm
last year this time
the month of snow
was about to take over
the color was purple
and the smell in the air
was citrus for sure
and it could have all
been in his mind
today is the day
he gets lost in eyes
that see different
and a chill that doesn't
make him cold
the sun is still shining
even if only in the mind
still going strong
to this day the strength
to smile and keep on
keepin' on the jester
and the rasta
together in the mind...

just restless

the head rolls
over one side
blank stare
don't want
anyone too close
don't have to talk
really only encourages
more talking
they push and try
to make him lose
his mind can't shake
him loose cannon
with only a tiny razor
never any ill intent
don't mind him now
he is just restless
and a bit lonely
hardly knows what
he is saying...

missed her smile

the day
unusually warm
watched the snow
melt away
sun across the sky
the day
moved along quick
never forget
enjoy moments
all along the way
smiles
throughout
the day
said it before
she came home
now
her smiles
melt away
the snow...

over doing it maybe

might even be
over doing it
writing so much down
might even be evidence
of an over active mind
probably not the worst
vice to display or become
this time of night or day
it doesn't seem to matter
when I grab the pen
going where the thoughts lead
the sound of a plane overhead
or cars navigating this little
neighborhood in randomsville, usa
guess I could be anywhere
but two generations ago
they came here
shoe city famous for fighters
every city has a story I just happened
to catch a ride on this one forty years ago
and for some reason I grew up happiest
when I wrote things down
remember the cabins in NH every summer
kept journals then must be what
drives me to today
pen overlooking any achy hand
pushing past the occasional cramp
stretch it out start again
keep it moving hand ready to jump
over the shiny white piece of string
that keeps these pages in place
it was staples in NH and the books
had blue covers...

glad they are home

circular table for these
thoughts to go around
watching the moon
pop through clouds
and trees as the lunar
day begins test the thought
if clarity comes tomorrow
night around ten have to wait
to see skin on hands
cracks and hurts a bit
this time of year
but it doesn't stop the thoughts
from pouring out of the mind
and pen down for whatever
wherever but mostly solo
journeys somehow invisibly
tethered to this spot
willingly of course
could change or
stay the course
one day might surprise
glad everyone is home
around the circular table
where I sit and enjoy tonight...

stop quick w/ a distraction

some days I just don't know
where to begin or where I really am
for that matter as far as these thoughts
go wherever I go not far
at all though sorry to disappoint
where am I gonna go
some days I get stuck on the back porch
watching the snow melt
news of another explorer dying
trying to cross the antarctic
how crazy that no one has done this
it's twenty-sixteen sometimes
I don't know how to get started
get moving get going
gaining a little momentum
only to stop quick with a distraction
it's the mind's call to action
some days begin right where
I left off the day before
keep on pushing
none of us know
how many more...

already here

never have I seen
the curve so I don't know
on their way home now
miss my sister and Rodrigo
but I know Ana's smile
will melt all of this snow
the plane is high above as
am I haven't flown since
oh one guess I have no
where to go or no one
to see that isn't
already here...

one two three day

not going to let the time
run out first real snowfall
watch as people panic
but after it's fallen
there is something
so peaceful standing
out in the garden
not going to let the
one two three day
pass right on by
still tired flip flopping
the work schedule
standing in the snow
elevated and ready
to rest...

midday no wait

five minutes ahead
but two days behind
thought isn't dead
purpose still try to find
doesn't really matter
no reason not to see
too short just grab a ladder
climb up high and see
right here all the time
like Orion in the sky
here again another rhyme
reach the stars I will try
only minutes between now
pick a time and date
Tuesdays always work somehow
middle of the day no wait
cryptic thoughts drawn
what will really work
sign out on the lawn
not going to be the jerk
just want to chill
it's now I want to live
never meant any ill
lots of thoughts to give...

TodayIsTheDay #8

today is the day
appreciated for work done
paid a little more
glad to work somewhere
that can consistently
count on business
today is the day
boss man smiles
and says good job
guess review time
comes around when
hearing it is needed
sometimes it's easy to forget
that someone is watching
maybe I know too much
to take any of it
too personal it's a business
in the business of making
money like them all
today is the day
don't want it to cross my mind
only a day to appreciate
being appreciated for hard
work done...

fragile tail

who knew the tail
was so fragile
luckily someone
knew to look it up
never would have
thought it so serious
probably why I have
no veterinary skills
personally finished
with one of my own
who knew the tale
we would need to explain
of course on my watch
who knew the tail
so fragile lunged at him
who knew the pain
or how fragile
probably no idea
what is going on...

just what I want to do

not afraid of the cold
at all and willing to be
out in it as long as stars
can be seen
someone has to see them
really do consider it
my night time ceiling
staring sky bound
thoughts tonight
accompanied by the howling wind
through the trees loud in the quiet
as if it has a voice or needs one
not afraid to be outside
a little longer
trying to catch all those
things that might otherwise
go unnoticed still with that coffee
late into the night even if
I only last another hour or so
what else should I do
find a show or movie to watch
get into a spectator sport
or just sleep until tomorrow
just not afraid to be in the cold
and thinking of the living
world all around me...

tell the children the truth

out now on a different porch
out front that way
I don't get snowed on
don't know how much
we might get
only about an inch
almost a year ago
got nearly an entire
month of snow
luckily it was also
the shortest month of the year
it sure didn't feel like it
don't mind any of the porches
here at home I have a few
thinking about the quiet
the opposite of the state
of the world or so they say
and how can we ever really know
what is real and what is shown
in order to keep control
over the entire show
too much to get into
on such a quiet snowy night
but there is still time
to tell the children the truth...

WriteOn #5

a long day
but not as crazy
someone appreciated
my thoughts today
and only a few things
might make me
happier than hearing that

a long day
put in a few miles
by foot
but not as crazy
went at it with
a different attitude
and it really did
make all the difference...

hear it melt

can hear
everything
that has been frozen
melt
can feel
the extra degrees
but of course
my only proof
is the thermometer
above and to the left
can tell
it's almost
time to sleep
can hear
peaceful sleep quiet
start to takeover
whatever that means...

cold under stars

tonight not as cold
still sitting under stars
forty-five minutes home
behind all the cars
slow moving traffic
music up loud
slow moving thoughts
now climb into this cloud
thick but it clears
as quick as it came
call it what you want
and I will give it my own name
then do it all over again
just to spite my face
can't stop a minute now
I have an incredible pace
to keep up won't stop
working until I am done
realizing each day
never an award to be won
barely credit given
what did I expect it this time
get home climb into the cloud
relax with a rhyme
a couple lines at a time
nothing too crazy
a couple lines at a time
maybe because I am lazy
to say it was a good day would be
an understatement mom got greatest news
not another day to lose
pain fades like the color of the bruise
each time they stuck her
in each arm
hoping the poison
would help not harm
and it did today is the day
we all move on strong
today is that day
we anticipated all along
so I smile for my mom
as I scribble words tonight
it's still cold under stars
but not too cold to write...

numbing silence

seems as those the air
is frozen into a numbing
silence which becomes
the soundtrack tonight
the new room finished
seems to have added
more space somehow
instead of any loss
no different from out here
still cold with coffee still warm
drinking it too fast just
to stay warm as left foot
crossed falls asleep
and the right hand
struggles in the cold
to hold the pen...

two weeks in

two weeks in
still too early to tell
seems good so far
leaving some crazy behind
and facing new crazy times
ahead no doubt
it's a presidential election year
here in the usa
let's see who we get to choose
the charade that helps
when we talk about democracy
and freedom even if all the possibles
happen to be standing for the opposite
some other reason behind
those promises and commercials
that will be forgotten eight years later
obviously you'd think
we all have the worst memories
or are easily duped
or conditioned to accept whatever
comes next...

TodayIsTheDay #7

today is the day
watched my brother
create two new rooms
with one wall and a door
each new chapter seems
to bring with it a new room
even if it's one that has been
reinvented four maybe five times
before it is finally what it needs
to be and what it actually is
eventually a balance reached
standing on another slippery
rock by the water's edge
this time the pond is frozen
only hope is that the fish
are deep enough to not be frozen
until sunlight warms the pond
tomorrow between twelve and two
it is in the direct sunlight
but even today's light
did little to warm the pond...

this spot this hand this page

dad said it should have
a good title like
'leaves of grass'
but I can't exactly
hi-jack an already used title
pretty well known work too
WW somewhat influential poet
what about 'the bible'
see what kind of fish
that title will catch
this thinker is not a fisherman
and the sky doesn't get much
clearer than it is today
but the air is cold
the wind is shaking last night's
snow all over the page again
lucky the sun moved
into the sky above
this spot this hand this page
still working out the title
in the mind not overlooking
the backyard beauty...

what is true

not knowing where I will end up
being here now where I am and where I go
known to those who want to know
doesn't much matter in the day to day
stop the madness and the lies we tell ourselves
the learning has blocked ideas from growing
truth might be told and no one to hear—learned
from long ago to trust what is
being taught, told, & made to believe is what is
true...

into the night no doubt

head down writing
only seconds it seems
suddenly wet from over
the head and behind
snow on the page
nearly covering winter coat
sleeve and can hear it
fall into the back of the hood
covered with the first blanket
they say it could be one to three
they are hardly right
head down writing
trying to get a few words down
before the page gets soaked
with those fat flakes
and honestly every one of them
looks different as will
this page once the paper
and ink dry
head down writing
most of the day
working with words
and into the night
no doubt...

life lived right now

countdown on
as tomorrow is always
anticipated
and it sounds
too stressful
damn right
it is stressful
but for some reason
it's important
and what else is there
at this point
in this life I live
countdown to right now
started forty years ago
almost in the same place
never anticipated a move
just anticipated enough
movement to live...

WriteOn #4

missing the ones
who gave me the book
something blank
to write on
and tonight just need
to find a dry spot
to write on
miss three of my roommates
visiting a place much warmer
fifteen days until a chilly return
what could be going through
the youngest mind on the journey
what about the mind of new dad
visiting his native home
has to miss
the temperature at least
never heard him admit it though
it was sisters home for a few years
bet she misses the friends she made
and the sun and the beach
miss all three of them now
and these are the thoughts
I write on...

swinging as if he was

not quite unhinged
but sometimes
swinging as if he was
without anything
keeping him connected
to the strange
reality he swims in
eight hours a day
the disguise
complete with a name tag
and a t-shirt but not quite
unhinged because the cage
pays the bills eight hours
a day play the game
trying not to become unhinged
but as long as he swings
with a smile it's never
to far to take a stand outside
the cage for a second
talking the self back into
that strange reality he lives
eight hours a day
until he can figure
out another way...

not another like the last

so much rain
almost glad it is raining
harder by the minute
ten degrees or twenty
colder and it would be snowing
not at all ready
for another February
like the last
finally stopped
and only wind but
everything is soaked
good thing I brought a towel
couldn't stand and write
without a podium
prefer the table and chair
method but the day forces
me to throw down a towel
with all this rain its hard
not to think actually it's
what woke me from rest
this morning sharing that funk
nearly impossible to describe...

just decide

can't just decide
to write stories
when all I get
are these smaller bursts
random thoughts
micro stories of places
and persons that may
or may not exist
somehow probably exactly
what I should do
and it's probably that easy too
standing in the kitchen
even though everyone
is in bed and there is no one
to talk to and it's okay
the next two days will be nothing
comparatively speaking
most likely take myself
way too serious at times
should know my place
I do not perform surgery
or build structures that need to be safe
I stack fruit and think a lot
have to decide each day
how I am going to approach it
each day doing better
than the previous
can just decide
to have a good day...

not going to happen-try to be that way

some days the workplace
taken way too serious
done it for too long
not to see that the thoughts
are not going to be understood
its just not going to happen
whatever we all serve our
purpose make your decisions
wisely because no one might
be watching and someone
might not care anyway
got to try to be that way at times
instead of treating it like
the after hours thoughts
would even matter
and they don't...

three in a row without clouds

a couple glowing statues
in the garden the tranquil
night spot with little pond
nearly frozen every night
sun works on the surface daily
the fish must appreciate that
and dive deep at night
tonight the rapid cold increase
makes me want to go inside
but still have to be here
a little longer to appreciate
the night and the watch of
Orion over my right shoulder
every night 3 in a row
without clouds
must be my lucky number...

call on the random

thought about the love
for that gonzo journalistic
side of what's really real
HST style wild turkey
on the hip can't lean
right or left
so on that note
no party for me
none of the governmental
guidance or guillotine
detach and stand strong
with the family
always thought about
the love for that freedom
as much as we can really claim
on the day to day
maybe minute by minute
never gone too far
suits me just fine
really can't trust any
of the tyrants in life
none of their power
wealth and influence
is even measurable
by our life standards
rambling after the phone call
thoughts still stuck
up in the head
like an old 90s rap jam...

just a little cold

sifting through older
thoughts similar ideas
setting different time
an expanded mind now
more experience
thinking juggling all
these ideas spinning
in front of eyes
new and old
connection to the stars
still Orion stares back
every night sifting through
older books trying to expose
more of the mind as it relaxes
two days without work
on the mind cold wind steady
at the face looking
northeast curling around the side
of the house little porch
little table little cold would be
too much of an understatement...

anything becomes the day

at least one a day
like doing sets of push ups
to keep the arms and upper
body strong turning pages
as I fill this book keeps
this mind strong
at least that is what I will say
when asked some days
it's as natural as thinking
not quite as natural
as breathing actually
watching a hawk in a tree
one that doesn't notice me
the sun is bright and makes
me feel warm despite the cold air
discovering something
nearly new everyday
looking into the things taught
and seldom questioned
many years later wonder
why no one has any time to wonder
too busy to think about anything
that didn't make it on to
the schedule today
and I am enjoying my days off
I try to keep it simple
that way anything
can become the day...

WriteOn #3

write on the day
nineteen twenty-two
write on any day
just so happens
remembering a picture
a smile and a few catch
phrases remembered
they still come up
in the mind
and any time I find
coins on the ground
he always stopped
to pick up change
write on and reinventing
the change
I find...

TodayIsTheDay #6

today is the day
created a new writing spot
have to retrain the habit
forming mind
turn smoke into vapor
and leave the dirty part
out of the habit
created a new desk area
today is the day
to finally write that novel
decision to round it up
to ten release two more
electro-books
then an old school
page flipper for those
who still do that
apparently there are a few
who still want to hold it
rather than download it
it is understandable
and so I created a new spot
to write and it was originally
a gift given in nineteen sixty-nine
what could any of this mean...

he would have been 94

would have been
ninety-four today
never found the hidden
journals and treasure
know now fifteen years
later he knew much more
and somehow the information
became permanently hidden
all those flights overseas
the war changed so many men
at a young age fire bombing
cities must do a number
on the human mind
should have asked more questions
when I had the chance
knowing he had to know more
thirty-three missions at least
maybe the mind shut off
to avoid the haunting thoughts
and terrible nightmares
the headaches that followed him
all the way wherever he wandered
always making a Houdini-esque escape
always trying to get somewhere else
none of us know or knew then
so much reading leafing through
all the books looking for notes
found very few as these thoughts
went on a journey into the past today
it was his born day in nineteen twenty-two
it's only right...

same room

same room sitting on the floor
almost like twenty years ago
except now I know
and much has changed
trying to come at it
a little different
not seeing it as the same
same room
the occupants above
my two favorite people
remain the same too
peaceful tonight
relief at last
no more treatments
one last check to see
if the sickness have left
and only thing left to do
is keep it away
sitting in the same room
tired all over again...

right there every night

some days I like my job
and what I do
putting fruits and vegetables
on tables make it look nice
enough for people to buy
relaxing now as the day
gets crazier in the mind
dinner with my parents
my two favorite people
alone only in the mind
sharing this beautiful space
sometimes just wanna kick it
with a snowshoe wearing ninja
stomping through the door
with purpose knew all along
it wasn't worthless
high fives all day if I have to
some days I look forward
to days of relaxation
no plans nothing but positive thoughts
for mom two weeks to go
strength to finish stronger
tomorrow is a step in the right
direction reminded randomly
to look up and Orion
is still there every night...

it's OK with me

the littlest porch
here at home base
where I feel grounded
though still shocked
same house many changes
older than some of the trees
in the yard might have had
a hand in planting a few
stay tuned and you will
probably find out
as I do document damn near
anything and everything I do
the tiniest thought
might get tossed into the mix
of a quiet night at home
don't mind at all being
this third wheel
love watching them
be themselves
probably why I couldn't
be anything except me
and it's OK with me...

placed here not to be removed

occasionally still think
something should have worked
and it's why believing in my thoughts
now means so much
more than a hobby
more like a lifestyle
a lifelong search of the mind
without google or with it
if it helps being outside helps
keep me tight with the elements
as the season will surely get colder
supposing the right decision made
was the one to come back to where
I learned to love and care
about the short time we have here
mortal thoughts inspire the ideas
to keep these thought immortal
place here not to be removed
only destroyed but of course backed up
even if stored in the corner of obscurity
as long as words remain readable
these thoughts will never die...

saw three smile

a lot quieter so still
a deafening silence
everyone would be
asleep now anyway
the difference is still
noticeable glad for the safe
journey far from here
watched three smile
in the hands
of my mother
only three left in the house
making my space different
again keep it simple and compact
a lot quieter since I have been back
to this spot in the city
never could see light through
the wooded buffer behind
the small covered up porch
the garden and pond are also
a lot quieter this time of year
and night brings sounds
from far away even high above
closer moved some books today
jogged out a few old thoughts
to help bring in the new ones...

TodayIsTheDay #5

today is the day
woke up and made
breakfast for my mother
talked about missing
the littlest one early morning
chatterbox probably coming
home speaking Portuguese
today is the day
small screen live call
like something out of the Jetsons
sci-fi cartoon from childhood
could see the recognition
in her little smile
wondering why we aren't
in the same room or the next
one over or downstairs
instead of a different part of the world
moved some things around
seems like a whole new room
all over again
today is the day
eye reinvent the space
yet again what's one more
over twenty years strong...

two put me here

first four twenty
in twenty-sixteen
new number to remember
when writing daily
shouldn't be hard never is
or so they say
so I don't worry anymore
and even if I do
I try harder to put it aside
and push on through
the day no one is here
except the two that put me here
and they don't know what
to tell me after all these years
they have done everything
they could and more no doubt
first twenty-four in twenty-sixteen
won't tell me much still alone
and content more than lonely
content to know I still have
to be a better me for me
as the new one rolls in
and I roll up if I chose
to leave the neighborhood
always felt safe in this house
content in the mind
which has become my home again...

first visit

crazy when that
newest member appears
and twelve months
to look back on
where we were to where
we are now
how quickly everything
can change
how far can be traveled
in twenty-four hours
three hours time difference
video chat in mother's hands
real time beyond the equator
would have loved to be
on that flight...