both feet in crazy

how can anyone be surprised really
it happens everyday
crazy people do exist
and will cause mayhem and death
but I think there is misinformation
in the details and the focus
is again far from a foreign policy
with both feet in crazy
how can we be surprised
it happens all over the world daily
it hurts the most when it hits home
shouldn’t we now see the senselessness
of unnecessary violence
security being what it is these days
police presence topping all-time highs
how can we really get surprised…

False Evidence Appears Real

still not afraid of the people
the bombs drop on them daily
not afraid of the weapons
wouldn’t even know how to use them
or want to either
how destructive must our culture be
to believe that somehow
the violence is necessary
the concerns should be on
a more sustainable culture
one that doesn’t thrive on death and destruction
one that might thrive on the life
all around us and still not afraid of
false evidence appearing real…

wind too cold

on the other side wishing

somehow to just wake up
and understand the point
to the sky don’t look
at the pointing finger instead
to the sky and beyond inward
conditioned to behave otherwise
ignore the connection with
everything that is living
around everything living
simultaneously always right now
on the inside the wind got too cold
fought it long enough by the fire alone
for years on the other side
now strength in solitude
appreciating life all around
back to the self…

disposal

still unravels everyday

closer to forgetting
only hope to keep on
thinking then losing that thought
happiness felt different
bad decisions made
and dealt with somehow
alone is all that makes sense
no one hears except those who put
me here maybe experimental
never much for horror movies
created so many graphic scenes
as a disposal site for all this anger…

light it up

just about

one year

never shedding

another tear

rather breathe that rasta air

they will judge—don’t care

and never will again

shouldn't have back then

where I've been

and when

only one message to send

no fear

only love is needed

anger has finally receded

no matter of fact just mistreated

and only hatred greeted

at the door of where I felt safe

quickly turned into a strange place

never looked at betrayals ugly face

understand it was quite the waste

of time blame on me

self-learned lesson

lack of love the real recession

lack of confidence the real depression

self-realization another higher session

stepping off the cloud knowing

over-standing higher

burning out the memory trail

mastering the fire

all the cards are on the ground

I will never tire

add these final thoughts

to the yearlong full grown pyre…

cannot compare

fit in to the busy day

turns to night over and again
days become weeks months
a year since the worst six hours
all the years
the feeling in that box
cannot compare
then the hollow feeling tattooed
in the mind as if a flashback
occurred in a fit of sadness
like a shiver up the spine
stronger now somehow…

support humanity

so often hearing blind

support for the military
seeing the upsetting looks
when I refuse to support war
the terrorists won’t be able to get us
if the military is home ready to act
to be a patriotic American does not
mean unwavering support for
unending unconstitutional wars
and occupation of foreign lands
nothing that I have been taught
makes going along with the insanity
of war makes sense
and nothing I have learned tells me I
am wrong for opposing war
who do I support?
I support humanity which does
include the military
but I do not support the job they do
they carve up the world for the rich
who take the natural resources and
profit from the money it generates
we are no safer and democracy is not
being spread and freedom is not being
protected it’s being eroded at home
seems no one remembers how these
wars began with fear fed lies
I support humanity and I know the world
is really fucked up and I know there are crazy people
but making war and killing people is having no
regard for humanity
I still support humanity in the midst of people
who are more offended by profanities
coming from my mouth
then they are about the violence and death
brought to us by military drones
and I don’t blame the people
but they are conditioned into
complacency and it’s a tough fight
to keep from being sucked in
I support humanity and the truth
undo the lies and end all wars…

just talk

 

don’t want to argue

just want to talk truth
when interpreting the news
the truth shouldn’t be buried
in a bag of lies
let’s agree we really don’t know
what is being done in our name
chances are it is pretty terrible
we are all stuck in the matrix
and it drives one nuts to obsess over things
we have no control over
but it’s supposed to be ‘of, by & for the people’
that’s us so we should know what’s going on
we have got to find truth now
decipher it for ourselves
with technology every one of us has the ability
to do research from the comfort of home
still easier to just watch what the msm has to show
question everything I research and watch as the truth
resurfaces and see how it is all connected…

exhume dead thoughts

overloaded and consumed
need to exhume the dead
buried deep in the mind
need to ignore negative
until it completely fades
and it will and does each day
only dump it here to get it out
to see and destroy over loaded
now with positive on the rainiest
days blend together
at times the need is to slow it
all down and not have a plan
for the day happens as it will
and I will add my thoughts to it
put them out there out where
they might do something other than
be stuck in the mind mud making me
move much slower when over loaded
consumed with that which is
unnecessary…

build on today

hyper vigilant watch
when on the road now
a new kind of social paranoia
brought on by whatever
angry at the onset of a new hurdle
although doing well at ignoring
the inconvenience hyper
in a lot of aspects
each day building on the success
today and everyday forward
a new sunrise with new eyes
no distractions and ridiculous
daily habits wonder gone
understanding now what
the getting ready was for
hyper-attentive to the needs
of those around me
ones once considered family
blood always proves thicker
the red water fooled me for awhile
how far have I come
further in eleven months
then the previous five years…

still not quite used to the quiet

even now expecting to hear something
but nothing sounds so much better
all those three word lies told
conditioned to believe
to make me believe
until it was just that
make believe not truth
even loneliness is better than
all that make believe
enough to make you distrust
everyone but don’t
it’s okay if you do
just build on today and
tomorrow will be easier to welcome…

keep pushing

stuck behind a wall

where thoughts cannot be seen
too many times
all that effort for no return
all thoughts previous
only to erase them all again
re-emerging stronger somehow
more myself alone
more myself without
the five year mess I created
thankfully never getting it back
just keep walking until
the wall is far behind…

not another moment

not too many to document

any mental struggle

hiding behind other books

journals with ideas frozen

with the ice words are

coming in slow tonight

like thoughts of spring

buried under two feet of snow

not another night

plenty thoughts come and go

solo again no mind

falling into darkness

know where to go without a light

not another day

negative thoughts fought

from down the road

thirty minutes by foot

done it twice

not another night

missing the warm

never real realization too late

became so cold have to kill

the idea nightly

until gone

not another moment

confused as to what it meant

mistakes cannot be transformed

into the right choice

done it once…

what to do

206/2013 730am

it all matters

because most will continue believing

the lies behind so many stories

no one should be surprised

to learn our interests are last

no one should ignore

the lessons that can be learned

from the past

it’s too easy to ignore and fall asleep

accepting what’s being told as truth

just more lies on top of ten year old lies

on top of twenty year old lies

still being exposed

it all matters

the generations of lies

helping only keep the powerful in power

we are never encouraged to be independent

only to be part of a collective group of thought

our political parties…show me the difference

on foreign policy and the economy

and how can we then expect any real change

especially when more lies are piled on top

of four year old broken campaign promises

it all matters

because those in power count on

a collective ignorance to the effects

of this foreign policy and economy

a collective ignorance to the fact

they are two sides of the same coin

owned by multi-national banks

a collective ignorance to the illusion

that every four to eight years

things might get better

if we make the right choice

what choice…can you remember

it all matters

no one can deny that they do not remember

when the US was not at war  

can we continue to deny the loss of personal freedom

in the name of national security

everyone is a suspect for something

everyone is stuck proving the negative

impossible but fear

has the collective to a point of dependence

someone else (they) will protect us

what is it they are really protecting

it all matters

how many more rights

have to be infringed upon

before the collective turns

and faces its common enemy

what can we do…

enough to burn

ahead of the game

believing in the self

and at the same time

laughing at myself

despite all the imperfection

still striving for a resurrection

dodging all mind infection

playing chess in the mirror

trying to understand that opponent

a little clearer

the stone was too big

no one could ever move it

thought I was someone else

no one could ever prove it

cool breeze blowing a virus

at everything and it passed

without intended destruction

started with that creepy seduction

how many others fell for it too

or someday will guess it’s a warning for you

stay ahead of the game

the alert is cool breeze will burn like a flame

from a torch hot enough to burn it

to the ground without a sound

never thought hate would sneak into the mind

of this new stranger

only thing to keep sanity

balanced somewhere between awful memories

and beautiful smiles both pointless now

and never seen the same

far ahead of the game… 

luckily, left behind

sometimes thoughts getting bounced

back and forth or fifth time around

each corner twisting in the wind

rain or whatever snow when it’s cold

everything freezes like

april fools day twenty twelve

sometimes regrets follow like a shadow

when the sun shines brightest

and at the first and last moment

of each day perfect beauty

and no one could compare

think at a distance eyes poked out blind

sometimes huge parts have

to perish in the process

occasionally been the skin the evil snake shed

and lucky to be left behind…

arrow to the sky

lately thoughts been backed up
been drinking from a cracked cup
spilling it like a slob
but rolling up another bob
no matter what time
or what it says on the sign
arrow to the sky
never wonder why
or what the reason for
much thought and more…

 

standing outside in the cold

amazed as the hair on my arms

stands on end as I stand on the porch

on the end in the cold air long enough

wish I could stand it longer

but I like to be warm

can’t under appreciate the beauty of winter

and how it changes the landscape and the mind

amazed as the sun peaks up over the trees

and even in the winter warms things

just slightly but enough

amazed too that I will pick up a pencil

if a pen is not available

knowing all along I could speak this into

my phone and it would appear

typed before my eyes

am I still a writer then

if I don’t have to write

amazed at technology and the speed

at which things can now be done

but sometimes (most times) I will still

choose to write it all down amazed…

think positive-ever since

eye think it was dad

who put the idea in the mind

to write down experiences

journal random thought style

remembering summer vacation

cabins in white mountains

and chipmunks that weren’t afraid

eye think they are some of the best memories

drawn from a day’s events

while on vacation with a tight family

eye think being able to pull thoughts

out of the mind was born there

somehow in someway

eye think it matters

some people still want to know

what someone else is thinking

eye think taking the time

to put down a thought into words

songs dances expressions of

artistic creations of any kind

is what might help people evolve

and realize something else is possible

and within our reach

eye think positive

and eye know it was mom

who put the idea in the mind

been there ever since…

same skies high

blasted high above
no one sits too close
under same skies
holding only memories close
until they are all forgotten
erased from the darkened mind
not even the slightest thought to rewind
created my own misery
when I fell for the devil’s curse
bad might sit for a minute
it always gets worse
and nothing worse than some
of the things I have been
can I say I learn
and would not repeat
and try to get better
as each day will pass
blasted high above
you don’t have to ask
say what is in your head
who still bites their tongue
everyone spits fire
older one and young
at heart eternal
never going to die
or ever answer why…

no better

103/2013 640pm

wringing out what gets caught

as the day goes on

and on

and back to the beginning

when no one

appreciates the simplicity

we know no better…

the easy way

reaching down deep

thoughts splatter ink

on pages

too many words

don’t want to think

where does your mind lead you

want to be distracted

cannot figure it out

maybe tomorrow

loving how words cut the surface

of pages making them bleed

should I sit with these thoughts

or simply sleep and do nothing

because nothing will happen

when nothing is done

and it must be because

it’s the easy way…

speed up at the top(for the record)

officially dismissed

soon to be back on my feet
at last able to stand
alone without distraction
 
for the record
nothing to slow this roll
speed up at the top
of every mountain reached
topped with ease
anyone in the way
has got to join
the movement or
get out of the way
no other way
 
for the record
no longer going to spend
the time trying to fit into
some mold someone else
created no one interests me
uninspired by liars
happy to tear through thoughts alone
no one makes the rules
never did try to hide
who I am
more of an open book than ever now
take it or leave it at the base of the mountain
on top of which I stand for myself
at last as they laugh and it’s all right
with me as I laugh along too
a sponge that can hold more
than you can even imagine
try it out you have made it clear
knowing who I am
hope that’s just as clear…

still in the mind

wouldn’t know it from

where you sit not knowing

what I think anyway

as I move into another room

no one knows this

or where I finally gather

thoughts before page before screen

still in the mind

all day trying to figure out

what all the emotions means

and how to detach from them all

and be one with the mind

or no mind at all…