how many times backwards

backwards now told you

don’t get behind me

if ya don’t want me

to keep on walking

wish the walk was with me

not the other way

back woods smoke alone in a room

like a fishbowl without any light

bumping into myself

backwards walking watching

apparently walking away from

everything not my first choice

or even my second

backwards don’t know

how I ended up where I was

or even where I am…

flown when

the highest cloud

and the music

has gotta be loud

twenty years since first

pen to page

wouldn’t have known then

wings would’ve flown when

floating above no one gets it

but plenty forget it

silent room closing eyes soon

gladly stay awake

when it’s worthwhile

when there’s a guaranteed smile

and that sweet taste

no moment a waste

until waking alone…

restless in thought

turning inward

searching still

google won’t help

it doesn’t know

what I want

especially when I don’t

years tied to a lack of confidence

now even standing still

you won’t see me

above the rest

unless you look to the clouds

even higher

turning over in sleep

restless in thought…

internally hidden

headfirst

left fist balled up

right grips my knife

ink drips from the tip

carving up the page

with permanent scars

reminding that there are many

internally hidden

some might never heal correct

some already forgotten

where I went when I lost my mind

found myself here floating

in silence counting the nights alone

and close friends counted on

one hand clapping for all accomplishments

been writing about them for years

buried deep in layers of thoughts

trapped in the cage

that my mind has been fighting

to get out of my mind

where else would I go

can’t run far enough away

head down meditating

on the sound all around

the web that beautiful spider

trapped in the mind

have not seen beauty in years

would I know

everything seen until now

mirage nothing is real…

already there

sometimes won't work words wild
with anticipation for another night alone
sounds like fun already there don't care
but it's a lie care too much enjoy things
too much and get too attached to the temporary
would help knowing it was temporary
would there be a problem solved
another created and it goes on and on
it's life we wake up and live we take or we give
until it hurts that no one really gives a shit
sometimes you have to call it like you see it
instead of what you hope it could be
hope isn't real living is real being here is real

sometimes you might get confused
thinking everything isn't momentary
and eventually will be gone wrong place
wrong time right place write rhyme
always real here can't be blamed for wanting
to extend the moment must have been
completely confused blinded by light on
the darkest of nights sad now that too nice
an offense to be punished and by punished read
disappeared as if it never was real making no sense
sometimes hours go by with silence and a cloudy day
might bring the brightest smile at night
might have been there all along
and I might not get it (because it doesn't make sense)
but I get it (because I am not that dense)...

headful of thought

got a headful of words

spinning irie ideas

simple relaxation method

no one judging the kid

someday growing up

they hope it gets easier

but it’s all still life

and unpredictable

can’t ever look back

‘cept to learn from moves

that got pieces taken

from the board deleted

from the message board

really getting bored by repetition

won’t look back ‘cept

to learn from made mistakes…

got a headful of thoughts

spinning cloudy webs

going in every direction

attention lost at some point

the mind went blank

like being shook until

no thought remains unreleased

until the tip of the pen

touches the page with much love

or rage like fire either way

there is no shortage of inspiration

comes at any and all times

most still somehow unexpected

random ambush of thought…

got a headful of thought

brought on by intense normalcy

and repetition rebuilt

hundreds of times

eyes burning looking only forward

to be a part of this journey

get in front there is no looking back…

burned it up

never been a victim

never claimed to be

always going forward

now never looking back

burned it all up in smoke

all the thoughts and pictures

don’t want any reminders

got plenty of reasons for regret

top of the list too much trust

never knew such betrayal

sealed with an order to stay

a football field away

go start that new life with

no revelation of truth…

no one thinks like this

no one thinks like this

might be what puts me above the trees

like clouds created the scenes I choose

be a part of the puzzle life is

never easily figured

outside the situation I do not know much

admittedly much too patient

and the taste isn’t that good from the bottle

rather the other option go figure

who knew it would be so easy to keep on walking

opposite direction as the five year mistake

only helped to destroy and developed weakness

allowing one with no direction to lead the way

no one thinks that which appears solid could be soft

and crushed under weight offering no support

no one thinks they will betrayed by one they love

payback for the one I hurt to be where I was

hard to follow and wouldn’t want to

but still stronger now and although no one thinks

like this might just be preparation

for the worst type of support that is out there

which is no support at all…

remembering 9-11-01

I cannot and will not accept the lies that we have been forced to swallow for 11 years now, please take the time to watch this video, for the families of 9-11 victims, for the first fire fighters and rescue workers who risked their lives and died trying to save others, for the truth as hard as it might be to digest, and for AMERICA it is OUR country and we NEED to know the TRUTH!!!!

touching the dream

906/2012 (755 pm) "Pembroke"

twisted again around thoughts
as they pour from the pen moving
as if it knows which word
will come next time seems to stand
still in arms perfectly wrapped
two spots upper and lower
slowly into what could be a dream
but it would end upon waking
touching the dream
eye thought eye had drifted
far into fantasy
the best reality eye can find
a smile with every look back from
those brown eyes...

change is made

too big of a heart having
muthah fahkah that I am
benefit of the doubt giving at every turn
stupid decision making...
no heart having mutha fahkah
so much things to say nothing to do
when it comes to making changes
always someone else's problem
maybe look into the heart
to see if it's still there
probably gone definitely forgotten
or something like that
what do I know
all that has gone on
don't know what the fahk I did
stayed way too long is
what the fahk I did
made the change is
what the fahk I did...

sleep again

waking up

clear head no idea how

haven’t given up on it all

still pushing

still grinding

trying to find and expose that smile

I saw it reflected in the water

at two in the morning

waking up now

only problem

might never sleep again…

soon to fall

everything remains in place

remember writing on that wall

swearing up and down walking

in circles dizzy soon to fall

from pure exhaustion

forever taken for a ride

lesson learned true

feelings must always hide…

only can

eyes red and burning 

from all the piff that I smoke

most of those around 

look at this kid as a joke

don’t really give a fuck, 

on their words they will choke

won’t always be the dummy 

always burning and broke

strong wind at my back 

leaving weakness behind

let those weaker beat me 

let them fuck with my mind

swearing that this time 

will never again rewind

violent retaliation will still be mine 

and be too kind

don’t need anyone 

on a mission of my own

even in a glass house 

I will throw a fucking stone

been young and down too long 

time to be grown

time to reap the harvest 

of the seeds once sown

don’t need anyone 

to tell me I am the man

standing taller than I was 

I know I am

now on a mission 

no more can’t only can

knock me off my feet 

right back in front of you is where I land…

start the day

start the day later than usual

no sleep until sunrise in these eyes

lost and found freedom at last

maybe the first time standing in the cold water

can’t even remember the last time

stood still in the rain added a chill

taken away because it was so chill

to be in that moment

start the day whenever desired

finally move from rest and relaxation

into left over rain and clouds

soon to be removed as sun appears

thoughts still deep in the cloud

created and nearly ever present

how many pages since meeting that spot

seated and letting the mind go back again

start the day again

however I want…

act like we don't know

tired of thinking

eye don’t stand a chance

taken nearly every time

eye think I know

and eye don’t want to talk

about it but these are the thoughts

how can I really hide

behind words or abstractions

distractions tricking the mind

into being happy

enjoying every moment

as if it might never return

because it won’t

and you never really know

what you don’t know

too late for some relevant information

probably ignored by most

and ruled to be of little importance

tired of thinking

for this reason right here

the eye dropper of crazy

ramble random thought scramble

constantly telling myself

no one really fahking cares

just look at this society

believing we need all the things they sell

prolonging the laziness factor

slowly accepting the bars

as they form all around us

and we act like we don’t know…

patience eaten alive

got to find a new approach

one that doesn’t leave me

wide open for constant disappointment

mostly in the self

for believing that something

might be as good as it seems

being alone a lot lends itself

to many hours of open heart thought

and patience gets eaten alive

as minutes become what seems

like an entire day consumed

by everything around…

fortunate find

because everything

suddenly much more beautiful

than ever expected

random meeting definitely

more than just a random meeting

everything changed in one moment

perfect sun filled day

no amount of force

able to pull eye from down deep

destroying now only negative

has obstructed the happiness view

a day and many nights

words cannot  describe

loosening the grip the past has on the mind

finally able to let go

everything suddenly disappears

except that which beautifully belongs

seductive moments the likes of which

eye have never seen

coming together

the perfect mixture full force and strong

over-standing a connection like this

a fortunate find to say the least…

inspiration ignition

began the lost artist search

and rescue brought back to life

feeling the heart finally pound

through the chest looking up

with eyes to the sky

could very well be sand at the back

found the artist hiding between pages

old words and feelings

now they appear to have been

for no good reason

stumbling forward the artist

was no doubt waiting to be found

inspired again brought back to life

leaving much behind

shedding old thoughts like skin

stretched and broken

out grown stumbling forward

faster twisted with thought

in the best possible sense

only positive energy moving all around

the artist turned on that switch

that spark ignited his mind

becoming a sponge for all

the inspiration he becomes one with

no one should be confused

nothing too complex

try to understand

standing over standing

blessings come at times

when they are needed most

trying no more to be happy

is a state of mind

that exists when trying the least

it’s there and it needs to be enjoyed

not ignored or unnoticed

the artist emerges more himself than ever

as if he heard the mighty om

in the powerful river…

into the sun

sitting in the sun

watching the water

the trees bending and swaying

silent rhythm no more blues

cept the music and the sky above

without a cloud cept the one eye

blow into the breeze

and into the sun

levitating thoughts

putting them in the right places

for moments are collectible too

don’t you know how to remember

everything simply put it down

and it doesn’t even have to make sense

why and why not on the same page

creating something even just with words

helping thoughts escape the mind

helpful sitting in the sun

relaxing and enjoying a day

with nothing going on…

caught on a dime

caught at a time

slipped and I fell

caught on a dime

swing the hammer

ring the bell

right off the pole

shot into the sky

never half ass always whole

focused with an irie eye…

how many smiles

how many smiles

sunlight breaks

through the shades

comfortable in unfamiliar surroundings

beautiful thoughts making memories

close enough to revisit

and revisit again

simultaneous like you’d read about

tales of a day in the life of

finding myself in comfort’s arms repeatedly

waking up to your amazing sunrise…

for self

pounding the pages

won’t hurt anyone

dwelling on anything

won’t get shit done

hitting the pages daily

keeping the mind clear

keeps an inward focus

thoughts are always near

not forgotten or misplaced

but stored on a shelf

not a team player right now

have to work on the self…

what's next

beating myself up for no good reason

just to toughen up and prepare

for whatever is coming next

releasing negative through

anger at myself and no one else

no matter what comes next

calm found that spot within myself again

been so long without it

barely recognizable

next arrives daily

calm now releasing any anger

naturally through jah reflection

like walking on the coals

becoming the fire

burning down what’s left

making room for what’s next…

settling in

settling in

reflecting the light

irie eyes and sunset skies

family in my heart

no matter what I do

even when they can’t

be too proud

but I’m not done

climbing everyday

reaching higher

if possible settling in

new skin and out growing

any old that’s left behind

and one day I will

get it right…

how i am livin'

the ridiculousness astounds

only want positive around

would even let the cold rain pound

but won’t let hate drown

time spent proven to be a waste

freedom feels better always love the taste

other bouts with freedom never been well spaced

in the past freedom has always been chased

false hope given

how you livin’

with what’s been given

this is how I am livin’…

trapped

trapped

worst nightmare

don’t want to fight fair

can’t ever show care

trapped

and knowing the way out

treat everything heard with doubt

don’t care about being left out

trapped

and used to the feeling

through the fuckin ceiling

frustration when kindness stealing

trapped

keep swinging until the walls are gone

get closer to see it’s all on

won’t get played like a damn pawn

trapped

walls of hate I never built

dead emotions I never killed

true tears never spilled

trapped

not for much longer

everyday getting stronger

can’t stop that truth hunger…