just ten years back

none can imagine life like just ten years back there
are definitely more technological advances but are we
more independent in our lives made easier with technology or
hopelessly dependent on the ease of our lives
enslaved by trends and new gadgets it might be easier said
than done to leave it all alone one day and there are
those who think they can do without for one day
who would you call if your smart phone suddenly went dumb
falsely believing someone will fix it or get a new one
believe what gets you through the day but
they want us consumers dependent
are we all willing to trust them to keep us
free from a web we cannot escape…

depending on who is asked

still too cold with the wind
eyes start to get blurry
almost May
not what you would think
but since when has that mattered
how do the eyes convince
the others to read
just words regular people thoughts
depending on who is asked
and how much time there is
for a reply still don’t know
anyone else who does this
constant mostly with little reward
but then someone gets it
and it inspires and keeps it rolling
like backwoods honey flavor
comfort in the cold
contribution to the wind
curling pages as the thoughts
get caught by the pen
they pass too quickly most times
reflecting mostly like that window
looking back really too cold to enjoy
the night outside retreat
back to the table
low light early night...

walk with pen

stood in the rain
for ten minutes
and could have
all night but I walk
with the pen instead
inside under low light
next to an open window
solitude blowing in the breeze
cool after the rain
eyes almost closed
lots of smoke and words
building Thirty-3…

recording progression

don’t have an interest

in entertainment presented

instead entertain these pages

with words

how many will be enough

always will wonder

what thoughts mine might

provoke and I don’t have

an explanation for how all this time

is really spent trying to leave something

behind for those to come after

this time called now

how primitive this pen held

will be at then two generations or so

away from obscurity

no doubt and no idea

at the same time

never stops merely pauses

during sleep until we learn to record

the dreams we can’t even remember

when we are awake

the subconscious hides

and might never understand

these pages become useful

in recording progression…

good time to get doing

when is it a good time to get doing

the things that make us happy

people are much easier to be around

fear brings out the anxiety as happiness fades

the day is long enough to get it all done

government wants a cut of everything

you pay your taxes for fear of punishment

have we had this conversation before

tyranny takes over and we don’t mind

when it isn’t knocking down our door

the small yard doesn’t interest them yet

government might already own it

fears arrive when flashing lights pierce the night

the laws aren’t always made to protect

people but certain policies and certain people

you and I aren’t that lucky yet

have we ever contemplated what the future might look like

freedom viewed from our invisible cages… 

99th died

trying to keep some balance

and maybe I fall

but I keep getting up

knowing the one hundredth

money has got to be getting close

even if the ninety-ninth ended it all

understand the thoughts

not the action truth only

gaining ground

not losing…

dreaming fire moon

moon turned red overnight

behind clouds could hear the rain

all night long in the strangest dreams

but this one stuck out

because of its randomness

sand and ocean at my feet

can’t remember taking off the boots

felt the water somehow barefoot

don’t remember walking the bridge

still made it from end to end

part of it being my favorite spot

is the walk across the bridge

thinking it shouldn’t be called

the blood moon it’s reflected sunlight

the color is closer to fire than blood

not to mention it sounds better

this is the dream conversation

within the dream head

woman walks by catching the sights

smoke in the air joins me where I sit

she says the clouds aren’t going to clear

and I think she might be right

invite her to sit and hang in the cloud

a moment realize I knew her as a child

nearly neighbors small world

fire moon still

hear the rain

awake…

separate entity

sit and let the mind go

back forth to a slow flow

the river in the distance

and all these thoughts I don’t know

what tomorrow will bring

maybe some sun

but I don’t even mind the rain

sit and let the mind go

wherever it wants

barely thinking just moving the pen

wondering why I do it

but not really

it’s a habit could be an addiction

not so much sickness

letting the mind go wherever it wants

as if it’s a separate entity…

hold strong

there are a few views I hold strong they tend to be unpopular
is it not okay to disagree with everything they tell us now
nothing could make me support wars of aggression
brave or not killing innocent people somewhere else is not
admirable in any sense of the word
or just even in history’s eyes seen as aggressors
praiseworthy success in the continuation of senseless death
about time we find another way to communicate
murdering civilians does not count as diplomacy
foreigners shouldn’t live in fear and neither should we
because of an illegal war or two
of course I appreciate where I live but
corporate militaristic America is not what I believe in and
propaganda won't convince me to support aggressive wars…

desired effect

cloud cover above

coming back here

always brings it back

full circle as they say

where I started

back porch

where it always seems

windy without sun

at the moment

stationary waiting on word

to move onto the next spot

stand to sleep to work to think

every square on the wall

night falls lie dominoes

set up to create

the desired effect…

not a big deal

not a big deal

being alone is freedom

to roam and do whatever

not having to answer to anyone

but who is there

to share a thought

conversation

not a big deal

sometimes just spaz out

write down a handful of thought

and eyes get crossed up

falling from this still standing spot

so long now quiet keeping

to myself no need to think out loud

or assume to know what others

might be thinking

not a big deal

two years later

still question the self-everyday…

lunch with the girls

strange coincidences

plague everyday or bless them

depending on how you see things

half full or half empty

the sun is always going to win the battle

must be true because sometimes

it feels like a big hug

but that sounds kind of stupid

until you sit outside

and spring has finally arrived

not quite here yet

filling pages in preparation

for the warm days in the sun

strange coincidences

lunch with mother and her mother

the time of this thought

and her strong belief in angels

can’t say I have ever been touched by one

the supernatural kind I mean

of course by plenty at one time seemed

angelic-like or whatever the term is

haven’t felt the supernatural type

seems like superstition-al to me

and there I go inventing words again

as if I am half supernatural in my own way

don’t get me wrong true desire to transcend

what we perceive to be real

and understand the mind a little more

some might not take the time to think

unless others think it too

who in the world thinks like this

as random and all over the place

out of place in every place

and outside the lines with a big black crayon

carving coincidences of my own

all over these cell walls like a prisoner

of the mind knowing I am not alone

plagued or blessed by many thoughts

that just won’t stop

and an anxiety that is just functional

enough to get through another day

but for now I will enjoy

lunch with the girls… 

working out

when forcing the pen

like an exercise

sometimes it becomes exhausting

thinking seeing them all appear

knowing weakness and holding

it close instead of powering through it

others have methods too

and with some success

none of them hold this pen

and this thought and the big secret

that it might not really matter

except for the motions of the circles

keeping it dizzy and maybe it’s me

and my dizzy way to dance through

the day and probably won’t

make a difference except to those

barely reaching with thoughts

words on the page wish it would

tell a story take eyes to a different

place instead stuck in the mind

intrigued by all the stories

accepted as reality of the day

opposing nothing and everything

without a doubt at the same time

confused and probably always have been

wonder though about happiness

and freedom and not being worried about

something relaxation and not feeling like

battling the mind anymore…

focus breath truth

no one ever tells us that it is all a lie
generation after generation letting safe guards fade
has anyone ever explained how the currency is formed
a shell game based on building debt
right before our eyes can focus
to the truth just pay your taxes
contract signed before we take our first breath
debts drawn before we know what the word means
greater understanding someday reached rather
than ignoring the logical things because we
can barely conceive the change we need
be vigilant in the search for truth
paid forward with the truth to the youth
off the grid might surface as an option
during times of universal deceit telling
the truth becomes revolutionary
course of action might be coarse action
of by and for what if
it’s not top priority when it must be
own yourself as strong individuals
existence is for nothing if not for individual freedom…

make a note

a few moths since

these leaves turned over

make a note

want to remember

every moment

might seem pointless

can’t let the fog as the snow melts

go unnoticed

did you happen to check it out

tonight maybe the moon shines

shooting star right through

Orion’s belt always seems to help

center the self quick

even in the rain

know where it should be

in the fog hiding in the shadows

sometimes better not to be seen

so often or at all

never will give up the game of words…

not in the wrong place

if you can see this from where

you sit just relax you are not in the wrong place

look at new ideas with eyes wide and mind open

up to you to stand out as individuals or

to fit into a collective group thought

politicians prefer you fall into one of their groups

you must stand out and sometimes you can’t fit in

look deep into your heart and mind

down with controllers all of them

on the thought of who to trust and believe in

yourself, that’s who…

winter numbness

winter numbs everything

twists together

gets buried under cold

layer after layer applied

then peeled once reentry made

any warmth probably accidental

like I meant it

every word heard absurd

but what are they really going to do

on the couch all day

watching what is there

do they have to anything to say

no thought original

and a pill for every bad attitude

each new day brings

never changing because they’d

have to make it and

it’s not dinner time

but I am hungry for some new thought

maybe rhymes rolling dimes

but I don’t need the money or the front

probably put the whole thing in one blunt

won’t smoke to get stupid but to elevate

everything I touch bring it with you

if you are going outside

but they won’t make it far without

the proper paper work or balls to break the law

it’s a little bit funny laughing from the kettle

smoke the pot no thought second

nature first place to travel

inward like eyes when tired

absorbing as much each day

try to learn it up

so really don’t look at me

like that when I put a flame

to it and burn it up…

nothing to do with conquest

if anyone really cared enough it could probably be stopped

there has got to be a better way to get along

is violence all we know as a society

one love never even considered

principle contradicted everyday bombs drop

more invasions and foreign entanglements

deeply warned by so many but ignored en masse

rooted too deep to topple all at once

in small spurts becoming less free

the privacy we one once guaranteed gone

mind controlled into thinking it’s for our best interest

of by and for the people never forget

every one of the bill of rights

American knowledge of US history must include

it and not forget it

is the security for the rights we were born with individual freedom

that is it, we need not fear government interference

we the people must have forgot or got conditioned

should we all become rebels again

have we lost the spirit of freedom and revolution

nothing to do with conquest, pure liberty

to those who value the future

do what you need to do to be awake

with whatever tools are available and necessary

conquest(ion) everything…

controls the pen

he might write all night long ten days straight

who am I to get in the way, he

controls the pen has for years

the stacks of books the library he is creating

present a picture of nearly nonstop thought

controls remain unmanned can’t take

the corner without flipping over going too fast

past haunts every day with all the bad decisions

he made forever making new decisions count

who he is now completely different

controls his own movement not just

the pen any more or less

past haunting being defeated

controls left unmanned until a new focus reached

the center where eyes would meet

future could be something else…

reasoning takes over

unfortunately things are not as they seem

our perceptions of things are based in half truths

education fails to develop independent thought

system built to destroy the family too

is this the new American dream

not exactly what they told us it would be

only takes some reading into the stories

failing to investigate breeds ignorance

to ignore the facts can’t

teach things that might be useful

critical times could be approaching

thinking as a collective will do no good

it results in dependence on other to take care

is this the new American dream

often I mistake freedom for freedom

itself defined needs no other words

a state of mind and being protected by the constitution

source it for yourself cannot argue

of course so many will and try to explain times have changed

confused and swindled into believing the government

rhetoric about being there to help people

and not cause more destruction than good

emotional distress in everyone everywhere

venting may in fact commence the American Spring

in the street people screaming with nowhere else to go

place faith in the government to lead only leads to let down

of course they will argue

systematic analysis necessary

reasoning takes over…