days go by

days go by
and frustration
sets in when the pen
doesn’t move
and only one reason really
because I didn’t pick it up
and move it
days go by
and fatigue is hard to shake
enjoying the warmth
knowing the chill
will return another few weeks
before a layer can be
peeled back and warmth
enjoyed but days go by
quickly luckily in the blink
of an eye ninety-two years
not gone a month
thoughts still strong...

once was

no idea what might come out
but it’s the truth as far as
I see it because
these are only my thoughts
and my thoughts
might play tricks on me
but they no longer lie
for any reason lies only
lead to digression no room
for progression
no idea who is going
to reach out from where
after how long sorry if I am not
as nice as I once was...

take anywhere aspect

sometimes I am too lazy
to go back inside after
I find a spot to write
and grab my book
but not tonight
even in the cold usually
I have no idea what thoughts
will come up and words will
come out when I sit quiet
this book is probably too
big more of an artist style
sketch book but with lines
to write on and it’s probably
because I get used to the smaller ones
then decide I need a big one
only to remember why I write in
smaller books usually
they fit with me better
and I can take them anywhere
this one is a little too big on the
take anywhere aspect of things...

out of view

no need to be reminded
that I am alone
feel the solitude daily
don’t need a special day
to feel more alone than usual
by the end of the day
I will have risen above
any loneliness
that tries to creep
position myself out back
hard to spot
out of view...

need sunglasses

the sun overpowers
the cold air and all the snow
is beginning to melt
been away from the book
almost two weeks
watching the last elder pass
and laid to rest while it was cold
even as the sun melts the snow and ice
I don’t own a pair of sunglasses
and never thought I needed
them until today...

G-Ma

we have lost our last elder
in our small family
we all watched that final light
from the oldest generation
flicker and fade and silently disappear
five generations
in one moment became four
the energy in that small room
around that small woman
that meant so much
was anything but small
chills surrounded and somehow
calmed my heart
despite the intense sadness
knowing what we all witnessed
was her final gift to us
a moment to wonder
if that energy
with the calming chill
was her energy
the final Elder
being passed to those present
a moment to appreciate
that room filled with love
despite watching her
take her final mortal breath
a moment to feel her energy
and hold it in our hearts
from this day forward...

same kind of sunshine

sit back with my cone
like a kid with an ice cream
well not anything like that
but it came out like that
when I put the pen to the page
afternoon sun melts
what is left of the snow
the green grass pokes through
visions of spring minus
the twenty-five degree temperature
somehow sunlight still manages
to turn solid to liquid
before eyes as I sit back
put flame to the cone
soon to hit the sit still zone
saw my dad sitting pensive
and asked what he was thinking
he said sometimes I sit and think
and sometimes I just sit
watching a neighborhood beach ball
blow around in the wind
without direction
only the fences keep it trapped
in the corner probably
be gone by the weekend
if that long sit back
with my cone diminishing
in the same kind of sunshine...

what's next

the snow is all but melted
and gMa still holds on
it’s the saddest part of life
to witness the end
the uncertainty of what’s next
we all have our own thoughts
on what’s next and wouldn’t
it be strange if
we are all right...

fading surrounded by love

she is fading
and it’s sad to watch
my mother by her side
every night
we really have no idea
what is next
and that is undoubtedly
the scariest part
of the entire process
the last in our family
of her generation
she is fading
and I can only hope
her husband
of fifty plus years
is waiting for her on
the other side
in some form
everyone feels different
as we watch
the process unfold
everyone of us remembers her
in different ways
I am the oldest grandchild
and she said my name
two days ago
in response to a kiss on her forehead
she is fading
surrounded by love...

twenty minutes

four strains
one cone
twenty minutes
listening to the rain
twenty minutes back
the sun was just finished
drying the rain soaked porch
from earlier in the day
gloomy all but
twenty minutes of today...

eternal sleep

crazy times for sure
watching gMa’s last days
wishing she could see
the newest member
arrive before April
highly unlikely
judging from the passed
week’s decline but
she has enjoyed ninety-two years
and she is ready to join
her husband on the other side
wherever we might end up
after this life is over
crazy times as we all
share different beliefs
no idea what happens
after this life ends
I do know when I sleep
my mind continues
without my control
and although I do not
always understand my dreams
or lack of dreams
I tend to view death
as an eternal sleep...

powerful insights

finally starting to see
the powerful insights it can bring
how quickly it turns
a headache into the past tense
and don’t remember how you
got to the chair still comfortably
aware enough to rest and enjoy
hard to believe it has taken
so many this long to discover
but still glad many have come
along for the ride
back into the mind
for a look into what life is all about
from the inside out
learning myself daily
soon to be producing more
than just the 9-5
which is 4-12 for me
only I would notice that
cold enough for the winter hat
and hood glad it came as rain
instead of being snow and all
it could have been
inside cooking with RSO
healthy medicated butter
what do ya know...

Political Thoughts - new boss

the ceremony is over
oath taken and promises
made to the nation
something different
the new boss
leading the nation
for the people
and plenty did protest
and it changed nothing
hopefully a calm will settle
or maybe things will be
business as usual
new boss just like the old boss
maybe nothing will change
and we will see that rulers
just rule and say what they need
to say to get to their power position
or maybe will be surprised
by the new boss of the nation...

minor details

almost too big
too much space
to spread thoughts on
but it doesn’t stop me
from playing on
without a sport to follow
trying to instead
unravel the truth
today’s technology
allows us library size
knowledge at our fingertips
at any time almost too big
to catch all the minor details
of the day that makes it
specifically today and
different somehow from
yesterday and tomorrow
no one thinks like this
most of the time hear them say
almost too big but I don’t mind
a challenge to better the self...

Political Thoughts - 3 days out

three days from now
a new era will begin
and for at least the next 4
a successful business man
will be the president of the US
from the moment he announced
he was going to run, and win
the power structure
already in place
has done everything they can
to prevent his confidence
and nationalistic ideals
from catching on
fever pitched spreading
like a cold in an elementary school
the mainstream media
did everything it could
to derail the train of thought
trying to bring about a change
that neither side of the political
coin wanted and after all
everyone threw his way
he still won and in three days
he will take his spot in history
as number 45
and truth be told
I have never had much respect
for the system in place
but know from research
that it would probably easier to change
from within
and it seemed hopeless because
both sides have been compromised
more than 30 years now
and I never had much hope
that the government
was going to help me
live out my dreams
and I do not think it is
the job of any government
younger days I bought
the line left of center
thinking social justice
was a viable answer
to the state question
do we even need a state
and protested the UN
in 96 and in 1997
protested the cozy relationship
with the Communist Chinese government
protested the war in Afghanistan
and the war in Iraq
an never liked or voted for GWB
nine eleven 2001 left more questions
than answers and I never believed
the official story never believe
any story said to be the official one
research on my own learning
and unlearning at the same time
in a search for truth
that will not end in 3 days
with the changing of the figurehead
leading the US for the next
4 years at least...

not, nothing

counted twenty high
planes crisscrossing the sky
all afternoon yesterday
every one of them
leaving a straight line
trail white gray in color
each one of them spreading
across the clearest sky
seen in days
it’s probably nothing
is what I always hear
when I point it out to others
but what if by the slightest chance
it is something we can clearly see
what it is because it’s
obviously not nothing...

really just ramble

most of the time being alone
is not a big deal
sometimes it is rough
but most of the time
it’s easier based
completely on my own
experiences that should be
obvious and I really shouldn’t be
so redundant wearing gloves
as I write because I still have yet
to put down the smoke
and I do not blow smoke indoors
most of the time
I do not torture myself with too much
cold done that for many years
shaving away the hair that grows
but always wear a hat anyway
never minded the cold
always just prepared for it
and rarely complain about it
even when it becomes unbearable
by then spring is only weeks away
most of the time I really just ramble...

5 am moon & starlight

the table has ice
crystals all over the surface
and one by one they turn
to wet spots soon dried by
the creeping sun coming
overhead from behind the trees
and warms everything
enough to be a peaceful
wind free winter day
hoping to end the day
with the same clear skies
and the same stars
that met me in the back yard
earlier before dawn
everything had a frosty
coating couldn’t find a spot
to sit just wandered around
the back yard
the only light was the moon
and stars...

cold as expected

cold is back again
but it’s winter
and it is expected, no?
nowhere to escape
if outside
it’s where I blow my smoke
so cold I will be again
but it’s winter
so I dress for the chill
sitting so still
hidden from any wind today
found a spot trying to
fill up the end of this book
before onto the next
historically speaking
coming up on another milestone
soon if they are kept track
of like laps in a race
only it seems as if I am running
backwards at times
if it is January
it is expected to be cold...

warm afternoon

another warm afternoon
watching the dawn of the moon
last night as it disappeared
into the clouds
and hope to see it again
tonight but the clouds
but the clouds have started
to mount up earlier than
twenty-five hours ago
another warm afternoon
but how long before the cold returns
because we know it will
all we can do is soak up
the warmth and not waste time
wondering if it would work
just build it and they will
grow especially inspired by
the warm afternoon...