know the rest

how could he fade

things are so real

worry much and thinking

you will be the one fading

not water color to be washed in the rain

even if emotions change

unfading and you never knew really

close your eyes

you know the rest. . .

it is enough

fiending for a familiar voice

that sweet beautiful noise

in ears ring them bells

inside the heart peace now dwells

much to do yet I sit and write

not once regretting a wonderful night

all at once rushing nowhere

down is now up and I am now there

at the same time I think I am still here

pain drifts away take with it fear

that place of tranquility is where I am going

the direction is harder for me to be knowing

accepted and time now to enjoy

remembering the days in this story of the boy

much anger and fear he has had

seemingly in control and embracing what is sad

now it's what you think the opposite of happy

lack of happiness for too long and then it slapped me

right in the face it's in our rule

not that you could learn that in school

reaching deep and look what can be found

nothing came when looking around

missing the point it was inside

and inside another no need to hide

NAMASTE honoring the light within you

knowing it's there the in the clouds I see right through

and seeing the stars and the full moon

no rush for that it's only noon

breathing each breath knowing the mind free

the rock that doesn't move even the tree

sway with each word the wind does speak

everyone's strong no need to be weak

nothing will break if it is willing to bend

you'll never lose me if you are a friend

find yourself daily or even a clue

one step at a time as if feet knew

where it is we are all going

no reason no rocks no need to be throwing

the past is forgiven not forgotten

some shines while some of it is rotten

embracing it all with the same arms

now letting it go watch as it calms

all of the waves that were so rough

enjoying the peace and that is enough. . .

won't fade

wonder why the sky cries now

push onward through it all plow

until reaching a point of desire

or until burned in the fire

won’t fade with the sun that shines

surviving worse, how many times

wonder why the trees bend like they do

wind won’t blow anything between tight two

what they say and shit they may speak

won’t affect what’s been found, not as weak

all the mountains seen, how many times

won’t fade and the sun still shines

wonder how it all came to be

looking into glass wonder what they see

don’t look away eyes are the cure

parting ways and only wanting more

won’t fade rather explode

sun shine brighter, overload

wonder why an emotion may rage

despite years numbers and age

don’t they know it won’t go away

and the stupid games that they play

won’t fade

even if standing in the shade

stop wondering and take it all in

try to explain emotion, don’t know where to begin

decipher the code no problem can’t be solved

figured out the emotion and any pain resolved

won’t fade in the shade paid or unpaid

thoughts stacked like bricks neatly laid. . .

the wind is screaming

808/1996

the wind is screaming and
the moon shines down
on my spot on the stone
give me hope
understanding
the pathways traveled
cannot rewind
and will not be where
it can harm me
will not be set up for a third stone
thrown at my head
a third day and I will not rise
falling into a new way of thinking
seeing myself as important now
back burner no more
center of my own attention
won't let the hard times
bring me down
reaching down to the first branch
falling how many times and hitting
how many branches on my way down
now seizing this day this hour
seeing clearly the ideas
before I couldn't see
change the ways that have done me wrong
move on to the better it will come. . .

nothing to find

loneliness—had enough

emptiness felt as the water gets rough

too hard at times sitting near

somehow wishing to be seen here

and how much to say

never enough time in the day

thinking misery for so long

and weakness becoming so strong

taking a mind off of this

seeing what may have been missed

waiting too damn long

and then they just come along

how did they know not like the rest

how did they know they would pass the test

learning more of the things unknown

learning more picking up the thrown stone

hopefully not settling for less

in the past created quite the mess

out of a mind

nothing to find

won’t rewind

won’t even think to look behind

won’t rise now tired from the strain

until the clouds won’t cry again crying all this rain

until the moon dances away below the ground

until the waves can’t crash and no one hears a sound

until the heat won’t burn up in that cooler place

until looking into the box—see the mortal face. . .

rest here in bed

wish I knew still don’t know what to do

so I think of your eyes

don’t know how to be anyone but me

can’t wear an oversized disguise

every thing's gone and I am not the pawn

in someone’s foolish game

I can’t find the place where I don’t see your face

some thing's not right I am not the same

as all the rest and I don’t claim to be best

but different in some kind of way

just take a look through the words in the book

escape with the writer for today

no promise I bring

don’t expect anything

smiling when hearing the voice

never been mad

though sometimes gets sad

wouldn’t if given the choice

what they want

past will never haunt

dreams of what’s yet to be

some life unseen

a place so serene

don’t know if we’ll ever see

dreams coming true

who knew what to do

in a situation stuck in the head

don’t want to wake up

mistakes must makes up

for now resting here in bed. . .

i know the fool

why am I here in this place

where I don’t recognize a face

are they offended looking at you

many catches made knowing you knew

without a doubt

words wont come out

hidden in a mind far away

soon you wont stay

will you be back been here before

make another catch as you head for the door

open to the outside where do you go

mind plowing thoughts as if it were snow

given the chance I look and then

keep my mouth shut once again

boring as Eliot I sit and I think

up from the pages watching eyes blink

how do I dare I know the fool

starting to drift right off the stool. . .

unwind

523/1996

smoke swirling confusion

always surrounding me

blood red contusion

what can it be

hat up on the head

hiding all this hair

don’t pity the dead

now we must care

happiness at times unreal

always strings attached

take a chance spin the wheel

still nothing to catch

clouds tell many stories

listen to the sound

some of them get gory

what is it that’s found

whistle a tune

mixed up in the mind

howling moon

wind unwind

spool tight

under foot

dark of night

nothing to put

faith in the sky

awful mess

won’t ask why

won’t confess

mixed in a bag

all I own

enjoying a drag

alone

what’s the feeling

the one when sun set

what’s being stolen

hold any regret

wish I knew

reason for this

into clear view

and a deceptive snake hiss

whistle a tune

mixed up mind

howling moon

wind unwind

no time to think

emotion overload

dare to blink

figure out the code

silence unwanted

happiness pain

remaining undaunted

feeling in vain

wrong time always

when will we learn

to stop these days

surely they must burn

fire started

no argument came

everything becomes retarded

what’s my name

whistle a tune

mixed up mind

howling moon

wind unwind

admonish this now

forgiven before

really don’t know how

to find the door

when we find it

will we leave

don’t mind

no trick in a sleeve

sparkle in eye

friendships are tight

stare at the sky

darkest May night

wear the black hat

stealing from the poor

guilty (not that)

not anymore

whistle a tune

mixed up mind

howling wind

wind unwind

scatter brain vision

acting as we must

confusion makes the incision

we might even bust

and might never understand

thinking too much

no money can buy

the feeling (can’t touch)

impossible dream

thought it was real

thieves we may seem

we know not to steal

time is on our side

got more than many

feeling will subside

answers (not any)

whistle my tune

mixed up mind

howling moon

wind unwind. . .

no more

513/1996

zero hour came and went

doesn’t matter, mind still bent

straight as an arrow

road got too narrow

feel out of place

my fist in your face

smile one more time

remember it is mine

explodes and the damage came

always know the name

caused hearts to bleed

careless roads don’t lead

to a hopeful end

what we need is a friend

one to pass the clock

a boat without a dock

nowhere to rest a head

room without a bed

need somewhere to rest

thoughts they will detest

hate with all your might

won’t give up the fight

will not bow, give in

take it on the chin

the hardest you can throw

far from a deadly blow

wind could cause more harm

to my bleeding arm

all the pain released

when a heartbeat ceased

couldn’t try much harder

now we must get smarter

all the knowledge take

giving your head an ache

ease the lasting pain

your diminishing reign

you’re the queen no more

I will settle the score...

colors fade

508/1996

colors fade

the tree swayed

in the shade

where he laid

down for awhile

hard to crack a smile

just a lifeless pile

he is not in denial

staring at the sky

ask no reason why

see him and don’t cry

keep on, pass him by

he will not retreat

the pounding of their feet

hope he doesn’t repeat

sounded all too sweet

no luck, cannot ask

happiness, a task

everyone with a mask

drinking from their flask

what he doesn’t see

shrug and let it be

swinging from the tree limb

never did spot him

death is not the end

straight dark road, no bend

letter he cannot send

help him out please, friend...

walking the line

the line is so crooked, it moves under foot
take the large crown, on your own head put
king for a moment, or should I say queen?
the line I am walking, what does it mean?
where does it lead, should I abort?
a mission in life or is it a sport?
one on each team, fighting to win
alone in the race we all must begin
surviving the clock, shoot ‘til you score
shut the big light, and turn off the bright door
hope you can follow, getting my drift
through all the rumble is where we must sift
for some seashells to fill up your pail
gaining lost ground, only to fail
smile on a face, losing no hope
around a white neck, brown tattered rope
delusional thought, thinking not straight
can’t cut the rope once it’s too late
can’t breathe some air with a dead lung
when it’s too late no song will be sung
so scratch that idea, things can only get better
submerged deep below can’t get much wetter
dry off young soul, a puppet no longer
knowing myself, I can only get stronger
week after week, yes once I was weak
walked up the hill, drank from the creek
gave me new life, hope for unknown
pedestal I stand on is under a stone
came from behind, Lazurus and I
walking the line, and sometimes I cry
but don’t give hope, new life began
saw my new legs, I walked then I ran
far from this place caused all this pain
on the third day, sun rose through the rain
walking the line, but sometimes I run
stopping at times, blinded by sun
night blinks it eyes, soon it is dark
I’m all alone just me and my spark
my only friend, the camel I ride
tossed up and down, sway side to side
slide from my side, force me to quit
into the puzzle of life I don’t fit
but I keep walking along the fine line
ignoring their warning on the large sign
what does it say? word after word
put on my glasses, vision is blurred
hearing acute, I hear what they say
mock me at night, imitate me by day
a cross on the hill from where I do speak
bird on a fence, bald with no beak
mind again starts to play tricks
seeing the man nailed into two sticks
start walking down into the valley I see
looking for someone, who is looking for me
alone, yes I am, no companion I need
the field of my happiness, I must re-seed
wait for the harvest at which time, I’ll reap
but nothing does come and lonely does creep
that’s the fine line on which I do walk
being alone and loneliness, about which I talk
the difference I see although you may not
keep walking the line and do not get caught
up on the fence or down in the brush
waiting and walking, I’m in rush
to get what is mine, what I deserve
burn down my tree, I’ll teach you, some nerve
anger suppressed, with whom do I fight?
for I stand alone night after night
I am not bothered though loneliness comes
some great ideas, but I am all thumbs
can’t build a large bridge or sing a fine song
but I’ll write a verse, though it may be long
where the line leads, will it soon end?
finding it hard to corner the bend
won’t give up hope, will not despair
soon will find something about which I care
solace sets in and I am at peace
by walking the line, pain will soon cease
knee deep in dark water, stare at the sky
need a good lift, something so high
not out of reach if you try hard enough
testing the water, though it gets rough
walk down the line, no one excluded
see the one point to which I’ve eluded
I walk down the line as you read what is written
the snake at my feet, remember once bitten
roll of the dice, look into its eyes
back of my neck from where my soul cries
the edge of the cliff, my feet do get wet
walking the line, but I don’t forget
the point of the rhyme once locked in my head
walking the line kept me from the death bed
in blue I was tangled, but I shall be free
hope you can learn to walk it like me
such a release, escape the deep pit
society’s nonsense, once covered with it
I am now free, as free as I feel
walking the line, with life, helped me deal. . .

two words

up, down
side to side
want to drown
just to hide.
one, two
seven, eight
see you
leaving late.
spoon, knife
scoop, cut
what a life
smoke a butt.
cough, hack
what a smell
need a smack
what the hell.
knock, ring
who is there
what do they bring
do I care?
down, up
fall, crash
drink the cup
eat some hash.
drink, drink
fluid strong
what do you think
won't be long.
bang, drip
bloody lung
insides rip
neck hung.
tree sway
wind blow
free today
go with the flow.
wave rough
sea is dark
had enough
meadow lark.
sing sweet
out of tune
lightening heat
scared the moon.
made of cheese
in our mind
help please
solace find.
head aches
too much
bow breaks
slight touch.
scratch ink
stained trees
and sink
let me be.
blue, black
sky tone
won't go back
silent phone.
bright sun
shade nowhere
trees none
cold despair.
fire warm
your eyes
bees swarm
last good-byes.
up, up
and away
filled cup
leak, stay.
home burn
ignite flame
money earn
all the same.
purple, red
slice blood
me, dead
brown, mud...

thinking

503/1996

Sitting so sad, place of employment

Thinking ‘bout someone, gave much enjoyment

Just a grin, can’t begin , imagine, how I should feel

From the start, from the heart, tear apart, what is real

Climb the pole, dig the hole, what you stole, from the tree

Up so high, saw the sky, tell a lie, don’t tell me

What you said, am I dead, spin a head, with a line

Drawn so straight, coffee at eight, don’t be late, be on time

For the show, don’t want to go, do you know what I am saying

To a friend, road does bend, a dead end where I am playing              

With a ball, once was small, I did fall and it hurt

Saw the blood, what a dud, in the mud, once was dirt

Was so sad, all I had, made me mad, now it’s gone

Out of view, looked like you, sky was blue sitting on the lawn

Grass so green, what does it mean, final scene of the play

Tragic actor, important factor, who was that actor, will you stay

Here awhile, ancient smile, emotions pile in my mind

Filled with stuff, not enough, road is rough and does wind

Round and round, on the ground, don’t make a sound, am I sinking

Down so low, where to go, I don’t know, I’m just thinkin’...   

i am sent

as I ponder the past I am sent

down a rocky road, myself, I am spent

so many people, not all are gone

I think about now, a place I am drawn

so secure with the flower I picked

on its stem no thorns have pricked

my fingers, as I touch it so slow

asked about happiness, I think I know

no need for a match, the fire is burning

I go to sleep, but my mind wheels are turning

never have I been in such a place

never will I need to see another face

a smile as wide as an ocean or two

I smile as soon as you come into view

eyes are so deep, falling in every time

hair so long, such an urge to climb

pale skin so smooth, want to be touched

when all alone, I am lonely and such

picture it finally alone at last

never worrying about the past

dreams of your soul, forever next to mine

awaking in the morning like the sun with a shine

flattering remarks until I am no more

if life’s a game, I don’t know the score

I could not fathom you not being here

you are my guide and you help me steer

anything at all, I will do with pleasure

your presence alone, I’ll always treasure

accept me for me and don’t let me go

what I am capable of... I really don’t know

someday soon it’ll be me and you

someday soon you’ll see all I say, true

not realizing, it’s only the start

don’t exactly know what will open my heart

look into my eyes and past what you see

see into my soul and let yourself free

a lonely flower in a sea of weeds

don’t have the answers, just a few leads

travel with me and you may feel pain

from all the down time knowledge we gain

thought I saw once, I was mistaken

this is the first time, and I am not breaking

searching so hard, someone to share my tree

if I stop searching, will they find me?

will it be luck, or a twist of mere fate?

I cannot worry or anticipate

building a castle far from the shore

no wave can reach me, slamming the door

look past my flaws and see my soul cry

For all that it weeps, no tear in my eye

Searching through questions, but answers are few

Wishing for something, wishing I knew...

weeping trees

1201/1994

dance beneath the midnight sky

weeping trees, clouds that cry

pale face rocks, sand so brown

not knowing if I wear the crown

piercing skin, blood so red

dripping out until I am dead

burnt brown grass cracks under foot

take this crown, on your own head put

let me rest in the throne, for so long I sit

take my crown, but it might not fit

soar into the diamond sky

Lucy in your head, you are so high

moth eaten dreams, filling them in

clear your eyes, mind with no sin

stone your brother for not being there

cut out his heart, he will not care

the insect reptile mammoth flower

doesn’t know when he needs a shower

cheated in innocence, raped with fire

the first born grandchild, too much desire

searching the sea for an island to land on

looking under rocks for a pedestal to stand on

kill the lizard, if he is not gone

no need to ask which planet you are on

save the ivory or live with pain

for all your sins are gone with rain

7145 days gone by for me

I’ve so far, found only one tree

I’ll be back when my mind clears up

fill it with blood, my only cup

follow until I am all but dust

bring your thoughts from behind if you must

the white wall cell, I live no more

the enemies within have settled the score

I am free, I move like clock-work sorrow

take from me, steal not, just borrow

Ahab comes and finds his whale

but when he died, did he fail?

hell bound ship, swirling above

no hell below if we all love

all destroyed or could I be wrong?

take all you want, but leave me my song

sing to me and stay for a few

until life is over, the life we knew...