lifted in light

cutting through tonight
with this light
lifted from this position
down and to the left
still too cold to call
it spring out on the front
porch while backyard
gets a new fence
maybe I don't trust the wild
life that's why it's called
wildlife no?
cutting through tonight
with this light
saber tooth thought chewed
up in the mind cutting
through tonight with extra
light lifted beyond the sound
of travel not far off
sounds of the wildlife
in the backyard fisher-cat
with no fence to separate
it's a no-brainer
why the front porch
gets a look a little more
elevated than the spot near
the fire pit or garden
those are the daytime
positions cutting though
the extra night
with new light...

this down time

spring peepers on leap day
thought I might forget
turning down time
into writing everything
down time
and I swear the peepers
heard my thought
because silence now rules
the moment
hum of the highway far off
and then one by one the sounds return
two then three and can't hardly
wait until those nights where
there will be too many to count
leap day and it's my eleventh
probably the best leap day
to date no doubt
elevation helps
sharing the street
with my first ever address
forty years ago
who would have imagined
this kind of down time
a moment to remember
life before distractions...

TodayIsTheDay #12

no right to complain
letting the height
challenge the mind
and appreciating the view
today is the day
watched the sun set
into the distance
and the tops of the clouds
were two or three shades
of purple only light
remaining at the highest
points seen
today is the day...

an extra day

an extra day
probably spend it
recording thoughts
wondering how many
leap years have I written on
only lived through
ten until tomorrow
an extra day
probably work early
home by early afternoon
who else is going to stare at the sky
and wonder what all the rest
might be thinking about
especially when they say nothing
always something can't be nothing
when given an extra day
and only half of it busy
to make the living as they
say we all need to do to survive
there is a better way
and maybe it will come to me
on the extra day...

personally thinking

personally thinking
on a free society
a stateless one
without authoritarian
control without consensus
reality instead encouraging
individuals to pursue
happiness personally
thinking on a free society
that may only exist in the mind
realistically already have
that authoritarian system
with the illusionary two
sided coin spending no time
on helping anything but
itself personally
thinking on freedom
allowed only by the self
knowledge is searched for
and found not taught or told
personally thinking on
the freedom of this pen
how many pages torn
until knowledge and
freedom found...

eyes inward spin backwards

inspired by words
and the mind turn
the eyes inward spin
backwards remember all
the enemies
left in the past
passed right on by
still occasionally
walk by the thoughts
in the long mind hallways
what's the rest of the world
doing forgot to check in
before I checked out
for the night buried
head in books
then pillows
who the hell is putting all these
thoughts here and do they
arrive while sleeping
then I spend the day
trying to unravel
the thoughts only to come upon
the same chore again tomorrow
good thing I am
inspired by words...

this kind of rainy day

sometimes
this kind of rainy day
can cloud the mind
up especially if pre-
clouded with worry
at times
usually
for no reason
sometimes
this kind of rainy day
can be
quiet a relief
compared to one year ago
the clouds begin
to lighten up
as do I
as the day moves
onward...

until the proper month

after all these days
still trying to figure out
what any or all of this means
after all these years
learning no one knows
and we are probably not
supposed to know
it might blow our minds
all at once everyone understands
and it might be too hard
for the earth to handle
after all these hours
still watching the sun
slowly move out of view
no one will argue
the days are getting longer
season of rebirth merely
around the corner
after all these minutes
somehow still not cold
these warmer days
tease us until
the proper month...

TodayIsTheDay #11

two days
with sun
actually
made it
to the ocean
still think that
it is important
despite
ridiculously
cold wind
today is the day
up early
before
sun up overhead
usually crash
midday
pushed right through
made it
to the ocean...

might as well be the self

don't even want
to pause
sunlight side of my face
as I write these thoughts
somehow transmitted through
it's warmth but I have no proof
so I will simply enjoy
the moment the foot falls asleep
and so could I to the sounds
around the birds tune
seems to have a little confusion
warmth a little early
no one is complaining
as I put more words before
new eyes today
all the months and years of thoughts
mashed together and planned
presented as random
and truthfully as random
as they come to the mind
just want to pursue the truth
don't want the newer generations
to give up hope that truth will be found
when the mind's eye finally opens
to see what can be seen
because it will be seen
don't even want to pause or
take a breath without recording
that thought with words
and only truth spilling
on to the page prolific nearly
everyday like a younger CB
with only coffee to drink
again I stumble without
the proof just these words
painting the thoughts
the mind produces
no matter the shape
would like to be at the center
of something might as well
be the self...

WriteOn #6

seems like days since
sunlight has been this bright
outside is as warm as it looks
with a slight breeze
and a bright spot too
on the table I write on
even yesterday brought
colder hands than today
and a seemingly magnified light
it almost feels like spring
in the northeast it's never
that simple remember February
twenty fifteen or even April fools day
in ninety-seven these days can
only be called a winter pause
or another thought to
write on...

insane complexity

the wind
changed everything
warm air
blows across the page
her question was something like
'is there anything you will accept
without questioning?'
only my questioning of everything
without hesitation I said
a lot like saying the only thing
that is constant is change
as it happens every minute
every day new information discovered
proves some right and others wrong
if it's there to be seen
it will be seen
until then theory and faith
wait in the wings
for a flight to witness with eyes
and within can be seen too
simply a different type of eye
held by the mind of this
insanely complex creation
and the wind is now bringing rain
sideways and it can be heard howling
through the woods behind my spot
directly at over and around the house
as quick as it came it is gone...

zero to fifty/two days

it's my Friday
no work for the next two days
but it's Monday for everyone else
enjoying the front porch as snow
falls they say it will be fifty degrees
tomorrow which means twenty-four
hours will bring us from below
zero to fifty in two days time
about twenty-two degrees right now
welcome any warm weather always
never enough in the northeast
snow will continue until
rain wakes me in the early morning
hoping to be up
and productive tomorrow...

continue to rise

could drop below zero
so I have to step it up
and go sitting up above
the snow elevated not only
in location but also
in mental situation
better than most
not a lot to cloud the head
these days except the cloud
created around this center
like a record not as cold
as anticipated close to single
digits and suddenly hot coffee
gone and chilled will probably
drop lower as I continue to rise...

meant to calm

got to start
it up outside
day after the storm
snow that remains
glows dull in the night
beyond the porch
probably continue inside
where it's always warm
and the scent in the air
is meant to calm
not offend somewhat accepted
at least tolerated
all the smiles keep it warm
at all times still get it
going on the front porch
tonight right where it began
smaller then and different
now knowing more of what's
to know and the wind chimes
all stand still frozen like this
hand as it moves anyway...

the warm before the snow

well into the fifties today
tonight still high forties
fear in the air is impending snow
handled multiple blizzards
last year three to six inches
isn't anything comparatively
most likely will start as rain
until it gets cold enough
we shall soon see
as we know how fast time does pass
ten minutes since sickness
took over but it's actually been three days
where does the time go
or is it that which is
truly what it is
it's time and it never stops
perpetually ever beginning
until we end
and time never stops
just new thinkers appear
to continue to wonder
and appreciate
the warm before the snow...

TodayIsTheDay #10

wind that flips the pages
before I can put ink
on them finally began something
paused too long ago
as if I didn't care
but do and the wind picks up
again as if on cue
the air is cold and they say
rain will follow but right now
nothing but a steady wind
pausing only to catch it's breath
maybe today is the day
had to trick my own mind
into something I didn't want to do
for no apparent reason
and it can only help
today is the day forced myself
to believe that and work harder
than ever to overcome
obstacles and be a better person...

move to think

still thinking
sitting so still
trying to let
the sickness pass
hours turning simply
into more hours
catching as much rest
waking to repeat
the same still thinking
on that next move
life's chessboard
every morning a new game
so still had to get outside
clear night sky had
to give it a look
moon quarter lit
still illuminating
the night darkness
the air is warmer than
usual even when the moon
light makes it seem cooler
and maybe it really is
stranger than fiction
still thinking on
everything considered
real on the day
today disappeared
for an entire day
couldn't think
but still had to move
to think...

barely feel right

better than this time
last year no snow
piled high and actually
found some time
to put down some words
last year this month
didn't write a thing
must've been shoveling
all that snow
better than last year
at this time
the sun did no good
with all the snow
still trying to recover
haven't been sick
like that in years
some sort of virus
went right through
the family one by one
still barely feel right...

TodayIsTheDay #9

the sun is shining
and it's warm
last year this time
the month of snow
was about to take over
the color was purple
and the smell in the air
was citrus for sure
and it could have all
been in his mind
today is the day
he gets lost in eyes
that see different
and a chill that doesn't
make him cold
the sun is still shining
even if only in the mind
still going strong
to this day the strength
to smile and keep on
keepin' on the jester
and the rasta
together in the mind...

just restless

the head rolls
over one side
blank stare
don't want
anyone too close
don't have to talk
really only encourages
more talking
they push and try
to make him lose
his mind can't shake
him loose cannon
with only a tiny razor
never any ill intent
don't mind him now
he is just restless
and a bit lonely
hardly knows what
he is saying...

missed her smile

the day
unusually warm
watched the snow
melt away
sun across the sky
the day
moved along quick
never forget
enjoy moments
all along the way
smiles
throughout
the day
said it before
she came home
now
her smiles
melt away
the snow...

over doing it maybe

might even be
over doing it
writing so much down
might even be evidence
of an over active mind
probably not the worst
vice to display or become
this time of night or day
it doesn't seem to matter
when I grab the pen
going where the thoughts lead
the sound of a plane overhead
or cars navigating this little
neighborhood in randomsville, usa
guess I could be anywhere
but two generations ago
they came here
shoe city famous for fighters
every city has a story I just happened
to catch a ride on this one forty years ago
and for some reason I grew up happiest
when I wrote things down
remember the cabins in NH every summer
kept journals then must be what
drives me to today
pen overlooking any achy hand
pushing past the occasional cramp
stretch it out start again
keep it moving hand ready to jump
over the shiny white piece of string
that keeps these pages in place
it was staples in NH and the books
had blue covers...

glad they are home

circular table for these
thoughts to go around
watching the moon
pop through clouds
and trees as the lunar
day begins test the thought
if clarity comes tomorrow
night around ten have to wait
to see skin on hands
cracks and hurts a bit
this time of year
but it doesn't stop the thoughts
from pouring out of the mind
and pen down for whatever
wherever but mostly solo
journeys somehow invisibly
tethered to this spot
willingly of course
could change or
stay the course
one day might surprise
glad everyone is home
around the circular table
where I sit and enjoy tonight...

stop quick w/ a distraction

some days I just don't know
where to begin or where I really am
for that matter as far as these thoughts
go wherever I go not far
at all though sorry to disappoint
where am I gonna go
some days I get stuck on the back porch
watching the snow melt
news of another explorer dying
trying to cross the antarctic
how crazy that no one has done this
it's twenty-sixteen sometimes
I don't know how to get started
get moving get going
gaining a little momentum
only to stop quick with a distraction
it's the mind's call to action
some days begin right where
I left off the day before
keep on pushing
none of us know
how many more...

already here

never have I seen
the curve so I don't know
on their way home now
miss my sister and Rodrigo
but I know Ana's smile
will melt all of this snow
the plane is high above as
am I haven't flown since
oh one guess I have no
where to go or no one
to see that isn't
already here...

one two three day

not going to let the time
run out first real snowfall
watch as people panic
but after it's fallen
there is something
so peaceful standing
out in the garden
not going to let the
one two three day
pass right on by
still tired flip flopping
the work schedule
standing in the snow
elevated and ready
to rest...

midday no wait

five minutes ahead
but two days behind
thought isn't dead
purpose still try to find
doesn't really matter
no reason not to see
too short just grab a ladder
climb up high and see
right here all the time
like Orion in the sky
here again another rhyme
reach the stars I will try
only minutes between now
pick a time and date
Tuesdays always work somehow
middle of the day no wait
cryptic thoughts drawn
what will really work
sign out on the lawn
not going to be the jerk
just want to chill
it's now I want to live
never meant any ill
lots of thoughts to give...

TodayIsTheDay #8

today is the day
appreciated for work done
paid a little more
glad to work somewhere
that can consistently
count on business
today is the day
boss man smiles
and says good job
guess review time
comes around when
hearing it is needed
sometimes it's easy to forget
that someone is watching
maybe I know too much
to take any of it
too personal it's a business
in the business of making
money like them all
today is the day
don't want it to cross my mind
only a day to appreciate
being appreciated for hard
work done...

fragile tail

who knew the tail
was so fragile
luckily someone
knew to look it up
never would have
thought it so serious
probably why I have
no veterinary skills
personally finished
with one of my own
who knew the tale
we would need to explain
of course on my watch
who knew the tail
so fragile lunged at him
who knew the pain
or how fragile
probably no idea
what is going on...

just what I want to do

not afraid of the cold
at all and willing to be
out in it as long as stars
can be seen
someone has to see them
really do consider it
my night time ceiling
staring sky bound
thoughts tonight
accompanied by the howling wind
through the trees loud in the quiet
as if it has a voice or needs one
not afraid to be outside
a little longer
trying to catch all those
things that might otherwise
go unnoticed still with that coffee
late into the night even if
I only last another hour or so
what else should I do
find a show or movie to watch
get into a spectator sport
or just sleep until tomorrow
just not afraid to be in the cold
and thinking of the living
world all around me...

tell the children the truth

out now on a different porch
out front that way
I don't get snowed on
don't know how much
we might get
only about an inch
almost a year ago
got nearly an entire
month of snow
luckily it was also
the shortest month of the year
it sure didn't feel like it
don't mind any of the porches
here at home I have a few
thinking about the quiet
the opposite of the state
of the world or so they say
and how can we ever really know
what is real and what is shown
in order to keep control
over the entire show
too much to get into
on such a quiet snowy night
but there is still time
to tell the children the truth...

WriteOn #5

a long day
but not as crazy
someone appreciated
my thoughts today
and only a few things
might make me
happier than hearing that

a long day
put in a few miles
by foot
but not as crazy
went at it with
a different attitude
and it really did
make all the difference...

hear it melt

can hear
everything
that has been frozen
melt
can feel
the extra degrees
but of course
my only proof
is the thermometer
above and to the left
can tell
it's almost
time to sleep
can hear
peaceful sleep quiet
start to takeover
whatever that means...

cold under stars

tonight not as cold
still sitting under stars
forty-five minutes home
behind all the cars
slow moving traffic
music up loud
slow moving thoughts
now climb into this cloud
thick but it clears
as quick as it came
call it what you want
and I will give it my own name
then do it all over again
just to spite my face
can't stop a minute now
I have an incredible pace
to keep up won't stop
working until I am done
realizing each day
never an award to be won
barely credit given
what did I expect it this time
get home climb into the cloud
relax with a rhyme
a couple lines at a time
nothing too crazy
a couple lines at a time
maybe because I am lazy
to say it was a good day would be
an understatement mom got greatest news
not another day to lose
pain fades like the color of the bruise
each time they stuck her
in each arm
hoping the poison
would help not harm
and it did today is the day
we all move on strong
today is that day
we anticipated all along
so I smile for my mom
as I scribble words tonight
it's still cold under stars
but not too cold to write...

numbing silence

seems as those the air
is frozen into a numbing
silence which becomes
the soundtrack tonight
the new room finished
seems to have added
more space somehow
instead of any loss
no different from out here
still cold with coffee still warm
drinking it too fast just
to stay warm as left foot
crossed falls asleep
and the right hand
struggles in the cold
to hold the pen...

two weeks in

two weeks in
still too early to tell
seems good so far
leaving some crazy behind
and facing new crazy times
ahead no doubt
it's a presidential election year
here in the usa
let's see who we get to choose
the charade that helps
when we talk about democracy
and freedom even if all the possibles
happen to be standing for the opposite
some other reason behind
those promises and commercials
that will be forgotten eight years later
obviously you'd think
we all have the worst memories
or are easily duped
or conditioned to accept whatever
comes next...

TodayIsTheDay #7

today is the day
watched my brother
create two new rooms
with one wall and a door
each new chapter seems
to bring with it a new room
even if it's one that has been
reinvented four maybe five times
before it is finally what it needs
to be and what it actually is
eventually a balance reached
standing on another slippery
rock by the water's edge
this time the pond is frozen
only hope is that the fish
are deep enough to not be frozen
until sunlight warms the pond
tomorrow between twelve and two
it is in the direct sunlight
but even today's light
did little to warm the pond...

this spot this hand this page

dad said it should have
a good title like
'leaves of grass'
but I can't exactly
hi-jack an already used title
pretty well known work too
WW somewhat influential poet
what about 'the bible'
see what kind of fish
that title will catch
this thinker is not a fisherman
and the sky doesn't get much
clearer than it is today
but the air is cold
the wind is shaking last night's
snow all over the page again
lucky the sun moved
into the sky above
this spot this hand this page
still working out the title
in the mind not overlooking
the backyard beauty...

what is true

not knowing where I will end up
being here now where I am and where I go
known to those who want to know
doesn't much matter in the day to day
stop the madness and the lies we tell ourselves
the learning has blocked ideas from growing
truth might be told and no one to hear—learned
from long ago to trust what is
being taught, told, & made to believe is what is
true...

into the night no doubt

head down writing
only seconds it seems
suddenly wet from over
the head and behind
snow on the page
nearly covering winter coat
sleeve and can hear it
fall into the back of the hood
covered with the first blanket
they say it could be one to three
they are hardly right
head down writing
trying to get a few words down
before the page gets soaked
with those fat flakes
and honestly every one of them
looks different as will
this page once the paper
and ink dry
head down writing
most of the day
working with words
and into the night
no doubt...

life lived right now

countdown on
as tomorrow is always
anticipated
and it sounds
too stressful
damn right
it is stressful
but for some reason
it's important
and what else is there
at this point
in this life I live
countdown to right now
started forty years ago
almost in the same place
never anticipated a move
just anticipated enough
movement to live...

WriteOn #4

missing the ones
who gave me the book
something blank
to write on
and tonight just need
to find a dry spot
to write on
miss three of my roommates
visiting a place much warmer
fifteen days until a chilly return
what could be going through
the youngest mind on the journey
what about the mind of new dad
visiting his native home
has to miss
the temperature at least
never heard him admit it though
it was sisters home for a few years
bet she misses the friends she made
and the sun and the beach
miss all three of them now
and these are the thoughts
I write on...

swinging as if he was

not quite unhinged
but sometimes
swinging as if he was
without anything
keeping him connected
to the strange
reality he swims in
eight hours a day
the disguise
complete with a name tag
and a t-shirt but not quite
unhinged because the cage
pays the bills eight hours
a day play the game
trying not to become unhinged
but as long as he swings
with a smile it's never
to far to take a stand outside
the cage for a second
talking the self back into
that strange reality he lives
eight hours a day
until he can figure
out another way...

not another like the last

so much rain
almost glad it is raining
harder by the minute
ten degrees or twenty
colder and it would be snowing
not at all ready
for another February
like the last
finally stopped
and only wind but
everything is soaked
good thing I brought a towel
couldn't stand and write
without a podium
prefer the table and chair
method but the day forces
me to throw down a towel
with all this rain its hard
not to think actually it's
what woke me from rest
this morning sharing that funk
nearly impossible to describe...

just decide

can't just decide
to write stories
when all I get
are these smaller bursts
random thoughts
micro stories of places
and persons that may
or may not exist
somehow probably exactly
what I should do
and it's probably that easy too
standing in the kitchen
even though everyone
is in bed and there is no one
to talk to and it's okay
the next two days will be nothing
comparatively speaking
most likely take myself
way too serious at times
should know my place
I do not perform surgery
or build structures that need to be safe
I stack fruit and think a lot
have to decide each day
how I am going to approach it
each day doing better
than the previous
can just decide
to have a good day...

not going to happen-try to be that way

some days the workplace
taken way too serious
done it for too long
not to see that the thoughts
are not going to be understood
its just not going to happen
whatever we all serve our
purpose make your decisions
wisely because no one might
be watching and someone
might not care anyway
got to try to be that way at times
instead of treating it like
the after hours thoughts
would even matter
and they don't...

three in a row without clouds

a couple glowing statues
in the garden the tranquil
night spot with little pond
nearly frozen every night
sun works on the surface daily
the fish must appreciate that
and dive deep at night
tonight the rapid cold increase
makes me want to go inside
but still have to be here
a little longer to appreciate
the night and the watch of
Orion over my right shoulder
every night 3 in a row
without clouds
must be my lucky number...

call on the random

thought about the love
for that gonzo journalistic
side of what's really real
HST style wild turkey
on the hip can't lean
right or left
so on that note
no party for me
none of the governmental
guidance or guillotine
detach and stand strong
with the family
always thought about
the love for that freedom
as much as we can really claim
on the day to day
maybe minute by minute
never gone too far
suits me just fine
really can't trust any
of the tyrants in life
none of their power
wealth and influence
is even measurable
by our life standards
rambling after the phone call
thoughts still stuck
up in the head
like an old 90s rap jam...

just a little cold

sifting through older
thoughts similar ideas
setting different time
an expanded mind now
more experience
thinking juggling all
these ideas spinning
in front of eyes
new and old
connection to the stars
still Orion stares back
every night sifting through
older books trying to expose
more of the mind as it relaxes
two days without work
on the mind cold wind steady
at the face looking
northeast curling around the side
of the house little porch
little table little cold would be
too much of an understatement...

anything becomes the day

at least one a day
like doing sets of push ups
to keep the arms and upper
body strong turning pages
as I fill this book keeps
this mind strong
at least that is what I will say
when asked some days
it's as natural as thinking
not quite as natural
as breathing actually
watching a hawk in a tree
one that doesn't notice me
the sun is bright and makes
me feel warm despite the cold air
discovering something
nearly new everyday
looking into the things taught
and seldom questioned
many years later wonder
why no one has any time to wonder
too busy to think about anything
that didn't make it on to
the schedule today
and I am enjoying my days off
I try to keep it simple
that way anything
can become the day...

WriteOn #3

write on the day
nineteen twenty-two
write on any day
just so happens
remembering a picture
a smile and a few catch
phrases remembered
they still come up
in the mind
and any time I find
coins on the ground
he always stopped
to pick up change
write on and reinventing
the change
I find...

TodayIsTheDay #6

today is the day
created a new writing spot
have to retrain the habit
forming mind
turn smoke into vapor
and leave the dirty part
out of the habit
created a new desk area
today is the day
to finally write that novel
decision to round it up
to ten release two more
electro-books
then an old school
page flipper for those
who still do that
apparently there are a few
who still want to hold it
rather than download it
it is understandable
and so I created a new spot
to write and it was originally
a gift given in nineteen sixty-nine
what could any of this mean...

he would have been 94

would have been
ninety-four today
never found the hidden
journals and treasure
know now fifteen years
later he knew much more
and somehow the information
became permanently hidden
all those flights overseas
the war changed so many men
at a young age fire bombing
cities must do a number
on the human mind
should have asked more questions
when I had the chance
knowing he had to know more
thirty-three missions at least
maybe the mind shut off
to avoid the haunting thoughts
and terrible nightmares
the headaches that followed him
all the way wherever he wandered
always making a Houdini-esque escape
always trying to get somewhere else
none of us know or knew then
so much reading leafing through
all the books looking for notes
found very few as these thoughts
went on a journey into the past today
it was his born day in nineteen twenty-two
it's only right...

same room

same room sitting on the floor
almost like twenty years ago
except now I know
and much has changed
trying to come at it
a little different
not seeing it as the same
same room
the occupants above
my two favorite people
remain the same too
peaceful tonight
relief at last
no more treatments
one last check to see
if the sickness have left
and only thing left to do
is keep it away
sitting in the same room
tired all over again...

right there every night

some days I like my job
and what I do
putting fruits and vegetables
on tables make it look nice
enough for people to buy
relaxing now as the day
gets crazier in the mind
dinner with my parents
my two favorite people
alone only in the mind
sharing this beautiful space
sometimes just wanna kick it
with a snowshoe wearing ninja
stomping through the door
with purpose knew all along
it wasn't worthless
high fives all day if I have to
some days I look forward
to days of relaxation
no plans nothing but positive thoughts
for mom two weeks to go
strength to finish stronger
tomorrow is a step in the right
direction reminded randomly
to look up and Orion
is still there every night...

it's OK with me

the littlest porch
here at home base
where I feel grounded
though still shocked
same house many changes
older than some of the trees
in the yard might have had
a hand in planting a few
stay tuned and you will
probably find out
as I do document damn near
anything and everything I do
the tiniest thought
might get tossed into the mix
of a quiet night at home
don't mind at all being
this third wheel
love watching them
be themselves
probably why I couldn't
be anything except me
and it's OK with me...

placed here not to be removed

occasionally still think
something should have worked
and it's why believing in my thoughts
now means so much
more than a hobby
more like a lifestyle
a lifelong search of the mind
without google or with it
if it helps being outside helps
keep me tight with the elements
as the season will surely get colder
supposing the right decision made
was the one to come back to where
I learned to love and care
about the short time we have here
mortal thoughts inspire the ideas
to keep these thought immortal
place here not to be removed
only destroyed but of course backed up
even if stored in the corner of obscurity
as long as words remain readable
these thoughts will never die...

saw three smile

a lot quieter so still
a deafening silence
everyone would be
asleep now anyway
the difference is still
noticeable glad for the safe
journey far from here
watched three smile
in the hands
of my mother
only three left in the house
making my space different
again keep it simple and compact
a lot quieter since I have been back
to this spot in the city
never could see light through
the wooded buffer behind
the small covered up porch
the garden and pond are also
a lot quieter this time of year
and night brings sounds
from far away even high above
closer moved some books today
jogged out a few old thoughts
to help bring in the new ones...

TodayIsTheDay #5

today is the day
woke up and made
breakfast for my mother
talked about missing
the littlest one early morning
chatterbox probably coming
home speaking Portuguese
today is the day
small screen live call
like something out of the Jetsons
sci-fi cartoon from childhood
could see the recognition
in her little smile
wondering why we aren't
in the same room or the next
one over or downstairs
instead of a different part of the world
moved some things around
seems like a whole new room
all over again
today is the day
eye reinvent the space
yet again what's one more
over twenty years strong...

two put me here

first four twenty
in twenty-sixteen
new number to remember
when writing daily
shouldn't be hard never is
or so they say
so I don't worry anymore
and even if I do
I try harder to put it aside
and push on through
the day no one is here
except the two that put me here
and they don't know what
to tell me after all these years
they have done everything
they could and more no doubt
first twenty-four in twenty-sixteen
won't tell me much still alone
and content more than lonely
content to know I still have
to be a better me for me
as the new one rolls in
and I roll up if I chose
to leave the neighborhood
always felt safe in this house
content in the mind
which has become my home again...

first visit

crazy when that
newest member appears
and twelve months
to look back on
where we were to where
we are now
how quickly everything
can change
how far can be traveled
in twenty-four hours
three hours time difference
video chat in mother's hands
real time beyond the equator
would have loved to be
on that flight...

TodayIsTheDay #4

after holidaze spin
back to work
on the produce
one thing I do is produce
another holiday coming
right up
today is the day
planned out the new years
displays strive to do
the best I can
in the time given
not a bad job to have
since I have to work
to pay the bills
not enough eyes read
the thoughts
to make it the full time
only wish left
is to make it the full time
when working
today is the the day
got to get through it
even if I have to sneak
out an hour early
got hours saved up
for a day like today
slush and snow and
ice wind rain
finish up the year
cold out on the front porch
everyone's on the move...

WriteOn #2

in the sun trying to keep
my back to the wind
wooden chair someone built
arms perfect to write on
little smoke rising from the left
and the right keeps moving
catching the sun with the
metallic reflection
the sun is so warm
but the air around reminds
which season it really is
the perfect chair
for someone who writes
most comfortably
in the warmth of the sun...

TodayIsTheDay #3

today is the day
try to force myself
to think about tomorrow
old thoughts I might
borrow and put them
back when I am done
but what if it's unending
or on some future event
depending today has got
to be to the day to decide
to push on beyond what side
you thought you were on
because the division is gone
when you are all alone
no one to blame just you
we all come to that moment
solitary refinement exploring
all the possibilities none
of which seemed possible
forty years before today
great big pile of yesterdays
everyone of them waiting for tomorrow
endless tomorrows immortalized
with captured thoughts here free
to be whatever is interpreted
today is the day I sit
and watch the clouds lighten...

TodayIsTheDay #2

today is the day
not prepared to write
an essay but do have
something more to say
only two responses
he is crazy or the thought won't go
away you too will use
what you know to try
to figure out why none
of it makes sense anymore
or like I said
he is crazy is that other option
block the thought from
happening or taking hold
maybe the measurements
are wrong that has to be the case
today is the day I ask
how it is possible
given what we all know
because it is what has been taught
to be known as truth
today is the day
I look for an explanation...

titles included

three books
simultaneously
two came titles included
but no content
guess that's up to me
and as far as anyone
knows everything
is written the same
how many writers
still craft it by hand
how many just let
technology handle it
finishing words
sometimes didn't intend
to write so goes it
it's what they say it is
until you show them
what it really is
it's up to you
don't ever forget
to get lost thinking
while staring at the stars
might not be raining
anymore but it makes
no difference
to this one who gets
lost in thought
when staring at the stars...

TodayIsTheDay #1

today is the day
probably thought of it
yesterday might
remember it tomorrow
hard to forget today
is the day I got up before
three this morning
in the dark drove to work
couldn't imagine counting
how many thoughts
before car got warm
and moved an inch
not the usual rise and roll time
as it once was for many years
only interrupted by days off
in between where I put down
all my thoughts in the middle
like sandwiches to feed my soul
somehow and don't read anymore
if you think I can or will explain it
I can only present my perception
and today is the day
it was not grim despite the state
of the world willingly ignored
at times not ignorant to vigilance
necessary to regain balance
important in walking any walk
no matter how long it might be
or short just to get the blood
flowing mother on the road closest
to home pushing grand
daughter with a smile
beautiful to witness...

WriteOn #1

everyone gives the gifts
I can contribute to
empty books to fill
with my thoughts
everyone knows
what to give me
when gifts given
keeps me digging through
regular life to find
some of that inspiration
hidden in all the narrow
cracks and deep valleys
the highest mountains
visited remember
the presidential range in NH
as a kid couldn't believe it
when we got above the tree line
took the breath from me
one of the most vivid memories
tattooed on the brain
immortalized with a simple pen
write on...

every turn or bend

can't help but want to do
something else that might
make a difference
might not
and of course won't know
without action
looking to the sky
knowing inspiration
comes from somewhere
some of the thoughts
are so clear others get
frozen caught in between
what they meant to be
and what they are
and what they become
as they leak out the pen
or sounds surround
the head like a cloud
can't help but want
to reach more eyes
more minds filled
with random terminal
thoughts meaning here
to the very end
and here at every turn
or bend can't help but
appreciate it all
everything I can absorb
in this short time here...

Xmas day

somehow
warmer than I
remember
sun most of the day
christmas day
family all around
got to spend time
with them all
somehow
closer now than ever
or as far back
as I can remember
in all these
forty years
since my life began...

laughter changed the day

something about
a laugh
that can change
the whole attitude
of the day
wish I knew more
but I don't make wishes
anymore and 

no one thinks it's less
but it's a lot less
actually replacing it
and maybe that doesn't
make sense if anyone
is keeping track
most likely
not just staring
at the xmas tree
wondering if it's true
and if you have ever
read his words
those thoughts
he has when
no one is laughing
no one is watching
his hands slide
across the page
like a determined wanderer
in the desert at night
colder in the direct
moon light
once all the clouds
move on
the wind replicates
that laughter
and it probably
made his day again...

13 months old

only thirteen months
into the lifetime ahead
can't even imagine the thoughts
and trying to understand
the year through the eyes
of a person in their first year
of life on this earth
my niece Ana
on a plane soon
before even understanding
most of what she will be a part
to see the rest of her family
far from home let roots be known
sights to be seen
might actually stick in the memory
also captured by pictures
as a back up documenting the life
unrolling before little feet
thirteen months into it
barely begun and still unsure
which language first word will
come from maybe like her
it will be a combination...

cold night ninety-two

can feel the cold
even before I put
myself back into it
it's what I do when winter comes
and I don't want to sit inside
brave the cold numb fingers
without gloves thoughts
stuck on the crazy world events
only technology tells me it's real
I don't actually see any of the insanity
going on in the world from where I sit
am I wrong I do feel the cold
sitting on a pillow on the floor of my room
before I step outside for a little smoke
a little mix up hoping to put some of it
to rest soon we shall see small steps
to big gains everything counts
and most of it matters
even before I get out into the cold...

once here exactly as would be imagined
spot will warm as I sit and absorb
the end of a second day of rest prepared for
holidaze as no rest until it is upon us
like the cold on this December night
so many before it but none like this one
upon me at this moment lucky to be feeling
the cold while drinking hot coffee
most everyone winding down for the night
getting ready to sleep this mind doesn't soon
stop to rest funny how I do not dream
or remember them while awake and
if I can't remember them you're
gonna have a tough time convincing me
I do can you see my breath in this
cold as I do thicker with some smoke
a little mix up medley black swan
above silently soaring looking down
to white knuckles gripping the pen
nearly tearing the page but won't tear up
over the age of the hobby or pastime or
passion gift curse infection addiction
to documenting everything
gotta keep things straight in case
they shut off my memory
still don't think I could forget
the feel of cold nose and fingertips
as I explain myself to no one
and anyone who listens or catches
a word or two lost and at the same time found
myself writing out back in the cold
where it all began...

those high above

shadows paint pictures
that change as soon as the light
is changed or moved
or covered with clouds
made by me and those
high above shadows
imprint thoughts on the mind
and elsewhere while
holding the pen
in the backyard
at a fire pit that still
smells like last night's blaze...

small enough

small enough I would
crawl between the rocks
like the smoke
when a fire lit
a cave system created
to encircle the fire
wonder if I can continue
through the coldest months
to come days still shorter
less than a week longer
again small enough
to notice the sizes
and lights above us
and how they appear and
disappear out of view
small enough
to appreciate the magnitude
of life at each moment
than all at once
the sunlight bursts
through a thick cloud
right into my eyes again
with force no wonder
it's been worshiped
ever since always
and then some...

gather what I can

at times I sit in awe
staring t everything
around me where I sit
the wind blows all around
me as I sit as if
some higher understanding
is upon me what if the wind
really does have something to say
to those patient and willing to listen
gather what I can from the thoughts
swirling in the wind
signals of my own
blown back with smoke...

beyond any & all control

what's really happening
some say the earth is warming
some say it's going to be another
cold winter but who really
knows for now
will just pause to enjoy 55 degrees
in December ten more days
then everyone takes a day off
what's really happening
as some days the wind blows
and clouds move quickly overhead
other days only streaks
doubled white lines in the sky
some days it clears just as quick
and others the gray it creates
can last for days
what's really happening
beyond any & all of our control
how can we make things better
none of created the maze
we walk through in our daily life
none of us can pretend to know
any and everything there is to know
some of us collect the thoughts
and things that come to the mind
as the sun moves across the sky low...

looking North

the clouds finally
start to break up
well into darkness
maybe tomorrow
sunshine will follow
and outside will invite
not impede the flow
so many thoughts
colliding as the night
moves onward
sitting as still as possible
over-stand what's above
impossible at this point
to know now
knew then see the same stars
twinkling too still don't know
what you are haven't gone far
many days become redundant
but productive and positive
when someone else needs a lift
rise up for breakfast with dad
enjoying my time here
more as time passes
just relaxing as the clouds
break up and it looks a little clearer
since only twenty minutes ago
but I haven't moved looking north...

won't have to say it

just have to decide to
not be afraid
and really just turn
off the television
technology has its negatives
but positively it puts
every library at our fingertips
we can always research things
for ourselves and sure it's easier
to watch the news and go to bed
thinking we know what's going
on in the world
just have to decide to be happy
and enjoy every smile
glad she gave her final
smile and laugh of the night to me
her first born
enjoy every high-5
and genuine person
you might know
or see when we grind
to keep all the bills paid
anything to increase the positive
and the real it's got to be real
not just words
so good to see you
make me know it
and you won't have to say it...

hard to complain

the sound of rain
has stopped but the wind
can still be heard
in the nearly skeleton trees
some branches still hold tight
but most of the leaves has fallen
someone has to notice
the sound of the baby crying
is never pleasant
but her laughter later on
more than makes up for it
feeling is much better when
her smile doesn't go away
thoroughly enjoyed two restful days
spent it with family and alone
taking care to keep the balance
walk that fine line
even though I jump off
to solitude as I sleep and regain
footing with each forward step
good to see siblings both happy
in what they have found and created
parents too despite any crab-like set backs
ones to hurdle over like the worst
case scenario thoughts
gone as the count down to the end
of the ordeal is closer with each day
each week happy with each waking day
hard to complain about anything
except maybe the rain...

imagination conversation

it might actually be after seven
but I had to guess
because the pen was already
moving across the page
and I tried to think quick
what time was it the last time I passed
a clock in the kitchen look at my phone
when I last made coffee
I used to let them make it
but now I just reuse their cups
keeping it good and hot awhile
knowing I like to sit outside
pen in hand climbing that pile of thought
with a vision that has to adapt to the night
because objects tend to blend together
the porch railing rungs seem to move when
a quick glance is caught or even the long stare
at the waterfall can change it to the shiniest hair
that's not really there can only imagine
conversations or have them with yourself
and that gets old quick
especially when you are pretty sure
your neighbor caught you talking
with no one in sight out of mind
with time to spare as if I care
to check my first guess
will sometimes stick and I will
catch up at some point if I was wrong...

always hear the train

December begins with rain
and it's cold but
as we say here
at least its not snow
and as I say
you don't have to shovel rain
I will take it and not complain
found a dry spot up out of the rain
putting thoughts down no strain
on the mind and the brain
some might still say insane
and I definitely won't stay in one lane
long enough to be labeled
all the so called truths told
turn out to be fabled
just hoping on more sun
than snow this year
even when it gets too cold to sit
outside and clouds cover the sky
at night filled with rain
in the distance sound is carried
and I always hear the train...

dark early cold quick

it got cold quick
someone asked
how I was liking life
today and I couldn't
help but be enthusiastic
with only 4 more for mom
then into a new clear
can't think of a better
way to put it they want to treat
and we want a cure
they don't want to look

it gets dark early
and cold quick
when December begins
typically a hoodie and a jacket
nights out under the stars
seems like they spin overhead
but we have been taught otherwise
only time will tell
and maybe truth will never
be truly known
I know it got dark early
and cold quick...

Orion

suddenly the white
of the page reflects
the last remaining daylight
scribbling and scratching
the hand and the pen
blend together as one unit
peripheral still helps me climb
and see the stars every night
especially Orion have been noticing
that one since childhood
always made me feel connected
to certain unknown
and suddenly all learning
has become undone
and in that height
an understanding over and above
naming a creative force
we can't understand only
respect the light as it comes
and goes around as the clock
tells us the time when darkness
finally takes over Orion
will be bright overhead
like three pieces of silver
hanging from an infinite
thought each night...

cross legged like a desk

legs crossed like a desk
on the deck sun beyond
the horizon light slowly fades
and the chill begins to set in
almost December almost
another new one
coming right in as if invited
as if we have a choice
and there will be lots said
about choice in the next year
but we can only really chose
to be happy each moment
legs crossed until I have to switch
because one leg becomes numb
under the moving weight of a heavy hand
ugly under sight for sore eyes
might understand the hard work daily
have to make a living somehow
to enjoy living in some way
other than what some boss wants
finally switched the desk leg
and the angle isn't the same
somehow I will figure it out
for now while I still have light
while awake and I still have some
fight in me for today
who can really say
no one sees me cross legged like a desk
in the shoe city at dusk...

tales of captain cook

watch the smoke drift upward
thinking of a smoke catcher
some twenty years ago
hard to believe
time flies forward
progression of course
and they still are a-changin'
the jester would laugh
if he knew how I juggle those
old lyrics in the head for years
still moving forward
got no one to pass it on to so
I put it here forever burned
into an unfadable page...

don't be scared

the world is just crazy
but the only thing
we really need to be afraid of
fear and living afraid
we lose if afraid
and some exist only
if we are afraid
and it's really about control
physical and of the mind
some will still deny
but the control is mostly
out of our hands
we do decide what we do each day
but most of us have to work
usually for someone else
and at most get a couple days
to ourselves to whatever
it is we chose to do
we have to earn money
in order to pay the bills
whether we want to or not
being afraid is not on any to do list
the world is crazy
but we don't have to be afraid
especially about the things
media tends to harp upon
truth is we will no doubt survive
and out live the lies…

the way in the wind

quiet now except
for the wind
except for the smoke
and my hand held
fire in the whole
earth can't think
of doing anything else
at this point
putting pen to page
is surely passion
but more like a responsibility
too for the future
what if every hundred years
or so they reset everything
how would we know
quiet for now except for
the man made waterfall
and the thoughts that race all day
all night awake
and asleep at the wheel
and still finding the way
in the wind
and the sounds of the night
except for my smoke
and my passion burning
like fire through these pages..

clear the air

warmed by the sun
sitting in the yard
again listening
to the birds
does anyone care
two days without
clouds and cool
clears the air...

what's the plan

the world has no doubt gone mad
maybe we can look at what we see
and the information we are given
what's the real plan
behind all the violence
what's another politician
going to do to right the wrongs
stop the wars maybe
end the debt based monetary policy
outlaw the IRS anything useful?
what's the real plan
missions to mars
millions flushed into space
anyone else stop to think
what kind of crazy fuckin'
world is this place where we live
call home and travel around
while repeating all the slogans
remember freedom fries
not quite fifteen years
now the blue white and red
spreads like Americas rainbow tint
profile social experiment
spiders we all get caught
in someone's web
navigate carefully
watching each step
and what it could really mean
if in fact we knew
the real plan...

would I even know

can't let my newish schedule
ruin my thought process
last night's cold finally
did in the last of the garden plants
too much shade listening now
to the sound of leaves falling in the woods
beyond the fenced in yard
can't let the cold keep me indoors
not cold enough to completely
retreat behind three windows
still a basement room
wondering about the thoughts
in six months or ten days
from now attitude adjustment
for sure although I don't
seem to have a problem
finding the right plant for the job
at hand or foot in mouth at times
and no one holds it against me yet
but who am I? and
would I even know?...

lifetime library

it's not a self confidence
thing so much
it's more of an ignorance
to self promotion
hard to explain
what it is
I am trying to say
if anything at all
just might turn out
to be the documentation
of my life in thoughts
snippets of random
journal entries
written to friends
can't seem to keep any close
and family members
who want to share ideas
so it really isn't a confidence
thing I tend to keep my head
down building my library of thought
a lifetime of thought
might get buried as historically
insignificant but I tend
to think otherwise
now that's self confidence...

same room different room

a year ago having
just come home
where I grew up
came back to a place
with a faith base
so to speak
a year ago having not much
faith in higher powers
still felt the faith in my family
helped me make the right decision
to come back home
from where I slept uncomfortable
sleep better than ever now
same room different room
same house comfort level high
a spot I know well
a year ago having been called crazy
from a distance some will now see
that crazy up a little closer
but I am the crazy one
admitting that some of my beliefs
have indeed changed
one year ago having seen things
a little different and mother
being sick was not the catalyst
for this change started before
any of us even knew
glad the decision preceded
the diagnosis...

that moment gone

every fifteen minutes
sounds bring thought
to the moment
forgetting for that moment
whatever came before it
and will after
just a moment to reflect
quick and bright
headlights on wet pavement
out the dining room window
in the rain soaked night
forgetting now
as that moment is gone...

one overhead light

cold rain driven
in doors dark room
one overhead light
watching the clowns debate
a year from any selection
and who really cares I say
everyone of them is going to continue
war on multiple fronts
if not more so none of them will
get my vote cold rain
can be heard on the street
in the wind on the glass
keeping it warmer inside
clock still chimes
every fifteen but seem
to only notice it at night
sometimes in the pre-dawn
bathroom break from sleep
hear it then too
and the clowns continue
to go back and forth...

what's lost

something gets lost
most don't even think
about it
the system is set
and play the part
as much as I do
to get along
and in turn survive
in this world
don't especially want
to spend everyday
selling fruits and veggies
could definitely have it worse
but isn't something better
possible something gets lost
and I drive alone
met my brother for pizza
he wonders if he should
wait for love to return
why wouldn't he if it's
love upon returning
it's love now during
the waiting part can be too long
they say 15 days
waiting on permission
but that's completely different
where was I going
where have I been
with these new eyes
seeing thoughts different
something gets lost when you
don't believe nearly everything
you are taught to be true
how would we know the difference
we instead trust them and
something gets lost
and they say the Russian submarines
are threatening underwater
internet cables
don't we have satellites
somethings got to give...

smoke alarm

before noon
struggle to keep eyes wide
new pens new books
waiting for the new thoughts
tired of waiting getting
ready to simply go find them
the unending thought
collection experiment
most don't bother
just keep on as the day
drags on maybe I am
the smoke alarm...

side tracked

side tracked and distracted
disappointed at times
but still loving life
success is in recovery coming
that smile is back
she will be stronger than ever
side tracked and forced
to slow down
maybe to appreciate
all of life's colors
the ones falling from the trees
two days rest how long do you
wait before you laugh
at the idea that the department
of anything can be depended on
maybe we are all better off
on our own how would I know
side tracked when seeing
that smile from mom
knowing she feels good again...

never slowing down

never consistent
except in the change
in front of each step
of every day
never slowing down
at least 5-6 miles daily
stacking produce
selling the fruit
to the people
doesn't seem too important
but people like their fruit
somehow 24 years pass
too fast buying silver
not fast enough
but always changing
smiling in the face
of any adversity the day gives
never giving up above all
and there is the consistency...