nothing concluded 89

they all gather in a half circle

around the fire

below the dark night sky

only light from above

stars and moon

there is always a simple

solution to anything

thinking about ourselves

surely will only complicate

an ultimately simple solution

thoughts turn to ash

sitting for a few moments

quiet alert alone

ash falls from the air

blow it away

sitting in some sort

of memory posture

for a time each day

analyzing the mind

no one wants it to end

trying to scan memory

for reasoning

behind the daily visits

to the spot

many years back

such patience

an awful place it is

hope they burn it down

on it tossing all these memories

nothing else

final stages of the misEducation

might possible

could get me nowhere

or somewhere else entirely

don’t know nothing (concluded)…

nothing concluded 88

too many thoughts

all at once

desire only to feel

somewhat sane again

maybe it’s foreign

except in the dreams

they won’t stop

waking the mind from

restful silence

nothing concluded…

further away

warm wind blowing

bubbles in the juice

keeps it going

until it can go no further

away from the point

to the track

will get back on top of that

is all I am at liberty to say

understand is to lie flat

back up from the edge

is too sharp 

corners become rounded

bend and head above water

gets deeper with every step

closer need a better look

no further away from this spot

may never come clean

the mess is intolerable

noise coming from the window

opens and down we fall

back to the beginning

a chain reaction

speaking louder than this

somewhat incomplete

sentence making no sense

to give you what you need

to dig deeper down from high

times or low tide moon being seen

bury bones build bigger problems

getting older and wiser some still

go further away from now

same or not

doesn't matter

of fact presented a prize

new contract squeeze a little tighter

around the throat

swelling too much to swallow

all at one time and with each word

moving forward but

further away from the point...

nothing concluded 87

called her sister once

now seeing distrust

in familiar eyes

across a wooden floor

sitting together

a social view of revolution

but socially is it for the people

against imperialism above all

with little regard for people

nothing concluded…

nothing concluded 86

spinning the wheel

until returning to the spot

his own house

and bed and emotion

coming with the territory

not soon enough

so much is lost

so much is yet to be gained

upon returning to the spot

thunder in the sky above

spinning the wheels

and mantras said

and heard

around and over again

in the mind quiet

too much to think on

at times overwhelmed

by the world

and the atrocities

only can pray harder

nothing concluded

automatic thoughts return

eight years from now

thunder still rolls above

more questions than answers…

nothing concluded 85

falling from far

above nothing

to stop the fall

concluded by

the ground below

up so high

cannot see that which

eye may have missed

falling fast seeing

what never hit eye

seemingly secure

in whatever comes this way

never as comfortable

even in free fall

forward at least

prepared to fall

as hard

if not harder than before

strong arm raised

steady in the air…

nothing concluded 84

rewind then

stop for a moment

lasting too long

this time around

and on again

don’t’ know why

bothered and some will

never quite understand

can’t explain and no one

really cares anyway

climbing up the rope

pass someone who says there

is no top

the bottom is still

close pull harder

drowning in a glass

of water

tapping at the side

until it breaks

and releases these thoughts

blank (ask me again)

blank
page fourteen
thinking
another may know me
well enough
blank
mind cannot
think hard enough
soft as I fall
from where went down
too far
blank
empty
mind
blank
white or non-white
simple
sorry I asked
don't answer
blank again
why wait
ask me
no
don't
all right
ask me again
may not know
blank
who are these people
why so quiet
blank
simple
done
blank again. . .

nothing concluded 83

many times

stopped wait wondering

what is it we must do

in order to get by

maybe write a song

everyone coming

back from

where they have been

and getting ready to

go wherever they go next

pushing the toes off

the ledge where standing

was what eye wondered looking

down how many stories

nothing concluded

some even whisper

while in the same room

doesn’t matter what’s being said

only that others can’t hear it

how rude

slow day

working backwards

from the beginning

when will we all

walk together

some people act as if

every stranger is going

to rob them and that

must feel strange

to the stranger

soon the sun will set

and the day will be done

too fast today

need to reprogram and slow

down that fast

sun smiling onto

this Fro—Zen ground

and still the toes

back from the ledge

but cold

everyone will be converging

on this spot soon

won’t matter much

never has

nothing concluded…

paper snowflake

looking through the yellow window

don't have answers

or even know question

out into the cold

sun burns down pounding

a silent dream beat

wandering soul finding a match

lit the darkened room

once green across out another window

two pieces of tape hold

the paper snowflake in place

see it from here but empty or full

does it really matter

that much not sure

voice muffled thinking someone

must know not here not now

wrapping pictures

who's present or past

and what does the future hold...

Thursday noon

so close to the edge

hoping not to fall
rise up above
but feeling so small
the thoughts that rage
and notion that I'll never fit
into the puzzle of life
but I won't quit
escaping necessary
in order to find peace
cross legged on the floor
and the rage will soon cease
expose all my wounds
despair
and all of the thoughts
leading me to not care
about myself
in the least bit
haunted by that feeling
might never fit
and it's a feeling
won't soon get
it's like swimming
without getting wet
bet all your money
or better yet mine
something will assist
wait for the sign
to tell the tale
still really not sure
and when we stop caring
we will be here no more
no more of this
and way too much of that
remember five years
right there where I sat
seeming so long
flying so fast
positively feeling
as if the time would last
not long enough
cannot sit still
feet still planted
on the window sill
with all of the plants
growing strong
like the will to go on
but will it last long
as the hair grows
out of my head
worry not much
just thinking instead
upon departing
what do they say
never felt wanted
they want me to stay
and not move
the spot found
no one is here
upon turning around
in my sleep
never quite reaching a dream
and this reality is
exactly what it seems
so simple when
put into words
different somehow from
those I once heard
the news but
know not what it said
everything living will
someday be dead
this doesn't sadden
but a far look ahead
some kind of goal reached
when we are dead
still unsure
and may have it all wrong
sorry to disappoint
held captive too long. . .

the pen won't rest

1210/1997

and the pen does not

stop me if I go too far

from my point me

in the right direction

if followed by clouds and rain

the skies tears

on pale cheeks and skin

turning red when touched

by the thought I would

know by now

and again I see the writing

on the floor cracks under

too many feet

rising to the occasion

then falling to the floor again. . .stop to think I may be moving

slowly at times down

to the end of the road

where this race ends

and another soon to

begin and away from

but close enough too

much more to come

back tomorrow

always twenty-four hours away

behind lie the days we cannot

return to that day

speaking loud and clear. . .

the hat doesn't fit

down to the depths

ears pop
windows smash
out of a mind
spinning with no end
the dizzy spell
the world
just like it sounds
as if it can't be seen
clear enough
of what's needed
not much to get by
my side by side
with him
again repeating
what's been said
this was important

now and then
sitting alone
not so content
with a mind
feeling empty
cup of coffee
keeping him sleepy
sounds silent
screaming so loud
pound the thought
that won't die
in footsteps
in front not behind
the man alive
and breathing heavy weighing down
from above or below
toes take root
in the soft earth

brought to that spot
you in the crowd
millions of strangers
nothing is stranger
than eye
thinking too much
of the same song stuck
in a head
won't float away
from where he thought
he knew what it all meant
to tell you
will be missed
don't hear words
when eye
stand alone

it's now
from now on
the other side
with stronger forces
a mind to scramble
to its feet exposed
under the sky blanket
and all is falling
tremendous height
now sinking
in the seat
under the hat
that doesn't fit. . .

fear the day

today is the day
after yesterday
he told me things
will change
and what was it that the thunder said?
‘Da Da Da!'
how could anyone take him serious
this day has arrived
what can we say
still frozen with the chill of last night
the stars shine as bright
eyes of the night
a night that would not end
today came and ruined the equation
proving it false
again hearing
‘Da-Eliot closed his heart'
‘Da-he closed his mind'
‘Da-what a disappointment'
to each his own
admit that it saddens
to move from the river bank
and forget all he said
out of fear. . .

nothing concluded 82

mr. excitement is returning

the mind at the moment

is empty

no thought

what to do

and suddenly thrown into

one of those days

that feels as though

it will never

end

the storm is on the way

and alone waiting

for something to happen

something that will make him

feel real again…

Bolio Revisited

how many times do I have to show you my mind so  

you know I don’t know and how many          

times do I have to say skies should be blue I

see gray sky today dark of the night, but the moon    

and saturn quite a sight to behold, soon it      

will hide I take it all in keep my eyes wide

as the window open and I am out of my mind I        

hear someone shouts that they know who it  

is or where I have been to the highland, but

I know the low stagnation sets in and I feel I

should go to a place but I know not

where do they come from they sit and

stare for too long don’t know what they see for

I sit alone, no one but my pen and I

my thoughts and my book just thoughts

that I write boring—no hook so just turn away

but I wish that I knew what it could be

that keeps their eyes glued in my

direction wish they would stop the silence is

deafening I hear my eyes pop and what

does this mean along with the rain

burning and falling on me with great pain from

the inside I need a release finding a spot

inside me filled with peace of the puzzle

enigma of sorts this peaceful place that

my speech distorts… 

in the dark again

and I wander out into a field of thought I knew        

where I was going to try to make a point       

where I can go no further than ever before I

start to go astray cat runs out from under the porch  

and I don’t know whose it is not one I

recognize my own weaknesses and this is a

plus and when adding it all up I may make a

mistake or two many thoughts in my head

to compute the sum total of whatever I am

trying to say that this is what my mind does at times

I am spinning sideways and the highways      

are my ways seem to be different each time I

go I stop and think I know where I will end up or

down but what is the difference is that I am

trying to get to where I am right now and

then I am confused by my own thought I saw my      

self in one thought I saw myself in one         

light but I end up breaking the bulb and

no I am in the dark again the spin has started and     

down I go into the abyss that is my mind       

mælström making me dizzy but I will pull

through the dark I created I see that which no light

could show me the door slammed shut on a   

sideways glance around and see something I

have failed to notice in the past the calm spot ten

minutes ago I thought this was going some    

where it has never reached so high, but still

can’t touch the sky appears to fall, but slams me       

back into my seat has become quite

uncomfortable…

sunlight through clear glass

1106/1997

and the days pass like the sun light through clear glass

night hours dragging on with the weight of four thousand days

and I was

eleven now some eight thousand days pass

and where am I what I always hope to be or

not exactly what I thought I knew then what I know now

it all makes sense but I still won’t stop to get caught in a

stare at the clock and I still can’t see where

hands are getting colder

as we move closer to complete darkness at ninety degrees

north, not as far up the sphere so not worried about the sun

never rising or falling it’s all the same few keep ringing my mind

out like a wet towel and it won’t come dry

leaves crackle under the stampede

on a leg of the table

quite uneven

if I can’t get there until tomorrow I will make it

if I try to make anyone see my point

that I know what it takes to solve all the world’s problems

om mani padme hum a little song with so much power

invoke the most high avaloketishvara

supreme compassion and still living today I smile at

all who pass a stone with writing on the bottom of a page

numbered forty nine down and one to go

one hundred days ago wouldn’t have guessed I would be here

today and in that time from now don’t know

where I will be silent

sakyamuni is my close friend

understand my words don’t mean much to anyone

ask me and I will assure you

definitely an escape from emotion

not much of an expression, but an escape from personality...

the outcome

for a minute, questioning everything

falls out from beneath feet

hurt as the hot coals burn

the souls that have not been

properly prepared for what is next

and I know I have nothing

to stand on yet nothing

to hope for yet

take some advice from far away

at night enjoy the day for

what it brought

and if it ends in tears

it wasn’t meant to be

besides I have seen worse storms

and taking this advice

there are still days

when I do not want to open my eyes

so is there a solution

something to smile at each day

why would I let this get me down

when it’s all said and done I want

to say I was pleased with the outcome. . .

completely gray

before it turns completely gray

giving thanks for breath and for this day

cancel all thoughts set to bring it all down

into the summer hallway escape the frown

memory lost what’s done is done

sweating it out until the day is gone

only thoughts of the here and now

and it might get harder still make it somehow

once the sun shines and fine tunes this

feel the warm breeze and the sun kiss

and the energy poured out

ringing and endless shout

rising higher to a new height

no longer deny the burning fight

directly rising with the sun

not sure though when I think I won

or lost or passed or failed

onto all this new thought mind impaled

it’s only what I know of what is new

can’t even understand how I pulled through

the thick clouds above down to the thin

air below creeping slowly blood under skin

burning tears

washed out fears…