what is real and amazing

rooms are emptied out slowly

and a new basement emerges

for the rebuilding to begin

already begun

and continued in a new space

new ideas making a spot for me

for a change necessary

even if not fully comprehendible

mind slowly empties of negativity

trying out solitude for a change

anything negative is owned

and conquered until only

positive is possible

the air even smells different

and the view shows new things

all around putting my thoughts down

while the others might waste time

being distracted from what’s real

and amazing all around

with closed eyes a headless figure is seen

new or re-emerging confidence

in the self no crutch no hand to hold

and lead the way with closed eyes

the figure is trying to show me something

it has got to mean something

everything means something now…

over the pond

moon rise was huge

over the pond

mind goes up over

the moon and beyond

what the future holds

orange over a green tree line

sun setting behind

at the same time

see those eyes

quick look to where I have been

and onto what is ahead

moon rise and new eyes

quick contact

enough to last the night

last thought before sleep

peaceful thoughts…

other light

flipping back but always

forward no goal in mind

out just moving and won’t stop

got to be standing on my own

stronger than I have ever been

where have I been

for all this time

but stalling waiting for something

to happen should instead

strive to be what is happening

in all I do

figuring things out backwards

at times seeing things in

a whole new light…

listen to see

home is that spot travel

deep within the mind

sitting lakeside wherever

it’s best to unwind

thoughts carve out

new spots in my head

making much room

for positive instead

swinging back and forth

torn as to where to go

as long as I am moving forward

just go where I must go

and be where I must be

listen close and you will see…

fall again

trying to understand

where I stand

and where I will land

if I fall again

and pulled myself up

filled up the cup

one of life’s hiccups

when I fall again

no matter what the matter

won’t listen to all the chatter

serve it up with truth

on a platter

so I won’t fall again…

not a criminal(for the record)

not much I can do

now except wait
have to be away
to find where I am at
 
for the record
dunno what it is
I do right anymore
always standing
on the other side
where I am supposed to be
anyone’s guess at this point
and everyone’s opinion
being presented
with current facts
 
for the record
I am not a criminal
no matter what is said…

hit bottom quick

the pain fades and then it

comes back hard

swinging hard trying to avoid

a fall back into a web

that couldn’t save

when the fall came

right through

and hit the bottom quick

stand up at last and assess

the damage done…

the pain fades with Jah prayers

and positive vibrations

from beginning until the end

of each day when eyes finally rest

unsettled though as comfortable

as can be given the void created

chance taken in reverse

out of necessity

without any desire…

the chess board is weakened

minus queen stolen quick

let guard down and the chess

game continues without a move

made both stare at the board

seeing what has become

a team effort gone solo

the moon is hidden by clouds

and the cool breeze

is replaced by hot stagnant air…

the pain only fades

when the throbbing goes unnoticed

becomes the heartbeat faster

with Jah prayers no need to worry

even when everything is still everything

but nothing is the same

out of necessity without a thought

on desire and the pain is only fadable…

new roof new eyes

under a new roof

with some new thoughts

spread out smaller

own only the immediate space

nothing else       

new world swirl

around new faces

and new eyes…

rules the morning

wondering what the day might bring

my thoughts ruling the morning

disposition somewhat miserable

seems to wear off when work begins

wondering too much about what went wrong

and what disappeared to make

things turn out the way it is

what it is and it is what everyone says now

when there is nothing left to say I am speechless

would be a lie still wondering what the day might bring

and if that hurt will rule the morning again

how many days will it go on…

wondered what was wrong

coordinated effort to eliminate

the threat of embarrassment

ashamed of the character

barely sharing space

not sharing thoughts anymore

acting out of total disgust

on the edge for months

until eyes met with

an unrecognizable look

over and over  the moment

sitting at the kitchen table

wondering what was wrong

surprised to be on the outside

looking into the spot I worked

so hard to be at

maybe deserved a little more

then what was presented

could be wrong

many kitchen tables

in the last thirty days

each one bringing out

different thoughts

some old some new

to these eyes these thoughts

jah prayers presented

for over-standing events

that brought eye to each spot

away from comfort’s spot

carved out now and portable

always wondered what was wrong…

take over the pen again

a ring heard from the next room

and it’s four twenty on the face

that never smiles or frowns

just always knows what time it is

time for change to take over

and run down everything comfortable

that which was known

becomes unknown again

smoke swirls from the table

as the thoughts take over the pen again…

lack of rain

finally the rain has come back

April was a dry month

not just because of the lack of rain

because of the size of the pain

the void created no sympathy

for what had to be confronted

and battled the team fell apart

rain arrives revealing many things heard

but forgotten in one month’s time…

rewind to remember

rewind to playback

like an old cassette deck

until the tapes all broke

and there was nothing

left to hear rewind to find

where it all went wrong

what’s right still questioning

the night when everything

changed to force a separation…

rewind to a scene that somehow

makes the rest of this all

make sense which it won’t

and it doesn’t there is no reason

for things to have turned out

like this and eye can’t take

all the blame…

rewind and remember

words spoken in anger resonate

as they are rewound daily

almost by the hour

have had to remove myself

from the equation…

had no idea how

apparently I don’t need

to be upset to be hurt

and I know the decision

to stay away is mine

as well as can be

given the void created

knew sitting in that cell

my whole life had changed

just had no idea how…

knew madness would ensue

thought understanding would come next

lack of respect resulted in anger

and harsh words and hurtful thoughts

and seen as someone to be ashamed of…

not ashamed of what I have done

or become working hard day and night

to support the family I became a part of

but apparently blood is much thicker

than water no matter where it comes from

and new this well is as dry as a bone…

one month like ten minutes

haven’t even unpacked

don’t know where to call my home

lost my spot and some would

say I gave it up but I know

never did I give up for one moment

even when in another room

always put in another room

can’t stay close in separated space

creates the walls that are not easily

dismantled when absolutely necessary

no doubt about the depth of feeling

when one month feels like ten minutes

and still wish I would wake

in my bed next to a the one eye love

and all of this would have been

the worst dream possible

never even crossed my mind

that I would be here today…

sharp pieces

pain as if I did

something to deserve it

up late night wondering

if I made the right call

now complete silence

is eight days old

no end in sight

we all deserve to be happy

having to conclude I

was not the right one

happiness and togetherness

faded away

sad days counting

twenty nine

nearly a month apart

standing alone

with my broken heart

trying to remove pieces without

bleeding to death

somehow still living and moving

from moment to moment…

where is home?

mind out the window

seeing some flowers

catching all the suns light

trying to do the same

with new and different eyes

seeing the road ahead

as positive as can be

given the void created

space to let it all breathe

and try to understand

the cool breeze through

the bending trees

might never see that spot again

never got to say good bye

so many things undone

a life not finished uprooted

and blown apart scattered

in the cool breeze brought

to that place mind now out the window

seeing it from the outside in

for a moment a new clarity

as how eye was seen

as the cool breeze woke eye up

to a whole new world

some things will always change right

in the middle of everyday life

and nothing ever goes as planned

or hoped and tried until trying worked no more

no less than everyday

turned to night before

home could be reached…

same skies

beginning again out of necessity

alone looking to jah eye over stand

everything up to that point

out the weakness remove eye from

the equation no longer

see the same view

sit and think with different eyes

under the same skies…

ready for anything

standing alone again

on the water for the first time

see the sun rise

as it should be seen

now under the same stars

as one month ago

no one saw this coming

a rushing of emotion

while standing under stars

stronger alone finding quiet

much easier now

but nothing will quiet the mind

questioning every action

and reaction to cards dealt

have to be ready for anything…

mind confident battle scenes

painting the sky black

before the day ends

means and all in between

stuck in the mind

confident battle scenes

chaos confronted

sitting alone staring

at the wall knew at that moment

only the wind will tell you

that you are free

embrace that cool breeze

he always knew

but where were you

his arms touched each other

with nothing in between

singing some song with no voice

hated it before living on the water

understand simplicity again

finding again the strength

he knew he had but went unnoticed

distracted by his own quest for happiness

and in a position that did him no good

between feelings of intense love

embarrassment and distrust

a distance that could not be bridged

when needed most met with anger instead

writing the wrongs eye have been again

searching for happiness in the wrong direction

no one is going to write the book for you

you’ve got to put the words

you want

in it

for it to be you…

sit in it

rebuilding again

brick by brick

like the fireplace

had to leave it behind

dismantling what once

seemed strong

need to again find

that strength

and sit in it…

the gray morning

slept in for a change

easy to get up and go

for me from my spot

the gray morning not warm

but not quite cold somehow

became inviting from my spot

no invitation waiting

for anything else

wish to see the sun

today but always

want my cool breeze

maybe I just forgot I was

here for some reason…       

warmest hour today

almost two years without

a thought blowing through these leaves

out from one volume and into the next

hour will probably be warmest  of the day

especially if the wind continues to blow

so hard the trees bend as this mind

struggles to find the next word

before the thought is gone

somewhere else just like that

closeness of two

and eye cannot understand

almost two years

because it patiently waited

for sixty-two to be finished

another empty bowl to fill

as often as eye allows

as sudden and strong as sun burst

from behind quick moving clouds

making two years seem like a minute

book has been closed and now

eye all in it moving forward

leaving behind what is unnecessary

in the journey from now until

whenever it makes sense…

in blue & green

if it did make sense

something would have to change

in order to grow

into the new skin

spin a new web to tangle

everything in blue & green

if it did makes sense

would there be as much

to think and write about…

don't reach the floor

sipping coffee and blowing smoke

rather be 
somehow impossible

to force what once was

so much excitement

want to get out 
of this book this box

that keeps me trapped

sipping coffee and relaxing with jah

appreciation 
growing up within everyday

three years in the confines 
of one book of thoughts 
says that writer is distracted

real life has got him by the balls

sipping coffee trying to loosen the grip

the phone is silent 
because no one wants

to talk yet he has so much to say

and somehow his writing has gotten messier

in three years’ time probably has plenty of gray

sipping away and refill the cup

and bowl until feet 
don’t reach the floor…

appreciate the breath for being there

room to breathe in and appreciate the breath

for being there when breath was needed

the tide needs to finally break

the tension the strain

release in the brain

room to breathe only twenty feet away

three one won the day

celebrating the life

remembering the smile

only seen in pictures with these eyes

jah reflection

eternally growing up inside everyday

more room to breathe in

water will help keep it all clean to soothe

the rough spots of everyday

life weighing heavier at times

cruising without a thought

for the next moment every moment

gathered one at a time

is necessary some will be recorded

every thought not measured against

the next moving right through into eyes

the night brings darkness real science

and a sneeze heard throughout

the house laughter and happiness

welcomed the release

room to breathe…

cross-eyed and dangerous

sounds all around

each corner sharper

than the next

might come quicker

with no idea what’s ahead

behind or somehow in between

thoughts and questions

answers never knowing

what’s right or wrong turn

might lead to the right

answer up and down

as the night goes on

cross-eyed and dangerous

deep as the night is dark

moon light shines

illuminates the yard

and inspires and moves the mind

to record the thoughts for a later time

not even poetry capturing all the thoughts

can’t even make them sound any better

than they are just waiting to be read

pen in hand with a heavy head

so tired day dreaming of sleep

ahead without an alarm

for one day swirling around the yard

still in the mind

the rest of me sitting at the kitchen table…

twisted around the pen

twisted around the pen

pushing out all I can

and then some more

stand at the door

looking into the smoke

for a thought not a joke

to be laughing out loud

alone in the crowd

twisted hand grips the pen tight

moon is bright on a night like tonight…

crazed reality

been stuck in this book now

two years ago something

happened causing  less writing

more thinking but without

the pen will help cut all

the thought out of the mind

out of this mind and onto

this page out of his mind

sitting with silent rage

and confusion been swirling over head

like clouds with the occasional rain

throughout the day

thinking more and more about

the right place to be effective

bringing about positive change

for all involved will be affected

by any and all change

needs to be more than coins in a pocket

some will stand watching with hands in them

work to fill books with thoughts

but maybe no one will read them

that doesn’t mean the thoughts will ever stop

or make sense for that matter of fact

presented as if it were the future

and it probably will be if things don’t somehow

adjust as we all grow together or separate

depending on all the choices

made thought out of a day off and a stuffy nose

the rain has kept thought inside

all day planning some small escape

from the crazed reality of everyday life…