first born

they tell me the seed was planted north of the border
on a camping trip to New Brunswick
how many others have this kind of information
always wondered if this little known fact
makes me Canadian by conception
the idea that started the strong family unit
first born I am part of it
son of a nurse and a teacher
don’t think I could have picked a better combination
and it wasn’t long before I had a brother and a sister
the five of us are tight like a fist
raised high like some praise
respect love encouraging individuality
none of us are the same
the outstretched five fingers
connected to the same hand
one love never showing my appreciation enough
want to dedicate all my thoughts
any success or fortune found
because of the strong foundation
on which I stand
through all the misfortune and mistakes
and nearly forty years never so much
as scratched the foundation
on which I stand
determination as first born
to produce something for the future
and since I have no child I will
leave no thought behind
putting words down as daily as possible
father gave me his pensive wisdom
mother nurtured me caringly
brother taught me introspective adventurous compassion
sister is happiness’ faithful determination
and I am first born
the least I can do is write it all down…

value her more

value her more

than anyone at times

been through

so many ups and downs

watching her grandson

almost forty paint the same

deck her husband did

every few years

who could’ve imagined

value every smile

how could I refuse an omelet

hard work thoughts driving home

not wanting to leave her sight

but she’s her own boss still

takes care while everyone keeps an eye out

value every story

and all the memories she keeps

in that top drawer

relaxing in the same chair

so much love in the little lady

call her my g-ma… 

mountain climber

no longer know

what this is

supposed to be

thought freedom of thought

would be encouraged

even welcomed

thought it might be interesting

to keep up with the thought logs

capturing glimpses

of what this thinker thinks

whatever comes up comes out

inspired by some I may never meet

hear their words

and the beat keeps

the head bobbing

they do it differently

and at times hanging on every word

how do they remember it all

still don’t know

what this is

supposed to be my art

or some shit

but what if

no one gets it

what if no one cares

about thoughts inspiring

these scribblings actually

still done with a pen

and a blank page first

wondering what forty-nine

degrees in late May means

rainy day lonely thoughts

don’t get in the way

rearranging older ones

only hope

people still want to read

and if they don’t

guess that’s not my problem

to solve only

my mountain to climb

whatever that means…

nephews brought it back

back on a skateboard

nephews brought back

the youth for my brother and I

turning around in the truck I asked

“in 20 years are you two

still going to be hanging out

like your father & I?”

both boys answered yes

with big smiles

and smiles all around

as my brother & I try

not to hurt ourselves

on new skateboards

and old tricks

looking at my bro I say

“we used to do this everyday

all day…”

smiling and riding off

to try another trick

we skated for years

on our childhood dead end street

shaking loose the memories of

those days before life

got all serious and work

related and fun was minimalized

still somehow dodging that one

or used it to our advantage

bringing back the youth

even if for only a couple

hours at the skate park…

slow down notice

know the feeling

walls down before

seems like they will crush

from all angles

but they haven’t moved at all

finally escaping the net

slow down notice it wasn’t even there

all in the mind

limitations are mind related

what type of life changing

thoughts are others having

right now

how do they make it through

their days and dark nights

knowing the feeling of looking

forward and overlooking thoughts

right here right now

sure tomorrow is another day

but today is right here

don’t waste it make it matter

add it to the historical account

of the life you are living

get living get moving…

why not

someone asked me why I write

only thing I could think of saying

was I can’t imagine not writing

never gave myself that option I guess

to not write so much more than anyone

sees or knows drowning in a sea of no’s

I am therefore I think therefore I write

that’s about the best answer I could give

so from this point forward

the answer to this question may differ

but will always begin with

—why not…

just ten years back

none can imagine life like just ten years back there
are definitely more technological advances but are we
more independent in our lives made easier with technology or
hopelessly dependent on the ease of our lives
enslaved by trends and new gadgets it might be easier said
than done to leave it all alone one day and there are
those who think they can do without for one day
who would you call if your smart phone suddenly went dumb
falsely believing someone will fix it or get a new one
believe what gets you through the day but
they want us consumers dependent
are we all willing to trust them to keep us
free from a web we cannot escape…

working out

when forcing the pen

like an exercise

sometimes it becomes exhausting

thinking seeing them all appear

knowing weakness and holding

it close instead of powering through it

others have methods too

and with some success

none of them hold this pen

and this thought and the big secret

that it might not really matter

except for the motions of the circles

keeping it dizzy and maybe it’s me

and my dizzy way to dance through

the day and probably won’t

make a difference except to those

barely reaching with thoughts

words on the page wish it would

tell a story take eyes to a different

place instead stuck in the mind

intrigued by all the stories

accepted as reality of the day

opposing nothing and everything

without a doubt at the same time

confused and probably always have been

wonder though about happiness

and freedom and not being worried about

something relaxation and not feeling like

battling the mind anymore…

not in the wrong place

if you can see this from where

you sit just relax you are not in the wrong place

look at new ideas with eyes wide and mind open

up to you to stand out as individuals or

to fit into a collective group thought

politicians prefer you fall into one of their groups

you must stand out and sometimes you can’t fit in

look deep into your heart and mind

down with controllers all of them

on the thought of who to trust and believe in

yourself, that’s who…

a library of its own

what’s left to say really

enough written

to never be able to present

it all together

might be it’s own library

someday more words

will fill pages that aren’t

even here yet

thinking what else can be said

that isn’t just senseless babble

sitting standing or not knowing

who holds the pen at times

took a short walk in the snow

tonight saw the stars

as bright as they get

around here much amazement

barely scratched the surface

what’s beneath each new day

tonight won’t stop until

these eyes close for sleep

only goal

wake up each day

waking up a little more each day…

would've been 88

thinking of him today

driving his car

and feeling as if

he’s not really gone

he left pieces

everywhere

memories in everyone

all those close who pass

stay with family somehow

and he is no different

as I think of him today…

paralysis

sort of paralysis

someone at work said it

if you can’t change something

then don’t even talk about it

but if you want something to change

how is that ever going

to happen if you don’t

talk about it

in the workplace

it isn’t our decision

you can’t change

what you can’t change

but in life Zen-like methods

don’t see it their way

a sort of paralysis

takes over and keeps

some people from changing

for fear of not being

able to change…

and it just don't stop

the sounds of tonight by the pond low cloud

no one hears ya when ya whisper gotta say it loud

with words onna page screaming anti-war since 1991

all this research done can’t find one war that the people won

many of histories teachers show you have got to dig for truth

justified cause for more wars now—none can’t ever show the proof

always resorting to propaganda and lies

more of them believed then the stars in these skies

the real tragedy is what the future might hold

when a whole generation only know war from young until they get old

and it’s so old already can we really take another one

the last couple still raging are they really done

this world filled with stress and chaos and other people’s rules

willful ignorance if we don’t realize there are far too many rules

ridiculous consequences and time in a cage

for spreading some truth in this technological age

by any means necessary exposing what is happening here

before it’s too late it’s probably too late world war now living that fear

instead of freedom in this once great nation

not hated for freedom hated for military occupation

no more war with every fucking breath I breathe deeper

sometimes with different eyes the statue of liberty looks like the reaper

bringing death and destruction as if we the people don’t really know

some really aren’t wrapped around some warped reality show

some don’t watch their news and swallow their pill

twelve year old lies excuse to destroy and rebuild an excuse to kill

in the name of freedom anger should rise in this once great nation

our leaders hate our freedom in their quest for global domination…

always at war

how did we get fooled

thinking this way

the best we can do

when there is so much

could be done better

without being destroyers

is our society that uncivilized

everyone who disagrees

or does it differently

or doesn’t want to be a part

of some global group

gets destroyed with weapons

of the civilized nations

in this lifetime wars are televised

complete with plenty of advertisement

pay little real attention

to what is the root of this destruction

just tune in to find out

what you need to know

don’t think too much or worry

stay calm and carry on

never did see the other side

the hundreds of thousands that died

luckily not as in the dark as they would like

constant pounding of events to bring on fear

and laws to restrict the freedom

of those is purports to protect

it is all double speak even if it isn’t 1984

twenty-nine years since then still bombing

those who resist this global domination

what kind of world is being created

beneath us we cannot believe everything

we are told to obey by those in control

those who rewrite the history books

how do we all wake up to the reality

of what life really is and of course what

it is not…

sound brought back

with the sound of the rain

on the canopy above and on the pond

sometimes even better than

any music

the sound is desperately

trying to pull me out

the mud where I get stuck

can’t move so much as to stand

as far as thoughts understandable

some mostly off the wall

in the basement where I find myself

over again always wanting

to go home then a flash memory

my grandfather watching the Red Sox

play ball Sunday afternoon east side

shoe city black and white television

distracted by technology

the sound of the rain in the grass

brings me back to center

the thought and the purpose of it all…

seeing clear

alone with a backwoods
illa smoke and warming sun
like a rasta blanket
where’d everyone go
streets desolate like yesterday
in Boston alone under clouds
dodging sunshine letting it creep
into every dark corner
when the world turns negative
light it up positive
every minute counts
time stands still and skips ahead
and at times will even float
a bit as thoughts fade and reappear
so much becomes clear
and all the moving forward
will be done without fear…

both feet in crazy

how can anyone be surprised really
it happens everyday
crazy people do exist
and will cause mayhem and death
but I think there is misinformation
in the details and the focus
is again far from a foreign policy
with both feet in crazy
how can we be surprised
it happens all over the world daily
it hurts the most when it hits home
shouldn’t we now see the senselessness
of unnecessary violence
security being what it is these days
police presence topping all-time highs
how can we really get surprised…

standing outside in the cold

amazed as the hair on my arms

stands on end as I stand on the porch

on the end in the cold air long enough

wish I could stand it longer

but I like to be warm

can’t under appreciate the beauty of winter

and how it changes the landscape and the mind

amazed as the sun peaks up over the trees

and even in the winter warms things

just slightly but enough

amazed too that I will pick up a pencil

if a pen is not available

knowing all along I could speak this into

my phone and it would appear

typed before my eyes

am I still a writer then

if I don’t have to write

amazed at technology and the speed

at which things can now be done

but sometimes (most times) I will still

choose to write it all down amazed…

decipher

so hard to handle

silence speaks volumes

and then it’s up to one

to decipher what everything means

or doesn’t

should it be this hard

to speak the mind given

with thoughts that appear

never asking for anything

or expecting anything

do eye really need to accept

nothing is real

and it’s all a game

this mind is too active to stagnate

need to keep moving forward

and never look behind…

in dreams

eyes closed and meditating

on today or just thinking

sitting and spacing out

letting the mind wander

to any place

beautiful headless figure seen

again in dreams

before impossible now

imagination creation

every step forward

and appreciated for the strength

it is and will continue to be…