just ten years back

none can imagine life like just ten years back there
are definitely more technological advances but are we
more independent in our lives made easier with technology or
hopelessly dependent on the ease of our lives
enslaved by trends and new gadgets it might be easier said
than done to leave it all alone one day and there are
those who think they can do without for one day
who would you call if your smart phone suddenly went dumb
falsely believing someone will fix it or get a new one
believe what gets you through the day but
they want us consumers dependent
are we all willing to trust them to keep us
free from a web we cannot escape…

depending on who is asked

still too cold with the wind
eyes start to get blurry
almost May
not what you would think
but since when has that mattered
how do the eyes convince
the others to read
just words regular people thoughts
depending on who is asked
and how much time there is
for a reply still don’t know
anyone else who does this
constant mostly with little reward
but then someone gets it
and it inspires and keeps it rolling
like backwoods honey flavor
comfort in the cold
contribution to the wind
curling pages as the thoughts
get caught by the pen
they pass too quickly most times
reflecting mostly like that window
looking back really too cold to enjoy
the night outside retreat
back to the table
low light early night...

walk with pen

stood in the rain
for ten minutes
and could have
all night but I walk
with the pen instead
inside under low light
next to an open window
solitude blowing in the breeze
cool after the rain
eyes almost closed
lots of smoke and words
building Thirty-3…

recording progression

don’t have an interest

in entertainment presented

instead entertain these pages

with words

how many will be enough

always will wonder

what thoughts mine might

provoke and I don’t have

an explanation for how all this time

is really spent trying to leave something

behind for those to come after

this time called now

how primitive this pen held

will be at then two generations or so

away from obscurity

no doubt and no idea

at the same time

never stops merely pauses

during sleep until we learn to record

the dreams we can’t even remember

when we are awake

the subconscious hides

and might never understand

these pages become useful

in recording progression…

good time to get doing

when is it a good time to get doing

the things that make us happy

people are much easier to be around

fear brings out the anxiety as happiness fades

the day is long enough to get it all done

government wants a cut of everything

you pay your taxes for fear of punishment

have we had this conversation before

tyranny takes over and we don’t mind

when it isn’t knocking down our door

the small yard doesn’t interest them yet

government might already own it

fears arrive when flashing lights pierce the night

the laws aren’t always made to protect

people but certain policies and certain people

you and I aren’t that lucky yet

have we ever contemplated what the future might look like

freedom viewed from our invisible cages… 

99th died

trying to keep some balance

and maybe I fall

but I keep getting up

knowing the one hundredth

money has got to be getting close

even if the ninety-ninth ended it all

understand the thoughts

not the action truth only

gaining ground

not losing…

dreaming fire moon

moon turned red overnight

behind clouds could hear the rain

all night long in the strangest dreams

but this one stuck out

because of its randomness

sand and ocean at my feet

can’t remember taking off the boots

felt the water somehow barefoot

don’t remember walking the bridge

still made it from end to end

part of it being my favorite spot

is the walk across the bridge

thinking it shouldn’t be called

the blood moon it’s reflected sunlight

the color is closer to fire than blood

not to mention it sounds better

this is the dream conversation

within the dream head

woman walks by catching the sights

smoke in the air joins me where I sit

she says the clouds aren’t going to clear

and I think she might be right

invite her to sit and hang in the cloud

a moment realize I knew her as a child

nearly neighbors small world

fire moon still

hear the rain

awake…

separate entity

sit and let the mind go

back forth to a slow flow

the river in the distance

and all these thoughts I don’t know

what tomorrow will bring

maybe some sun

but I don’t even mind the rain

sit and let the mind go

wherever it wants

barely thinking just moving the pen

wondering why I do it

but not really

it’s a habit could be an addiction

not so much sickness

letting the mind go wherever it wants

as if it’s a separate entity…

hold strong

there are a few views I hold strong they tend to be unpopular
is it not okay to disagree with everything they tell us now
nothing could make me support wars of aggression
brave or not killing innocent people somewhere else is not
admirable in any sense of the word
or just even in history’s eyes seen as aggressors
praiseworthy success in the continuation of senseless death
about time we find another way to communicate
murdering civilians does not count as diplomacy
foreigners shouldn’t live in fear and neither should we
because of an illegal war or two
of course I appreciate where I live but
corporate militaristic America is not what I believe in and
propaganda won't convince me to support aggressive wars…

desired effect

cloud cover above

coming back here

always brings it back

full circle as they say

where I started

back porch

where it always seems

windy without sun

at the moment

stationary waiting on word

to move onto the next spot

stand to sleep to work to think

every square on the wall

night falls lie dominoes

set up to create

the desired effect…

not a big deal

not a big deal

being alone is freedom

to roam and do whatever

not having to answer to anyone

but who is there

to share a thought

conversation

not a big deal

sometimes just spaz out

write down a handful of thought

and eyes get crossed up

falling from this still standing spot

so long now quiet keeping

to myself no need to think out loud

or assume to know what others

might be thinking

not a big deal

two years later

still question the self-everyday…

lunch with the girls

strange coincidences

plague everyday or bless them

depending on how you see things

half full or half empty

the sun is always going to win the battle

must be true because sometimes

it feels like a big hug

but that sounds kind of stupid

until you sit outside

and spring has finally arrived

not quite here yet

filling pages in preparation

for the warm days in the sun

strange coincidences

lunch with mother and her mother

the time of this thought

and her strong belief in angels

can’t say I have ever been touched by one

the supernatural kind I mean

of course by plenty at one time seemed

angelic-like or whatever the term is

haven’t felt the supernatural type

seems like superstition-al to me

and there I go inventing words again

as if I am half supernatural in my own way

don’t get me wrong true desire to transcend

what we perceive to be real

and understand the mind a little more

some might not take the time to think

unless others think it too

who in the world thinks like this

as random and all over the place

out of place in every place

and outside the lines with a big black crayon

carving coincidences of my own

all over these cell walls like a prisoner

of the mind knowing I am not alone

plagued or blessed by many thoughts

that just won’t stop

and an anxiety that is just functional

enough to get through another day

but for now I will enjoy

lunch with the girls… 

working out

when forcing the pen

like an exercise

sometimes it becomes exhausting

thinking seeing them all appear

knowing weakness and holding

it close instead of powering through it

others have methods too

and with some success

none of them hold this pen

and this thought and the big secret

that it might not really matter

except for the motions of the circles

keeping it dizzy and maybe it’s me

and my dizzy way to dance through

the day and probably won’t

make a difference except to those

barely reaching with thoughts

words on the page wish it would

tell a story take eyes to a different

place instead stuck in the mind

intrigued by all the stories

accepted as reality of the day

opposing nothing and everything

without a doubt at the same time

confused and probably always have been

wonder though about happiness

and freedom and not being worried about

something relaxation and not feeling like

battling the mind anymore…