thought thunderbolt

who moves the pen

writes as if it has its own set of thoughts

for any emotion

becomes a topic for internal discussion

can turn ugly at times

it is so easy then it’s too hard

on the hand

limited in movement

towards the positive

emotions will bring smiles yield to sadness

ends as well

realized to be deeper than once assumed

it could be done alone

the moon can be seen

as bringing some happiness

the ultimate goal to shoot for

tomorrow might come

back with pen in hand

placed tight over a wanting mouth

hungry for truth and to regain all lost

in battle or in vain

love and lose sight of all that’s important

things become struggling points

finally to the sun center

thought thunderbolt

forced concentration

knowing what the orange sky means

a pure white cannot be predicted

when or where the pen will land when thrown

into the ring with the champ

who I do not know

what to count on one hand with a ring

at the door and no one is there

maybe spirits shifting through the between

two points there has got to be a voyage

extending the limits of what is understood

or get confused with all the words

will hide the importance

lies right here in this moment

when emptiness enters the heart

can be broken daily

affirmations astounding the skeptics

still don’t see but eyes given are tools that fail

heart forced clear vision using the third

attained through unlearning what’s taught

clearly without distraction

and the pen moves without a choice

to rethink teachings to accept it

what may or may not be

here and now is the only moment

thought thunderbolt

forced concentration…

count on

wisps of hair

across a pale face

in the right direction

and just keep on walking

out to the edge

maybe best to throw myself

to the mercy of whatever

situation ensues

pursuing the inevitable

truth will be exposed

with dry skin hands

watching the page bleed

scratch it with this thought

flat back and waiting

sirens sound and brakes screech

the sun gives hope though

tomorrow is too far away

to be counted on…

hard to believe

hard to believe

still somehow thinking

there is a chance

to run with the bulls

throwing down at the table

couple of real high rollers

nothing to lose

words in the ring with

heavy weights

won’t go down for the count

unless knocked out

within the mind the battle

toughest to win

who is watching anyway

words spin silent

watching while many pass…

thinking rebirth

snow giving up

after filling the night air

the sun melts the cold

almost spring thinking

rebirth right around the corner

stopping in my tracks

to watch the snow melt

tears of winter darkness

light lifted to new heights

without help this time around

shouldn’t get any tougher

the wait is almost over

snow is almost gone

rebirth anticipated spring arriving

an end to winter

doldrums of the mind…

assuming heaven

arms extended side to side

those of a plane aimed upward

assuming heaven

will weight burn the muscles

the roar of the engine

seems unreal

and landing gear becomes

useless at forty thousand

selfish as it seems desire doesn’t fade

only a crash seems inevitable

only ocean below unless caught

in the wind skipping across

the atmosphere likes rocks on a lake

arms becoming heavy as gravity forces

a deeper descent tranquility

momentary as earth doesn’t move

a moments time energy enough

for an eternity shared one moment

assuming that’s what it is like…   

sort of contentment

found my balance in uncertainty

then lost it somewhere in happiness

the walls came down

relaxation took over

and the fire burned me

this time it felt more real

was somehow convinced

the world wouldn’t take my word for it

keep it moving to avoid

the bullets aimed at feet

stumble still smiling stand staring

the mirror has always been cracked

from end to end

realization there is none

lost the game

didn’t want to play the song

never knew the words

balance returned with over due

library books never got to read

no matter how fast

driving away from the setting sun

gets me nowhere fast

darkness still arrives

home still holds

a sort of contentment

and it is happiness stifled

at the moment

it avoids me …

empty suitcase

the November moon

remembered

to send the letter

all I have left with me

is an empty suitcase

and a pouch of rolling tobacco

lack of something else

withdraw from view

in order to survive

where none of the faces

are recognizable anymore

trying to remember still

the eyes I no longer see

happiness really never left

smile still strong

even if no one sees it…

on the pot

overheard them say

‘he must be on the pot’

not even sure I know

what they meant

figured they were referring

to me sitting in the corner

writing as a semi busy breakfast spot

listening to their conversation

felt I could since they

included me to begin with

can’t figure out how

they came to their conclusion

don’t really mind

wasn’t going to stay long

just had to get a few thoughts out

thought this place might be

as good a place as any…

over and over

how so other thinkers do it

night and day

beat themselves up

for thoughts left unwritten

forgotten as the smoke fades

only traces remain

on an unwashed shirt

can’t shake the urge to sit and write

so many thoughts not knowing

how they got here

what a journey

until I put them here

pushing out to an edge

so sharp make it mine

over and over

feet might fail

and my mind unraveled

in front of you

what is the point

just thoughts its all I have

screaming and can’t fit

into the mold

swing and miss

over and over

already having exposed too much

of who I am

where I haven’t been

brought me here always

anywhere better than

inside the hollow…

everyone wrong

trying to clear the smoke

does a number on the body

craves the feeling

a depressing burn

causing the mind to flip flop

back and forth

time around today

day three times and the day is gone

the body shakes a bit

and tries to be free

snap out as the match breaks before

making a flame catches the eye

distracts the mental formation

of torture and the battle

just begun

to make sense enough to see

the damage done with this or that

won’t satisfy the strong

will survive this detox from smoke

may fail but hoping to

prove everyone wrong…

shining corpse

sun shining and

the words are stuck deep

the body lies in front of us

we do not want to kneel and pray

it’s no longer who we want to remember

the bible is quoted to ease

pain of the departed

the journey in between

strange the way we look at death

sun still shining

and the words fade

as the color in the face to gray

a tear or two at the edge of the casket

words stuck deep within…

who's the fool

the day is winding down

slowing to a halt

can’t find where it was

left off yesterday

could tell me where

my mind is

won’t ask

instead ten hours pass

like clouds in the six o’clock sky

who is he trying to fool

with this new attitude…

don't always know

up against and in front of

a wall don’t know what

she is waiting for

her hugs just aren’t the same

its simple

she acts like she doesn’t know

this is her practice

hard to understand what all of this is

up against the wall

see it all fear the fall

wind nearly tears my hair

out as a withdrawal

finally cooled midday

to midnight

calling out to her

sleeplessness

train going the wrong way

on the tracks barreling

toward oblivion

the birds are flying in place

as if they need the practice

shiver as she calls to know

trust the judgment

but still not sure

what I am thinking…

another heavy

taught many things

one being compassion

others include respect

and understanding

love will conquer all

of that I am certain

the path has been showed

and now the guru is gone

meditating with a picture

of green tara four noble truths

burning fires in the heart and soul

like an eternal candle

seeing with clear light vision

beautiful yogini

goddess of the realm of truth…

sit down talk non stop

the girl has not stopped

talking since she sat down

reminds me of days passed

a few people in the history

of this life strange memory

brought up as girl talks on

and on still talking

right through as food arrives

is eaten and table cleared

still talking so glad to be sitting

on the other side of the room

watching her friend squirm

and you can tell he is ready to go

she isn’t done talking

I think the building could burn

to the ground

and she wouldn’t stop talking

then and now

everyone is becoming annoyed

with the snow

remember it being so much worse

cars stuck where we were

at the beginning of knowing you

so much older then

not much younger now though

guess the good ole days

but so are these

think it strange

when change happens sudden

all at once snow comes

as we stand under the orange sky

similar to then wondered

would we make it together

here we are

together similar to then

but now…

its a sign he says

faith hope and love

the only three everlasting things

none of these things are tangible

he truly believes he is the embodiment

of these things and he says he is not alone

he sees everything as signs

that this is true

and he will be resurrected

son of a man putting him back

to nineteen seventy

super-bowl Sunday at noon

time for him will become

a rerun of the passed twenty-nine years

he sees this reality deeper than

the one he sits in

he is right in his mind

and no one can argue that…

winter hat does no good

it looks like a wig

but stands strong

in the wind

as it almost blows away

all my thoughts on a voyage

out west with her she carries

her book by VC Andrews

under her arm never read

but heard of the flowers

with me a notebook

and a pocket full of pens

only time will tell

most definitely not a wig

at second glance

she doesn’t even know

this pen dances about her

being here in this place

young like me might be too young

to understand the potency of words

so much happening

in short time sitting

watching three men

figure out the bill

wondering what she reads

and is easily distracted

by all that is going on

nervously tapping her cigarette

into the ashtray

not even realizing the lit part

fell off into the glass

always wondering

about what it all means

knowing that a winter

hat does no good

if its not covering the ears…

wander alone

travelling to a spot

people known

and some once knew

seeing some of the things

others might see through

watch as the worried man

wanders far from home

wondering about his thoughts

as he kicks the dirt alone

when do we find ourselves

swimming in confusion

searching our reality

and moments of illusion

cannot imagine beyond the sky

as the light illuminates

that same winter sky

worried man still lost

mind swimming in a sea of doubt

might not even consider

what it is like to get out…

when I get there

starting with the little hand facing down
to the bottom of the cup I never finish
what I start too
get relaxed and enjoy the space created
something as unbelievable as space
and all the planets in the sky
it simply is what is above us high
what we see is so much more than that now
beginning with an end
the search and the beginning
right now and when I get there I will write
counting backwards until the day arrives
bells flashing lights ringing
out for the freedom lost
my spot at the top when I fell
from darkness to light eyes closed
on all negative emotions flushed out
with affirmations strong
wind up from below the bow breaks
into so many pieces
the space we create
from what we are
not what we see
and when I get there I will write
explaining my departure
as a means to an accomplishment
to let you know I will
not stop again this is serious
in my consideration given
last thoughts can’t explain
envelope containing it all
will make sense when I get there
I will write…

Venus & Jupiter

twin lights higher than

the cirrus of 630
a deep green almost black
it becomes the face
for these far away eyes
clouds frame
the perfect moment’s picture
all other thoughts drop
as quickly as these two appear
night of two lights beaming
stumbling over the blanket
dancing above the neighbors trees
two lights again becoming the night’s eyes
rarely these two lights nearly eclipse
a grand prix of thought leaving
skid marks on my mind
stopping starting enjoying
the painting in the sunset sky…

as for the poets

only knowing one or two

reading many hearing some

it becomes my meditation

how many just sit and write

for hours with no plan

no idea where one thought

will lead to an endless flurry

all starting from blank page

blank mind

some may have found a muse

or a situation that they become

through words

sometimes I think I know

and then I don’t know

which end is up

when it comes to the poets…

sat nam

broken cigarette
on the ledge
and I won’t go back
to where I stood
broken and ready to plunge
shallow grave in pavement
no more destruction
sat nam
and I accept
what I have been given...

changing as well-intertwined

love watching
the changing sky
night day whenever
it’s always changing
when I find myself
watching I realize
I am the sky
changing as well
watching a devouring of food
and a misbehaved child
noodles hanging out
of his mouth have faith
got to have it he says
and I wonder how
the kundalini experience
and faith go together
like milk and orange juice
to me but he must know
I think staring back at the child
how unfair the life he has been dealt
doesn’t even understand yet…

bombshell eyes

the train ride
was extra long
and the man
told us we made
a good couple
“she’s my sister”
I said
“what a bombshell!”
he said
and I saw her blush
but I knew
he was a complete stranger
and it made her
a bit uncomfortable
he was asking for money to buy
lunch and he smelled strong
of cigarettes and booze
wondering quietly if the lunch
was to go along with his
leather jacket and new nike
sneakers maybe they were
gifts who am I to judge
digging into my pocket
I handed him all
of my change and a dollar
it wasn’t much
but I didn’t feel bad
knowing my sister
seemed relieved that he was gone
then his eyes returned
from across the car
as ruby lights flashing and I hit the breaks
soul coughing as sister is asleep
almost home she looks like me
some say and I see it mainly
in our eyes we didn’t do much talking
observing together and
it’s as if we can read each other’s thoughts
keep a picture of her in my wallet
watch as she grows but the eyes
always the same and freaky
when I see the same eyes
catching mine in the glass…

haven't burned out

haven’t burned out all of the wax
stands strong and burns bright
tirelessly without pressure
letting it flow smooth
surface created from the rough
edges shrink with soft light
shining for all of us
come close to burning out
at times it gets so hard
to keep on keepin’ on
and the bird still sings
it’s song and though the day breaks
the night falls hard more often
than not the same hidden thought
found again returned
to where it belongs…

lonely soldiers

the lonely soldiers
brigade has assembled
by the side of route
one two three
here we are together
once again
the youngest member
got my card to prove it
can’t imagine what the
outsider might think
a little bit strange
and in some cases beyond
help and or consideration
one woman here is named
Bunny and I never heard her speak
she keeps the same crooked grin
only changing expression
when she sips her coffee
or takes a drag from her butt
Winchester can’t get comfortable
in the wooden chair
can’t stop talking loud
eating plain crackers
and smoking filtered cigars
and passing gas so loud
laughing and excusing himself
at the same time
his right hand is always shaking
Joe is philosopher of the group
staring at each person as he speaks
out loud to himself
loves the beauty of nearly every
woman and he is never wrong
in his thought somehow directly
connected to jesus christ
he says and gambles every
dollar he has
I just observe the lot
dwelling in my own solitude
and suffering as well
no better no worse
and just as pensive
more in touch with the world
around us because I work
the meeting place is a stop
along my journey through the day
not my final destination everyday
all the lonely soldiers might
someday end up here
answers might never arrive
but all are willing to stop by
just in case they do…

all the others-change it

everyone hurts
but can’t we all see
what it is that we need to do
detach ourselves from
this insanity that causes
us any and all pain
we cannot justify causing
pain to any others
and still alleviate our own pain
and suffering clouded
vision impedes our
decision making ability

the bats fly low and
he swings wildly
trying to destroy the thought
can’t even see straight
right now
the only time
never making the right decisions
he should realize by now
nothing will change
unless he does something
about it...

nothing to change anything

taken some of the points
raised and viewed the situation
as so much has happened
strange connection indeed
friendship has always been different
so many twists can’t say
I know you too well
we have never had the time
two years passing quicker than I know
how to describe guess I have never
been stable enough to be the friend
you needed me to be
how do I respond to your thoughts
you are probably right
or I am mad
or you can’t understand
and bad timing caught me
at a point when I can do
nothing to change anything…

dark for now

can’t stop

the train

running late

running fast

and damn near

out of control

leafy greens stare

at my worried-ness

sleep calls

answer with a shrug

don’t know what

tomorrow might bring

to light

it’s dark for now…

35 cent phone call

the rain won’t stop

and a phone call costs 35 cents

now I couldn't drop a dime

unless I had a quarter too

letter costs 33 cents to mail

and licking the stamp

isn't even optional anymore

working fifty plus hours this week

mental health starting to dwindle

some say I should see the doctor

but will it make a difference

or take the small amount of confidence

salvaged from the junkyard

my mind has become…

everyone is gone

obviously he is late

for the meeting again

and of course he has

forgotten his presentation

all the members have entered the room

they seem to be getting along

just fine as he sneaks in unnoticed

he is on the clock

one hour to prove his point

who will hear

who won’t listen

looking back at my notes briefly

I look up and everyone is gone…

star spangled eyes

knew he was up to no good

the minute he passed

with that crooked grin

and star spangled eyes

furious over what he believed

to be the American dream

can’t say I blame him

for taking the idea out past

the edge of what society deems normal

how would they know anyhow

the air is definitely colder down here

not offended but still unsure of my footing

he is stumbling through everyone

they wait for the time bomb to blow

he is somehow still in control

he makes the call he doesn’t even realize

and his suit smells like moth balls

his American dream is unlike the rest

his whole reality is twisted

fitting his daily struggle with the madness

who is the right mind here

when will the lights stop blinking…

spitting nails

smoking asbestos cigarettes

and drinking paint thinner

some bleach what a morning

with a necklace of razor blades

pour a big bowl of broken bottles

from last night when the sky

rained acid looking into the cracked mirror

too long too disgusted

spitting nails at the picture

on fat Tuesday he has never been skinnier

where has the sanity gone

no one knows the truth

the two halves do equal the whole

he dug down deep to the bone

exposing and throwing up on the rug

filled with madness no more…

enter the cave, doomed

enter the cave

with hardly any light

knowing where he is

the ignorant will laugh

at the flaws of normal man

his hands might shake violently

other than that how is he any different

there is no opposition here

how did it become what it is

unnatural and a contradiction

in the attitude he can’t see his own madness

blind to his own mistakes

when did everyone become so perfect

how did he get to this point

home finally he enters the cave

might only be in his mind

and the guardian won’t let him pass

another test he must pass

trying hard again not to fail…

I am a jerk

everyone in metal boxes
moving too fast for me
my speed is slow
because I am patient
wait for something
to be returned
and I am probably full of shit
and most likely a jerk
just because I might wonder
and think too much
I can be trusted although
they don’t believe this
I don’t even know who they are
most of the time...