no sleeping

and as I slouch a bit

too hot in here

the jester sings a song

no sleeping tonight I will not go to bed

worried I will never amount to anything

great journey ahead pokes up from

the ashes I will soon become

back to my mind and what

would you say

that I heard you

will not listen again

I am struggling to keep my head above water

surrounding and wish I could swim   

around the world if I had to do

what was done is done out of jealousy

though I do not know for what

am I doing in this place again

killing myself daily and I guess

I don’t care

too much not tasting the soup

the ladle serves no purpose any longer

shorter as the heat inside rises

peaks and falls right before

those who judge us all…

and if we can’t find truth here

where else could we possibly find it?

babble

counting down from ten

miles from the point

the arrow away from the fire

destroying everything in its path

to follow and what if I asked you

I won’t

what if I did

what would you say

about one who sits with

hand over fist to rest on another page

I will tell a story about a thought

I had enough song and

dance myself onto yet another page

is torn from where I am

not right now I can not think

straight anymore

of the same words repeated

rearranged to confuse readers

I have none

yet some do find things in these pages

not knowing me

would you read these pages

upon pages

of my babble?…

nothing concluded 77

end of another day

just when you would think

nothing matters

everything does

it’s just how it is

everything is done

then undone

there is a need for something

to appear unimportant

everything matters

what we do now

and what we don’t do to

stop the madness

and future wars

will haunt

years from now

some things will mean more

and I am merely trying

to figure out how

important these thoughts

actually are collections of thoughts

on things all at once

writing and rewriting if need be

mind overloaded

nothing concluded…

exist

so much more knowing and seeing

clear the table set for one not I

not I and too many ears          

bending light to a heavy subject followed by

an action speaking louder than my words

my words no meaning—

look it up and down

what do you make of the situation at hand

or foot the bill this time

that time for recompense

did I apologize did not mean it to sound

the alarm waking my soul escaped

for a bit of peace and quiet

lack of something causing me to go crazy

eyes on the prize

is but a pot of gold that doesn’t even

exist…

nothing concluded 76

thinking about Tibet

and all the other

historic

tales of genocide

what

could cause the decision

to destroy another

people one at a time

or as a whole

tales of genocide

war is the undoing

of civility

and the destruction

of what took years to build

thoughts

only minutes to destroy

and end the life simple

just as in  the beginning

who gets to decide when

and why

what can be done 

to make the slaughter

make sense

or will it always be

nothing concluded…

eighty-seven

learning, much of the time spent up life savings on

games of chance is the last given speeches     

and teaches what knowledge of the outfit

adorning a simple being quiet as usually coming to   

this then thanks for the condolences and        

see you on a day I can’t remember where I

belong to the school of nothing really matters much  

in the eyes of impermanence straightening     

the curly hair growing up quicker than I

could have imagined that our friendship will

transcend this life and onto the next 

road to discover a missing piece of a puzzle I will

not finished until true understanding may not be        

reached in this circle I see many sides and     

each has a story of its owner is not one I

know when I will leave this existence and I don’t

expect anyone to believe in themselves that   

is all that is needed a date so that someone

could fins validity and of course I could be wrong     

as I was last time I fought it all along, did      

want to fight forced into it as a sort of

punishment maybe just part of the way to

understanding my existence is merely a         

blink of the blind man’s eye reassures me

and not possible to know anything for sure I have     

been here before

I can’t remember details know I was fighting killing now

regretting accepting came to me in a dream    

separate state of consciousness I looked into  

the glass and saw a soldier similar in

appearance and you were there as well I know I am  

hard to follow these words they cannot          

hold the full meaning of the thoughts I

have obtained in dream states and restates where I     

have been here before, my worn out body     

laid to final rest into another and so my

parallel planes of thought of the dual being that I       

am both writer and reader and on both side

of the bed at the same time wanting and

not wanting destroying and creating destructive

creativity that is that of the most powerful      

Śiva is a part of you and I and don’t

expect me to remember details of what we did and    

who else we knew life to live and this

moment is all that matters and soon it will

be gone and reunited with those forgotten know I     

must return before Bodhi vision is mine

exploding to a higher plane and not quite

as confusing when the powerful lids of the third eye

open and on the third of fifty-five plus two

the crab drags me away again…

nothing concluded 75

sometimes

I start to wonder

ok maybe that’s a stretch

I am always

and constantly wondering

running from

something deep within

the mind

thought to thought

two thought

sitting so still tonight

alone does not bother

by choice

most of the time

grateful…nothing concluded

what are we waiting for

what you said to me so true I know how sad it          

sounds like we need some faith in the

government runs the show us what they can

do me a favor and don’t put too much faith in a

government that did the same some years

ago just the same story told over and over

involving different characters acting as though they   

are the police of the world intervening here

and there but why don’t they give help

where it is needed and confused a bit something

got lost along the way we cringe at the history of

this country when they stole this land from the

natives, killing, raping, stealing, what they     

want is power over others and what about

them what they want or deserve

reaction ended in war outrage at the

camps though many perished

some fifty years ago a peaceful

spiritual land stolen and everyone watches as the

leader of Tibet is forced into exile, those

with power to make things right do

nothing, what are they waiting for?

no one is going to invite the president

to play golf with chairman mao he is dead

mr. president

can’t you do anything to free a people

who are losing their culture their heritage their land

their freedom

what are we waiting for?

war is not the answer

we have intervened over less in the

past the only reason that our country is not

lending it’s hand is because there is nothing

           

in it for them and this saddens me

what are we waiting for?…

end up

the longer it takes

the harder it is

not something I wish

someone else may act different

colors appear

through a crack in the wall

comes crashing down

from where I was up

to me to find an answer

a question I will not try to understand

up straight line drawn circles

around a spot me in the crowd

of those you do not know

not always going to make sense

and might be impossible to figure

but failure is not an option

on my mission for accomplishment

makes it easier to just sit here

myself might sound foolish

makes me laugh at myself

not yet proud of where I am

not quite where I want to be

but proud of the determination

it will take to get there

sun might not be shining on me

today but it won’t get me down

or slow my roll up another

and pour me a pot of coffee

we can discuss where I think

I will end up…

what is the use

smoke rising and no tears falling

can’t be too invested

too much mental strain

nothing can be concluded

have been saying for some time now

spent so much time for what

doesn’t even matter now apparently

if it was meant to be it would

and since it wasn’t what can I do

just get too upset not knowing

what I am capable of doing at times

and if failure is inevitable what the use

in any of it at all… 

space available

space available for rent or sale
at the store won't make me
get up spend up all the money
worked hard for it
and won't stop until
reaching a final destination
unknown at this time
what saddens the eye
shaking a bit
do not worry though
about that which
has not arrived
as clouds on a gray day
clear away all negative thought
for too long end up backwards
driving in reverse instead
mantra take me home
and all will be as it is 
supposed to be
what is lost is gone
will not take that step back
always moving
onward as to see what's ahead
and what's behind
only memory can bring it back
it's what it is kept there for
want to be only here
right now. . .