Friday, April 14, 2000

just staring

it just stares at him
with nothing to say
he too is empty
with nothing to say
nowhere to go
back into his thoughts
days passed and nights
spent in irie meditation
single candle flame across
the room a voice he hears
a smile he would
wait all day to see
like he is waiting
to see the setting sun…

Thursday, April 13, 2000

midday midnight

midday phone call
he doesn’t feel so alone
only thought on rest
the call is more than welcome
like the sun burning the front
of the tower sits staring into
the blinding sky staring back at him
feels so small in the broad scheme
of things and thoughts
that no one else can comprehend
he wants to explain himself
instead he listens intently
it’s what he’s got to do
and there isn’t a part
of him that minds at all
sounds around distract
his thought twisting
like smoke between fingers snapping
three years ago and so much since
midday call and midnight visit
how much loss can he consider
a gain of some kind
things just change
evidence is inconclusive
puddle people on get their feet wet…

Tuesday, April 11, 2000

no different


on the mind
as if on some kind of soap
box preaching to anyone
who will listen
or to no one at all
the sun has been eaten up
by the clouds
on the mind again
we sit facing whoever
is looking no one around
every corner is another thought
may escape the private prison
created only to be destroyed
on the mind like a bus
taking the trip
to the other side of the city
or the world
it doesn’t matter
we change our minds
it is no different…

Monday, April 10, 2000

flooded

no thought
then suddenly flooded
more thought
doesn’t know what to do
with it all
takes one step
and moves into
the wind’s direction
one end to the other
back to where
more often than not
ends up down
at times going to stop
someday soon
someone should see…

some are forgotten

the dregs are forgotten
in this town
as any
looked at as trash
some didn’t make it
as others did
wondering though
who has really made it
who has failed to realize
that positioning is key
hard times can fall
even if the thought is
that some have made it
ignorance and disgust fill the air
like a cloud of smoke
trying to clear it out
hope no one will really forget
their life isn’t that tough
when you see how many 
forgotten…

Sunday, April 9, 2000

hardly smile

thought he found a friend
turned out to be a thief
posing as one who cared
there was some kind of gold
in his sights all along
most must enjoy watching
him writhe in emotional pain
someone says it’s not worth
thinking about but
what do they know
wolf in sheep attire
out for the self
posing as one
trying to better the self
and he has to be the foot bridge
between two others
he lies there useful at last
thought he found a friend
but a nice guy will probably
always end up alone
rage filled at times
like smoke in suffocating lungs
he can hardly smile…

no darkness

wishing the roller coaster
would stop
and then the feeling
emptiness
what if there is no other
seen in that light
knowing no darkness…

Saturday, April 8, 2000

against his will

why does he care
what time is it
nowhere to go
no one to see
only the cat waits
for him but only
because he holds him
against his will
who else would give him food
what does he care
what time it is
the cat only knows
time to eat…

on his head

on his head 
thick rug support
and shaky balance
thinking of eyes looking on
becoming steady the breath
is strong to compensate
for confidence lost
somewhere on his road to now
ready to sit up straight
relaxed flip it upside down
and start all over
again as many times
as he can on his head
balance he takes for granted
standing feet first wanting
new eyes to see the whole
picture not just the words
scribbled underneath…

frightening clarity

the head suddenly detached
as the body soundly sleeps
travelling the world
in his mind
the only way at this moment
thinking about those
who just go
nothing holding them
to any one spot
he is tied to the rafters
of the ceiling high above
he is not done
and cannot have what he wants
motion as the body moves slightly
pulling him back to some reality
wondering what it means
as it happens torn opposing forces
running horses tied to them
ropes digging into flesh
with each fiery step
silence as the mind
rejoins its partner
in a moment of complete
confusion and frightening clarity
and morning arrives…

who knows where

sunset as usual last night
arriving with a new smile
his way and not much he can do
as another awkward moment passes
too fast when comfort finally
sets in at last until the next
meeting not soon
enough of the solitary
confinement of the tower
up not high enough
into the clouds and sky
always the sky
constantly changing
sunset nothing dramatic
just the beginning
of the night
when he mattered
to someone again
he sees beauty all around
and appreciation returns
right on time
to spin onward
in a journey
to who knows where…

Friday, April 7, 2000

wonder when

wonder when
the floor will give way
and he will fall again
no one has any fear
for his protection
he is alone fighting
his demons…

Thursday, April 6, 2000

echo in the mountain

so many voices
echo in the mountain
mind on fire
weapons become understood
as unnecessary
about as much as he feels the heart
as it liquefies everything he touches
constantly contained
simply standing
facing fears face first
smashing the glass
improving the reflection
pebble in the water
breaking his will
to fight any longer
so many voices
and meaningless words
even when they are supposed
to mean so much
less than the investment made
plunging to the depths
of someone he never wanted to be
alone in the crowd of familiar faces
the wrong direction given or taken
not enough of his own advice
American spirit in his hand
empty and lying flat on the table
overturned another corner
found hidden deep inside
the skull bowl empty
knocked from up on high
falling below the normal
range and out of sight again
still hear the voice…

page 169

sleeping
dreaming he is that man
someday saying
all the heart screams
all in vain for now
emotionally deaf
to the sounds dreams offer
and if reality
then why did it become
a dream
not the other way around
what about the man
still sleeping…

flip 'em

solutions to the problems
sit within reach
knowing what doesn’t
belong to him
stunting his growth
with repetitive thoughts
hollow maybe filled with poison
turn it on himself
the kind of mess
he would want to avoid
the clouds wouldn’t cover
reality sandwiches
not accidental
such tests are unfair
even if unstoppable
two looking to the sky
easily seeing Orion
concentrate and make sense
of the mess created
flip ‘em
someone will catch on
sooner or later…

got the blues on belmont

sherlock holmes hat
and he doesn’t have a clue
what is he saying
he never leaves this street
back and forth
up and down Belmont
must have got them blues
wasting what little money
he had…

wind in the face

the sun is diving down
a spiral of sorts
the horizon seems to be
the resting place
he knows this might be
the wrong assumption
sun is setting
feeling it through closed windows
and thick walls
carpeted room still gives
no cushion to the hard reality
he sees emptiness
like the wind in the face
can’t see it but he feels
it’s presence for sure…

all the fixings

sitting there staring
at the blank page
as if the words
were already there
and he alone must find
them buried deep beneath
all of a day’s insanity lumped into a half hour
and sipping the remains
someone else’s meal
all the fixings
another lonely night
staring at the wall
high in the tower
out on the porch
who cares if he writes…

Wednesday, April 5, 2000

good for him

what could he possibly think
the words can’t believe
he spent twelve
wouldn’t have thought he’d care
and possibly
he is only supporting me
good for him
willing to think a bit
hope it’s nothing
like what he expects
but he never expected to see me
all I can do is hope
he reads it…

crossword road

winding down a road
and forgetting the words
before they might appear
backwards or something
stronger and stranger
stops him
asks him for the time
he has no idea
no thought this moment
may not last as long as
it always seems indecisive
as hell confused at the sight
blank desolate landscape
winding down as if
running right out of room
with a thought that won’t give up
a woman doing a crossword puzzle
stares through blue-ish glass
he wonders what word
she is thinking about…