diggin the walk

what else can i say
missing the family
will have wheels again soon
out typing
cold fingers under
the moon
if it werent for all these clouds
walkin to and from daily
no matter what time
and i dont mind
at all actually
need the exercise
who doesnt?
what else can i say
just diggin the walk

the rain outside

trying to figure out
what's what and who
knows what I will find
been ducking responsibility so long
feel like a midget
never could quite get it
right what's wrong
who even cares anymore
or less suspended
in between no telling when

trying to understand
the rain and why
it can't stop long enough for me
to have a cigar in peace
and quiet for a moment as
eye stare into the clouded
canopy covering the stars
tonight it's warmer than it has been

trying to find myself
again under the rain and
next month will be better
even if eye am still walking from
place to place
hard to keep this pace
never stop like gravity
until you at the bottom

colors added

hard work
every room
top to bottom
changing the look
the feel
settling into
new space

eight hour sunday

almost six pm
behind in the race
havent been running for some time now
never held the ace
bluffing all along loud
feet planted head cloud
driving snow
blowing in the face
eight hour sunday
blood on my face

upsidedown and backwoods

red cardinal 
flying across the yard
and into the neighbors yard
I am standing on my head
backwards

waiting for something
to make sense again

cross-eyed and
we are all alone...

thinking and writing and chillin

losing my mind
and finding it daily
some days it's a roast
and others
it's something different

some days everyone
gets overwhelmed 
not everyone
reacts the same way though
trying so hard to find
that writing spirit
always had it

it comes and goes
at times in my life it has been
here and other times
it is far from where I dwell
moving back and forth
across the street

thinking and writing
and chilling so very
hard to concentrate
noise all around
coffee is better than ever
in case no one noticed...

can't stop this

temporary
home less state of mind
still calm
like right before
an explosion
most of today's children
are deaf
it's a shame
but by design
dumb down
to create generations
that do not care
struggling even to think
for themselves

just want to see sunshine

just want to see sunshine
creating such a cloud
walking in the snow
for no apparent reason
no car
two feet
step it up and go

cant seem to get it right

which end is up
my feet are cold
standing in the snow
just didnt want to be cold
anymore found the fire

couldnt have burned out already
even if eye did...

outside with the trees

cold getting colder
not much wiser
definitely older
hacking cough not
wondering why
price you pay
being up this high
above the clouds
the air is thinner
rolling the dice
and I am no winner
haven't lost though
sitting as I type
outside with the trees
it's a cold winter night

even a penny is change(for the record)

first words written this year

thunder rolls in

above the warm air

can’t handle the cold

front plowing through

for the record

no longer where I wanted to be

five years not long enough

kicked myself to the sidewalk

where I fell first

for the record

could very well be

the biggest mistake of my life

unearthing all sorts of bad habits

everything is on hold

no one will ever really accept

what have I done

all I can do is accept the change

even if it’s only a penny…

looking at the stars

the sky seems a little darker tonight 
the stars a little brighter
standing on the porch
blowing smoke again
50 degrees in January 
until the cold front 
moves through
rasta nights...

used to be

there are so many
things that I feel I used to be 
that I am no longer 
never have been able to put my finger 
on what it is I believe my purpose is on this planet 
but I will someday 
until then I smoke my cigars and drink my coffee 
cough a little and stay hungry...

undo(for the record)

from a different

angle now
a different spot
above or below
back to the spot tonight
it is possible
 
for the record
realizing the truth
and the trust broken
where it will lead
no one will ever
trust these words
it’s all the same
no matter what every moment
 
for the record
back to a spot that might
make sense to someone
trying hard to find myself
pull myself back out of myself
I know he’s there
wishing to undo
what’s been done
it’s already too late
trying to understand myself
again and again…

quiet now(for the record)

the house is quiet now

sleeping on the couch

he’s writing in the basement

always will be

for the record

the house always seemed

quiet from the street…

never wanted to be(for the record)

no idea

what is going on

an eye sore and admittedly

the pain behind it all

taking too many chances

like pills they say will make me

feel like myself again

point me in the right direction

never knew myself

still don’t

fix myself find health

make wealth

for the record

the hole is too deep

can’t even spend too much

time discussing

and I am disgusting

myself I know this much

for the record

became the guy I never

wanted to be

said I would never be

didn’t know how much strength

it would take to avoid that hole

can’t escape

might take years…

five years ago(for the record)

for the record

five years ago
standing on the sidewalk
falling into love
and knew that it was real
twenty-four hours
changed too much
just as well not think
too much anymore…

the worst(for the record)

not afraid

of what comes out
only afraid of the hurt
it will cause her
 
for the record
breaking my own heart
inconsequential
no one is gonna hear
the song I sing
some say for better
or for worse
and then I am just
the worst
you could imagine…  

from there to here(for the record)

for the record

cross-eyed and dangerous
early morning drive
not the same
wish I really knew
how to get there
from here…

for the record
undeniable
multi-personed
dangerous…

not the best(for the record)

for the record

I am not the best
or anywhere close
as once I had imagined…