the way it is

spinning having

to realize it’s never going

to be an easy walk

especially now

the world being

the way it is

sixty books

filled with random thoughts

no matter

what you call ‘em

still thought

somehow harnessed

long enough

to be captured

as if by camera

the way it is

up in smoke

dad would say

think about him every night

remember being his boy

only yesterday

mental pictures

bring you back to

the way it is

no hardly

a car drives by

no noise

‘cept those natural

ones so much has

changed from then to today

the way it is…

nothing concluded 177

under a cloud

becoming part of it
one day
one after another
nothing concluded
 
whole cØuntry
running on fumes
ga$ prices are too high
and eye am
definitely not high enough
 
at least a page a day
most days
it’s a handful
before eye
head inside
 
tonight there is a chill
in the breeze
blowing my dread
nothing concluded
two pages
 
handwritten
less space
when typed
either way
nothing concluded…

nothing concluded 176

where I sit now

there is no roof
over my head
only the faint sound
of traffic in the distance
 
trying to trust
this self again
after the mess
threw everything
everywhere
 
can finally
admit his head
finally on straight
had to be completed
with a signature style
 
nothing anyone
can do when they
are not told
all the facts
nothing concluded
 
father worries
and says he is here
to help
in anyway he can
I know this to be true
 
miss my father too
watch the boys call him
PAPA
nothing concluded
as stars shine down
 
only eight miles
away knew when
eye arrived
where eye am
supposed to be…

it's been years

it’s been years

since thought

laid together

bricks in a wall

to sit on and watch

as everyone starts to panic

it’s been years

since thought

and coffee when hand

in hand as well

dawn of a new

beautiful day

in the literal sense

it’s been years

since thoughts

been this thick

can’t even see

the opposite end

of the yard from here

it’s been years since thoughts

laid out plain

for the eye to see

even if the only eye

is me…

about everything

so much has changed

no one would

recognize him

where he’s at

little man

has got to get a hobby

or do something

constructive with the time

he sits and stares

at that screen

missing his

brother like he did before

he traveled back home here

before my wheels

got lost

and I changed my mind

about everything…

entering H town

unbelievable progress
made since entering
h*town
somehow already knowing
eye will grow here
as far as this irie eye can see


page after page
as if it made a difference
as if people had the time
to enjoy their lives
who can afford to relax
everything is too expensive
who can see the truth
that it’s been a plan all along
the biggest problem facing
the entirety of the planet
is the absolute over population
of this planet
the rich have a plan for us all


entering h*town
no idea how it would
take to my blazing
eye someone told eye
that eye had a strong presence…

sweet enough

how is it all going
to work out
when the floor falls
out from underneath us all


so much music
and so many books
never reaching
boredom’s spot
at the end of that dark
and lonely road


someone would find
me motionless
before boredom
could take over
the head still


swirling with the clouds
like cream in the coffee
my father drinks his black
wish we could make
it out to Crestone
and make life simple
again stuck on the thought


made my fair share of mistakes
and some may never forget
never mind forgive
or was it the other


way off the point
and onto another
missing my brother
only eight miles
from here
he has his
with no sugar
like my mom
she’s sweet enough…

read about them

the best poems
are written by people
who have no idea
they are writing them…


where were you
last night 
how come you didn’t
come back out
to the spot
—do I know you?


the best thoughts
are spontaneous
ones no one hears
they’ll read about
them someday…

how beautiful

How beautiful
each morning
is next to you
still feeling
the warmth
we created
all night long…

How beautiful
each night
love made
the day worth while
no matter
what the struggle
might be today or
tomorrow…

How beautiful
everyday
looking at the wall
counting days
just to see
how long it’s been
here with us
our love is amazing
beautiful
pick a word
it fits
like we do
unbelievable…

nothing concluded 175

in a new spot again

readjustment
to the thoughts
nothing concluded
as they pile
 
higher than
the rest
but still
nothing concluded
from weak to week
 
four one five
is ten and then
all the way back
down to the bottom
of sound
 
bass pound
all around
‘cept the sound
from here to there
see through the square
 
nothing concluded
start back
when every
thing was simple
in a new spot again…

listen to the bird

listen to the bird sing
as the day wears down
to merely hours left
on the clock
going to have to remember
to pick it up the next time
he is there

reading charles ‘come on in’
as if he was still
alive

listen to the bird
live free if we could
but
none of us are free
hands bound
to one another
in a circle with no
beginning
and it’s only an end
because we do not know
what comes next

listen to the bird
and the child mocks
my art sitting
cross legged
in a metal chair…

eye-self

trying not to think
too much
about the economy
and how it might
destroy all we know
so hard to ignore
the facts which
one begins to expose
that which were lies

trying not to dwell
too much
on pain caused to others
while eye on a quest
to find that person
eye was supposed
to meet
didn’t even
know eye was on
a quest
to find eyeself…

outside at night

years ago I would

push the pen

like this

at night

outside

opening eyes

on an entirely

new focus

                        a beautiful

sunrise

each morning before

eye put a foot on the floor

and got on with the day

lying down

each night

with the most amazing

sunset

and there is a cat

perched on the railing

like a bird

                        another inside

                        like a lazy dog

all the clouds are hidden

by the cloudy overhead

hardly the haze

            there once was

            choking no more…

random 412

make a wish

                        they say

wish the sun would

                        stay

sounds of the night

            keep on until morning

the sun cracks the horizon

            without any warning…

my fire burn

been awhile
since eye been
outside under
moonlight
this late
wondering every day
do eye still have it
to be the writer
have eye been pretending
fooling eye-self
all these years
listening to the crackle
as my fire burns. . .

outside at midnight

outside in the moon light
nearly too dark
to see out here
moving the pen
can't see the lines
smoke from the fire blinds
for a moment
could eye ever see
outside so bright
standing and leaning
against the railing
wish I could figure it out
also until then keep on
outside with new thoughts
finding the muse
so late but just in time
to write on the railing
hunched over in the moon light...

bright moon tonight

another night 
thoughts take me out 
on the porch
every place i have ever lived 
has had a porch
it's 1125 now 
still drinking coffee
need to find the balance
gotta just enjoy 
the moonlight
thats all

nothing concluded 174

pie day

without ice cream
plain and simple
nothing concluded
no matter where
 
sitting somehow
facing west
always a part
of my day
spent in thought
 
planes above
and no sirens
watching last years
leaves blow
across the back yard
 
bigger now
maybe just
less crowded
muddy so it
appears deeper
 
than actuality
finding it within
to break out
and onto
new pages
 
nothing concluded
or written
constant work
in progress
continuous
 
uphill battle
no matter
which side
of the street
I live on now
 
only eight minutes
have passed
and it has become
eight minutes darker
nothing concluded...

orange night sky

just a little snow
reminding all around
that it is still winter
eyes nearly shut
muster a thought or two
quick like
orange night sky

pushin it out

too nice
feeling nice as well
and somehow
pushing until the end
message to send
day is almost over

so many nights

until spring then summer
and warm nights they become
and be done with the cold for another
season or something
greenery visits but doesn't consume
shrink charges extra when
you miss the appointment

got cold

right in the middle of the month
temperature drops down
so low every thing is frozen
just like the mind

frigid outside

frigid outside
there will be no more smoke tonight
only your kisses to put me to rest
close to perfection in sleep
next to you thinking of the pretzel we become
frigid outside
every room is a different color
this perfection nearly one year old
staring back at anyone who stares
no matter where we go
together from now on...

diggin the walk

what else can i say
missing the family
will have wheels again soon
out typing
cold fingers under
the moon
if it werent for all these clouds
walkin to and from daily
no matter what time
and i dont mind
at all actually
need the exercise
who doesnt?
what else can i say
just diggin the walk

the rain outside

trying to figure out
what's what and who
knows what I will find
been ducking responsibility so long
feel like a midget
never could quite get it
right what's wrong
who even cares anymore
or less suspended
in between no telling when

trying to understand
the rain and why
it can't stop long enough for me
to have a cigar in peace
and quiet for a moment as
eye stare into the clouded
canopy covering the stars
tonight it's warmer than it has been

trying to find myself
again under the rain and
next month will be better
even if eye am still walking from
place to place
hard to keep this pace
never stop like gravity
until you at the bottom

colors added

hard work
every room
top to bottom
changing the look
the feel
settling into
new space

eight hour sunday

almost six pm
behind in the race
havent been running for some time now
never held the ace
bluffing all along loud
feet planted head cloud
driving snow
blowing in the face
eight hour sunday
blood on my face

upsidedown and backwoods

red cardinal 
flying across the yard
and into the neighbors yard
I am standing on my head
backwards

waiting for something
to make sense again

cross-eyed and
we are all alone...

thinking and writing and chillin

losing my mind
and finding it daily
some days it's a roast
and others
it's something different

some days everyone
gets overwhelmed 
not everyone
reacts the same way though
trying so hard to find
that writing spirit
always had it

it comes and goes
at times in my life it has been
here and other times
it is far from where I dwell
moving back and forth
across the street

thinking and writing
and chilling so very
hard to concentrate
noise all around
coffee is better than ever
in case no one noticed...

can't stop this

temporary
home less state of mind
still calm
like right before
an explosion
most of today's children
are deaf
it's a shame
but by design
dumb down
to create generations
that do not care
struggling even to think
for themselves

just want to see sunshine

just want to see sunshine
creating such a cloud
walking in the snow
for no apparent reason
no car
two feet
step it up and go

cant seem to get it right

which end is up
my feet are cold
standing in the snow
just didnt want to be cold
anymore found the fire

couldnt have burned out already
even if eye did...

outside with the trees

cold getting colder
not much wiser
definitely older
hacking cough not
wondering why
price you pay
being up this high
above the clouds
the air is thinner
rolling the dice
and I am no winner
haven't lost though
sitting as I type
outside with the trees
it's a cold winter night

even a penny is change(for the record)

first words written this year

thunder rolls in

above the warm air

can’t handle the cold

front plowing through

for the record

no longer where I wanted to be

five years not long enough

kicked myself to the sidewalk

where I fell first

for the record

could very well be

the biggest mistake of my life

unearthing all sorts of bad habits

everything is on hold

no one will ever really accept

what have I done

all I can do is accept the change

even if it’s only a penny…

looking at the stars

the sky seems a little darker tonight 
the stars a little brighter
standing on the porch
blowing smoke again
50 degrees in January 
until the cold front 
moves through
rasta nights...

used to be

there are so many
things that I feel I used to be 
that I am no longer 
never have been able to put my finger 
on what it is I believe my purpose is on this planet 
but I will someday 
until then I smoke my cigars and drink my coffee 
cough a little and stay hungry...

undo(for the record)

from a different

angle now
a different spot
above or below
back to the spot tonight
it is possible
 
for the record
realizing the truth
and the trust broken
where it will lead
no one will ever
trust these words
it’s all the same
no matter what every moment
 
for the record
back to a spot that might
make sense to someone
trying hard to find myself
pull myself back out of myself
I know he’s there
wishing to undo
what’s been done
it’s already too late
trying to understand myself
again and again…

quiet now(for the record)

the house is quiet now

sleeping on the couch

he’s writing in the basement

always will be

for the record

the house always seemed

quiet from the street…

never wanted to be(for the record)

no idea

what is going on

an eye sore and admittedly

the pain behind it all

taking too many chances

like pills they say will make me

feel like myself again

point me in the right direction

never knew myself

still don’t

fix myself find health

make wealth

for the record

the hole is too deep

can’t even spend too much

time discussing

and I am disgusting

myself I know this much

for the record

became the guy I never

wanted to be

said I would never be

didn’t know how much strength

it would take to avoid that hole

can’t escape

might take years…

five years ago(for the record)

for the record

five years ago
standing on the sidewalk
falling into love
and knew that it was real
twenty-four hours
changed too much
just as well not think
too much anymore…

the worst(for the record)

not afraid

of what comes out
only afraid of the hurt
it will cause her
 
for the record
breaking my own heart
inconsequential
no one is gonna hear
the song I sing
some say for better
or for worse
and then I am just
the worst
you could imagine…  

from there to here(for the record)

for the record

cross-eyed and dangerous
early morning drive
not the same
wish I really knew
how to get there
from here…

for the record
undeniable
multi-personed
dangerous…

not the best(for the record)

for the record

I am not the best
or anywhere close
as once I had imagined…