Nicefropress.com

crazed reality

2012-01-17T17:45:00.002-05:00

been stuck in this book now

two years ago something

happened causing less writing

more thinking but without

the pen will help cut all

the thought out of the mind

out of this mind and onto

this page out of his mind

sitting with silent rage

and confusion been swirling over head

like clouds with the occasional rain

throughout the day

thinking more and more about

the right place to be effective

bringing about positive change

for all involved will be affected

by any and all change

needs to be more than coins in a pocket

some will stand watching with hands in them

work to fill books with thoughts

but maybe no one will read them

that doesn’t mean the thoughts will ever stop

or make sense for that matter of fact

presented as if it were the future

and it probably will be if things don’t somehow

adjust as we all grow together or separate

depending on all the choices

made thought out of a day off and a stuffy nose

the rain has kept thought inside

all day planning some small escape

from the crazed reality of everyday life…

seen from all around

2011-07-24T20:30:00.000-04:00

724/2011 830pm

want to understand

how do eye fit

of confusion caught

worn down and tired

want to understand

how eye am seen

from all around

and how to escape

some maze so many

ways to find a way

out of the confusion

and back into

beauty’s light

want to understand

why intensity secures

a spot at the opposite end

of the location desired

to leave all worry behind

and move forward

with strength and

confidence…

4 the record

2011-06-21T22:25:00.000-04:00

621/2011 1025pm

burning again

first day of summer

longest day of the year

been awake most of it

the breeze feels cool

that fire burns

hot on top of sheets

layered will be under them

resting soon

4 the record

best part of the day

where I have always belonged

resting soundly

loving madly

waking lucky each morning

all the sounds of tonight

surround friend and companion passed

somehow always here

by my right arm

or beneath my feet

when I burn

longest day of the year

still under sensei cloud

still under clear night sky

still under the spell of beautiful cin

4 the record

best shape of my life

mentally physically

and everything

in between…

air is exhaust fumes

2011-05-16T18:20:00.003-04:00

this is my track off of the DRC Halloween Whammy 2

AIR IS EXHAUST FUMES by nicefro

as it burns

2011-05-16T18:20:00.002-04:00

AS IT BURNS by nicefro

beginning from the end

2011-05-16T18:20:00.001-04:00

BEGINNING FROM THE END by nicefro

fire blog #5

2011-05-15T18:42:00.000-04:00

get a better look

2011-05-15T18:20:00.000-04:00

515/2011 620pm

fire burns slow

all the rain makes

it sizzle as if something

comes to a boil

crossed eyes

are heavy ones

some pollen

some herb related

fire burns slow

as the days

continue to extend

wind blows

fire becomes active

heating up

the entire area

wooden spokes

around the wheel of flames

takes on another form

spreading out

to get a better look

at all that sits behind

to enjoy the warm

stones only minutes

hours later

hot too touch face

before eyes close

each night

beginning of so many

more with a fire

burning slow and even the morning

rain couldn’t soak the wood

enough although

the fire burns slow…

fire blog #4

2011-05-14T18:41:00.000-04:00

fire blog #3

2011-05-09T18:35:00.001-04:00

this is an old dog house that was just taking up space so...

...it is no more

fire blog #2

2011-05-07T18:33:00.000-04:00

fire blog

2011-04-24T18:26:00.001-04:00

my cat is really brave

new fire place

2011-04-18T18:21:00.001-04:00

this took me 5 hours to build... I moved my old fire place and constructed a new one. I am going to document my fires so stay tuned to the fire blog.

it will burn

2011-03-27T16:20:00.000-04:00

327/2011 420pm

never looked into eyes

if you did you’d see no disguise

rise from the ashes of everything done

rise like the ocean rise like the sun

so many choices and thoughts won’t quit

so much light no matter how you measure it

contemplating each move like in a chess game

got to think three moves ahead you know the name

behind a dark screen sitting with wonder

stare into the light all night you might ponder

the thoughts that won’t let you be

one with yourself high over the tree

never looked into eyes

flat on your back you look at the skies

clear for now until clouds come

closed eyes tight you still hear the hum

from far away and anticipate a return

fire so hot without touch it will burn

walk with these thoughts there and back

walk with new thoughts as the come to attack

the regularity of reality makes you crazy to think

in your own thoughts you stand then you sink…

to closed eyes it's a train

2011-03-18T16:50:00.000-04:00

318/2011 450pm

what’s that date really mean

how could anyone really know

for sure and now too much

focus if reality distracted

until naturally disaster strikes

with power that cannot be stopped

and seen by cameras worldwide

inside drops helplessness seen worldwide

questions about how much everyone

will be radiated it’s in the good book

or written on some wall somewhere

and man may in fact destroy himself

what does any of it really mean

to closed eyes it’s a train thundering by

but it’s only the wind on one of those days

before spring moves in for a stay

focused on thoughts distracted

and fighting the reality presented

until that last day silently

as the flower turns to the sun

just like it heard every word

and believed every prediction

presented reality isn’t as it presented

we are all in the dark

honestly though can we imagine

being helpless in the dark…

break through like sun again

2011-03-18T16:30:00.000-04:00

318/2011 430pm

whatever time it really is

hidden by the clouds

then burned by the sun

warming us again

a year ago season began the same

one day of sun and wind

taking cold away

hard to keep up

still putting it down

in pen first always

outside waiting

eventually finding

that balance in between

now and what time it really is

hidden behind the method

to this madness trying to find

the right way to break through

like sun again…

over 500 poems & random thoughts here!!

2011-02-15T11:45:00.000-05:00

I have been working hard to type and edit my work. Continue to come back and read more!

what is on the mind

2011-02-07T15:00:00.000-05:00

207/2011 300pm

clinging to the last threads
of life almost ninety years
and every breath seems to be
approaching the last
nothing we can do
watching as death comes slow
wanting to be with her
when she goes
my dad’s mom
so painful to see
wondering what the mind does
at that point
in the hallway between
life and death…

figure of thought

2011-01-11T20:43:00.000-05:00

111/2011 843pm

face the wall under low light

and the shadow cast on the page

of my own hand moving one side

to the other as if it operates

on it’s own without direction

thoughts fill the mind

no talent here just words

to describe thoughts

because I can’t paint pictures

don’t ever ask what I am thinking

read it here and know

it’s always been you I think of

when you fill my heart

as it pounds faster when you

hold me close and close isn’t

close enough for me

insatiable in that way

a fatal flaw never want

to be the pillow that keeps

the breath away just

a figure of thought

face the wall and understand

it’s always going to be

where I want to be…

sixth on the right

2011-01-11T20:15:00.000-05:00

111/2011 815pm

disaster strikes

and snow will

be dumped down

on top or so they say

don’t blink

be happy and ignore

the ugly facts

and lack of friends

don’t need them never did

just wanted to feel loved

and I do so I will stop

complaining

and wait for disaster to strike

once or twice

like a man without a country

done in a day

right before or during disaster

should be more secure

know the self and what I am doing

pen in hand the eleventh finger

sixth on the right

like a plastic bag over the face

told I am my own disaster and I found

all I want right here got worries still

it makes me human

or so I thought just don’t like

disastrous surprises that will do more

damage than the impending snow to come

sudden chill up one arm

and down the other

inside at last with pen and no smoke

listening to the sounds all around

used to be music I chose

now I listen as a teenager talks

to his video game has no idea

the disaster that may loom ahead

not so far off the point always

that there is no point to anything

and no matter how good

is done the worst I have been

is what is remembered

pen still in hand it won’t fall

even when I do…

all day it lasted

2010-12-29T14:40:00.000-05:00

1229/2010 240pm

new thought

same lined page below

recording the thoughts

that pop into the head

trying to remember

what it felt like to grow up

just so I can identify

with the younger one

around the house

there were days when nothing

could erase the darkness

all day it lasted

one day realized

it can be no more

new thought of confidence

in decision to face it myself

determination not to let

it disturb another day in my life

remembering suddenly those years

it took to change and realize change

really never ends until

the bitter end of times

whenever it arrives to stop time

and it really doesn’t make much sense

all for what there has got to be a purpose

in this here new thought…

the broom

2010-11-10T17:00:00.000-05:00

1110/2010 500pm

the broom is on the floor

but it won’t pick anything up

unless someone picks it up

the coffee is always hot

but drinkable just the same

sometime it gets lonely

at the kitchen table

no one needs me

or joins me for dinner

will leave my coat on

just in case I have to leave

or go hang with the cat

not because I have fleas

just because the smell in the air

is new shoe smell

that’s the only way to describe it

the broom is still on the floor

because everyone walks

right over it…

apparently enough

2010-11-08T15:40:00.000-05:00

1108/2010 340pm

feel like twisting the mind

it’s the only way to get thought out

right around four o’clock

and nearly dark as these eyes

been open all day to everything

around and no one has been around

just a lot of rain getting lost

in the drips in the bowl until full

then overflowing doesn’t matter

everything is wet two days now

and the chill doesn’t help

out around the house

random strange thoughts

had one when the television

turned on seemingly by itself

not at all that odd

except no remote control involved

in a thought more about it

after it gets dark pen will still move

quick-like drinking too much

and not eating enough

always hungry without the smoke

everything is different

spot to put thought down

like words just for the sake

of taking thought out of the mind

twisted in the wind

and the storm never really got

too strong apparently enough…

cat trips me up

2010-11-03T17:40:00.000-04:00

1103/2010 540pm

the cat trips me up as I

walk around the room looking for my place

within the head I carry

while I walk wherever I might

walk for days at a time when others

might sit or run the other way

when I think about it long enough

do I really have anything to say

and who is really listening

to the voice everyone else hears

not like the voice heard in the head

born into this world without choice

decision already made myself fall asleep

with pen in hand book open

for thought coffee is still hot

been there all day…

Drugratz Halloween Whammy 2

2010-10-31T17:04:00.000-04:00

the latest download from DRC and the CTS crew with a track by yours truly...

download it and check it out

http://www.zshare.net/download/8219118815d1abc4/

suddenly clear

2010-10-26T21:45:00.000-04:00

1026/2010 945pm

feel accomplished

just about nothing

today made me wonder

what to do not under

estimate someday

someone day it’ll

be important

notes taken

unseasonable day

no wind no clouds

this is what needs

to be positive change

made it all possible

cleared the air

almost as fast

all of a sudden…

new random thoughts & poetry every day

2010-10-26T15:25:00.000-04:00

not necessarily new

might be really old

but i am editing my work

so check out the

nicefro press archive

Happy Birthday DAD!!

2010-10-18T20:32:00.000-04:00

Today is my Father's birthday. Wanted to wish him a great one! Glad i was able to see you on your birthday

unhealthy

2010-10-12T15:35:00.000-04:00

1012/2010 335pm

just listening to the sound

the fire crackles

as the afternoon starts to expire

eyes get lost

in the lines in the lawn

last cut a week now

may not need it again this year

more random observations

from the chair

in the middle of the yard

I just want to sleep

bored with pen in hand…

note taker

2010-10-10T16:20:00.000-04:00

1010/2010 420pm

nothing to say at all
the wind makes me nervous
that one of the pines will fall
and destroy all that has been built below
chance taken to be here
but where else and who else
would put up with all the thoughts
passing by like the parade
that doesn’t end
the cat is tired caught by the dog
but only for a second
will probably have nightmares for weeks
but he’s got nothing to say either
because he’s a cat and cats don’t speak
or I can’t hear them
or I just don’t have anything better to do
then to try to make something out of nothing
marking up blank spots in notebooks
am I the note taker
keeping track of something
for someone I haven’t even met
in a time I do not know
why I move the pen so much
all the time but not enough
to make it matter to those
who need to take notice
whoever they are and wherever they might be
not where I sit head to table
because I threw away
my addiction nearly one month ago…

down gets me down

2010-10-10T16:00:00.000-04:00

1010/2010 400pm

no thought is perfect
situation gone bad
move resulting in a set back
far enough it still unfolds
correctly read the thought
notice it will run on
top of that it doesn’t stop
me from pushing forward
movement is positive
even on a cloudy day
today turned out
nothing but sun and blue above
the stars were bright before
the sun rose up this morning
it must mean something
hasn’t been said
so many times
how hard has it been
to put down smoke
for days at a time
like this would be easy
some would like to think
simple acts are the easiest to put down
with the quickness first to say
it’s the hardest things I have ever tried to do
something positive everyday
drama gets me down
and being down gets me down
as well as I can be
given the skills accumulated
after all these years
what would we do
if it wasn’t done here
where it all began
with limited time
why would we waste it
a part of the whole
dug myself down
as if I was expecting a battle
and got the entire war
all at once…

random note 1010

2010-10-10T15:45:00.000-04:00

1010/2010 345pm

is there any significance
to the date and historic events
if so then something historic
should happen today
probably won’t but it should
ten ten ten
and the ink doesn’t dry so fast
probably shouldn’t have touched words
before they had a chance
to sit and sink into the page
stares back at me daring me to look away
and I do with blurry eyes
focused on something that isn’t present
at the moment the cat
is always with me
even if I made him sleep outside

ten ten / twenty-ten

2010-10-10T14:41:00.000-04:00

the date says a lot
not exactly sure what it means
and from where i sit
it must not mean much
it's a boring day
the weather is nice
it is cool like fall should be

2010-10-04T17:15:00.000-04:00

happy 27th birthday

2010-09-30T16:40:00.001-04:00

Wanted to wish my sister Lori a happy birthday today

nicefro press 2010

2010-09-30T16:35:00.004-04:00

I am visiting this blog now as often as I can

16 days without

2010-09-28T19:00:00.001-04:00

928/2010 700pm

can’t explain why
it is so hard to understand why
it began almost twenty years ago
follow the leader and got hooked
like all the other fools
sucking on smoke can’t explain why
still not easy by now to feel
as though quitting has been a success
drinking coffee and trying to find something
to fill the void where once a cigar was held
now with a pen trying to write my way
out of the habit I don’t want to miss
but I do
it’s been sixteen days
shouldn’t be hard to make it one more…

eleven times three

2010-09-07T10:00:00.000-04:00

907/2010 1000am

hard to look into the glass
showing who I am to others
see it different eyes seeing Fall
in the air all around
each corner holds something
still is not quite right
now is the only time held
close so it will not disappear
too fast already a memory
only made to fade
like the color of this shirt
hard to look into the mind
left alone will flip out of control
what is seen and heard
by the smallest ears in the house
still knows the sound
of my voice heard as I try
to sleep anytime of day
fine for some rest of the day spent undoing
the rest gathered over the closed eyes hours
hard to look into the eyes
of the self my worst critic
analyzing every move made
every brick laid before feet
as I walk from there
to here and back to where
I started to see clear
like the skies until the clouds
push themselves between
these eyes and the sun working hard until the day is done...

pointing out the obvious

2010-09-05T16:00:00.002-04:00

905/2010 400pm

afternoon sun reaching through trees
the cat joins me at the table
neighbors are starting to get loud
labor day weekend
summer's last dance
until the next time around
pointless thoughts
pointing out the obvious
to anyone paying attention
given to a random detail
burned out fire smell in the air cooler now
afternoon sun and the birds will sing all day long
and the cat falls asleep against my arm...

wouldn't have known it then

2010-09-02T15:45:00.000-04:00

902/2010 345pm

I work in a different kind of market now
still selling the food
still stacking the fruit for the most part
all the workers are a little friendlier different from in the typical market
even the customers are less irritated almost glad to be there
some who come every day
just like the old market where I was nearly twenty years
the regulars who knew me by name
work passes faster in a different kind of market
still miss that sixth day of work
and the higher pay gone in a blink of an eye
an extremely unfortunate turn of events
somehow all for the best
wouldn't have known it then
when the entire life got changed
no one in the old market had my back
let me walk and burn the bridge
thoughts are different in a different kind of market
still selling the food
still stacking the fruit for the most part
it's all the same eventually
even in a different kind of market...

trapped otherwise

2010-08-06T14:30:00.000-04:00

806/2010 230pm

don't know what to say

or how to say it right

in the middle of another summer day

lone guitar heard

through the backyard trees

carried as the wind picks up

and brings it louder

to the untrained ear

it sounds out of tune

in here for an eye full

of words poor conveyors

of these thoughts

trapped otherwise

never fully realized

how important it is

to move the pen daily

meditations to better the self

blinded in the afternoon

sun rise this morning

was picture worthy

snap shot to begin

the day is right here...

old thirty-three

2010-08-05T15:35:00.000-04:00

805/2010 335pm

sometimes haunted by

thoughts from the old house

words written forever trapped

the back of wood panel walls

never to be seen again

the piece never to be completed

sometimes haunted by the thoughts

from the basement

at old 33…

slight breeze

2010-08-05T15:00:00.001-04:00

805/2010 300pm

the kind of heat

when the slightest breeze

feels cooler than the last

might be the imagination

rumble in the distance

sounded as real as the sweat

running down forehead

onto the page below

the boy uses a sprinkler

under a trampoline

to cool down

flipping over and over

and then he will tire

lasts about fifteen minutes

the kind of heat they call oppressive

the humidity makes it hard to breathe

still it makes every breeze appreciated

and anticipated like tonight’s rain

as if the first in days

which it is how many hot ones

before the cooler air

comes back around…

nothing to do

2010-08-04T11:00:00.000-04:00

804/2010 1100am

sun is shining and the air is heavy

no one reads poetry

if they do I don’t know them

well enough to tell them I have

something or nothing to say

boring myself would be an understatement

at this point I need a GPS for life

sun is shining through a hazy sky

looking down to where I sit

daily trying to understand

why I put pen to page

and used to do it daily

as if I had something to say

or was it nothing to do…

day to day ramble

2010-07-21T14:00:00.000-04:00

721/2010 200pm

a ramble that won't ever stop
the madness of an ordinary day
to day transitions hardly noticed
many things on the way to this point
to the part that makes sense
out of a ramble that might be hard
to get moving once stopped
and left dormant thoughts build up
need to find their way out
through a hole this ramble dug
to release some pressure

a ramble that won't ever stop
right in the middle of one thought
onto the next time the ramble comes
out of nowhere nothing between
mind and pen at that moment
the ramble takes over this time and space
for thoughts to take hold of something
tangible the way the humidity makes
the air all around feel heavy
as the ramble rolls on...

with the wind

2010-07-20T14:45:00.000-04:00

720/2010 245pm

the wind always picks up

when he’s thinking deeply

about life and what it might mean

everything means something

isn’t that what they say

the wind dies down a bit

he feels the humidity

his arm sticks to the page

only he see his smoke

travel with the wind

as it reveals something

each moment it moves

the air and if he had any

it would move his hair…

stare long enough

2010-07-20T14:25:00.000-04:00

720/2010 225pm

when staring sometimes

sight gets blurred

nothing can be seen

stare long enough

into nothing

the mind numbs

fully conscious black out

time freezes for a moment

only in the mind

the clock hands still move

in the other room

caught staring out a window

got lost in all the green

makes the room disappear

is the glass even there

at that moment who wouldn’t feel relaxed

find that moment

as often as possible

staring and getting stuck in the stare…

water glass

2010-07-16T17:45:00.001-04:00

716/2010 545pm

water glass not clear through

new eyes

see truth is life is hard

rough road for any and every

one minute water is like glass

and the next intense waves

of emotion shoot

through the pen and

only one gets to watch

the ink dry on the page

every few days necessary

if not daily

thought will get trapped

up inside…

it wasn't supposed to

2010-07-16T17:30:00.000-04:00

716/2010 530pm

where to begin to understand this life
has got to mean something
like the smell of fire
that lingers as the last hints of smoke
trail into sunset trees
reflection seen in table glass
what comes next
whatever it is it too will pass
too quick want to slow it all down somehow
where to rebuild some confidence
never held to one set of rules
tomorrow will come even if we don't get it
probably never will
where to begin right here in the moment
every moment counts as long as we let
them fall behind to make room
for all that is new about today
it won't make sense
it wasn't supposed to
where to begin and how we fit in...

leaf from branch

2010-07-08T18:45:00.000-04:00

708/2010 645pm

sitting breathing living
enjoying the day
and all it has brought
to this reality
that is here right now
and a cool breeze reminds
the mind to release itself
into the wind
like leaf from branch
not worried about the fall or flight
just flowing until the mind returns
a seated position relaxed
without pressure to be that way
just relaxed and floating feline
from table to floor with a thud
then continue on it's way
no thought on distance of fall
relaxed again sitting watching
wind ripple water in the pool
reflecting sky clouds and sun
mind returns again
as pen dances across the page
hardly knowing what
words will come next...

burn out before dark

2010-06-15T19:30:00.001-04:00

615/2010 730pm

left alone with thought
watching the fire burn out before dark
wishing to know more
explore places will never see
too late now to start it up again
the fire must be left alone
with thought tangled tighter
some days it's harder to see above clouds
even with the clearest skies above
wishing to figure it all out
untangle the web by day
break tomorrow
left alone with thought
all that solitude replaced with company
no one here to offer encouraging words
advise or criticism some eyes need to be found
to find this thought discovered while
sitting alone tan canopy and glass table
looking right through
catching the eyes dozing one minute
pen moving the next
left alone with thought
buried under the weight of the day
wouldn't end if the light would stick around
a little longer days ahead six more times
before the reverse is true
left alone with this thought...

thoughts left random

2010-06-15T12:50:00.000-04:00

615/2010 1250pm

ten minutes per thought
game played while thinking
and power writing
just like power walking
without the walking
holding a pen instead
feet stay still beneath
mind studies the irony
of every situation pausing to quench thirst
for relief the only distraction at the moment
when they pour powerful into the head
they are immediately dropped onto the page
may never be seen other than these eyes
only allowing ten minutes then onto the next
some think thoughts need to be
refined to become poems
some thoughts just want to be thoughts
and left to their random ways...

out from the shade

2010-06-15T12:40:00.000-04:00

615/2010 1240pm

sun becomes the day
has no clouds interrupting
the warmth felt
as soon as you step
out from the shade
serves it's purpose too
sitting on the porch under canopy
hot coffee to drink until I can drink no more
too shaky to write at times
sitting and just thinking
without the pen I feel useless
sun warms the spot enough
to never want to return indoors
wishing it was always this
nice-fro is what some still call me
if they call me at all
and most of them don't...

ode to the steps

2010-05-25T20:00:00.000-04:00

525/2010 800pm

pushing buttons just to see
how much I can take
the heaviest weight
keep piling it on top
you can't crush me
no matter how loud you get
no matter what you say
you won't break me
don't know how I fit into this life
even when I think I do I don't
but I do know I will outlast
both of them
and smile on the other side of right now
smile right now but no one
around to see how much better
since then when truly alone
in the basement every night
and my own bed every night
sharing space is so much better but
day time sometimes impedes
closeness can't worry just be patient
and I will come out on top sure of it
no matter what type of bond
they think they have and will never have with me
facing all the challenges steps of progression
through unlearning what I thought I knew
but don't and won't break like trees
in the breeze bending with ease
praying on knees for relief of pressure put on
standing tall no matter what comes next
the steps won't trip me up
firmly knowing I am where I need to be
understood and respected not
tolerated and disrespected whenever possible
two cents put in and won't buy my ear
for any amount of time wasted walked all over
and realizing even the rug has a purpose
at times wondering how it got under the steps...

smoke watch dream

2010-05-20T18:00:00.000-04:00

520/2010 600pm

smoke watching swirl round
wet wood turns it black
as night or dad's coffee
but he's drinking it
on the other side of the equator
at the moment
envious only of a simplified life
not much but having
the beach at my feet
only a dream
at the moment
the rest of my life
would be the same
swirling smoke around a fire
my beautiful girl by my side
would not even mind working
if life was simplified
less worries less bills less stress
the beach at my feet
smoke watching dream
taking a walk on that beach
cins hand in mine
walking until we wake up
then walk some more
smoke watch dream...

mt pad

2010-05-15T20:00:00.000-04:00

515/2010 800pm

moving the pen all day

makes me feel productive

as I know I am

every day brings a new challenge

this mind to a think off

alone as often

when it gets dark again…

day off search

2010-05-15T16:15:00.000-04:00

515/2010 415pm

staring into the fire
blinded by smoke
trying to find balance
wherever it might be
somewhere deep within
the coals of this fire
started with one spark
burns for hours
the sun goes away for the day
staring into the fire
blinded by brightness
the flame stares back
can't find that balance
even though sun shined down
without cloud interruption
staring into the fire
searching for something
on my day off...

Saturday sitting

2010-05-15T09:45:00.000-04:00

515/2010 945am

Saturday off sitting in the sun

the bright light warming

arms head neck aiming down

to the page a year older

then when last Saturday off sitting

breathing enjoying thoughts and sun

ideas on why the hand shakes

when writing thinking breathing

living for a living again

even though it won’t pay the bills

won’t stop when you pay one

another one is due to be paid

the price for mistakes made

not long ago but long enough

how many even remember

how long it took to get there

then here falling back into produce

everyone needs to eat

no matter who or where you are

you have been here before

it’s a circle and it just keeps coming back

to a Saturday off sitting smiling at the sun…

arms across

2010-05-14T20:30:00.000-04:00

514/2010 830pm

want to explore

the stars seen when I close

my eyes

looking deeper

then deeper still until

an understanding is reached

arms across the table

where another sits

patiently waiting for me

to understand myself…

no idea why, shape before eyes

2010-05-14T19:25:00.001-04:00

514/2010 725pm

no idea why the mud
surrounds these feet
kept standing though
still moving in the mind
this writing becomes
a waste of time
success is the only option
no matter how long still standing
in that mud feet will eventually
break free giving some movement to words
written yesterday now or twelve years ago
smoke out the nose like a dragon
fire breathed ends on the page
without reason or rhymes at times
no sense at all
found only moments after
when listening
to the thoughts roar
take shape before eyes...

being unheard

2010-05-14T18:50:00.001-04:00

514/2010 650pm

far from where I once sat

so much higher in the chair

brought it from where I was

to where I am not satisfied

being unheard as I am happy

with decisions made

and where I have ended up

just as high up at times

lower than ever lack of vitamin D

lack of serotonin on three pills

to make me feel better

about being unheard

as I am walking no one looks

as I pass on the right

or the left it doesn’t really matter

where I have been only where

I am going to be heard and then

all the doubters will line up to apologize

or congratulate whichever comes to mind

all the words spoken to these

silent books revealed at once

could result in an overload of sorts

not something I can’t handle

and I am sure I will appreciate

as I do the sun each morning

when it rises as I higher today

with positive thought

pounding out a path under foot

soldier for the thinking mind

ready to explode when given the chance

to expand I will stand higher

and for longer waiting with every breath

patient as always the patient

they want to study why I feel

the way I feel fine

line between doing okay and being crazy

to think that someday

this voice will be heard…

traffic in the distance

2010-05-14T18:45:00.001-04:00

514/2010 645pm

trying to see the light

the tunnel is too long

to look from end to end

should have made a friend

or two

trying to hear something

that sounds more pleasant

to the ears than traffic

in the distance

trying to make something

of myself

after all the time…

just another

2010-05-11T16:15:00.000-04:00

511/2010 415pm

the numbers don’t matter really

though they keep piling up

like leaves below trees in four months

summer will be all over

my head there are no clouds

scattered in the sky

answers to all my questions

with a clank stare

into these eyes at night

wishing for morning to come back again

with new and brighter sunshine

blinding even when it isn’t warm out

when it should be by now

maybe these thoughts are psychotic

an episode seen many times

standing still

just another day

a reminder that none of us

get any younger…

to the face

2010-05-06T16:15:00.000-04:00

506/2010 415pm

got two blank books going at once
again not that I can keep up
fast pace writing that I used to do
willing to try to find a better way
to bring it home maybe someday
it will be easier for now a struggle
to connect two ends untied on
the floor comes rushing to the face
do not want to end up there again
all is never lost all is just really confusing
at times I am on top of my world
others I am so far below
don't know how to move a piece
for fear of getting taken
for a ride down not up the hill
to fall up the hill to stay and find
a balance no matter where I stand...

dry afternoon

2010-05-06T16:00:00.001-04:00

506/2010 400pm

afternoon dryer
then the morning
brought more questions
then answers
wasn't looking for anything
just trying to wake up at four am
twelve hours ago
tripped over feet
kept my balance rest of the day
until now fell down to rest
wonder why can't rest
don't want to close eyes
while sun shines on
these arms get tired too
and it must be the purpose
of arm rests on this chair
never used though
always moving this pen
might be a different color
but you'd never know because
you read the typed version
thoughts trapped randomly
organized on the page to make
some sense...

headache at 2am

2010-05-05T20:15:00.000-04:00

505/2010 815pm

small bursts of light
on the insides of eyelids
thunder clap pound
pulsing through the head
no matter which way turned
inside out
frustration at the spike
that won't dissipate
like clouds when sun is strong
drenched in hot water 2 am
trying to force the pain away
from the center of relaxation
heat the final piece relieving
the tense area
more little bursts of light
on the eyelids at 2 am
tossing and turning...

observation deck

2010-05-05T18:30:00.000-04:00

505/2010 630pm

outside as the day comes close to an end
observation made from the deck outback
who is going to see him here
the words he writes and the sound
the pen makes as it squeaks over the page
under his fist tight wrapped around a thought
and then tomorrow predictably doing it again
he never minds just wishes
the walk was a leisurely one
instead of a rat race scramble to get more
cheese or something that will pay the bills

outside unlike years passed on an enclosed porch
where others sit now no idea how many nights
that was his cabin out of the way of everyone
so much so he had to go
luckily found himself here but his cabin
is a convertible this time
and if he had hair it would be blowing
in the cool breeze...

destination invisible

2010-04-30T18:30:00.000-04:00

430/2010 630pm

a lot can happen in two hours time
that's proven fact is eye just worry
about the worst case scenario
back on my own with nowhere to go
no destination unless invisible one
in the mind freeze of a cold drink of juice
to offset all the coffee consumed daily
and at times consumed by worry
trying hard to make each day count
backwards until one is reached
far out on words written years ago
rewarding response rewarding in the mind
not in the pocket as of yet unsuccessful there
but here in the mind eye stay positive
and real eyes it only takes time
and time is all eye really have
if you think about it long enough it becomes
a meditation to humbly bring about success...

thought down

2010-04-26T11:16:00.001-04:00

426/1998

seems like I can’t go

anywhere and become a stranger again

do I really mind so much

strawberry jam my mind

full of coffee and thought once

would be enough, but

wrong was the turn

for the worse and sometimes

you never know and then you will

and time for some change

who do they think

they know me

I blend once blue sneakers removed

foot exposed to the world

the corn grows in rows

even when it snows in April

drifting to an escape

from a prison planet

of which you know nothing

and that matters none at all

if that is enough

then stop reading here

if you can cope with the rope

swing 67 thing keep on

because tomorrow is not a promise

an assumption

don’t know that I know

who really cares that much

anyhow way back to the first spot

in the grass where so many

lie overturned under still and blankets

won’t cover feet put on one shoe

and hop back to the point

lost it again

don’t try to understand

still get the chills

when napoleon’s great grand

daughter smiles down on me

brings my crazy neck quite a feeling

and don’t ask and don’t expect too much

too little is always creeping up on me

usually thought down

to another day…

four hours

2010-04-19T20:30:00.000-04:00

419/2010 830pm

four hours of heat

came from a burning paper bag

and a bunch of sticks

coals glow as wood burns

into and through the night

love to stare

into the center of the fire

the hottest spot

a thought

before it arrives

on time or late

into the night

with no one around…

watching fire

2010-04-19T20:00:00.000-04:00

419/2010 800pm

the fire is the only light to write by tonight
sitting under half starry sky
half cloud ridden and scattered
can barely see the words written
and the unwritten words stay
stuck up in the mind
watching the flame ruins
the night vision eyes just
adjusted then look to the flame
again and ruin the sight all over again
watching as the fire tears in the log
and eats it up to ash and dust
the flame wraps around the logs
fire reaches to the sky
as if it's got to get there quick
watching the fire twist in the wind...

sun on the tree

2010-04-15T16:15:00.000-04:00

415/2010 415pm

the table is glass

looking into it reflects

like water on a windy day

sounds heard all around despite

the hood and low flying plane above

most would rather let someone else

tell it on TV most would rather

be entertained guess that makes it

a do it yourself attitude

for those who hear

their own voice in their head

all day long already took a walk

today I sit under my hood

thinking about everything possible

and sometimes nothing at all

don’t need to be entertained

can handle the thoughts

my voice and my hand racing

as if I have some deadline

I didn’t create myself

happy looking through

the glass sliding door

through the house

and out the front window

to the sun on the tree

in the front yard…

same old

2010-04-15T16:00:00.000-04:00

415/2010 400pm

hearing the wind

in the trees

childhood comes to mind

how to bring

all this thought

into something coherent

or not

the same old reflection

in the table distorted

with the sound of running water

joins the wind

and the birds

and the man moving the pen…

the day at hand

2010-04-13T17:30:00.000-04:00

413/2010 530pm

more eyes need to see

the thoughts

understand the hours

spent above the page

hovering with enough

to fill the entire page

or book depending

on how much time you have

to see anytime to think

today could be the day

that propels me to tomorrow

by now knowing

he will be there pushing the pen

on another thought

same mind changed only

by the day at hand...

down in a hole

2010-04-06T17:00:00.000-04:00

406/2010 500pm

been in this hole seems like forever

dealing with attitudes that change like the weather

can’t escape the pit under the cloud where I am at

everyone is so full of shit I throw on a hood or a hat

does it really matter what is said or done

doesn’t matter how fast I am someone else already won

the battle the argument or even the war

want to see all the scars I will give you the tour

where I have been but about where I won’t go

some are talking too fast and I am walking too slow

for anyone to see that I need respect

but that’s one thing I will not expect

it’s impossible I am not the one wanted here

someone with more money or power he’d love or fear

knows I won’t leave because we are so tight

but he thinks he’s a man and he thinks he is right

I am stuck in the middle of this thought where I sit

he can say what he wants and I won’t give a shit…

another cup of coffee

2010-04-01T17:15:00.000-04:00

401/2010 515pm

another glass table to look through

as I move the pen

hoping someday to move the mountain

frustration out of my way

another afternoon with nothing to do

think and study the way of the ancients

how many before me sat

just like this running out of thoughts

another cup of coffee

to wash it all down

and make it all right

as the rain falls three days straight…

bird just wants to fly

2010-04-01T17:00:00.000-04:00

401/2010 500pm

what's the purpose here where he sits

is he trusted yet under round light

and no clouds with a chill in the air

a sweatshirt becomes necessary

as darkness approaches

he is miles from where he thought he'd be

by now finding some answers

maybe one that would clear

the clouded mind might make

different decisions if the mind cleared

like all the fields ready for spring

to bring forth something new

maybe fifth time around another corner

hiding from himself behind the pen

the page the mind keeping him caged

like a bird that sings but really

just wants to fly...

dizzy most of the time

2010-03-31T20:00:00.000-04:00

331/2010 800pm

no one else can

he turn it around again

alone with the pen

pointing him back

in the right direction

does he have the courage

to keep on walking

backwards at times

dizzy most of the time

doesn't move

suddenly four hours pass

something back to him

fly to the next level

of thought

he knew where he was standing

hoping to have made sense

by now the vision distorted

psychotropic spins taking over

darkness all around the edges

are sharp and so many cuts

creating space in the mind

spiraling out of control

regain consciousness

only moments ago

could have easily been

a couple of days

since he knew who he was

trying to turn it around

on a narrow street

that ends at a lake

and the sun sets

behind the trees...

12 year old cat

2010-03-30T12:30:00.000-04:00

330/2010 1230pm

the cat
he knows me best
twelve years
have had him with me
since he could curl up in my hand
now curls up next to my arm
the one that hold this pen
and after all these years
and changes
he still knows me best
he can't tell me
how I am doing
but he constantly lets me know
that he is here with me
when no one is here
to talk or listen
he looks my way
as if to say it's okay
we've been there before
we'll make it again
standing stronger
no matter how many times
I fall...

lifetime momentum

2010-03-10T18:05:00.000-05:00

310/2010 605pm

there is still a chill in the air

sometimes hard to breathe deep

and appreciate life goes by so fast

barely enough time to enjoy

why worry about anything little

or what others might think

superficial thoughts of a perfection

that only exists in the unreal world

they show us on television

there is still a light in the sky

after six o'clock

and there is always something

positive to think about

time we appreciate everything

and move passed the thoughts

that keep us locked down below

the lowest low the highest high

might be right around some corner

we can't even see

there is still time

in this life to move onward

and upward

with momentum that's been

building for a lifetime...

you never know

2010-03-10T17:45:00.000-05:00

310/2010 545pm

spring arrives again

left not knowing

what to say to anyone

about these thoughts

the ones that rattle the mind

standing still then moving

the pen sideways

until the page is covered

with scribbles of all shapes and sizes...

probably never be one of those

classic poets read by millions

but you never know

the wind may change this ant hill

into a mountain

how ever the saying goes

and more hours pass like minutes

tomorrows keep coming

despite any resistance

he puts up an umbrella

in the rain and somehow

still gets wet...

where that day took us

2010-02-21T19:55:00.000-05:00

221/2010 755pm

where that day took us
blink and three years since
seems like a few minutes
near the flower section of the store
remember I didn't even know you then
wanted you to notice me
you did and became that cool breeze
that changed my life
every time I blink my love grows
three years ago we had no idea
we would be here today
so strong standing against all
challenges that might surface
rise up and prevail growing
stronger together with every blink
like the new born in the house
learning to be here with not
a thought on what's to come
firmly focused on each moment
appreciating every smile
as if it were her first
or the first smile when I lifted my hat
near some flowers
revealing that eye connection
born in that moment
no one, nothing else mattered
nothing ever will in comparison
to where that day took us to
today and the wish that the memory
will never fade like photos or sunsets
revisited in the mind
realization comes to light
meeting you falling in love with you
the amazing sunrise of my life
every blink of this eye
makes the shine shared brighter...

he is present

2010-02-21T19:45:00.000-05:00

221/2010 745pm

the number 33

revisits me nearly everyday

it's my grandfather's way

of letting me know he is present

that and the pennies

found all the time anywhere

he always stopped

to pick up change

and in so many ways

that became the story of his life

dramatically changing

as he would have never imagined

the known and learned became

unknown and foreign

nearly everything forgotten

the number thirty-three

in change left at his grave

nine years now put there

by one of us who knows

he still visits our lives

ironically I can't remember

who put it there

ice skating on a pond

in East Bridgewater

comes to mind a lot

as do the spots in the old house

where I could feel him the most

never fails though

whenever some time passes

between thoughts of grampy bob

the number 33 will appear repeatedly

until I recognize it is

somehow the way he

keeps in contact with me...

clear night

2010-01-27T20:00:00.000-05:00

127/2010 800pm

a clear night and I tend

to always drift to the sky

with thoughts and night sounds

less than in years passed

always a dog somewhere barking

outside with smoke and

cold coffee all the warmth

is inside the family is on the inside

hope they all consider me the same

considering only years ago

a complete unknown stranger

suddenly here brought in with a bond

tighter than a rope to walk on

a clear night and bright moon

shining into the street

stars everywhere and nowhere

at once positive and negative

both part of the struggle

call it life and the love

that I am lucky everyday to have

makes me look to look to the sky

and believe everything is possible

the stranger can be a part of the family

his love and the love that brought him here

a clear night for a clearing of the mind...

front step is stone

2010-01-16T19:30:00.000-05:00

116/2010 (730pm)

the front step
is made of stone
even on the warmest
winter night
it's cold under
me when I sit
must be searching
the mind for something
all these nights
no matter where I am
found finally
pick a spot
and collect the thoughts
that accumulate...

this history

2010-01-16T13:50:00.000-05:00

116/2010

days pass
without a thought
recorded as part of
this history
of thought
brought it about here by myself
committed to it no matter
how many days pass
until the next one is put down
under the night sky
and a slight thaw
the sound of the night
is the drip of melting snow
from the roof tops
all through the quiet neighborhood
until the one dog barks
and is let back into his house
days pass
between thoughts
where it used to only take hours
the baby cries where it used to be
silence or the music
that filled the air
with more words
and thought
to inspire and create
this history of words
written continuously
so as not to miss what might
prove to be the most important
thought of all on my grandmother
as the days pass
and turn weeks into minutes
or so it seems...

hanson public library 105

2010-01-05T13:08:00.000-05:00

105/2010

today
decision to take a walk
and advantage of a quiet space
he would've been 89 today
think about him nearly everyday
today
i don't live in his house
but his memories are with me
he read more books than anyone
always reading and eventually
rereading what he might forget
or did
today
all we really have sitting here
among strangers who have their own
today to deal with what are their thoughts
dare i ask or will that create unease among them
today
watched as a beautiful mother loved
her child's child as if her own
and it put love in my heart
there was so much in the room
as i stood at the doorway
it was hard not to be in the way
in a good way of course
today
the cars drive by the window
and long drives through Hanson
as a child come to mind
he lived in the city all his life
he used to drive through Hanson
when he would go out to lunch at his favorite
restaurant in the next town over
memories of yesterday enjoyed
today
on his birthday 89 years later...

pencil thought

2009-12-09T14:25:00.000-05:00

1209/2009 225pm

on the front step
under the ledge
off to the right
first snow storm
turned windy
and driving rain
an inch and a half
becomes a slushy mess
to walk or drive through

the neighbors driving
to and from their houses
don't notice me sitting here
scribbling in pencil
my thoughts written
while others go about
their day quite differently
keeping a collection of thoughts
some might call them random...

12 hours ago

2009-12-02T16:00:00.000-05:00

1202/2009 400pm

twelve hours ago

the day began

ice under feet

where water at sunset yesterday

closer and closer

to the shortest day of the year

twelve hours ago

and I am still tired of the grind

can't say for sure

if I love my job or what I do

only can say I love where I am at

trying to stay positive everyday

twelve hours ago

rubbing the sleep from eyes

weary definitely had enough sleep

weary as hell when the day first began

now quite sore from the days work

like everyday

twelve hours pass in

the blink or an eye

or two...

orange blaze

2009-11-28T16:20:00.000-05:00

1128/2009 420pm

sun setting and the wind blows

it's colder as December is only days away

some birds will stick around all year

and you can hear the wind crawling

down the street bending everything

that doesn't break on it's way by

it keeps on going with no destination

at one time I thought I had it all

but everything was material

and I left it all behind

except my books and my music

still trying to find my favorite songs

after two years still laying out pages

of poetry to be read and judged

at a later date

luckily the page is white or else

it would be hard to see as the sun

disappears behind back yard trees

far off on the horizon there is

an orange blaze glowing

it's today's last light

thoughts being collected here

so they might light me sleep

tonight without restlessness...

stands back

2009-11-19T18:10:00.001-05:00

1119/2009 (610pm)

maybe he's not cut out to be

the dad they need

trying to be a better person

in the process

imperfections stare him down nightly

sometimes his desire is

to smash the glass

but he stands back

and breathes in the positive

exhales the negative

the day brought with it

his heart is filled with love

for a family and he wants it

to include three former strangers

one being the love of his life

maybe he's exactly what they need

another imperfect soul to connect

and be there for support

and defend them if need be

there are so many thoughts

they don't even know

what to make of him

and the unraveling of his mind

daily onto page after page

in book after book

until everyone understands...

thoughts while reading Frost

2009-11-19T17:25:00.000-05:00

1119/2009 525pm

under clouds and in the dark

beside himself with thoughts

the pen the page the words

the soil the seeds for a future harvest

keeping the thinker sane

away from some thoughts

and closer to others

putting things in order

and revising older thoughts

as they grow with the thinker

growth forces change

directional change doesn't mean

the focus has to change

under cold conditions

still outside after dark

culling the soil and germinating

seeds someday that fruitful harvest

will come with confidence

everyday is dealt with evenly

and with great care trying to peel

back each layer upon layer

of history and thought

and a harvest that will

last until the last thinker

closes that book on thinking

and experiencing and learning

under a loneliness he creates

not intention merely side effect

not widely discussed or talked about

and forgotten fire burns the feet

everyday but the hand held is warm

and comfortable and never to be let go of

and connected to an island paradise

and permanently tattooed in the mind...

destroyed mind

2009-11-17T20:00:00.000-05:00

1117/2009 800pm

this mind is destroyed
so much at stake
every day patience
worn thin as these pants
I sit in day after day
shoes torn on the sides
barely covering the right foot

this mind is destroyed
rerunning through all
these mistakes and hurt brought
on others time after time
flipping through old thoughts
trying to make them new again

this mind is destroyed
by only me and in front of me sits
the mistakes I have yet to make
and the people I have yet to hurt
truly hope none of these
bad thoughts hold onto this
destroyed mind

this mind is destroyed
daily to make room
for new creative genius
emerging from under clouds
and heavy rain
the sun was shining
all day long…

warm for November

2009-11-15T20:10:00.000-05:00

1115/2009 810pm

sitting on the front step like back in Brockton

fifteen years ago the house looked different then

both grandfathers were alive

they knew what we were up against

the poet might not have a style

maybe random regular people bull shit

every day worker bull shit

both grandfathers strong fighters until the bitter end

as if the end of life could be anything but bitter

the poet might not always find the positive thoughts

somehow pushing through stronger for that determination

sitting front step in a cloud warm for the middle of November

they say it’s a rainy month and the poet soaks

it all in like a thought sponge tired of the grind

both grandfathers stressed how tiring it would get

no matter how hard you work

you will always be tired still they enjoyed

every minute they could…

higher learning

2009-11-15T20:00:00.000-05:00

1115/2009 800pm

contemplating a change
to challenge the mind
twisting it into an different
space allowing it to expand
on and on
as it should be
has been all along
and has with life
all it’s challenges
the pen has never had
a chance to rest
none of these current
volumes allowed to gather dust
contemplating a change
in a specific direction
focus still on the heart
and who fills it
and this will not change
need to only let
the mind expand
and not get trapped
behind all the words
only needs the encouragement
of the loved
and the determination
to push towards a more comfortable
end to justify the means
call it survival creation
a new outlet to pour on
some of this random thought…

random note 1109

2009-11-09T10:13:00.000-05:00

1109/2009 1013am

the country has been hijacked
said it before
getting worse by the day
we as a people need to be
willing to fight for our republic…

traditionally

2009-11-06T17:45:00.000-05:00

1106/2009 545pm

it’s tradition to start the new volume
within minutes of finishing the last
one thought at a time
poured out onto the table
even if it is portable
even if it is on my lap
out in the cold of a cloudless night

it’s tradition to write out in the cold
or down in that hole
with no one to witness
the power words have
in this life to this writer
breathing this smoke
hoping it isn’t doing too much damage
knowing it can’t be good
somehow it helps unravel this mind
traditionally…

where I take it

2009-11-04T15:30:00.000-05:00

1104/2009 (330pm)

from beginning to end
in one place again
finally able to realize home
where I take it
not where I may live
from beginning to end
only hearing the sounds
people in their yards
not the constant traffic
the city where I lived
see the reflection of the sun
as it sets earlier tonight
through the trees behind me
somehow always facing
the west at this time
with me daily where I take it
in this place I don't need direction
home is where I am
the road has turned now many times
following the path I make as I step
from beginning to end
everyday a step forward
never giving up patience is the key
unlocking hope behind and one day
dreams realized
from beginning to end
in one place again
finishing a book
finally able to see that home
where I take it
not where I may have lived...

throw some strange

2009-11-03T17:35:00.000-05:00

1103/2009 (535pm)

the mind plays tricks
focusing on the broken
when there is nothing to fix
life is a struggle
that fact is never going to change
life will throw you some good
then it will throw the really strange
downright confusing
never letting go of what matters most
even falling to the ground
helping each other out
half full or half empty
the glass is still a cup
fill it to the top
and lift yourself up
a new found height
no matter how tough
worth every bump and bruise
life is a struggle
that is not going to change
forget being normal
life throws a lot of strange...

random note 1030

2009-10-30T16:25:00.000-04:00

1030/2009 425pm

how many have attempted

to stand strong and hold their ground

against tyranny and the hypocrisy of now

short bursts of thought strategically placed

buried within tons of other thoughts

and things that might not make sense to most

at least some will not give up the fight for the republic

if the people don’t have the opportunity

to make more money how is the economy

ever going to get any better

the question answers itself

maybe a population bailout

what the people really need

not a bunch of bankers taking more

money for themselves a matter of time before

everyone will be working for the government

because only the government will have money

and we will all be broke…